"Dating" Website Says Their Users Don't Like Dallas. Likewise, We're Sure.

MissTravel.com Screenshot
This classy establishment doesn't think too much of Dallas.
One of Unfair Park's favorite things is all the unsolicited lists we receive that tell us where Dallas ranks when categorized in some completely unverifiable, useless category. Normally, they just languish in our inbox like so many Groupon notifications, but sometimes we're too weak to resist.

Dallas is one of the "Least Sexy Cities of 2014?" In fact, it's the fifth least sexy city in the whole of the United States? You win this round, bullshit-list-maker. Our pride is on the line.

In truth, given our proximity to noted hotbeds of sexiness like Oklahoma City and Shreveport, the claim didn't seem too outrageous. That being said, we did begin to wonder what kind of data could possibly have been mined to back up such an assertion. Maybe the company that put out the list conducted a rigorous, double-blind survey in which participants evaluated a representative sample of Dallasites against a definitive list of sexy characteristics. Maybe plethysmography was involved. That would have been interesting. Disturbing, but interesting.

It's not even close to what happened.

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Egghead Researchers Say Dallas Is Not a Smart City. Hah! We Is To.

Don't you tell us how smart we are.
Boston is the smartest large city in the United States, according to a new study from New Geography. Dallas did not fare nearly as well.

The numbers behind the rankings are straightforward. Weight is given to the number of college graduates in each of the Census Bureau's Metropolitan Statistical Areas as well as any percentage increase in the number of graduates over the time measured (2000-2013).

As of 2013, 32.6 percent of DFW residents have at least a bachelors degree, a 4.1 percent increase since 2000. By the researchers' calculation, that leaves Dallas as the 41st smartest large city of the 52 measured.

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Young People Still Hate Dallas

We're cool! Swear!
You may have seen some of the breathless headlines. "In the heat of summer, Forbes says Dallas is cool." "No surprise that Texas has some of the coolest cities in America." "Dallas Among Top 10 'Coolest Cities in America'."

But here's the deal, Dallas: Houston and Austin have both outcooled us. And it's all because young people hate it here.

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Plano Declares a Water Holiday. Why Waste it on your Lawn?

Fred Rockwood
This could be you, if you live in Plano.

If you are a Plano resident, you probably received a letter recently that patted you on the back for your water conservation. And you were also probably informed of an upcoming Water Holiday.

Plano's yards have been baking under water restrictions aimed to cut consumption by 15-20 percent. City spokesman Steve Stoler says Plano residents actually did much better, slashing usage 40 percent, which sounds good, except that when consumption goes down, water stored in the city's tanks sits around too long and goes bad. To increase circulation enough to prevent spoiled water, Plano is going to let residents open up the tap for a bit.

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Movoto's Irving Listicle Is All Sorts of Wrong

Nicolas Henderson
Movoto, for those of you who don't get their unsolicited press releases in your inbox, is an online real estate brokerage that specializes, best we can tell, in mass producing generic listicles.

As a general rule, it's best to ignore these things and hope they go away, but we had to make an exception for the site's "21 Things You Need To Know About Irving Before You Move There" opus, if only because it was clearly written by someone who spent somewhere between 12 and 18 minutes Googling "Las Colinas."

We won't tackle all 21 items, though all are dumb in their own unique way, but allow us to correct some of Movoto's more pernicious misconceptions about Irving.

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Dallas, Trashed by Outside Magazine, Gets Last Word With Victorious, Eighth-Best City Ranking in Forbes Listicle

Steve Rainwater
When Outside magazine named Dallas the least outdoorsy city in America, as Eric reported this week, the insult felt personal. The magazine not only failed to notice local outdoorsy favorites like White Rock Lake and Klyde Warren Park, it also accused us all of wearing unfashionable "ten-gallon hats."

We now have harder proof that Outside magazine has made a mistake. Forbes, a much more prestigious magazine, reports this week Dallas is actually one of the country's best cities for millennials. The timing couldn't have been better.

Forbes' special report, "Best Cities And Neighborhoods For Millennials," puts Dallas in the very solid and respectable No. 8 spot.

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Dallas Is Apparently Less "Country" Than Milwaukee, the Least "Country" City in Texas

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Congratulations, Dallas. Your never-ending quest to become "world class" has finally paid off. Not in the sense that Dallas will now be mentioned in the same breath as London and Paris or transformed into a international tourist hotspot. But you have finally succeeded in scrubbing off the redness the rest of the world assumes is covering the back of your neck.

Proof: Dallas is the "least country city in Texas," according to a study by the real estate website Estately, which ranked the nation's 50 most populous cities based on the percentage of people with Facebook interests like "rodeo" and "pickup trucks" and ran the results through an extensive peer-review process. (That's how these gimmicky real estate blogs work, right?)

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D/FW International Airport Is Second in the Country for Confiscating Loaded Guns

The only thing surprising about the fact that TSA agents confiscate a ton of loaded weapons from passengers attempting to board aircraft at D/FW International Airport is that Atlanta apparently confiscates more of them. Houston comes in third, nationally, behind us.

So says the Medill National Security Journalism Initiative, which compiled TSA data and created a ranking that tells us that some folks around here really do think they can carry anywhere, even at 30,000 feet. And most of them don't even bother emptying the chamber or ejecting the loaded clip.

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The 10 Wackiest Unfair Park Stories of 2013

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Dallas County Sheriff's Office
By now, you're probably sick of year-end lists. Too bad. New Year's is still a day-and-a-half away, there's very little happening news-wise, and, most important, journalists have not yet exhausted their onanistic need to rehash their old work.

So, here's our contribution. Part best-of, part most-clicked, part whatever the hell struck our fancy, it's 2013 as experienced by readers of Unfair Park:

Dallas County Now Has Its Very Own Bulletproof, "Mine-Protected" Military SUV: Until this fall, the Dallas County sheriff's squad cars were perfectly adequate for the typically humdrum task of serving warrants. But when the Department of Defense offers up free of charge a half-million-dollar military SUV designed to withstand roadside IEDs and insurgent attacks in Iraq and Afghanistan, the opportunity is hard to resist, which is how the sheriff's office came to be in possession of its very own Mine-Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle.

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Poll: Dallas Still the City of Hate When it Comes to Loathing the Federal Government

Rachel Parker
You see what you do to us, Congress?
There was a time not so long ago, back when the country wasn't perpetually teetering on the brink of economic collapse, when bitching about the federal government was fun. Washington was that crazy unemployed uncle who was always hanging around, irritating as hell but otherwise harmless.

But now that his gas can's empty and the match is lit, the joy has disappeared. The complaints take on a fearful tone; the emotions behind them turn from bemused exasperation to to pure burning hatred.

This shift can be measured by pollsters, at least to a point. They've watched as the number of Americans who express faith in their elected leaders and in the direction they're leading the country plummets to historic lows.

Nowhere in the country are those numbers lower than in Dallas. A recent Harris Interactive poll found that, among the nation's biggest cities, Dallas despises Washington more than anyone.

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