Departures and Arrivals 2014/2015

Alan Isherwood
Yes, Ms. Hill, this is where you get off.
Departing: The Wright Amendment
The Love Field-neutering regulation finally bit the dust on October 13, 2014. Cheap flights, from Love Field and DFW, abound.

Arriving: Parking Nightmares at Love Field
The downside of Wright's removal was quickly felt. Love sold out of parking spaces Thanksgiving week and quickly announced plans to add 4,000 additional spots by 2017.

Departing: Ron Washington
The former Rangers manager blindsided everyone when he quit the team on September 5. In his only public comments since, he cited infidelity as the reason for his resignation. Ex-Pirates bench coach Jeff Banister will take the reigns in 2015.

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Predicting the Next Year in Dallas News

Dirk's ascension -- really good news for 2015.
Usually around this time of year Unfair Park offers up some New Year's resolutions -- but really, who are we kidding? Do we seem like the sort of people who will keep a promise to do better? We're perfect just as we are, so this year we're offering predictions for the coming year ahead.

How accurate are they? Let's put it this way: Everything on this list is at least 728 percent more likely than our actually losing weight, cutting back on the boozing, throwing away our bongs, etc. So that's a step up, anyway. Happy 2015, and see you next year.

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Eat a Dick: Things that Made Us Laugh at Dallas in 2014

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Dallas Cowboys
One of Unfair Park's favorite people of 2014. And every other year.
2014 saw a bumper crop of famous Dallas people saying, doing and tweeting ridiculous things. Often disheartening, always amusing, here are the odds and ends we liked best this year.

"I have no dog in this pony" -- Carolyn Davis, making us wonder all sorts of things during the lengthy, arcane City Council fight over civil collections.

Dwaine Caraway does Vonciel Hill Better Than Vonciel Hill Does Vonciel Hill -- He nails the whole thing, down to the holier-than-thou, angry elementary principal cadence.

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"Dating" Website Says Their Users Don't Like Dallas. Likewise, We're Sure.

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This classy establishment doesn't think too much of Dallas.
One of Unfair Park's favorite things is all the unsolicited lists we receive that tell us where Dallas ranks when categorized in some completely unverifiable, useless category. Normally, they just languish in our inbox like so many Groupon notifications, but sometimes we're too weak to resist.

Dallas is one of the "Least Sexy Cities of 2014?" In fact, it's the fifth least sexy city in the whole of the United States? You win this round, bullshit-list-maker. Our pride is on the line.

In truth, given our proximity to noted hotbeds of sexiness like Oklahoma City and Shreveport, the claim didn't seem too outrageous. That being said, we did begin to wonder what kind of data could possibly have been mined to back up such an assertion. Maybe the company that put out the list conducted a rigorous, double-blind survey in which participants evaluated a representative sample of Dallasites against a definitive list of sexy characteristics. Maybe plethysmography was involved. That would have been interesting. Disturbing, but interesting.

It's not even close to what happened.

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Egghead Researchers Say Dallas Is Not a Smart City. Hah! We Is To.

Don't you tell us how smart we are.
Boston is the smartest large city in the United States, according to a new study from New Geography. Dallas did not fare nearly as well.

The numbers behind the rankings are straightforward. Weight is given to the number of college graduates in each of the Census Bureau's Metropolitan Statistical Areas as well as any percentage increase in the number of graduates over the time measured (2000-2013).

As of 2013, 32.6 percent of DFW residents have at least a bachelors degree, a 4.1 percent increase since 2000. By the researchers' calculation, that leaves Dallas as the 41st smartest large city of the 52 measured.

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Young People Still Hate Dallas

We're cool! Swear!
You may have seen some of the breathless headlines. "In the heat of summer, Forbes says Dallas is cool." "No surprise that Texas has some of the coolest cities in America." "Dallas Among Top 10 'Coolest Cities in America'."

But here's the deal, Dallas: Houston and Austin have both outcooled us. And it's all because young people hate it here.

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Plano Declares a Water Holiday. Why Waste it on your Lawn?

Fred Rockwood
This could be you, if you live in Plano.

If you are a Plano resident, you probably received a letter recently that patted you on the back for your water conservation. And you were also probably informed of an upcoming Water Holiday.

Plano's yards have been baking under water restrictions aimed to cut consumption by 15-20 percent. City spokesman Steve Stoler says Plano residents actually did much better, slashing usage 40 percent, which sounds good, except that when consumption goes down, water stored in the city's tanks sits around too long and goes bad. To increase circulation enough to prevent spoiled water, Plano is going to let residents open up the tap for a bit.

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Movoto's Irving Listicle Is All Sorts of Wrong

Nicolas Henderson
Movoto, for those of you who don't get their unsolicited press releases in your inbox, is an online real estate brokerage that specializes, best we can tell, in mass producing generic listicles.

As a general rule, it's best to ignore these things and hope they go away, but we had to make an exception for the site's "21 Things You Need To Know About Irving Before You Move There" opus, if only because it was clearly written by someone who spent somewhere between 12 and 18 minutes Googling "Las Colinas."

We won't tackle all 21 items, though all are dumb in their own unique way, but allow us to correct some of Movoto's more pernicious misconceptions about Irving.

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Dallas, Trashed by Outside Magazine, Gets Last Word With Victorious, Eighth-Best City Ranking in Forbes Listicle

Steve Rainwater
When Outside magazine named Dallas the least outdoorsy city in America, as Eric reported this week, the insult felt personal. The magazine not only failed to notice local outdoorsy favorites like White Rock Lake and Klyde Warren Park, it also accused us all of wearing unfashionable "ten-gallon hats."

We now have harder proof that Outside magazine has made a mistake. Forbes, a much more prestigious magazine, reports this week Dallas is actually one of the country's best cities for millennials. The timing couldn't have been better.

Forbes' special report, "Best Cities And Neighborhoods For Millennials," puts Dallas in the very solid and respectable No. 8 spot.

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Dallas Is Apparently Less "Country" Than Milwaukee, the Least "Country" City in Texas

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Congratulations, Dallas. Your never-ending quest to become "world class" has finally paid off. Not in the sense that Dallas will now be mentioned in the same breath as London and Paris or transformed into a international tourist hotspot. But you have finally succeeded in scrubbing off the redness the rest of the world assumes is covering the back of your neck.

Proof: Dallas is the "least country city in Texas," according to a study by the real estate website Estately, which ranked the nation's 50 most populous cities based on the percentage of people with Facebook interests like "rodeo" and "pickup trucks" and ran the results through an extensive peer-review process. (That's how these gimmicky real estate blogs work, right?)

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