Dallas Is on a Tornado Watch for the First Time in 2015

Categories: Weather

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
An April 1977 tornado in Lakeview, Texas
As of 2:10 p.m., it's officially springtime in North Texas. The National Weather Service has issued its first 2015 tornado watch for Dallas County.

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Your 5-Day Dallas Forecast as '90s Pop Music Hits

Categories: Weather


Dear Dallas Weather: Stop trying to be Seattle. If we wanted to live in Seattle, we'd buy a train, fill it with enough Bob Armstrong queso to last us a lifetime and drive it there. But we don't want that. We want to live in Dallas: the land of patio weather and tornadoes 'n' shit. But this spitting rain stuff has got to go. The tulips are pissed. The marigolds are taking antidepressants. It's time for the fucking sunshine to start sun-shining already.

You've already probably heard the "It's gonna rain all the time, only we're not exactly sure which all-the-time times, but definitely cancel your outdoor plans for at least the 10-day" forecasts. But have you heard them as '90s pop music hits? No. No you have not.

Behold: Your 5-day Dallas Forecast as '90s Pop Music Hits


Thursday night: Jewel "Foolish Games/You Were Meant For Me"

There's a 40 percent chance of rain, and a 100 percent chance you'll be crying into your green tea again tonight because of this depressing ass weather. Do: Put on your coat in the pouring rain. Don't: Go see a movie. It just won't be the same. It's time for the dang sun to get its shit together.

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Your 5-Day Dallas Forecast as Movie Villains

Categories: Weather

Looks like your weekend is about to get T-1000ed.
Sure, you know it's raining and today has a general crapturdness about it, weather-wise. But what does the rest of the week have in store? We're so glad you asked. We've got the best 5-day forecast in Dallas for you, right here.

Behold: Your 5-day forecast as Movie Villains.

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It's Been Raining in Dallas for a Couple Hours Straight, Better Shut This Shit Down

Categories: Lists, Weather

Alice Laussade
Doppler be trippin'.
Yesterday, it rained on and off for the whole day. And today, it appears that the rain is here to stay all day. Look for that text about your kid's school closing. It's only a matter of time.

Upon hearing that school districts were considering closing early due to "heavy rain conditions and the threat of more rain and a possible snowflake (which we'll name #snowflakemageddon)," I spoke with some school districts to get more texture about the reasoning behind closings.

First, I called, RISD, the school district my daughter attends.

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Rain, Sleet, Snow All Expected in Dallas Today, Because the World Is Weird

Categories: Weather

National Weather Service
Things aren't looking good. Again.
If the National Weather Service is to be believed, Dallas will receive further proof that climate change is a lie created, just like the internet, by former vice president Al Gore.

After an arctic front moves through North Texas overnight Tuesday, rapidly dropping temperatures will be accompanied by freezing rain, sleet and snow, the NWS says. The Winter Weather Advisory officially kicks in at 3 p.m. Wednesday, and will remain in effect until noon on Thursday.

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Weather Update: Dallas Almost Shut Down by Nominal Amount of Snow

Categories: Weather

Google Maps
I believe the scientific term is clusterfuck.
Lest you have any illusions about Dallasites' becoming less car dependent or more adept at driving in winter weather, here's the Google traffic map for the city as of about noon (the red is bad, very, very, bad). And heaven forbid you think about taking an Uber. As of writing, UberX prices in Oak Lawn are running 6.5 times the normal rate.

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This Weekend's Dallas Weather Forecast Calls for Snow, Ice, Other Assorted Peril

Categories: Weather

Markus Bernet
Dallas on Saturday
As foretold by Saint Delkus the Wise' Monday prophecy, Dallas is going to get some more shitty weather, starting this morning. The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Weather Advisory for most of North Texas, including Dallas County, that predicts up to two inches of snow on Friday, then freezing rain and accumulating ice on Saturday.

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Pete Delkus Claims to Be Able to Close Dallas Schools. Can He Make Them Better Too?

Categories: Weather

Thumbnail image for delkus_tornado.jpg
Wait. Is he describing that storm or directing it?
Don't say we didn't warn you. WFAA weather personality Pete Delkus, in the form of his odd new smoking-jacket and cigar accessorized avatar, has announced what we've known for quite some time. He can, and does, control the weather.

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Oh, the Horror. The Slush of #SLEETSHOW2015 Has Taken Over Dallas

Categories: News, Weather


Listen. This is Texas. The roads in this state should not look like the time we accidentally left the freezer open all weekend, and returned only to close it and look away, hoping for the best. The best is not what happened, though -- it was instead the very worst -- because closing the freezer created a frozen block of crumbly fish sticks that took days to chip away.

And it seems now the city will have to be chipped away at too, because the roads do look a lot like that freezer mess. The onslaught of #SLEETSTORM2015 layered the city with about a zillion inches (or one -- no one knows for sure) of slush.

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Surviving #SLEETSHOW2015: A Sleet Day Parenting Guide

Categories: Weather


All of the schools are closed. You find yourself stuck at home with your own children.

They want to go outside and run in the sleet, but you have been told by various important weather outlets that #SLEETSHOW2015 is no joke, and that going outside can only mean certain death.

Luckily, we have a plan to help you make it through this Sleet Day horror of horrors. And it's just five easy steps.

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