Delkus To Dallas: "Severe Storm Are Possible"

Categories: Weather


Last weekend, I was correct about the weather. It was dreadful. The weather, that is, not my forecasting. There's no stopping me now, not after I've got a single forecast kind of correct through copying other, more talented weathermen. My power grows exponentially. This weekend, though, we've got a doozy. Delkus tells us "severe storm are possible." Just drink that in for a moment, Dallas. Large hail. Damaging winds. Tornadoes. All of it are possible.

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Tyler News Director Goes on Rant about Climate Change, Calls Global Warming "Laughable"

Tyler, Texas, which has produced many yellow roses and U.S. Representative Louie Gohmert, is also home to Neal Barton. Barton is the news director of KETK, the local NBC affiliate, who occasionally takes the liberty of delivering a bombastic on-air op-ed. Think Dale Hansen, minus the humor and self-awareness.

On Friday, he delivered a stemwinder of an op-ed in which he dismissed climate change as "laughable," "all bunk" and an "unsubstantiated hypothesis."

KETK, alas, does not allow "Neal Barton's POV" to be embedded. Best we can do is a similar rant from 2012 Think Progress posted to YouTube:

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Weekend Dallas Weather: Cancel Everything

Categories: Weather

Weather God St. Delkus tries to karate chop last night's tornado, in a vain attempt to protect us all.

To everyone in town this weekend for what are apparently a series of basketball games played by unpaid teenagers, we say welcome! Welcome to North Texas! How was the weather last night? That bad, huh? Well. If a few tornadoes and storms and the odd bit of baseball-sized hail are getting you concerned, then Dallas during the springtime is potentially not the best place for you.

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In Left Field For the Frisco Roughriders, A Tornado

Categories: Sports, Weather

Among the things you'd probably rather not see at a baseball game, coming in somewhere below a barrage of apocalyptic hell fire but slightly above an opposing team's walk-off home run, is a tornado looming over the left-field fence. It's a vision concern that might inspire panic in some.

Ah, but the Frisco Roughriders and their fans are a hearty bunch, as evidenced by their apparent nonchalance in the face of an approaching twister.

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Rejoice, for the Perfect Texas Weather Weekend Is Coming

Categories: Weather

Danny Hurley
A picture obtained from the future, of what everyone will be doing this weekend.

Last week, I predicted thunder, rain, and general apocalypse. I said all of your weekends would be ruined, and that you should all stay inside. In my defense, it was quite overcast. I never said I was a weather forecaster.

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Zeus, the God of Thunder, Does Not Want Dallas to Have a Pleasant Weekend

Categories: Weather

From Wikimedia Commons
If you see this dude coming, then your weekend is ruined already.
You see all that brightness outside right now? It's pretty great, isn't it? It's been like that all week. You might have made plans to spend a Saturday outside for the first time since The Great Ice Storm of 2013 obscured the sun and turned us all into shut-ins. Maybe you thought, hey, we could have a picnic, or go to White Rock Lake along with everyone else in the whole world, or even just drive with the top down on your fancy convertible car that you bought to take advantage of the three weeks a year where Dallas' weather is appropriate for such a thing.

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These Drivers Have Been Stranded on I-45 for Hours

Categories: Weather

Here's hoping you were able to avoid driving this morning. If you did have to get behind the wheel, here's hoping your route didn't include Interstate 45 through Corsicana, which tweets and media reports confirm is an ice-covered parking lot.

This presents some rather obvious challenge. For first responders, it's unclogging the road and keeping people from freezing to death inside their tiny metal boxes; for stranded motorists, it's how to keep from going insane; for news outlets, it's how best to capture the unspeakable misery of the poor souls on the road, many of whom have reportedly been suffering in an icy purgatory since last night.

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Oh Shit, Pete Delkus is Building an Ark

Thumbnail image for PeteDelkus.jpg
Tomorrow is the beginning of March, which means the winter that brought you such weather catastrophes as Ice Storm Cleon and ICE FORCE LEVEL TWO will be officially over, right? RIGHT? Sure, spring doesn't officially begin until March 20, but this is Texas. This is supposed to be the time of year when we've stopped whining about the cold and haven't yet begun bitching about the heat.

Leave it to WFAA weather deity Pete Delkus to crush your dreams of pleasant weather. He warned his Facebook followers this morning that an as-yet-unnamed winter storm will be sweeping into Dallas over the weekend:

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Here's Some Mesmerizing Aerial Footage of Dallas Covered in Snow

Remember Brian Aiken? He's the guy who shot the mesmerizing "Dallas From Above" video.

See also: A Photographer Used a Drone to Shoot a Video of Dallas, and It's Awesome

Well, he's done it again. And by "it" we mean use a camera-equipped drone to shoot incredible aerial footage of Dallas. The main difference: This time, there's snow.

ICE FORCE LEVEL TWO: May The Lord Have Mercy On Us All

Categories: Weather

This is what it looks like outside. Possibly. If there is a TV with static outside your window.

Welcome to our second ever live weather blog, where the news is made up and the weather doesn't really matter. Here are the facts -- it's cold. How cold, you ask? Well, imaginary internet person, it's really very cold. Cold enough that, were Jack Nicholson to head outside with an axe right now and encounter a complex maze, he would be unlikely to survive long enough to murder anyone.

Do we have facts for you, figures, maybe? No. We do not. We are not competent meteorologists, or even journalists. What we do have for you, though, is rampant speculation, self-pity, some pictures of snow, and if you're lucky, there will be a dog or two frolicking in a winter wonderland. So stay tuned.

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