Haskell Avenue Is Missing Its Top Layer of Street, Someone Please Donate A New One

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Amy Silverstein
A few weeks ago, the skin off the top of a well-trafficked portion of Haskell Avenue in East Dallas suddenly disappeared. It still hasn't come back. Pictured above is the disfigured Haskell Avenue that has been left behind. When you are driving on thick, fully-paved streets this weekend, don't forget the less fortunate streets like Haskell.

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Former DA Craig Watkins Can't Even Ambulance-Chase Correctly

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Dallas County DA / Tracy Nanthavongsa
We've previously noted that ex-Dallas County District Attorney Craig Watkins -- former political wunderkind, a crusader for the innocent and the scourge of the guilty -- had sunk to trolling for DWI clients using a Hotmail (?!?) account. That's no longer the case; as of 1:32 a.m. today, he is trolling for DWI clients using a "@craigwatkinslaw.com" email address.

But does that mean that Watkins has begun to patch together the tattered shreds of his dignity? Judging by the email blasts he keeps sending, which seem designed to remind everyone in the email database he apparently took with him when he was ousted as district attorney of what a washed-up sad sack he has become, the answer is no.

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Texas DPS Is Concerned About the Gays Glitter-Bombing People of "Conservative Orientation"

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Crishna Simmons
The first rule about glitter bombs, if you work in the Texas Department of Public Safety, is you do not talk about glitter bombs. "DPS does not discuss security-related matters or investigations," the agency vaguely told us in an email statement. (Subject line:"Inquiry about Glitter Bombs.")

But there appears to have been a minor, glitter-sized leak in the department. On Friday, The Texas Tribune said it obtained an email that a Department of Public Safety official sent to state senators. The email contained an unsigned attachment warning of a glitter-bombing threat among our society's most dangerous groups: the gays and women. "Glitter Bombing: Weapon of Choice for Gay Rights, Pro Choice Advocates," the Tribune said the unsigned attachment was titled.

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Dallas Bride-to-Be Courageously Recounts Harrowing Doily Mixup

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theknot.com/wedding/Natalie-and-Cory
Natalie Degraffenreid and Cory Teague's wedding is in 37 days, and, according to the couple's website on TheKnot.com, it's going to be perfect. She's a nurse, he's a firefighter; the Hallmark Channel couldn't have cast it better. The ceremony will be at The Milestone, an idyllic plantation-style house outside Denton. They even have complimentary cans of Coca-Cola! Someone's already bought them that Crate & Barrel French press! See? Perfect.

That is to say, their wedding was going to be perfect. Unfortunately for Natalie and Cory, their shot at nuptial bliss was ruined by The Great Doilie Mixup of 2015 -- aka Doilieghazi.

Here's how it went down, according to the dogged reporting of WFAA's Marie Saavedra:

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Oh, the Horror. The Slush of #SLEETSHOW2015 Has Taken Over Dallas

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Listen. This is Texas. The roads in this state should not look like the time we accidentally left the freezer open all weekend, and returned only to close it and look away, hoping for the best. The best is not what happened, though -- it was instead the very worst -- because closing the freezer created a frozen block of crumbly fish sticks that took days to chip away.

And it seems now the city will have to be chipped away at too, because the roads do look a lot like that freezer mess. The onslaught of #SLEETSTORM2015 layered the city with about a zillion inches (or one -- no one knows for sure) of slush.

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Fort Worth Crocodile Agrees with Dallas Porcupine, Picks Seahawks in the Super Bowl

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Fort Worth Zoo
Shouldn't devouring the Seahawks chicken mean he's picking the Patriots?
Not willing to cede the spotlight to Teddy Bear, everyone's favorite talking porcupine, the Fort Worth Zoo's 15-foot-long, 1,500-pound saltwater crocodile named Salty got in on the Super Bowl prognostication game Thursday.

While it's disappointing that the flesh used to tempt Salty -- the zoo's "long snapper" -- isn't that of an actual seahawk and an actual Revolutionary War hero, the ease with which he rises out of the water and devours the Seahawks' chicken is cool, if a little disquieting.


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The Most Harrowing News Stories About Dallas Residents Affected by the Bag Law

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Kate Ter Haar
Shut up, tree.
On January 1 Dallas residents faced a 5-cent charge on grocery bags for the first time. These are their stories.

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Who Made "Ouija Board" the Most Googled Gift in Dallas? Show Yourself in the Comments.

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felinebird
People in other, more normal cities bought each other cool gifts like Beats headphones and men's Uggs for Christmas. Popular toys and games in the rest of America were Legos, Cards Against Humanity and the Xbox, all fine choices. But in Dallas, for some reason, there appears to have been an enormous number of Ouija board purchases.

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Texas Is Woefully Unprepared for Ebola Pet Outbreak, Report Says

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Bentley the dog, may he live a long and prosperous life, survived Dallas' recent brush with Ebola. Maybe it was the $27,000 the city spent on his care. Maybe it's that, though it appears that dogs can be infected with the virus if they snack on Ebola-infected animal carcasses or lick vomit from infected humans, they don't become ill.

In any case, Texans should all breath a sigh of relief, not only because Bentley is so much cuddlier and more adorable -- and, importantly, more American -- than the African human who died here, but because Texas would have been woefully unprepared had the disease had swept through the state's pet population.

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Arlington Man Keeps Breaking "World's Longest Golf Club" Record For Some Reason

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Michael Furrh's shaft officially measures 19 feet, 5 inches, but he tells the ladies it's an even 20.
Everything you need to know about Michael Furrh you can learn from his outgoing voicemail message: Caddie Master at Caddie Club; golf ambassador for Rolling Hills Country Club; Guinness World Record holder.

Hopefully you didn't get bored and hang up, because that last part is key. At Arlington's Rolling Hills Country Club on Monday, Furrh used a 19-foot, 5-inch golf club to drive a ball 89 yards, thus penciling his name in the record book as the human who used the world's "longest usable golf club." We say penciled because records are made to be broken, this one in particular.

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