Colorado Inmate Says What We're All Thinking: Dez Made the Catch, Give Me $89 Billion

Categories: Sports

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Dallas Cowboys
He caught it. You know it, I know it, Terry Hendrix knows it.
Terry Hendrix, as he notes in his lawsuit filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court, is speaking for all of us. He's speaking on behalf of Dez Bryant, all Dallas Cowboys fans and all people in and from the "Sovereign Republic of Texas." His demands -- make that our demands -- are simple: Because Dez Bryant did, as we all know, make that catch against the Packers, the one that would have set the Cowboys up at the Green Bay one with a chance to take the lead deep in the fourth quarter, the NFL owes us $88,987,654,321.88.

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College Football Playoff Will Bring DFW $300 Million -- Carried on the Backs of Unicorns

Categories: Sports

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Wiki Commons user Mahanga
Holds 90,000 folks give or take, no matter what anybody says.
As it does every single time a big sporting event rolls into town, The Dallas Morning News took the time Friday morning to run an estimate of that event's economic impact on the region. According to the paper, Monday night's College Football Playoff championship game between Oregon and Ohio State will "create a $308.6 million ripple in the economy."

At best, that number is dubious. Calculations like the one used by the Morning News fail to account for the substitution effect -- that many of the hotel rooms booked for the game would be booked even if it wasn't here, for example -- and the fact that every dollar spent will not stay in the region. As Dave Berri, former president of the North American Association of Sports Economists, points out in the article, money spent on tickets won't stay here, nor will the money spent at national chains.

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Kinky Friedman: Jones and Christie Are "Most Important Latent Homosexuals Since Holmes and Watson"

Categories: Sports

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Youtube use Jim Williams
Why the hell not?
ESPN anchor Bob Ley learned a lesson the hard way Wednesday: Don't ask Kinky Friedman a question unless you really want to know the answer.

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Hey, Jerry Jones and Chris Christie, Get a Room, Dammit

Categories: Sports

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Fox Deportes via Deadspin
I've been a Cowboys fan since, well, I was born. I am very excited about this year's playoff run and am feeling optimistic about the team's chances in Green Bay on Sunday. But this, this ... thing ... you see in the GIF below, has got to stop. Please, God, make it stop.

(GIF via Deadspin)

Alabama Authorities Call Fire That Destroyed Cowboy Rolando McClain's House Suspicious

Categories: Sadness, Sports

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Josh Gauntt via Twitter
Alabama law enforcement says the house is a total loss.
Late Monday night, Rolando McClain's house went up in flames. The $1.5 million, 7,500 square foot home located in a tony neighborhood on Lake Tuscaloosa in Alabama was unoccupied, but was destroyed by the fire.

Alabama officials initially said that any fire involving a vacant, expensive home is suspicious. Now, on Tuesday morning, the Tuscaloosa Sheriff's Department tells ESPN that a car was seen speeding out of the neighborhood just after the fire started.

A crime dog will be used to see if an accelerant helped start the fire, the sheriff's department said.

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Tyson Chandler Blocked a Shoe on Saturday, and It Was Glorious

Categories: Sports

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Tim Shelby
"Get that footwear out of here."
Unfair Park thinks it's time to resurrect the "Death to Flying Things" nickname.The Warriors' Marreese Speights made a critical error during his team's Saturday game against the Mavs. He lost his shoe in the general vicinity of Tyson Chandler. When his teammate Steph Curry tried to toss it back to him, Chandler, as is his wont, knocked the projectile out of the air in spectacular fashion.

Presented from two angles below, because one angle is not enough:


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Alright, Dez, We'll Run Your Fucking Rant Unfucking Censored, Okie Fucking Doke?

Categories: Sports

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Dallas Cowboys
Fuckin' Dez and fuckin' Tony in motherfuckin' Chicago Thursfuck.
After last night's drubbing of the Bears in Chicago, Dez Bryant had one simple request: that the assembled press not censor his post-game rant when the ran it the next day -- no "little stars," no nothing.

After waiting dutifully all day for someone, anyone, to heed this very important Cowboy's simple request, it appears we're once again going to have to play the role of town potty mouth. So here is Dez Bryant, after last night's game, speaking with the local media:

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Night Club Where Josh Brent Partied the Night He Killed Jerry Brown Sues Brent

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Dallas Cowboys
Josh Brent
Josh Brent may have done his time for the December 2012 drunk driving wreck that killed his passenger, former University of Illinois teammate and best friend Jerry Brown Jr., but the legal battle surrounding the case isn't over. Brent's been sued by Beamers Private Club as it attempts to insulate itself from blame for Brown's death.

Brown's father, Jerry Brown Sr. sued Beamers in November 2013 for over-serving Brent on the night of the wreck. The club, Brown said, served Brent multiple bottles of Ace of Spades Champagne in its private room before the party broke up near 2 a.m. Because of Brent's size, he's listed at 6 feet 2 inches tall and 320 pounds in the Cowboys media guide, he would have drunk enough that a Beamers employee would have noticed him and the fact he was too drunk to drive home, he says.

This November, just as Brent was cleared to play by the NFL and put back on the Cowboys roster, he was named as a defendant in the lawsuit. Last Tuesday, the club filed a cross-complaint against Brent seeking that he cover all or part Beamers' cost should they be found liable for Brown's death.

The club says Brent's driving of his Mercedes the night Brown died was negligent, that he "drove at an excessive rate of speed, failed to control his speed, failed to drive within a
single lane of traffic, failed to timely apply his brakes and lost control of his vehicle."


MacArthur Point Guard Is Suing Irving ISD for Her Right to Play Varsity Basketball

The Texas UIL's system of determining high school athletic eligibility has meted out another dose of its strange justice. Gabrielle Gregory, a junior point guard at Irving MacArthur and a four-star recruit who's made a verbal commitment to Kansas State, has been sidelined for the first weeks of the season while awaiting a decision from the local district executive committee on whether she lives where she says she lives.

Gregory enrolled at MacArthur in January after spending two years at Triple A Academy, a Dallas charter with an uncommon concentration of basketball talent. According to her previous athletic participation form, Gregory and her mother, Tamika George, had recently moved from a small house in Dallas near Love Field into her aunt's apartment in Irving.

To be eligible to play basketball, Gregory and her mom had to prove that they had, in fact, moved to the Irving apartment as they claimed on their enrollment documents and that they hadn't done so for "athletic purposes." The first they accomplished by signing an affidavit swearing they lived with the aunt and then, when their residence in the apartment was called into question, causing Gregory to be pulled from school one month into the spring semester, by having mom's name added to the sister's lease. Proving the second, inasmuch as human motivation is complex and difficult to divine from outside a person's brain, is basically impossible.

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Monta Ellis Hit A Nutso Game-Winner For the Mavs Last Night

Categories: Sports

Monta Ellis, volume-scorer extraordinaire turned straw that stirs the Mavericks drink, hit a ridiculous spinning, off-balance fadeaway to beat the Bucks at the buzzer Wednesday night. Unfair Park thinks that's a thing you should see.

The celebration afterwards was almost as good as the shot itself, check out Mark Cuban and a suited-up Dirk getting in on the fun.

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NBA via Youtube
Cubes on the left. Dirk top center.


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