Dallas News Blog

​The Washington Post's The League blog wonders this morning, "Why are the Cowboys So Hated? How does 'America's Team' remain one of the most loathed franchises in sports?" To which the responses, including essays from Eagles and Giants bloggers, have been varied and nasty. (Something about Cowboys fans being "soulless" and wanting "nothing more than to spoil the home team's party," whatever that means.) At least WaPo sports writer Leonard Shapiro just comes off as jealous.

SPORTMag.us

​Late yesterday Tom Hicks made it clear: He intends to keep majority ownership of the Texas Rangers, despite all that danged debt. Three would-be buyers have already traipsed through Arlington to meet with Jon Daniels and Nolan Ryan, more parties may join the fray before the deadline, but Hicks ain't about to give up the franchise without a fight. Which is why he's invited Roger Staubach, who once owned a teensy piece of the team when Dubya was co-owner, back to the ballpark. Not involved: George W. Bush, Mark Cuban and Jerry Jones.

Richard Durrett, now at ESPN's local offshoot, spoke with the former Cowboys QB about his interest. And Captain Comeback reminded Durrett of his stint in the outfield a long, long time ago:

Staubach said he's always loved baseball and would like to get involved in ownership. He added that he played outfield at Navy and hit .420 his sophomore season.

"Tom is a friend of mine and putting together a local group, and I am committed to investing in that if things come together," Staubach said. "He still has some things to work through, and there are some good groups that are interested in the team. ... I think the fan base is expanding and that there's a future there."

​Since April, city officials have been pushing -- hard -- to land the Federation Internationale de Football Association's World Cup, either in 2018 or 2022. Matter of fact, they're even asking locals to sign a petition demanding FIFA bring the soccer matches to Dallas; so far, looks like 6,556 have scribbled their virtual John Hancocks in the hopes of leap-frogging Dallas over the 26 other U.S. cities still in the running.

The city council will get an update on efforts to bring the games to the Cotton Bowl and Cowboys Stadium this Wednesday, matter of fact. Because even though FIFA won't announce the 2018 host cities till December 2010, host city and stadium agreements are due to the USA Bid Committee by the end of the month. That's because the USABC is expected to announce its list of 18 finalists sometime next month, followed by its final submission in May. And while the host city has to provide for everything (from the stadiums to staffing to security to advertising the games), the city expects to reap millions in return for its infrastructure and investment: "Total economic impact for one Host City is projected to be $300 - $500 million," says the council's briefing, which lists possible ways we'll wind up paying for all the attendant necessities.

And, you might as well let Arlington know now: "If any games are played at Cowboys Stadium, Dallas will still be considered the Host City." Ooof.

Tyrone Ellis

​Tyrone Ellis's pro basketball career in the U.S. didn't amount to much: 10 pre-season minutes played for the Minnesota Timberwolves in October 2006, during which he didn't score a single point. Also on his resume: a single-season stint, in 2001-'02, in the NBA's D-League, during which his Huntsville Flight went 26-30. In short, there was no reason whatsoever to believe the Dallas native and 1996 Carter High School graduate would ever become a pro baller. And yet, there he was Saturday in The New York Times: "Dallas Basketball Player Is Hero in Europe." Why? Read the piece for yourself, then wonder if anyone's yet optioned the movie rights for a sports film starring a Southern Nazarene University graduate and Georgian president Mikheil Saakashvili set during the Russia-Georgia War of 2008.

Back in 2005, Keven McAlester wrote one hell of a fine story for the paper version of Unfair Park about former Texas Rangers pitcher Dock Ellis's immortal acid-drenched no-hitter, done, of course, while he was a Pittsburgh Pirate. Piece wasn't just about the feat, of course; if memory serves, it was the end result of a documentary Keven had considered making about the now-late-n-great baller before he turned his attention to damaged rock icons on the mend and live-action gamers. All of which is a rather lengthy wind-up by way of introducing this animated take on the no-hitter, itself a wigged-out work of art.

Kansas City Chiefs

​Arrowhead Pride, a fanblog for the Kansas City Chiefs, provides a vaguely intriguing item this afternoon that reveals running back and bad Twitterer Larry Johnson, cut from KC Monday and now a free agent, is in Dallas at this very moment. And how do they know this? "Larry Johnson's reported location on his Twitter page -- which is updated automatically via the GPS on a cell phone -- is Downtown Dallas, TX." Commenters' theories abound: a visit with Jerry Jones, maybe; or perchance a sit-down with Clark Hunt; or, ya know, maybe he went to Bush's speech at SMU. Kent Babb at the Kansas City Star tweets that he's got the answer, or something close to: "LJ's agent, Peter Schaffer, tells me that LJ's visit to Dallas is a 'coincidence' and was a 'social business' trip. Whatever that means."

​.... tonight's your lucky night. Mavs man Matt Miller sends word that just in time for tonight's face-off against the San Antonio Spurs, Your Dallas Mavericks are launching what the team calls a "first-of-its-kind live game companion designed to enhance the television viewing experience for fans." Which is ...? The press release follows, but in short, the team will use its Web site in order to allow fans access to:

In-Arena Experience and Press Access - The unique application will simulate the experience of being in an NBA arena press box by giving fans access to pregame media notes, real-time statistical information, breaking news, 3D shot charts and play-by-play analysis.

Social Media Integration - The Mavericks TV Companion integrates current social networking features, allowing users to interact with other fans, team personnel and on-air talent in real time, providing an innovative multi-screen experience. Fans can easily access their favorite social networking sites directly from the application, including Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and Yahoo! to participate in widespread fan forum discussions or private chats with friends.

Halftime and Postgame Video Highlights - Every game will feature special halftime and postgame reports that will include video highlight packages, updated box scores, leader boards, and the ability to follow the action taking place on the court via the interactive shot tracker feature, which displays the location of each shot taken on the court.

... a behind-the-scenester was there to capture the whole thing, from pre-game to big finish. Here's the formal how-do, featuring Voice of the Dallas Mavericks Mark Followill introducing Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert (who has "instituted many policies that have dramatically improved the quality of life in Dallas," says the play-by-player), Mavs owner Mark Cuban and a T-Mobile exec; absent is Jerry Jones, whose Terrordome is actually hosting the game. Below, Cuban and Leppert's remarks, during which the mayor notes that Erick Dampier's absence from the ballot is an "effin' joke."

Courtesy Southern Methodist University

The mustangs made their bow during halftime of SMU-Navy on October 17.

​A couple of weeks back, during halftime of the SMU-Navy game at Ford Stadium, the university debuted two new mustangs donated by the National Wild Horse Foundation, on behalf of Madeleine and T. Boone Pickens. Which had more than a few folks wondering: What in the wide, wide world of sports did the university intended to do with 'em? Replace Peruna, the shetland pony that's roamed the sidelines since 1932? Heresy!

Which prompted much handwringing amongst university officials, among them SMU football head coach June Jones, who, according to one source, really wanted those Mustangs used  "in some fashion" during games. And so, late into Wednesday, members of the SMU Student Senate, school staffers, members of the football team (including team captain Chase Kennemer) and Peruna's handler met to discuss, well, how to handle the horses.

The matter's been settled, per the official release from SMU that ran down the field a little while ago: When SMU plays Rice tomorrow at 2 p.m. during homecoming...

... the new horses will lead the team from the Mustangs statue at the north end of Mustang Plaza, passing through Doak Walker Plaza, and proceeding to Gerald J. Ford Stadium before each of SMU's three remaining home games.

Peruna, the Mustangs' official mascot, will then fulfill his generations-long tradition of leading the team from the locker room and onto the field. He also will continue to run across the field after SMU scores and will always be positioned at the end of the field to which the SMU offense is headed.

While Peruna handles his normal responsibilities, the mustangs will remain at Ford Stadium near the field's southwest corner.

Bevo is amused.

​A Mavs season-ticket-holding Friend of Unfair Park wonders: "Weren't the Dallas Mavericks supposed to announce The New Voice of the American Airlines Center yesterday?" We appreciate the reminder -- because, yes, November 4 was indeed supposed to be The Big Day, after Michael Taylor sat down at the mic for his final audition on October 27 and Sean Heath took his last shot against the Jazz Tuesday night. Alas, you'll have to hold your breath a little while longer: Matt Miller at the Mavs tells Unfair Park this evening, via e-mail, "We decided to give each finalist an additional five games to audition. We'll have a final decision in mid-December. This week we decided to push it back to allow us more time to evaluate each finalist." No pressure or anything.

​God knows the city's been talking about it since forever -- you know, finding another bowl game to stick in the Cotton Bowl, since the actual New Year's Day Cotton Bowl Classic will now be played at the EnormoDome in Arlington, which is about 389 shades of ain't-right, but, whatever. So, maybe you've heard: There's a new bowl game coming to Fair Park in January 2011, pending NCAA thumbs pointing skyward: the Dallas Football Classic. Which will consist of ...? Hit me, Associated Press, I'm open:

Organizers say they'll use a rotation of also-rans from three collegiate football conferences to come up with their lineups. They anticipate the first game will pit the seventh-ranked team from the Big 12 Conference against the sixth-ranked team from the Big Ten, should those teams be excluded from Bowl Championship Season consideration. Teams from Conference USA will also be considered for future games.

Congratulations, in advance, to SMU.

This is Anfield, devoted to all things Liverpool FC, posted today a rather lengthy laundry list of all the things Tom Hicks has done wrong, far as Reds fans are concerned, since he bought the club with George Gillett more than two years ago. The sum-up -- headlined "Hicks & Gillett love the green of the dollar more than the red of Liverpool FC" -- seeks to answer why Liverpool fans protested the twosome before the team's 2-0 victory over Manchester United last week. Bonus: here's footage from the protest, scored to The Who. It's almost as good as The Damned United, which I saw this weekend and can't recommend enough.

The Salvation Army

​No doubt you've already heard (and just pretended you didn't): Daughtry's landed the halftime gig at Cowboys Stadium on Thanksgiving Day, the annual kickoff for the Salvation Army's Red Kettle campaign. Which prompted this locker-room meeting of the musical minds on Friday: Free Reign, meet Daughtry -- which, apparently, is fronted by Marc Colombo's Mini-Me.

​A Friend of Unfair Park who knows of my, um, interest (sure, why not?) in the American Basketball Association's return to the DFW sends along this profile of Isaiah "J.R." Rider, who, I'll be damned, is set to make his return to pro ball with the North Texas Fresh outta Fort Worth. (As you may recall, Fresh owner Jay Bowdy and I exchanged a few pleasantries over the name of his franchise back in July.)

It's been a bumpy ride for Rider since he last played pro ball for the Pistons in '01 -- as Yahoo Sports's Marc Spears sums up, the former Timberwolves hot-shot and one-time slam-dunk contest winner's résumé now includes "several arrests and a 3½-month stay in jail," so it's ABA or nothing at this point. Says Rider, "I still have it in me. I still have something left in the tank. It's still in my blood. My juices still flow." Guess we'll see when the Fresh roll out the ball ... at the Keller ISD's Central High School.

North Texas's home opener is November 22 against the Houston Somethingornother. The Fresh's game against the Dallas Generals -- which has its own ex-pro baller, journeyman Anthony "Pig" Miller -- is scheduled for December 5 at the Fair Park Coliseum. Interested, but only if Ed Monix is still available.

Texas Rangers

​During its 22 years of existence, the Dallas Video Festival has paid tribute to a great many pioneers and visionaries, among them Monty Python's Terry Gilliam, Robert Smigel, Paul Reubens, Martin Mull, Mike Judge, Mystery Science Theater 3000's Joel Hodgson and Slam Bang Theater creator Bill Camfield. To that list, add another great: Chuck Morgan, otherwise known as The Voice of the Texas Rangers.

"He's the auteur of stadium video," DVF founder Bart Weiss tells Unfair Park. "What other stadium do you know of where you know the guy running the video?"

Morgan, whose official title is vice president of in-park entertainment, tells Unfair Park this morning he had no idea that his event, scheduled for 7 p.m. November 2 at the Angelika Film Center, was a tribute. He just thought he was comin' over to show some old clips from Arlington Stadium and the Ballpark, talk about birthing the dot race and whatever else he could think of to fill 90 minutes.

"I didn't know I was kind of the center of attention, but it's really great," says Morgan. "I just thought I was part of the program. Then I read more about it, and I was like, 'That's awesome.'"

After the jump, a Q&A with Morgan. Me, I could talk to that man all day. Hard to keep it brief.

Dennis Gilbert

​Last month, the Startlegram outed former Barry Bonds and Jose Canseco agent Dennis Gilbert as a would-be buyer of Your Texas Rangers, which the Beverly Hills-based Gilbert wouldn't confirm at the time. That made sense: He's still in pro ball (he reviews contracts for the Chicago White Sox, where his title is Special Assistant to the Chairman, which is also what they used to call Joey Bishop), and sources told the paper that, look, he isn't a serious contender because he'll need plenty of outsider investors to foot the bill. But Gilbert, a former minor-leaguer, is an intriguing guy; last month, Lone Star Ball directed our attention to a lengthy 1993 Sports Illustrated profile that compared and contrasted him with Baseball Antichrist Scott Boras.

Nevertheless, one week after Houston freight-man Jim Crane and Pittsburgh attorney Chuck Greenberg made their Arlington pit stops, Gilbert came to town: Last night we received word from Lisa LeMaster, who handles PR for Tom Hicks, that Rangers president Nolan Ryan and GM Jon Daniels were among those sitting down with Gilbert and his people at the Ballpark in Arlington on Wednesday. I had some follow-up questions, but was met, as before, by the cold, hard slap of the final line of the press release: "Neither Hicks Sports Group nor the Rangers will have any further comment regarding today's meeting."

Danny Fulgencio

​Maybe you saw Michael Lindenberger's story in The News this morning about the Dallas Area Rapid Transit board meeting yesterday, during which DART officials found that DART officials didn't do anything wrong during the Fair Park eff-up that resulted in folks missing a big hunk o' Texas-OU. And maybe you saw this line buried in the piece: "Next year, it's an evening game, with all 95,000 or so football fans letting out just about the time the final crowds from the State Fair will be seeking to leave." Say wha?

But ESPN is reporting that The News's reporting isn't right and that "Oklahoma senior associate athletic director for communications Kenny Mossman said that no start time has been set for the 2010 game." And it won't be for months.

Sean Salisbury

​Sean Salisbury was not -- no way, no how, no sir -- fired from The Fan 105.3 for "sexting." At least, that's what Richie wrote on September 11 about his former radio-station teammate.  Gawker Media-owned Deadspin, which has been obsessed with the Frisco resident's Salisbury steak for a long time, insisted otherwise, and so began a lengthy, riveting back-and-forth with the former NFL journeyman QB-turned-ESPN analyst.

Late Friday, the McKinney Courier-Gazette provided the latest chapter in this ongoing narrative: Salisbury has sued Deadspin and Gawker Media for defamation in Denton County Court. (Deadspin, offering no comment save for a lengthy excerpt from the McKinney paper, noted that is has not yet been served.) Jeffrey Tillotson is repping Salisbury, who says Deadspin's made it hard for him to find work. I have been unable to reach Richie Whitt for comment.

Photos by Danny Fulgencio. For more photos, check out our slide show.

​Hundreds (no, really) cheered as tan, sleek women in bras and panties (no, really) sprang onto the moist 50-yard-long field. Fireworks lit up the field. The local media was out in full force; one man screamed from the stands, "Stop taking pictures of my sister!"

What a brutal game -- aerial tackes, Hail Mary passes and touchdown dances, split into two 17-minute halves. In the end, the Dallas Desire bested the Los Angeles Temptation by a score of 24-12 at QuikTrip Park at Grand Prairie last night. Which puts the Desire, with a mighty record of 3-0, on a path to Miami for the Lingerie Football League's ultimate destination -- the Lingerie Bowl. At last, a Dallas football club with its league's top prize in sight.

Photos by Sam Merten

NFL Hall of Famer and Fox broadcaster Troy Aikman braved the stiff winds and cool temperatures Thursday night while promoting the kickoff of the inaugural Friends of the Katy Trail membership drive. Joined by his two daughters, 7-year-old Alexa and 8-year-old Jordan, Aikman graciously signed various items carried by the hundreds of Dallas Cowboys fans appearing at David's Way, an entrance to the trail on Knox Street.

An avid user of the Katy Trail, the three-time Super Bowl winning quarterback engaged most of those on hand in banter, ensuring he connected with any children tagging along or bringing items of their own. Jayson Bales and the Charmers provided the soundtrack to last night's festivities, and the membership drive continues through Sunday. Volunteers recruiting new members can be found on the trail at David's Way, the Thomsen Overlook at Reverchon Park and Snyder's Union, the new plaza being built between Lemmon Avenue and Carlisle Place.

While Aikman's inking duties prohibited us from snagging him for a few questions, we did happen to run into council member Angela Hunt, who said, "Isn't it so cool that Troy is willing to do this?"

More pics after the jump.

​Reuters was right: Last week, the news service reported that the three parties interested in taking the Texas Rangers off Tom Hicks's hands would be in Arlington this week to meet and greet with team bigwigs. And, so far, so good: According to Official Statements from the LeMaster Group, which handles Hicks's PR, Houston's freight-train Jim Crane "and his advisors" paid Rangers Ballpark a visit on Tuesday; and, yesterday, the team has a visitor from Pittsburgh. Says the release we received last night:

Officials with Hicks Sports Group and the Texas Rangers held a series of meetings Wednesday with a second potential investor group for the Texas Rangers. The meetings with Pittsburgh attorney Chuck Greenberg and his advisors were conducted at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington.

The meetings included a tour of the facility and conferences with officials of both baseball and business operations of the Rangers. Team President Nolan Ryan and General Manager Jon Daniels were among the officials who met with Mr. Greenberg and his advisors. In general, the meetings were described as "routine and part of the normal due diligence process."

Neither Hicks Sports Group nor the Rangers will have any further comment regarding today's meeting.

Trust me, they won't.

​The Dallas Mavericks' Matt Miller just sent word: The team has narrowed down its list of 10 would-be Humble Billys to two finalists: Sean Heath and Michael Taylor. They shot to the top of the list following a few in-game tryouts; and your votes didn't hurt neither. Both will take their final shots at being the New Voice of Your Dallas Mavericks during the first two regular season at the American Airlines Center: Taylor's first up on October 27, when Dallas plays Washington; Heath follows on November 3, when the Mavs go up against the Jazz. The winner will be announced the next day. After the jump, both of their audition videos -- first Heath's, then Taylor's. And, yes, you can still vote here.

Photos by Danny Fulgencio

A few shots before kick-off? Sure, why not.

​By 8 a.m. Saturday Oklahoma had pumped its trucks and minivans into Texas to clog Interstate 35 worse than a fat man's aorta. A normally 40-minute drive to Fair Park took well over two hours. It was a fine time to contemplate the tenacity of plant life on the highway's median. Still, it was better than being stuck on DART's Green Line to nowhere.

Near the Cotton Bowl, men on Parry Avenue wearing mesh neon vests flagged down  motorists and charged them $10 to park on a public street. "Don't be charging people to park in front of my house," yelled one resident. But business was good.

Before the game even started tailgaters sent smoke signals over the parking lot. Sure, they might have been drunk, but OU's tailgate-quarterbacks and a distinctly Greek contingent of UT alumni proved amazingly hospitable. They were eager to provide everyone and anyone a seemingly endless supply of sizzled meat and domestic beer.

​That's the question answered by this briefing that's been prepared for the city council's Economic Development Committee on Tuesday morning. The short answer: The 2010 NBA All-Star Game is expected to generate about $2.49 million in tax revenue for the city. But keep in mind, should the council give its OK at the end of this month, $1.73 million of that will come out of the city's contingency reserves and be deposited into something called a Major Events Trust Fund controlled by the Texas Comptroller of Public Accounts before the game -- on February 5. Money put into the trust fund by the participating cities and the state covers, oh, everything from crowd and traffic control for events to more vague things like "public safety" and "emergency management." (Speaking of which, when's the "Mass Casualty exercise"? Says only "fall 2009." Sounds like quite the photo op.)

Which means, after all those expenses are covered out of the trust fund: "Potential tax revenue gain to the city is estimated to be $760,000," according to the council briefing. And keep in mind, that guesstimated income doesn't include other intangible benefits weighed by the city, among them "secondary spending, media exposure, growth to visitor industry, etc." Which, of course, is ... priceless.

So how'd the Comptroller do the math?

​I see the Texas Rangers can't afford to refund True Believers' playoff-ticket money till November at best -- klassy! But good news, Rangers fans: Reuters reports today that the three parties interested in taking the team off Tom Hicks's debt-heavy hands are due to meet with management as soon as next week in the hopes of getting a new owner installed sooner than later. As in:

The goal is to have a winner identified by late November and a sale completed by year end, said the sources, who asked not to be identified discussing the ongoing process. The Rangers are expected to attract bids of $500 million to $550 million, analysts have said.

For those needing a recap, these are the three parties interested in buying the club. Reuters says there's a fourth suitor that's been added to the mix, but it's nothing serious. Hey, c'mon. I've got 20 bucks. Ah, yes.

Photos by Sam Merten

Eight-year-old Kendall Tubbs, a second grader who's had type 1 diabetes since she was 3 years old, managed to upstage appearances by Dallas Cowboys tight end Martellus "MartyB" Bennett and former Heisman Trophy winner and Woodrow Wilson High School grad Tim Brown at this morning's second annual Passport to Health Diabetes Awareness campaign.

"Sometimes diabetes means making tough choices," a poised Tubbs told the crowd gathered at the press conference held in City Hall's Flag Room. "Sometimes at lunchtime when others are having a snack, I can't have one because my blood sugar is too high. Other times, at recess I can't play with my friends because my blood sugar is too low."

Mayor Tom Leppert, who was joined by wife Laura and council colleagues Sheffie Kadane, Carolyn Davis and Tennell Atkins, handed Tubbs a football, said she "gets to play QB" and sent both Brown and Bennett out on routes, instructing her to throw to the open receiver.

"I hope she's not Tony Romo, 'cause I won't get the ball," Bennett said, with those on hand erupting in laughter.

Tubbs completed her pass to Brown, prompting Leppert to say, "Now this is my chance at playing for the Cowboys," tossing a tight spiral to Bennett.

More photos -- and an exclusive Q & A with MartyB -- after the jump.

The NBA thought so much of Jeff "Skin" Wade's discourse on Dirk Nowitzki's new-look old-school haircut (" ... that is like late '70s basketball, it's got a lot of flavor, no one's rockin' it like that ...") from Monday night's Channel 21 broadcast that it turned locks-talk into a minute-long promotional video posted this afternoon. Dirk's head is where amazing happens.

George Gillett and Tom Hicks, who may have to cut that ball in half

​On Tuesday, Nolan Ryan and Jon Daniels said that, well, it is possible that Tom Hicks could maintain a majority interest in the Texas Rangers, despite his efforts to sell the club since April. But how, with all that debt here and abroad? Well ... who knows. But you probably recall that last week, Saudi Prince Faisal bin Fahd bin Abdullah al-Saud said he was good and ready to buy George Gillett's 50-percent stake in Liverpool FC, which would make him Hicks's partner. Hicks, though, would have to sign off on the deal, and he and Gillett ain't been buddy-buddy in a long time.

Which is why the prince's rep today tells the BBC that, well, see, just maybe ol' Faisal might go ahead and buy out everyone. Not sure if Hicks has any interest in that -- yet again, I've asked Hicks's PR peoples at the LeMaster Group for comment and will update when it arrives. But this is what Barry Didato tells the BBC in advance of Gillett's Tuesday trip to Saudi Arabia: "His Highness's shareholding could go from anything from nought to 100 percent. But he cannot be seen as a solution to the debt or problems in the existing relationship between the owners."

If this picture were at all legible, you'd see Donnie Nelson sitting at the table where wanna-be Humble Billys took their best shots yesterday.

​So, yeah, I was only kidding, far as you know, when I mentioned that, oh, maybe I'd try out for The Voice of The American Airlines Center. As you're no doubt aware by now, Mavs man "Humble" Billy Hayes has moved out of town to tend to personal business, and owner Mark Cuban's looking for a new man to take the mic (and take it hard). So, last week, I exchanged a few missives with Mavs PR man Matt Miller, said something about how it might be a good giggle for Unfair Park, and next thing I know Kirsten Seiter's got me on the list along with some other 50-plus wanna-bes who paraded through the AAC Tuesday afternoon to shout into a microphone for a panel of judges that occasionally included Cuban and general manager Donnie Nelson, who tried out himself (though not really: "Is it pronounced Ba-rer-a?")

When I checked in at 4:45 p.m. for a 5:35 tryout slot, only 40 guys had taken their turn; more than a few chickened out, as about 80 had initially signed up. A few on the list were recognizable names: Michael Rey, KEGL's Chris Ryan, BaD Radio producer Tom Gribble. Ben Rogers, one half of Ben and Skin, showed up as I was leaving -- appropriate, since his former radio partner is one of the Mavs' TV talking heads. A few were guys who've dreamed of this their whole life -- lots of radio-station interns looking to make the step way up. I met one man who's done some high-school basketball PA announcing and who's wanted to do minor-league ball calling ever since he can remember. "I love the idea of watching a game and thinking out loud," he said.

He finished an hour before my slot, but stuck around to hear the competition -- most of whom sounded like a cross between Michael Buffer and Don Pardo, except for the guy who sounded more like Pee-Wee Herman and the handful who seemed to be auditioning for Lamb of God.

​A colleague in Miami thought we might find this interesting: "The Consummation of Dirk," penned by one Jonathan Callahan. It comes from the latest issue of something called The Collagist, an online literary journal. Right. You know the drill.

At first, I thought maybe it was a chopped-and-screwed variation on Jesse Hyde's cover story from 2007, about the time Dirk Nowitzki hightailed it to Australia to find hisself, dig? ("Then came the summer of Dirk's retreat--into the mountains? The desert? On a single-sailed raft, adrift in uncharted seas?") Then I thought it might be just an artfully crafted scouting report ("Dirk drains the first one, all net, and starts screaming and beating his chest like a fucking insane person, stares down the closest Piston or Sixer, who won't meet his fucking eyes, okay?"). Then I thought it could be some overwrought Esquire celebrity profile ("As my stature in the Association swelled, I grew accustomed to hearing the assembled American thousands thunderously chanting my name, causing it to reverberate from the rafters and shake the foundations of the arenas in which we would compete --"). Then I realized, nope, it's just fan fiction ("Well, for a guy who's seven-foot tall, his cock was actually surprisingly average").

Compelling.