UPDATE: We are now in a system-wide ground delay until 4:00pm CT as we work to resolve this issue. We apologize for any inconvenience.

— American Airlines (@AmericanAir) April 16, 2013

American Airlines broke the news a while ago that it's in the midst of a massive, system-wide computer failure. Perhaps it was a glitch? Hiccups from the U.S. Airways merger? Hackers? Former CEO Tom Horton landing on the servers after having his golden parachute snipped?

It's too early to tell why, but the computer problems have caused the airline to ground all flights to be grounded until 4 p.m. (Update at 3:12 p.m.: Make that 7 p.m.) AA has promised refunds to impacted travelers once the computers are back up, but the delay has left thousands of travelers stranded at airports across the country with little to do but tweet impotently.

AA's announcement sparked surprisingly little outrage, at least on Twitter. Snark's probably a better description for it.

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minutesuites.com

Soon, travelers stranded at DFW Airport be forced to pretzel themselves on uncomfortable seats or sneak away to an isolated corner of carpet for a few minutes of shuteye. That's because the airport is getting nap rooms.

The rooms -- more accurately, a nap hotel -- are planned by Minute Suites, a company which, according to a report yesterday on NPR's All Things Considered "is building tiny airport retreats across the country."
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The company already has locations in Atlanta and Philadelphia. "Next up," NPR reports, "are Dallas-Fort Worth and Chicago's O'Hare International Airport."

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newamericanarriving.com

Last month's unveiling of American Airlines' new logo and livery (er, paint job) was a prelude to this: the long-awaited, full-blown merger with US Airways.

The airlines are making it official this morning after their respective boards approved the $11 billion deal yesterday.

US Airways CEO Doug Parker will head the combined carrier, with AA chief Tom Horton relegated to the somewhat ceremonial position chairing the board of directors. For a year.

So, what does this all mean? A few quick points:

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On the left, an example of powerful yet understated elegance. On the right, pure and undiluted crap, at least according to the designer of the one on the left.

In 1967, back when Helvetica was still brand new, American Airlines recruited Italian designer Massimo Vignelli to develop what would become the carrier's logo for the next 46 years. It was simple, straightforward, and instantly recognizable: a pair of A's, one red, one blue, separated by a stylized blue eagle.

Bloomberg Businessweek caught up with Vignelli last week in the wake of American's announcement that it would be jettisoning his creation in favor of a newer, more modern look.

Suffice to say, Vignelli is not impressed.

"It has no sense of permanence," he told Bloomberg. "The American flag is great. ... But the American flag has 13 stripes, right? Not 11. Did American add only 11 stripes [to the flag on the tail] because they are in Chapter 11? I don't think two more stripes would have been a disaster. And there are only two colors shown instead of all three. So is it a different flag?"

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American Airlines has had a rough go of it in recent years, what with its ongoing bankruptcy, a knock-down fight with its unions, and the general hatred of the flying public.

Today, on the heels of its first quarterly profit in a while, American announced that it is turning over a new leaf. This is being done primarily, it seems, through a massive rebranding effort.

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The settlement, alas, does not require the drinks to be served by flight attendants dressed like this.

Two years ago, Southwest Airlines abruptly changed the rules of its Business Select program, which allows travelers to breeze through security, get to the front of the boarding line, earn extra reward points, and, most importantly, get free booze.

Before August 1, 2010, could use their free drink vouchers whenever. After August 1, the airline decided they could only be used on the day of travel that was printed on them.

This apparently enraged Chicago attorney Adam Levitt, who, according to the Chicago Tribune, filed a class action lawsuit claiming that Southwest had screwed him and untold other Business Select passengers out of their free drinks.

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Scott McCartney, the Wall Street Journal's veteran (and Dallas-based) travel reporter, recently offered a word of advice to the literate public: If you or a loved one is considering stepping onto an aircraft in the foreseeable future, make sure it's not one operated by American Airlines.

"American's operation is in shambles," McCartney writes. On Sunday fewer than half of American flights arrived on-time, a quarter were at least 45 minutes late, and 92 flights were canceled. Monday was even worse. It's competitors had no such trouble. United, Southwest and US Airways all got the vast majority of their flights to the gate on time.

The reason for American's abysmal track record of late is, of course, the ongoing bankruptcy of AMR, its parent company. Pilots are not taking kindly to pay and benefit cuts recently imposed and are calling in sick, grounding flights for minor problems and just generally doing things slowly, all the while denying any coordinated effort to do so.

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Glenn Beck has seen the face of hatred in America, and it looks like a surly flight attendant. In a transcript from his radio show, posted to his website this morning, Beck claims that an American Airlines employee slammed his drink down, barked the word "breakfast" at him, and delivered a monologue on being a "former Israeli soldier" and "how he was so proud of the very liberal cities in America."

What, he didn't manage to work in a reference to being a gay, Communist, Bible-burning, flag-defecating-upon Obama voter too? Can we just safely assume that part, Glenn?

The Passion of Glenn Beck began in New York over the weekend, when he says he was treated rudely in a "minority-owned" barbecue shop and then "openly mocked" the next day by patrons at a breakfast spot. But all of that was a mere prelude to his treatment on American while flying back home to DFW.

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Wikipedia

Would it be less intrusive if a private company was fondling you?

Yesterday, a company named Clear, which bills itself as "the nation's pre-eminent biometric secure ID program" announced that it will set up shop at DFW Airport's Terminal E on June 27. Says the news release, the company's "innovative biometric technology combined with members-only lanes allows travelers to speed through security, averaging five minutes or less. Travelers simply confirm their identity with the touch of a finger."

It works like this: Travelers register for the service at the company's website and pay $179. Then, instead of waiting with the masses in the security queue, they breeze through airport security via a lane reserved for Clear members.

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Alcoa.com

Flights at Dallas Executive Airport have dropped by 40 percent since 2005.

As a nickname, "Dead Bird" hasn't fit so well since the city of Dallas' airport in South Oak Cliff changed its name from Redbird to Dallas Executive a decade ago in hopes of sparking a revival of the 67-year-old airfield, which tends to be forgotten in the shadow of DFW and Love Field.

The name change was followed by other improvements, namely a $7.45 million splurge on runway upgrades and a shiny new terminal and control tower. They spent another $500,000 to lure a restaurant -- maybe the wrong restaurant -- that opened in 2010.

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