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We've known for a few weeks that Dallas-Fort Worth was growin'. Sure, it isn't swelling the fastest. That honor goes to Lincoln, a suburb outside of Sacramento, California, which had an explosive growth rate of 236 percent since the 2000 census, according to Forbes online, which paid an outside research firm to analyze the growth of our country's 'burbs -- sub-, ex- and otherwise.

But the DFW cuddles a dozen of the nation’s 100 fastest growing suburbs, a fifth of which are in Texas. Why Texas? Growth in Texas is almost completely unregulated, contributing mightily to housing affordability. Says Forbes: “There is plenty of supply to meet demand.” Downside: Transportation expenses are high.

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Talk about bad timing (and bad most everything else). Really, how does this happen: The Indianapolis Star reports this morning that thousands of Indy residents are finding in their mailboxes this week a promotional flier announcing that Steak n Shake is "a proud sponsor of the Dallas Cowboys." That'll be quite the surprise to folks living in Indianapolis, since, ya know, it's the hometown of the hamburger chain. But John Russell at the Indy Star writes that the company "inadvertently sent a mailer promoting its 'Cowboys side-by-side milkshake' to more than 600,000 Indianapolis residents." And, like, wow, don't the Cowboys play the Indianapolis Colts this weekend at Texas Stadium? Kind of a kick in the hometown nuts, wouldn't you say?

Of course, Steak n Shake has plenty of restaurants in Texas: 17 total (all in North Texas), three in Dallas proper. But that's nothing compared to how many joints it has in Indiana; there are 20 in Indy alone. Hence the heartfelt apology yesterday from Steak n Steak officials, who are offering their slighted Indy customers free shakes on Sunday, since, apparently, a win over the Cowboys won't be enough to heal their broken, clogged hearts.

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Glenna got a heapin', steamin' dose of Nancy Grace Friday night. Yecch. In short: What's "a fact"?

Horror, sheer horror.

Three minutes into my appearance on CNN Headline News Friday night, and I was ready to leap through the television monitor and rip out through Nancy Grace's flared nostrils the calcified organ in the center of her chest--you know, what other people call a heart. But after humiliating me in front of a national audience, Grace was on to other participants in the narcissistic exercise she calls "television's only justice themed/interview/debate show." By that, I presume she means, "Don't let the facts get in the way of a good rant."

Let me start at the beginning.

When someone from Nancy Grace called on Friday to ask me to participate in a broadcast that night about the Lisa Diaz case, I stalled for time. It wasn't because I knew much about Grace or her show, but because I know talking about complicated trials is difficult on television. It calls for economy of words--not my skill.

But writing about the Diaz case last year was heart-wrenching. The young mother was acquitted by reason of insanity after drowning her two children in 2003. Now, at the recommendation of hospital doctors, she'd been released from the state hospital in Big Spring after only 27 months of treatment. From what little I knew about Grace--bombastic former prosecutor with an instinct for the jugular--I figured she was agin' the release. Fair enough. Lots to talk about there. But I said OK only after I heard Diaz's defense attorney, Robert Udashen, who did an excellent job of showing the jury the depths of his client's mental illness, was also going to be on.

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Laure-wife-of-Larry David doesn't like TXU. She's warmed to the mayor, though--just not global-warmed, heh.

We already know what Laurie David thinks of Dallas. In April, the eco-activist--and wife of Curb Your Enthusiasm's irritainer Larry David--penned a piece for The Huffington Post in which she took a swipe at the city and, specifically, Mayor Laura Miller for failing to sign the U.S. Mayors' Climate Protection Agreement. She's probably switched positions on the mayor (sounds naughty, doesn't it?).

Yesterday, David penned a piece for HuffPo in which she slammed TXU for its plan to spend $10 billion on 11 new coal-fired power plants in Texas--"coal, of course, [being] one of the dirtiest energy sources there is," David writes. David applauds the mayor for being among the leaders in a coalition of politicians fronting the Texas Citizens for Climate Protection, which is trying to halt the creation of these "carbon-belching" behemoths. With TXU, she's far less happy:

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Who needs an excuse to get hammered? Not the ladies of the Dallas Observer, that's for sure. But Rock Star Karaoke is a good reason to knock a few back nonetheless. Rivaled only in excellence by Wednesday nights at the Goat, RSK at the Barley House is tip-tops in local karaoke fun. While other karaoke nights slap in a tape or CD and shove you on stage, Rock Star Karaoke puts you in front of a full band that, for all intents and purposes, does pretty much rock. Your fearless hostess, the beautiful and talented Jen Nabb, will be on hand to guide you through the vocals, should you get lost.

Tonight, rather than embarrassing ourselves in front of the mic, music editor Jonanna Widner, calendar editor Merritt Martin and this Girl on Top will be in the back with score sheets, judging your incompetent, singing arses. It's the first night of the November karaoke contest, and at the end of the month, the winner goes home with 300 cold, hard ones and bragging rights galore. If you think you've got the chops to compete, get there around 10:15 p.m. and put your name on the list. The $2 domestic bottles will help some of that stage fright too. --Andrea Grimes

Rudy Giuliani's got some "sketchy" business deals, says Forbes--including one with a Dallas company.

Ever hear of Lighting Science Group? Did not think so. Says here it's "a world leader in the rapidly developing field of solid state lighting," and for all we know the McKinney Avenue-HQ'd company may be just that. Forbes, though, is a little skeptical--something to do with this being the third incarnation of Ronald Lusk's company, which is publicly traded on the Over-the-Counter Bulletin Board (the home of risky, low-yield investments). So why should so small a company get Forbes' attention--and in a giant subscription-only feature story, no less?

Because of its connection to Rudy Giuliani, that's why--Giuliani, "the closest thing in America to a mythic hero," writes Nathan Vardi, who clearly isn't sharing what he's smoking. Turns out Lighting Science Group has a deal with Giuliani Partners, described in the magazine as a "management consultancy that...has nabbed tens of millions of dollars in contracts and deals." But Forbes isn't terribly impressed with Lighting Science Group; it's a member of the "sketchier crowd" referred to in the story's headline, which details the company the former NYC mayor's keeping these days as he makes a push for a larger national political profile, if such a thing is possible. Forbes' problem with the company, and with Giuliani's deal with Lighting Science Group, is after the jump. So too is the explanation about how Giuliani got a law office in Dallas. --Robert Wilonsky

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Amidst all the election hubbub, it seems we haven't paid attention to one very important role: Official Town Crier. Yeah, that's what I said. Town crier. Hansel von Quenzer--man about town and occasional enema-shooting performer--believes he's just the man for the job. And he's serious enough about it to have launched an ad campaign:

His Web site states that "Crier Quenzer is carrying on a tradition steeped in integrity and ceremonial circumstance since the year 1066 at the Battle of Hastings." That's a lot of integrity we're not real used to 'round these parts as Dallas was founded in but 1841. (But hey, can't hurt, right?) It is noted as well that his services are used by "blue chip companies" as well as "government agencies." And he is, of course, available for weddings.

Perhaps we've gone too modern, too mainstream with all these political positions--governors, mayors, judges and the like. Maybe there's more to be said for a bell and scroll, an affected British accent...and the requisite white tights, much like those worn by our own Jim Schutze on rare, veddy special occasions. --Merritt Martin

In August 2005, 31-year-old John Wannamaker of Dallas pled guilty to a federal indictment charging him with a menu's worth of bad stuff: conspiracy to commit wire fraud and securities fraud, actual wire and securities fraud, money laundering and "illegal monetary transactions." Well, today Wannamaker found out his punishment: U.S. District Judge Ed Kinkeade sentenced him to a 110-month prison term (which, by my math, puts him in the clink for 9.16666666666666667 years, more or less) and ordered him to to pay $2,224,490 to the folks he swindled.

And what, precisely, did young Johnny Wannamaker do? Well, you can read the entirety of the release from U.S. Attorney Richard Roper, but in summary, since January 2001 Wannamaker and his two partners--Patrick Price of High Ridge, Missouri, and Nancy Harlan Saporta of Denver, Colorado, who pled guilty this summer and will be sentenced early next month--ran something called 3KTrade out of Carrollton, which they told would-be suckers was a "a large and highly successful business" that invested in "real estate, business acquisitions and international banking funds." Says Roper's release, "They also represented that it had made loans to the Federal Reserve Bank of the U.S. and the return rate on investments was 100 - 150%. They further represented that investors' money would be used as collateral only, the invested funds would never leave the bank account, and that the invested funds were guaranteed."

In short: Not so much. --Robert Wilonsky

PETA wants to protect these cockroaches, which are being served in the Six Flags buffet line. To PETA, an exterminator must be like Idi Amin.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals usually protests against the fur and cosmetics industries' abuse of animals. Yesterday it took up the mighty cause of protecting Madagascar hissing cockroaches. They're being gobbled by crazy teenagers at Six Flags Over Texas, who eat one of the things in exchange for line-jumping privileges. PETA told Reuters Tuesday that it had been "flooded with calls from children, adults and even anonymous employees of Six Flags" opposing the marketing gimmick. At the park in Illinois, participants can compete to break the world cockroach-eating record and win season VIP passes, allowing them year-long line-jumping privileges.

The cockroaches grow up to three inches and, well, they hiss. If I saw one of these things on my kitchen floor at 1 a.m., it would have but one fate: CRUNCH. I have a sister who would capture the evolutionary marvel and buy it a condo. Others—people who live far away—may consider them delicacies. But I'm a cat-and-dog, bread-and-cheese kind of person. So...squish. Consider me PETA's Public Enemy No. 1.

PETA feels that Madagascar hissing cockroaches deserve protection, so they have come out against Six Flags Inc. from dishing out the insects at the Arlington park and 11 other parks it owns throughout Canada and the U.S. "Insects do not deserve to be eaten alive, especially for a gratuitous marketing gimmick," PETA spokeswoman Jackie Vergerio told a reporter.

Pshhaw, said a spokesman for Six Flags. Or something like that. Six Flags mouthpiece (and beloved folk-rock singer-songwriter, or not) James Taylor told Reuters that the only protests they'd had so far was from people who couldn't get on the list to chomp down on the crispy critters since not all 30 parks it owns are participating. Besides, the cockroaches have a high nutritional value and are raised in a sterile environment.

Just in case you were wondering, the world record for eating the buggers is 36 in one minute, a remarkable feat accomplished in 2001 by Ken Edwards, of Derbyshire, England. Ken, PETA hates you. --Glenna Whitley

It was a big story early this summer that has since been forgotten: a rich woman from around these parts and her cousin are in Los Angeles, see a 17-year-old mother and her baby and offer the mother $6,000 for the kid. The mother refuses. The two women come back a second time and make another offer. Again, the mother says, Thanks, but not so much. Then the two women stop asking and start taking; they grab the baby from its mother and bring it back to Dallas, where they finally give the child to their attorney, who then informs the FBI what's happened. Sort of.

On May 24, Annette Pinkard, always described in news reports as a "a 47-year-old real estate professional from the Dallas area," and her cousin, Sylvia Maria Wilson-Hardman, were arrested at Pinkard and her husband's home in Midlothian, described by the Associated Press in June as "a sprawling, manor-style home with a three-car garage, circular driveway and backyard pool." Their Dallas attorney, Scottie Allen, kept insisting to authorities that the mother back in L.A. had given the women the kid and some signed paperwork to go along with it. Only, the mother had given the women no such thing.

The story kinda disappeared for a while; there's been no mention of Pinkard and Wilson-Hardman for a few months, since they were extradited to California to face kidnapping charges. Well, comes word today that Pinkard and Wilson-Hardman ain't coming back to Texas any time soon--say, for two years, more or less. Yesterday, according to The Los Angeles Times, the two women were sentenced to two years in California state prison after pleading no contest to child stealing. By pleading no contest, they got off light: Up on four charges--kidnapping, conspiracy, child stealing and attempting to buy custody of a person--they would have gone to prison for at least 13 years had they gone to trial and been found guilty. --Robert Wilonsky

Garrison Keillor discovered some folks in Dallas don't want them damned foreigners to have any rights. Took him an hour to figure that out. Not bad.

Garrison Keillor, the man with the pleasant voice and sharp temper, writes in his Tribune Media Services-syndicated column about how the Senate has adiosed from existence a little thing called habeas corpus in approving the Military Commissions Act of 2006--and about how some Methodists he encountered in Dallas last week got no problem with that, Bubba. Keillor, out on the road pimping his book Homegrown Democrat (in which he calls the G.O.P. "fundamentalist bullies" and "misanthropic frat boys," for starters), isn't taking an entirely unexpected position; he ain't exactly Andrew C. McCarthy writing for the National Review (which still pimps that hoary party line that if you're for basic human rights, you're against America). No, Keillor's right there with what's left of the left damning the president for doing away wth the Geneva Convention, the Magna Carta and the Constitution by insisting that an "enemy combatant" is any non-citizen whom he says is an enemy combatant. Rights? Please, those are so 1215.

In his column, which you can read here, Keillor writes that the passage of the Military Commissions Act has rendered the U.S. unrecognizable. He writes that "if the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them." And by us, I think he means at least one very specific audience: the folks who turned out to hear Keillor speak last Wednesday at the Highland Park United Methodist Church, where he was invited as part of the church's Cornerstone Speakers Initiative. HP Methodist, of course, is where George W. Bush goes to pray to God. Or vice-versa, I forget. Anyway.

When The Dallas Morning News covered the event last week, David Flick made the event sound like a real non-event; "Garrison Keillor, folksy humorist and frequent Bush-basher, came to the president's home church in Dallas on Wednesday--and survived by playfully rubbing the belly of the beast," Flick wrote. From the sound of it, Keillor didn't come away from the event with the same impression. This is what he writes this morning about his trip to Dallas:

"I got some insight last week into who supports torture when I went down to Dallas to speak at Highland Park Methodist Church. It was spooky. I walked in, was met by two burly security men with walkie-talkies, and within 10 minutes was told by three people that this was the Bushes' church and that it would be better if I didn't talk about politics. I was there on a book tour for Homegrown Democrat, but they thought it better if I didn't mention it. So I tried to make light of it: I told the audience, 'I don't need to talk politics. I have no need even to be interested in politics--I'm a citizen, I have plenty of money and my grandsons are at least 12 years away from being eligible for military service.' And the audience applauded! Those were their sentiments exactly. We've got ours, and who cares?

The Methodists of Dallas can be fairly sure that none of them will be snatched off the streets, flown to Guantanamo Bay, stripped naked, forced to stand for 48 hours in a freezing room with deafening noise. So why should they worry? It's only the Jews who are in danger, and the homosexuals and gypsies. The Christians are doing fine. If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?"

We get a lot of, pardon, nutty mail at the paper version of Unfair Park--mostly from prisoners, some from concerned citizens, much of it from people with way too much time on their hands. One of those folks last week sent us a rather impressive collection of clippings, most from The Dallas Morning News. Each Xeroxed story has one thing in common: the name of a accused or convicted felon that's been highlighted in yellow.

I thought, well, since it's Slow News Wednesday around here as we try to finish our Best of Dallas issue that hits stands next week, I would share with you the contents of this package. I do not think it will take you long to figure out the connection between these local stories, which date back to February 2006. (Why then? No idea.)

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In another life, DISD trustee Ron Price was probably a studio publicist in the 1930s with an extraordinary knack for garnering headlines for his Hollywood clients. Through luck or calculation, the school board member and possible city council candidate knows how to snag the spotlight. After Price spoke before the Dallas City Council last month proposing a law that would ban sagging--the male practice of wearing your jeans or cargo pants below your boxers, which would put a serious crimp on Jim Schutze's wardrobe--Price has gone nationwide. Scratch that--worldwide. Your proof is right here, while Price says that he's been a guest on talk shows in London and Holland. Closer to home, he's been featured on CNN and Fox News and is scheduled to be on NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams on Thursday.

"I guess it's a national problem that nobody has spoken up about," Price says about how he managed to strike a chord on his indignation over exposed bottoms. When we last left Price, he was on the fence about whether he would run for the seat of outgoing Councilman Leo Chaney. I have trouble sometimes reading Price, who I genuinely like, but my guess is that he's leaning against a political run. "They're under investigation every other year," he says about the city's legislative branch. "What's the upside?" --Matt Pulle

Nothing like a little morbid curiosity to boost a sale

Cars are lined up half a mile away on Swiss. People at the head of the line look like dealer types to me (I have an eye for this, having been dragged around to a lot of estate sales by my life partner). But toward the back of the line you have more hapless schmoes, which is what I look like at these things. I was walking three dogs today, so I couldn't go in. I did happen to have my camera, which I have to carry when I walk my dogs because stuff happens around here.

But here is what struck me: Art Rousseau, the guy doing the sale, who is a former neighbor of the late Mary Ellen Bendtsen, has posted copies of the Morning News series on the front of the house as sales come-ons. I have to say, I'm just a little queasy about that.

You say tragedy; we say opportunity.

The Morning News series was a story about, among other things, the failure of the neighborhood to do anything to help an old lady who was increasingly out of her head in a falling-down house. Let me qualify that: There were a few neighbors, notably Frann Love and her husband, David, who did try to intervene. But I think most of us in the 'hood who knew Mary Ellen get a grade of pretty much F-minus for helping her. And I think that was clear in the stories.

But never mind that. Rousseau, who is in the estate sale business, hawks this one by effectively saying, "Here it is, folks, read all about it: the haunted house you read about in the Morning News, where we neighbors allowed a fragile old lady to drift off into neglect and abuse, just like our own local Brooke Astor. C'mon in and grab her stuff while you can!"

He's charging eight bucks admission. Ah, well. The antiques business is not for the faint of heart, is it? --Jim Schutze

Do you wanna have coffee with Mitch Albom? How about with his books? Yeah, not so much.

Barnes & Noble Booksellers is a book store that sells Starbucks coffee. Starbucks is a coffee shop that, beginning next month, will sell books. Why not? It already sells CDs (including Starbucks-only product from the likes of Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones) and movies (well, it was a promotional partner on Akeelah and the Bee with Lionsgate and Mark Cuban and Todd Wagner's 2929 Productions); might as well get into the book biz. According to this morning's New York Times, the company has announced it's going to kick off its novel business plan with Mitch Albom's novel For One More Day, which is only appropriate; Albom works are the literary equivalent of artificial sweetener and a perfectly good substitute when you run out of Sweet'N Low. The book will be out at the end of September and be available in Starbucks stores through November. And, joy, the sportswriter-turned-novelist responsible for the 11-million-copies-sold Tuesdays With Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven, both books my mother considers "classics," will also be doing a reading tour of Starbucks in eight cities, including Los Angeles, New York and, of course, Dallas. At least Starbucks is donating one buck from each copy sold to the pre-school literacy effort Jumpstart; still won't get me to buy a copy, butI feel better about my mom getting one. --Robert Wilonsky