Dallas News Blog

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Heinbaugh and Leppert at the Death Star

Something was missing from Dallas Police Chief David Kunkle's retirement press conference this morning. OK, maybe not something so much as someone. More than a hundred folks found their way to DPD headquarters this morning to hear Kunkle's farewell, but Mayor Tom Leppert was not one of them.

Kinda strange. After all, we're talking about our 24-7 mayor here. This guy is all over the place. If there is a ribbon to be cut (real, outta-town or otherwise), a press conference or a photo op, Leppert's nearly always on hand. But not today. Not when the city's wildly successful police chief announces his surprise retirement.

Surely there's an explanation, I thought when I got back to Unfair Park headquarters, so I e-mailed Leppert's chief of staff, Chris Heinbaugh. He told me the mayor "had a schedule conflict with a taping." Of course, I had his schedule handy and saw that he did in fact have an 8 a.m. taping for the University of North Texas in the Flag Room at City Hall. Leppert's next item on today's agenda? An 11:30 a.m. luncheon.

I wrote back: "The UNT video taping at 8 a.m.? That lasted more than two hours?"

"No. Another was added earlier this week," he replied.

Then I asked what the other taping was, and Heinbaugh was kind enough to give me a call to sort out this mess. Join our conversation after the jump. Totally worth it.

Hal Samples

Family reasons? Give us a break, Neerman. Geez, like we haven't heard that one before.

On Tuesday, DMN'er Gromer Jeffers reported on one of the paper's 423 blogs (apparently they have one named after the Portland Trail Blazers) that Dallas County Republican Party chair Jonathan Neerman (and the target of the plot to blow up Fountain Place, according to one fine journalist) will not challenge Democrat Allen Vaught for the District 107 house seat (Neerman told us in July that he was considering it). I dismissed the item because I had heard the news earlier in the day, but it caught my attention when Jeffers posted a follow-up yesterday titled "I owe Neerman an apology."

In my post, I quipped that Neerman, among other things, used family concerns as a reason for not embarking on what would have been a tough race.

Indeed, Neerman has had considerable family issues this past year, including the premature birth of his son.

So I apologize if my post made it appear that Neerman was unnecessarily using his family to dodge a race against Vaught. That's certainly not the case.

Neerman is a good guy and deserves better. I hope buying him a cold beer and sending his wife some flowers makes up for the mistake.

Naturally, I then read the original post, which he wrapped up thusly:

Neerman considers the Dallas swing district a potential pickup for Republicans, if they can field the right candidate.

He won't be that candidate, which means he'll continue efforts to rebuild the local party. There's also the often used excuse of spending more time with family.

Mr. Neerman, your thoughts?

What do we have in common with Mayor Leppert? Ties to the Dallas Gentlemens Club, of course.

Sure, we haven't always been on the same page as Mayor Tom Leppert, but one thing we apparently agree upon is there's no shame in accepting cash from people or businesses otherwise shunned by the masses. When we found a strip club's vice president among the sponsors of Leppert's fund-raiser and 55th birthday bash tomorrow night at the Dallas Zoo, our differences melted away, if only for a moment.

Yup, it turns out the claim on the event's Web site that sponsors are "of all stripes" couldn't be more accurate as Ron Shaddox, vice president of the Dallas Gentlemens Club, appears with philanthropists Peter and Edith O'Donnell as "Leppert Tamer" sponsors of the event. This designation is given to those coughing up $5,000 to raise funds for "Friends of Tom Leppert," a committee formed to pay the mayor's consultants.

This came as a shock since, as the site explains, the benefits of writing a $5,000 check include a mention in the invitation mailed to 25,000 households and recognition as a booth sponsor for one of the free activities, including face painters, magicians, caricature artists, crafts and bounce houses.

The Ron Shaddox Bounce House -- isn't that on Stemmons? Lemme look in the back of the paper version of Unfair Park ...

Perhaps Leppert can use the money raised to find himself some new consultants since the ones he has now didn't bother to find out anything about the man behind the dough.

"The contribution is a personal check, and he is a first-time contributor to Leppert," Laura Reed Martin e-mailed us in response to our inquiry about Shaddox. "We do not have any additional information."

Merritt Martin

If Belmont Village is struggling to sell apartments, it could be the tough ecomony. Or it could be g-ma looking like she's about to be violated.

On a lunchtime errand, I tool down Hall Street, look over at the field across from Lee Park and notice there's a sign I haven't seen before. I immediately flip on the hazards, pull over and grab my phone to snap this photo of what is, quite possibly, the worst advertisement for retirement living ... ever. Oh, sure, the guy on the right looks blissed-out and the peeps on the other side of the fold are quite happy, but damn, that silver-haired woman looks scared out of her tree. I'm sure she's supposed to be having a gay ol' time post-bridge game or something, but terrified looks more like it.

Now, let's say you're bringing home a pamphlet to an elderly parent. You're trying to explain what a lovely staff Belmont Village has and how happy they'll be there. They flip through the thing and actually consider it. That is until they get to the back cover where "Helen" here scares the bejeezus out of them, and they proceed to lock themselves in the bathroom. Yeah, not an ideal situation.

Says the Friend of Unfair Park who sent this from the Eagles show Saturday night, when Fox News appeared on the big screen during "Dirty Laundry," the AAC went "silent." Probably the best sound the audience heard all night? We kid, we kid!

No, that's the answer: the Guess Who. Which might be fine, were John Edwards' bestest bud throwing his party in 1970 and they were going to play "American Woman" and then hop back on the bus with the other golden gods. Still, that ain't the worst part: Guests of the barrister and his missus this December will also be treated to the Moody Blues, probably because lumps of coal are hard to come by in bulk during that most wonderful time of the year. Turns out, it was cheaper to pay them to play than to cough up the dough for their move to a quiet place where the Guess Who and Moody Blues could raise their love child outside of the media's harsh and unforgiving glare. In other words, Fred Baron's run out of hush money.

Which now makes me totally respect fuck-you-er Sam Zell's choice of bands for his September 27 shindig: the Eagles, who played for three and a half hours Saturday night at the American Airlines Center before the earth opened up and swallowed Don Henley whole. --Robert Wilonsky

We've known for a few weeks that Dallas-Fort Worth was growin'. Sure, it isn't swelling the fastest. That honor goes to Lincoln, a suburb outside of Sacramento, California, which had an explosive growth rate of 236 percent since the 2000 census, according to Forbes online, which paid an outside research firm to analyze the growth of our country's 'burbs -- sub-, ex- and otherwise.

But the DFW cuddles a dozen of the nation’s 100 fastest growing suburbs, a fifth of which are in Texas. Why Texas? Growth in Texas is almost completely unregulated, contributing mightily to housing affordability. Says Forbes: “There is plenty of supply to meet demand.” Downside: Transportation expenses are high.

Talk about bad timing (and bad most everything else). Really, how does this happen: The Indianapolis Star reports this morning that thousands of Indy residents are finding in their mailboxes this week a promotional flier announcing that Steak n Shake is "a proud sponsor of the Dallas Cowboys." That'll be quite the surprise to folks living in Indianapolis, since, ya know, it's the hometown of the hamburger chain. But John Russell at the Indy Star writes that the company "inadvertently sent a mailer promoting its 'Cowboys side-by-side milkshake' to more than 600,000 Indianapolis residents." And, like, wow, don't the Cowboys play the Indianapolis Colts this weekend at Texas Stadium? Kind of a kick in the hometown nuts, wouldn't you say?

Of course, Steak n Shake has plenty of restaurants in Texas: 17 total (all in North Texas), three in Dallas proper. But that's nothing compared to how many joints it has in Indiana; there are 20 in Indy alone. Hence the heartfelt apology yesterday from Steak n Steak officials, who are offering their slighted Indy customers free shakes on Sunday, since, apparently, a win over the Cowboys won't be enough to heal their broken, clogged hearts.

Glenna got a heapin', steamin' dose of Nancy Grace Friday night. Yecch. In short: What's "a fact"?

Horror, sheer horror.

Three minutes into my appearance on CNN Headline News Friday night, and I was ready to leap through the television monitor and rip out through Nancy Grace's flared nostrils the calcified organ in the center of her chest--you know, what other people call a heart. But after humiliating me in front of a national audience, Grace was on to other participants in the narcissistic exercise she calls "television's only justice themed/interview/debate show." By that, I presume she means, "Don't let the facts get in the way of a good rant."

Let me start at the beginning.

When someone from Nancy Grace called on Friday to ask me to participate in a broadcast that night about the Lisa Diaz case, I stalled for time. It wasn't because I knew much about Grace or her show, but because I know talking about complicated trials is difficult on television. It calls for economy of words--not my skill.

But writing about the Diaz case last year was heart-wrenching. The young mother was acquitted by reason of insanity after drowning her two children in 2003. Now, at the recommendation of hospital doctors, she'd been released from the state hospital in Big Spring after only 27 months of treatment. From what little I knew about Grace--bombastic former prosecutor with an instinct for the jugular--I figured she was agin' the release. Fair enough. Lots to talk about there. But I said OK only after I heard Diaz's defense attorney, Robert Udashen, who did an excellent job of showing the jury the depths of his client's mental illness, was also going to be on.

Laure-wife-of-Larry David doesn't like TXU. She's warmed to the mayor, though--just not global-warmed, heh.

We already know what Laurie David thinks of Dallas. In April, the eco-activist--and wife of Curb Your Enthusiasm's irritainer Larry David--penned a piece for The Huffington Post in which she took a swipe at the city and, specifically, Mayor Laura Miller for failing to sign the U.S. Mayors' Climate Protection Agreement. She's probably switched positions on the mayor (sounds naughty, doesn't it?).

Yesterday, David penned a piece for HuffPo in which she slammed TXU for its plan to spend $10 billion on 11 new coal-fired power plants in Texas--"coal, of course, [being] one of the dirtiest energy sources there is," David writes. David applauds the mayor for being among the leaders in a coalition of politicians fronting the Texas Citizens for Climate Protection, which is trying to halt the creation of these "carbon-belching" behemoths. With TXU, she's far less happy:

Who needs an excuse to get hammered? Not the ladies of the Dallas Observer, that's for sure. But Rock Star Karaoke is a good reason to knock a few back nonetheless. Rivaled only in excellence by Wednesday nights at the Goat, RSK at the Barley House is tip-tops in local karaoke fun. While other karaoke nights slap in a tape or CD and shove you on stage, Rock Star Karaoke puts you in front of a full band that, for all intents and purposes, does pretty much rock. Your fearless hostess, the beautiful and talented Jen Nabb, will be on hand to guide you through the vocals, should you get lost.

Tonight, rather than embarrassing ourselves in front of the mic, music editor Jonanna Widner, calendar editor Merritt Martin and this Girl on Top will be in the back with score sheets, judging your incompetent, singing arses. It's the first night of the November karaoke contest, and at the end of the month, the winner goes home with 300 cold, hard ones and bragging rights galore. If you think you've got the chops to compete, get there around 10:15 p.m. and put your name on the list. The $2 domestic bottles will help some of that stage fright too. --Andrea Grimes

Rudy Giuliani's got some "sketchy" business deals, says Forbes--including one with a Dallas company.

Ever hear of Lighting Science Group? Did not think so. Says here it's "a world leader in the rapidly developing field of solid state lighting," and for all we know the McKinney Avenue-HQ'd company may be just that. Forbes, though, is a little skeptical--something to do with this being the third incarnation of Ronald Lusk's company, which is publicly traded on the Over-the-Counter Bulletin Board (the home of risky, low-yield investments). So why should so small a company get Forbes' attention--and in a giant subscription-only feature story, no less?

Because of its connection to Rudy Giuliani, that's why--Giuliani, "the closest thing in America to a mythic hero," writes Nathan Vardi, who clearly isn't sharing what he's smoking. Turns out Lighting Science Group has a deal with Giuliani Partners, described in the magazine as a "management consultancy that...has nabbed tens of millions of dollars in contracts and deals." But Forbes isn't terribly impressed with Lighting Science Group; it's a member of the "sketchier crowd" referred to in the story's headline, which details the company the former NYC mayor's keeping these days as he makes a push for a larger national political profile, if such a thing is possible. Forbes' problem with the company, and with Giuliani's deal with Lighting Science Group, is after the jump. So too is the explanation about how Giuliani got a law office in Dallas. --Robert Wilonsky

Amidst all the election hubbub, it seems we haven't paid attention to one very important role: Official Town Crier. Yeah, that's what I said. Town crier. Hansel von Quenzer--man about town and occasional enema-shooting performer--believes he's just the man for the job. And he's serious enough about it to have launched an ad campaign:

His Web site states that "Crier Quenzer is carrying on a tradition steeped in integrity and ceremonial circumstance since the year 1066 at the Battle of Hastings." That's a lot of integrity we're not real used to 'round these parts as Dallas was founded in but 1841. (But hey, can't hurt, right?) It is noted as well that his services are used by "blue chip companies" as well as "government agencies." And he is, of course, available for weddings.

Perhaps we've gone too modern, too mainstream with all these political positions--governors, mayors, judges and the like. Maybe there's more to be said for a bell and scroll, an affected British accent...and the requisite white tights, much like those worn by our own Jim Schutze on rare, veddy special occasions. --Merritt Martin

In August 2005, 31-year-old John Wannamaker of Dallas pled guilty to a federal indictment charging him with a menu's worth of bad stuff: conspiracy to commit wire fraud and securities fraud, actual wire and securities fraud, money laundering and "illegal monetary transactions." Well, today Wannamaker found out his punishment: U.S. District Judge Ed Kinkeade sentenced him to a 110-month prison term (which, by my math, puts him in the clink for 9.16666666666666667 years, more or less) and ordered him to to pay $2,224,490 to the folks he swindled.

And what, precisely, did young Johnny Wannamaker do? Well, you can read the entirety of the release from U.S. Attorney Richard Roper, but in summary, since January 2001 Wannamaker and his two partners--Patrick Price of High Ridge, Missouri, and Nancy Harlan Saporta of Denver, Colorado, who pled guilty this summer and will be sentenced early next month--ran something called 3KTrade out of Carrollton, which they told would-be suckers was a "a large and highly successful business" that invested in "real estate, business acquisitions and international banking funds." Says Roper's release, "They also represented that it had made loans to the Federal Reserve Bank of the U.S. and the return rate on investments was 100 - 150%. They further represented that investors' money would be used as collateral only, the invested funds would never leave the bank account, and that the invested funds were guaranteed."

In short: Not so much. --Robert Wilonsky

PETA wants to protect these cockroaches, which are being served in the Six Flags buffet line. To PETA, an exterminator must be like Idi Amin.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals usually protests against the fur and cosmetics industries' abuse of animals. Yesterday it took up the mighty cause of protecting Madagascar hissing cockroaches. They're being gobbled by crazy teenagers at Six Flags Over Texas, who eat one of the things in exchange for line-jumping privileges. PETA told Reuters Tuesday that it had been "flooded with calls from children, adults and even anonymous employees of Six Flags" opposing the marketing gimmick. At the park in Illinois, participants can compete to break the world cockroach-eating record and win season VIP passes, allowing them year-long line-jumping privileges.

The cockroaches grow up to three inches and, well, they hiss. If I saw one of these things on my kitchen floor at 1 a.m., it would have but one fate: CRUNCH. I have a sister who would capture the evolutionary marvel and buy it a condo. Others—people who live far away—may consider them delicacies. But I'm a cat-and-dog, bread-and-cheese kind of person. So...squish. Consider me PETA's Public Enemy No. 1.

PETA feels that Madagascar hissing cockroaches deserve protection, so they have come out against Six Flags Inc. from dishing out the insects at the Arlington park and 11 other parks it owns throughout Canada and the U.S. "Insects do not deserve to be eaten alive, especially for a gratuitous marketing gimmick," PETA spokeswoman Jackie Vergerio told a reporter.

Pshhaw, said a spokesman for Six Flags. Or something like that. Six Flags mouthpiece (and beloved folk-rock singer-songwriter, or not) James Taylor told Reuters that the only protests they'd had so far was from people who couldn't get on the list to chomp down on the crispy critters since not all 30 parks it owns are participating. Besides, the cockroaches have a high nutritional value and are raised in a sterile environment.

Just in case you were wondering, the world record for eating the buggers is 36 in one minute, a remarkable feat accomplished in 2001 by Ken Edwards, of Derbyshire, England. Ken, PETA hates you. --Glenna Whitley

It was a big story early this summer that has since been forgotten: a rich woman from around these parts and her cousin are in Los Angeles, see a 17-year-old mother and her baby and offer the mother $6,000 for the kid. The mother refuses. The two women come back a second time and make another offer. Again, the mother says, Thanks, but not so much. Then the two women stop asking and start taking; they grab the baby from its mother and bring it back to Dallas, where they finally give the child to their attorney, who then informs the FBI what's happened. Sort of.

On May 24, Annette Pinkard, always described in news reports as a "a 47-year-old real estate professional from the Dallas area," and her cousin, Sylvia Maria Wilson-Hardman, were arrested at Pinkard and her husband's home in Midlothian, described by the Associated Press in June as "a sprawling, manor-style home with a three-car garage, circular driveway and backyard pool." Their Dallas attorney, Scottie Allen, kept insisting to authorities that the mother back in L.A. had given the women the kid and some signed paperwork to go along with it. Only, the mother had given the women no such thing.

The story kinda disappeared for a while; there's been no mention of Pinkard and Wilson-Hardman for a few months, since they were extradited to California to face kidnapping charges. Well, comes word today that Pinkard and Wilson-Hardman ain't coming back to Texas any time soon--say, for two years, more or less. Yesterday, according to The Los Angeles Times, the two women were sentenced to two years in California state prison after pleading no contest to child stealing. By pleading no contest, they got off light: Up on four charges--kidnapping, conspiracy, child stealing and attempting to buy custody of a person--they would have gone to prison for at least 13 years had they gone to trial and been found guilty. --Robert Wilonsky

Garrison Keillor discovered some folks in Dallas don't want them damned foreigners to have any rights. Took him an hour to figure that out. Not bad.

Garrison Keillor, the man with the pleasant voice and sharp temper, writes in his Tribune Media Services-syndicated column about how the Senate has adiosed from existence a little thing called habeas corpus in approving the Military Commissions Act of 2006--and about how some Methodists he encountered in Dallas last week got no problem with that, Bubba. Keillor, out on the road pimping his book Homegrown Democrat (in which he calls the G.O.P. "fundamentalist bullies" and "misanthropic frat boys," for starters), isn't taking an entirely unexpected position; he ain't exactly Andrew C. McCarthy writing for the National Review (which still pimps that hoary party line that if you're for basic human rights, you're against America). No, Keillor's right there with what's left of the left damning the president for doing away wth the Geneva Convention, the Magna Carta and the Constitution by insisting that an "enemy combatant" is any non-citizen whom he says is an enemy combatant. Rights? Please, those are so 1215.

In his column, which you can read here, Keillor writes that the passage of the Military Commissions Act has rendered the U.S. unrecognizable. He writes that "if the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them." And by us, I think he means at least one very specific audience: the folks who turned out to hear Keillor speak last Wednesday at the Highland Park United Methodist Church, where he was invited as part of the church's Cornerstone Speakers Initiative. HP Methodist, of course, is where George W. Bush goes to pray to God. Or vice-versa, I forget. Anyway.

When The Dallas Morning News covered the event last week, David Flick made the event sound like a real non-event; "Garrison Keillor, folksy humorist and frequent Bush-basher, came to the president's home church in Dallas on Wednesday--and survived by playfully rubbing the belly of the beast," Flick wrote. From the sound of it, Keillor didn't come away from the event with the same impression. This is what he writes this morning about his trip to Dallas:

"I got some insight last week into who supports torture when I went down to Dallas to speak at Highland Park Methodist Church. It was spooky. I walked in, was met by two burly security men with walkie-talkies, and within 10 minutes was told by three people that this was the Bushes' church and that it would be better if I didn't talk about politics. I was there on a book tour for Homegrown Democrat, but they thought it better if I didn't mention it. So I tried to make light of it: I told the audience, 'I don't need to talk politics. I have no need even to be interested in politics--I'm a citizen, I have plenty of money and my grandsons are at least 12 years away from being eligible for military service.' And the audience applauded! Those were their sentiments exactly. We've got ours, and who cares?

The Methodists of Dallas can be fairly sure that none of them will be snatched off the streets, flown to Guantanamo Bay, stripped naked, forced to stand for 48 hours in a freezing room with deafening noise. So why should they worry? It's only the Jews who are in danger, and the homosexuals and gypsies. The Christians are doing fine. If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?"

We get a lot of, pardon, nutty mail at the paper version of Unfair Park--mostly from prisoners, some from concerned citizens, much of it from people with way too much time on their hands. One of those folks last week sent us a rather impressive collection of clippings, most from The Dallas Morning News. Each Xeroxed story has one thing in common: the name of a accused or convicted felon that's been highlighted in yellow.

I thought, well, since it's Slow News Wednesday around here as we try to finish our Best of Dallas issue that hits stands next week, I would share with you the contents of this package. I do not think it will take you long to figure out the connection between these local stories, which date back to February 2006. (Why then? No idea.)

In another life, DISD trustee Ron Price was probably a studio publicist in the 1930s with an extraordinary knack for garnering headlines for his Hollywood clients. Through luck or calculation, the school board member and possible city council candidate knows how to snag the spotlight. After Price spoke before the Dallas City Council last month proposing a law that would ban sagging--the male practice of wearing your jeans or cargo pants below your boxers, which would put a serious crimp on Jim Schutze's wardrobe--Price has gone nationwide. Scratch that--worldwide. Your proof is right here, while Price says that he's been a guest on talk shows in London and Holland. Closer to home, he's been featured on CNN and Fox News and is scheduled to be on NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams on Thursday.

"I guess it's a national problem that nobody has spoken up about," Price says about how he managed to strike a chord on his indignation over exposed bottoms. When we last left Price, he was on the fence about whether he would run for the seat of outgoing Councilman Leo Chaney. I have trouble sometimes reading Price, who I genuinely like, but my guess is that he's leaning against a political run. "They're under investigation every other year," he says about the city's legislative branch. "What's the upside?" --Matt Pulle

Nothing like a little morbid curiosity to boost a sale

Cars are lined up half a mile away on Swiss. People at the head of the line look like dealer types to me (I have an eye for this, having been dragged around to a lot of estate sales by my life partner). But toward the back of the line you have more hapless schmoes, which is what I look like at these things. I was walking three dogs today, so I couldn't go in. I did happen to have my camera, which I have to carry when I walk my dogs because stuff happens around here.

But here is what struck me: Art Rousseau, the guy doing the sale, who is a former neighbor of the late Mary Ellen Bendtsen, has posted copies of the Morning News series on the front of the house as sales come-ons. I have to say, I'm just a little queasy about that.

You say tragedy; we say opportunity.

The Morning News series was a story about, among other things, the failure of the neighborhood to do anything to help an old lady who was increasingly out of her head in a falling-down house. Let me qualify that: There were a few neighbors, notably Frann Love and her husband, David, who did try to intervene. But I think most of us in the 'hood who knew Mary Ellen get a grade of pretty much F-minus for helping her. And I think that was clear in the stories.

But never mind that. Rousseau, who is in the estate sale business, hawks this one by effectively saying, "Here it is, folks, read all about it: the haunted house you read about in the Morning News, where we neighbors allowed a fragile old lady to drift off into neglect and abuse, just like our own local Brooke Astor. C'mon in and grab her stuff while you can!"

He's charging eight bucks admission. Ah, well. The antiques business is not for the faint of heart, is it? --Jim Schutze

Do you wanna have coffee with Mitch Albom? How about with his books? Yeah, not so much.

Barnes & Noble Booksellers is a book store that sells Starbucks coffee. Starbucks is a coffee shop that, beginning next month, will sell books. Why not? It already sells CDs (including Starbucks-only product from the likes of Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones) and movies (well, it was a promotional partner on Akeelah and the Bee with Lionsgate and Mark Cuban and Todd Wagner's 2929 Productions); might as well get into the book biz. According to this morning's New York Times, the company has announced it's going to kick off its novel business plan with Mitch Albom's novel For One More Day, which is only appropriate; Albom works are the literary equivalent of artificial sweetener and a perfectly good substitute when you run out of Sweet'N Low. The book will be out at the end of September and be available in Starbucks stores through November. And, joy, the sportswriter-turned-novelist responsible for the 11-million-copies-sold Tuesdays With Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven, both books my mother considers "classics," will also be doing a reading tour of Starbucks in eight cities, including Los Angeles, New York and, of course, Dallas. At least Starbucks is donating one buck from each copy sold to the pre-school literacy effort Jumpstart; still won't get me to buy a copy, butI feel better about my mom getting one. --Robert Wilonsky

Rick Kennedy

Whoopsie-daisy

Our constant vigilance here at Observer World Headquarters was rewarded moments ago when, just across the street, we noticed this innocuous maroon compact popping the baddest-ass wheelie we had ever seen. Except that it was just sitting there. Further investigation showed that in fact the car had driven up a telephone pole guy-wire and miraculously balanced on it. The driver was shaken but unhurt. Apparently he had just given plasma, and that combined with the heat caused him to pass out. When he woke up, he said, he was looking at the sky through the windshield. He was happy to talk, but asked that we not use his name, saying, "You guys are going to post it and then say 'Look at this dumbass.'" Obviously a loyal Unfair Park reader. --Rick Kennedy

Of the 700,000-plus people estimated to have entered the United States illegally last year, at least 463 died trying, 140 of those in Texas. Many more bodies lie undiscovered in the desert. Because of increased border enforcement in urban areas, illegal immigrants are increasingly turning to more hazardous routes across inhospitable terrain, an ordeal that for many involves acute hunger and thirst.

That's where Victor Favela comes in. The Los Angeles man announced in a press release yesterday that his company would scatter bottles of his company's product along the border to help sustain beleaguered immigrants lost in the desert.

His company? "Delgada y 30," or "Thin and 30." His product? A weight-loss capsule that works by suppressing hunger and thirst. Apparently, Favela is concerned that the urgent need for food and water is exceedingly uncomfortable and wants to ease the final hours of desperate immigrants, rather than, say, give them actual water or food.

Until recently Favela had a Web site offering to buy derelict houses for cash. Back then he called himself "the Admiral," claiming to have served in the Navy. On his new site, this time in Spanish, he bills himself as a "plastic surgeon's assistant," "informed on all kinds of various health problems." This expertise has apparently allowed him to circumvent the global patent UK pharmaceutical company Phytopharm has on his alleged secret ingredient, an African cactus called hoodia.

Favela says the dreaded Minuteman movement is rumored to be gunning for him, but the brave admiral/surgeon's assistant is determined to carry on his noble campaign: "I don't care—this is the best thing I can do for my people." Other than perhaps going and getting lost in the desert himself. --Rick Kennedy

I am not sure I believe this story, but nonetheless the Los Angeles Times' Ann Powers insists today that the new anthem of the Latino immigration movement is...Neil Diamond's "America"? I have a hard time believeing that, unless my mother is DJ'ing the protests; I'll never forget Neil in the round at Reunion Arena, try as I might. Powers, a longtime rock crit with cred, says the song from Diamond's 1980 The Jazz Singer remake:

"Opened and closed the May 1 speakers' program at City Hall [in Los Angeles]. It's made its way into reports of rallies in Dallas, Kansas City and Milwaukee. Although hardly the official anthem of La Raza, 'America's' portrait of travelers 'traveling light...in the eye of a storm' is outdoing more standard fare such as 'If I Had a Hammer,' giving Diamond something like the role Bob Dylan played during the civil rights era of the 1960s."

Coulda been worse. Coulda been "Love on the Rocks." --Robert Wilonsky

On Friday, we told you about how the People's Republic of Bee County passed a resolution asking their citizens to boycott Exxon/Mobil until gas prices tumbled to $1.30 a gallon. Our take was that this was a futile act of civil disobedience since even a widespread, grassroots movement to shun the Dallas-based energy giant would cause a shortage for the other favored gas companies who in turn would be forced to buy gas from, you guessed it, Exxon/Mobil. Oil is a tradeable commodity, and you can't single one company for punitive action while continuing to patronize others. If you really want to stick it to the Exxon-Mobil, take the bus to the office, buy a hybrid or car pool. This also helps clean up the air.

But a boycott makes for a much better public relations stunt. Bee County Judge Jimmy Martinez, in a letter he sent out this week, says that his county's officially sanctioned protest has garnered attention from Fox News, CBS News, the BBC and 50 radio talk shows across the country. A state representative from New York (surprise!) contaced Bee County for a copy of its resolution so she can introduce something similar before her fellow lawmakers. Meanwhile, Martinez seems to be channelling the faux populism of Michael Moore in his letter. To wit:

"While no member of the Bee County Commissioners Court holds a degree in Finance or Economy, we are committed to the voice of the people. As public servants we are obligated to listen to the masses and act accordingly. If we do not stand up for this principle our government will no doubt become an extension of giant corporation whose only concern is to post record profits, in 2006. Exxon has recently surpassed Wal-Mart as the most profitable corporation in America, yet Wal-Mart did not raise its prices. Exxon Mobil Corp.'s $36.13 billion profit in 2005 was a record for any American Company. This is the United States of America, not the United States of Exxon/Mobil."

Sounds like a hit. --Matt Pulle

I have no idea whether or not this happened today, and from the sound of it, I don't wanna. To wit:

"Today, attendees of the 15th Annual International Pediatric Endosurgery Group (IPEG) Conference will be greeted by members of PETA holding a demonstration outside the Hilton Anatole, where IPEG will be subjecting live pigs to invasive surgical procedures, after which the pigs will be killed."

See what I mean? PETA's offices were closed by the time this came across my desk; we'll find out tomorrow just what happened and get back to you with, one hopes, the tasteful photos for which PETA's known. Though, come to think of it, I am craving sausage all of the sudden. --Robert Wilonsky

UPDATE: At 5:40 tonight, Laura Yanne, who's with PETA's research and investigations department, called to explain just how the animal-rights group wound up at the Anatole today. She says PETA got a call only yesterday "from someone working the event who was shocked 50 pigs were being delivered to the hotel." According to Yanne, the American College of Surgeons was also meeting at the Anatole--which it was, because this is apparently Surgical Spring Week 2006, par-tay!--but the ACS recently declared it would no longer use live animals for practice.

"The reason we object so strenuously is because there are a variety of high-tech non-animal methods already being used for training in medical schools," Yanne says. "There's no reason for pigs to be killed. No reason at all." She says since it was a hastily assembled protest, only a handful of PETA protesters showed--which wasn't bad for a last-minute operation, she insisted. "We wish we had a little more time, but that's the way it is." As for the news that 50 pigs were being taken to a hotel for a meat-and-greet-the-sharp-end-of-a-scalpel, Yanne says, "It's not unusual, but we're hoping to make it more unusual." Gotta say, while I loves my bacon, that sounds like a swell idea.

Gentleman, if you wanted to hook up with Dr. Mona, CBS-11's jet setting medical correspondent, you might have missed your chance. In case you didn't see Channel 11's nauseating promo, the station was openly pimping out Dr. M, making her dating life depressing fodder for its depressed viewers: "How in the world could a beautiful, accomplished Emmy Award winning journalist like CBS-11 News Medical Correspondent Dr. Mona Khanna remain single all these years?" reads the marketing copy. (Maybe it's the whole modesty thing.) Anyhow, the good men of the Big D were encouraged to court Dr. Mona, Medicine Woman, via the station's Web site while Dr. Phil, whose show airs on Channel 11, and entertainment reporter Sandie Newton were teaming up to try to explain why Dr. Feel Good remained single. Basically, it's a lot like the premise for Good Night and Good Luck, except the exact opposite.

In any case, a quick check of the station's Web site shows that Channel 11 is no longer taking entries at this time. Maybe Dr. M is getting some, which is more than I can say for Mr. Matt. --Matt Pulle

On Thursday, the Frisco RoughRiders begin their 2006 campaign for the Texas League Championship (that's Double-A baseball, y'all), hoping to rebound from last year's disastrous 24-games-under-.500 campaign. Who the hell cares, right? Well, if you are ever up in Frisco (which just so happens to be my neck of the woods), you might want to stop by the Dr. Pepper/Seven Up Ballpark on your way back from IKEA—if not for the baseball, then for the bathrooms. The RoughRiders claim to be the only professional sports team in America that hired an interior decorator to customize their women's bathrooms (very weird). As you can see here, that was money well spent. Personally, I think my Grandma did a pretty fine job. --Jesse Hyde

Thought I would share with you this quote from Republican Sen. John Cornyn that's making all the rounds. Seems Cornyn, who beat former Dallas mayor Ron Kirk in the 2002 election, is no fan of...what's the word?...uh...oh, yeah...democracy. Says so right here, see?

"Well, you know, that's the problem in America, we're always having elections."

By the way, this comes from Pere Ubu--the blogger, not the band--who has a partial transcript on his (her?) blog from a chitchat the senator had on CNN yesterday with Dana Bash about, among other things, Republican infighting. Odd, I'm having a dana bash right now, and you're all invited. --Robert Wilonsky

I may spend my days getting hollered at and hung up on by lawyers and politicians, but occasionally I get to spend my evenings drinking free booze at promotional parties. Last night I followed a Scotsman in a kilt into the Sixth Floor Museum and got loaded up on premium whisky, courtesy of Chivas. I don't give a lot of love to promo people, but these guys win the award for weirdest party location ever.

Thing is, I'm just not sure it's the best idea to get a bunch of people drunk and stumbling around the Sixth Floor. Booze lowers our inhibitions and opens our mind to new, exciting concepts; remember the thing with the whisk and the squirrel that seemed like such a great idea at the Kappa Kappa Kappa party back in college? But the friendly Scottish folk behind Chivas don't care if, after three sour apple whisky martinis, we start to believe there may have been darker forces behind JFK's death than just the sick mind of a killer. They just want us to drink more overpriced Scotch and listen to their kilted host tell jokes like, "Wearing pants is like checking into a cheap motel: no ballroom!"

The moral of the story is this, however: Bad jokes do not a tasty whisky make, even if it's free and accompanied by well-preserved doctor's coats from '60s-era Parkland Hospital. Maybe I'm just a Jack Daniel's girl, but I'll take my sour mash over frou-frou Chivas any day. Unless it's free. --Andrea Grimes

If you happen to find yourself in Vermont any time soon--and especially the lovely town of Barnard--whatever you do, do not tell the townspeople up there you're from Dallas. You can thank Herbert Hall McAdams III and his wife Letty for that. According to two stories that have appeared in the Burlington Free Press since Sunday, the couple has been involved in a "rancorous dispute" with some 14 Barnard residents for more than four years over the McAdams' decision to "build a dam, pond and bridge across an old town road on their Barnard property without going through the usual legal channels to discontinue the right of way. It was a dirt road that local people had used for hiking and horseback riding."

After a court hearing, the McAdams won the right to do whatever they wanted--as is the perogative of anyone who lives in a $1.6 million Turtle Creek home, damn it (or, maybe, dam it). But the McAdams then took to court the 14 townsfolk complaining about their construction; the McAdams were "claiming discrimination because they were outsiders," reports the Free Press. As a result of the McAdams' decision to go after their critics, Vermont legislators have created new legislation that disallows folks from trying to restrict someone's...whatchacalit...right to free speech, since apparently the Constitution ain't enough. The new state law's awaiting action in the Vermont House. In the meantime, the McAdams have what I believe the Vermontians call a "damned dam." Oh, has no one seen the movie Funny Farm? To quote Chevy Chase, "We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes." --Robert Wilonsky