Fracking Company Makes Pink Drill Bits for Cancer ... to Fight It, We Mean

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Baker Hughes
Not from The Onion, we promise.
Baker Hughes, a Houston-based fracking concern with three offices in Dallas, cares about breast cancer research. Just enough, in fact, that they've made 100 pink drill bits to increase awareness this month, according to New York magazine, which pointed some other interesting links between fracking and cancer.

Unfair Park knows what it's getting its mom for Mother's Day.

Vonciel Hill and Michael Morris Join Forces and Seek Delay on Car-Service Regulations

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Jack Keene
Would be first among equals.
You could see the dark clouds gathering Monday morning. Word had come down from somewhere near Michael Morris' Arlington compound that someone from the North Central Texas Council of Governments was going to make a contribution to the city's interminable discussion about regulating Uber, Lyft, Yellow Cab and any other transportation-for-hire service.

See also: Never Try to Take Public Transit to DFW Transportation King Michael Morris' House

That person, it turned out, was Morris himself, who showed up at the Dallas City Council's transportation committee meeting to regale Vonciel Jones Hill and her charges with the dangers of the city going it alone in the fight to protect citizens from any car service that isn't Yellow Cab.

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"Affluenza" Teen Ethan Couch's Dad Has Been Arrested for Pretending to Be a Cop

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North Richland Hills Police Department
It seems like Fred Couch wasn't considering the consequences of his action.
You likely remember Ethan Couch, the then-16-year-old boy who, while drunk and stoned on Valium, drove his car into four people, killing them, and then got 10 years probation because of his privileged upbringing that the judge termed "affluenza"? Yeah, pretty sure you remember him.

Well: His father, Fred Couch, was arrested Tuesday morning and accused of (very poorly) impersonating a police officer.

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Justin Lookadoo, the Texas Speaker Who Says "Dateable Girls Shut Up," Arrested in Puke-Stained Car

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Dateable guys know how to post bail.
Remember Justin Lookadoo?

Unfair Park forgives you if you don't. We've done our best to purge the esteemed The Dateable Rules author from our memories as well.

Here's a primer: Lookadoo is the uber-douche Richardson High School invited to give their students "faith-based" dating advice like, "Be mysterious. Dateable girls know how to shut up," and "Let him lead. God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things. ... Which means they don't ask him out!!!" At a school-sponsored and allegedly "optional" assembly.

See also: Richardson High Schoolers Learned Today That "Dateable Girls Know How to Shut Up"

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New Police Computer System Error Sets Three Inmates Free

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Dallas Police Department
Major Scott Bratcher in a press conference, fielding questions about DPD's new computer system.

It's never been a better time to get busted in Dallas, at least for inmates Willie Brown, James Langley and Jose Morquecho, who were each politely escorted out of the county jail on Thursday and set free thanks to an error caused by officers' unfamiliarity with a new computer system.

On June 1, a new field reporting system and records management system were launched. But the system has been off to a shaky start. Apparently officers didn't factor in a learning curve adjustment in using the system.

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Oh, Crap: Doctors Remove Wrong Kidney in Arlington Man

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Wikipedia
Two kidneys, one right, one left. That's very important to remember when reaching for a scalpel.

There are a few things you never, ever, want to hear a doctor say. Like "uh-oh." Or "oops." Lucky for Glenn Hermes, he was far away from the operating table when his doctors had their "oops" moment.

In December 2012, Hermes first visited the doctor for an odd growth on his testicles. After consultations with Dr. Robert Stroud of Lonestar Urology, Hermes was informed that he had a suspicious, and likely cancerous, growth on his left kidney.

At Stroud's recommendation, the kidney was removed and sent to the labs, and Hermes went along on his way until he got a call telling him that the pathology report on the kidney declared it a perfectly healthy, cancer-free organ.

In fact, it was his right kidney, still in him, that was still riddled with cancer. His healthy left kidney, meanwhile, had already been left to sit in a jar of formaldehyde and tossed away as biohazardous waste. But not before being hacked to shreds by a desperate pathologist looking for a nonexistent tumor.

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Mark Lamster Thinks Dallas Should Host the Olympics Because Parties Are Fun

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West Midlands Police -- Olympic Football Images

Judging from an altogether odd post to The Dallas Morning News's Center Stage blog, the newspaper's architecture critic, Mark Lamster, has apparently decided that those "progressive types" who might be a little wary of the city's bid to host the 2024 Summer Olympics are just Debbie Downers who don't know the value of having a good time.

Yes, he briefly nods at the many potential pitfalls facing hosts -- like the potential for massive, catastrophic overspending and the way the games practically invite corruption and graft -- before sweeping those worries aside.

Lamster wants the Olympics because Dallas will be left with some "new urban toys," and everyone will, probably, have a really good time. He doesn't tell you the inevitable cost of those baubles, or what a hellscape the city will turn into for the months and weeks before and after the shindig.

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Vigil Organizers Scrap Plans to Honor Crandall Cop Who Allegedly Killed His Wife

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No one who encountered Sergeant Nick Pitofsky while he patrolled the streets of Crandall would have predicted that he'd wind up as the perpetrator of a murder-suicide, fatally shooting his wife, then himself at their home in the Cedars.

Understandable that the first response from his Crandall PD colleagues would be to describe him as an "energetic and jovial person who got along with everyone" and was "well-respected by his peers." It's a hard thing to digest, the prospect that a otherwise decent person might be capable of murder.

But inviting people to the town gazebo to "Come say farewell to the man who served Crandall" at a candlelight vigil? That's a bridge too far.

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Dallas Safari Club's Black Rhino Permit Sold for Much Less Than Expected

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The Dallas Safari Club had hoped the permit to shoot a black rhino -- one of a few thousand remaining on the planet -- would have auctioned for close to a million dollars. If scarcity was the quality that drove the price, the ultimate trophy doesn't get much more endangered than this. What's more, it came with a built-in conservation conscience, since the proceeds would go to anti-poaching, research and habitat preservation efforts.

Because who wants to simply donate to the laudable goal of preventing the disappearance from the earth of a 3,000-pound horned tank without at least getting to shoot one in the process? As it happens, the opportunity turned out to be worth a lot less than the club's organizers thought: $350,000.

Though attendance and overall sales were up, they're blaming negative publicity for repelling potential bidders. "It annoys me to tears," Hanns-Louis Lamprecht of Hungers Namibia Safaris told The Dallas Morning News. "I was so angry last night. A million dollars would have lasted years, years in the conservation efforts. ... The fact is it could have been more -- it could have been a lot more."

Even so, it auctioned for $100,000 more than the last one. This year, the bidding drew international criticism over the inherent contradiction in killing the animal to fund conservation efforts to save its species. The club maintains that an old bull, past its reproductive prime, would be the rhino culled in this Namibian hunt.

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Man Inaugurates City's $31-Million Soccer Complex by Going Mudding, Abandoning His Truck

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Freese and Nichols
The soccer fields at the city's $31.4 million Elm Fork Athletic Complex, at the western terminus of Walnut Hill Lane, are still several months from being put to use. City crews have been obsessively tending the sod this summer with an eye toward keeping it "in perfect condition" for next spring's Dallas Cup.

Those caretakers must have been apoplectic when they arrived at 6 a.m. to find that, last night, some yokel had driven his red 1999 GMC pickup past the barrier fence to go mudding on the fields. This much they were able to glean by examining the tire tracks cutting through the freshly planted turf, and then by following them to the abandoned truck that had sunk into the ground.

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