Photos by Anna Merlan

​This morning the Dallas Contemporary was closed to the public, but a bunch of reporters were inside taking first looks at the most exorbitantly priced, publicity-getting items, otherwise known as the Fantasy Gifts from Neiman Marcus's 2011 Christmas Book. Eight of the nine items on display will give some portions of their ticket price to charity, which definitely made us put the words "double-dip recession" right out of our heads and feel a lot better about a world where someone, somewhere, will pay $75,000 for a custom-designed yurt. For ladies. It's called the Dream Folly, and it is, per the NM catalog, meant to evoke I Dream of Jeannie, "with an ideal simulation of a genie's posh bottle."

"It's the ultimate girly cave," a representative from the manufacturer, Rainier Yurts, told us. Inside the yurt, a model with a complicated hairdo waved for some photographers.

Courtesy Neiman Marcus

And, the yurt

​Next door to the yurt, two equally photogenic people were sitting in a very large speed boat. The Hacker-Craft Speedboat, to be precise, which can be yours for just $250,000 ($3,000 of which benefits the Double H Ranch, a program for children with life-threatening illnesses and no speedboats).

How does one become a speedboat model, exactly?

"I guess we just have the nautical look," one of the models, Lisa Bowl, said cheerily. Her male counterpart, Trey Singleton, said that sitting in a boat all day looking jaunty wasn't as boring as it appeared.

Across the way, a display for a custom-built library ($125,000) sat next to the exhibit for a day trip to Stone Barns Farm ($9,500.00) Jack Algiere, a farmer at Stone Barns who will host an "edible garden lesson" to whoever buys the package, held a black chicken under one arm. It gazed across the hall at the pingpong players at a sleek black table, who were wearing a tuxedo and a sequined ballgown (only $450.00!), and began squawking agitatedly. Algiere stowed it away in a crate and brought out another, calmer chicken.More >>

​A Friend of Unfair Park directs our attention to GQ's round-up of The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America, and if there's one bit of good news, it's this: Austin and Houston are just a wee bit fuglier, coming at No. 18 and No. 21, respectively, on a list where Dallas ranks 23rd. But, really, the list seems to exist solely to take potshots at everyone, seeing as how the seemingly stylish Manhattan comes in at No. 5. On the other hand, the Dallas entry does read like a recap of a certain Observer cover story from '07:

Forget J.R. Ewing. The 21st century Big D douchebag favors Fight Club frosted tips and whisked jeans over Stetsons and ostrich-skin boots. Regionally dubbed the "$30,000 Millionaire" for spending more than he makes, this breed of twenty-something male works as a Chipotle assistant manager by day and "Entourage" wannabe by night. Unlike his L.A. or New York counterparts, the Dallas $30Ker plies his trade in a cultural vacuum best known for putting a bullet in JFK's head and erecting a nine-story JumboTron at the Cowboys stadium. Frustrated but never self-aware, he wanders Dallas with maxed-out credit cards, toned biceps, and a nagging sense he somewhere took a wrong turn.

​Meant to get to this two days ago, when Texas Rangers Executive Vice President of Communications John Blake sent out the announcement, but it's not too late to make it to NorthPark Center by 1 p.m. That's when C.J. Wilson and Chanel Iman (well, hello) are scheduled to stop by Victoria's Secret to promote the underpants maker's line of Major League Baseball-wear tricked out for the womens.

The Texas Rangers went PINK back in March, but now you can buy the stuff in stores -- and better that "Caught Looking" jersey than the Claw & Antler tee, right, ladies? You'd best arrive early: Ceej and Chanel will snap photos with the first 100 in line. Which he reminded the faithful yesterday, tweeting during the rain delay that turned into a drown-out.

While you're waiting in line, may I also recommend this: Robbie Griffin's detailed breakdown of Monday night's 7-2 loss to Oakland, wherein he insists that home plate umpire Gerry Davis didn't do Wilson any favors by calling an inconsistent strike zone.

Photos by Andrea Grimes

It's all happening! It's really happening!

​A few minutes after 10 a.m. today, 50 or so people stood in line outside the H&M Preview store in NorthPark Center behind a polyester rope, anxiously awaiting the first-ever opportunity to buy off-the-rack H&M clothing on Texas soil. Stroller-pushers, grandparents and fashionistas of all genders clapped as we made our way into the store, were handed goodie bags and caught on film by H&M cameras.

I made a beeline for a black rhinestone-studded minidress I'd had my eye on since yesterday, when I popped by to scout out the store's location -- it's in the old Express space by La Madeline and Dillard's -- and proceeded to the dressing room with more holiday party gear in hand. The store's opening with a festive line for seasonal shindigs, but Luca Michelangeli, H&M's sales project manager on hand, told me the collections will be rotated in and out of the store until they shut the doors in April. In January, expect spring previews and, later, kids' clothing too.More >>

Update Tuesday morning: Andrea went by NorthPark first thing this morning, and sends word: "Gonna be by La Madeline and Dillards. Can see inside. Looks mostly set up, clothes are black and red and sparkly. There's a rhinestoned or sequined long-sleeve mini-dress that will be mine ASAP."

​Back in October, after so much breath-holding and finger-crossing by those in desperate need of hip-n-affordable togs, H&M finally announced it would be opening its first Texas outpost at NorthPark Center in "the second half of 2011" -- second half meaning October 2011, per NorthPark's coming-soon website. But a curious e-mail arrived in the Unfair Park in-box this afternoon: Someone claiming to work for the company says that come Wednesday, H&M is opening a temporary pop-up shop at NorthPark that "will carry men's and women's fashion concepts only at this time."

Trying to confirm this wasn't easy; I was this close to putting Julian Assange on the case, after NorthPark higher-ups kept deferring to H&M spokespeoples who were otherwise occupied. But moments ago, H&M's Nicole Christie finally responded with this hint via e-mail:

"We always love to surprise and excite our customers and we will be opening an H&M Preview at NorthPark Center in early December. We wanted to bring some of the H&M experience to our customers before we open our fantastic store in the fall of 2011."

H&M still won't confirm the exact date of its opening -- Grimes has already offered to camp out each morning and offer updates, no doubt via live blog, Twitter and Friendster. But when pressed for further details, Christie offers this:

"This will not be an official H&M store -- it will be a special shop with different interior and specially chosen portions of our fantastic fashion collections to give NorthPark Center and Dallas customers an opportunity to learn about our company and buy from the H&M collection early."

Happy Hanukkah.

Ann and Tyra!

​I learned my lesson. I'm not going to throw a spoiler in the headline or even in the first paragraph of this blog post -- not even if you already know who won. Some people have DVRs and were busy with Top Chef All Stars and Celebrity Rehab, and I respect that. But that doesn't keep me from saying that I had already decided that no matter who won America's Next Top Model last night, I would still be proud of Dallas girl Ann Ward.

She's come a long, long way. She walked the runway for Roberto Cavalli's Just Cavalli line last night and did not fall down. She looked natural on the return pass (the approach, notsomuch). She gave stunning face in her Cover Girl commercial. And for her voice-over, she barely even mumbled.

Competitor Chelsey Hersley was clearly cut out for the modeling world. She had the personality, the drive, the fashion passion, the experience. But this season of ANTM was all about high fashion -- something that Ann's awkward, frightened rabbit demeanor naturally lends itself to. More >>

​Last week we bought a few of the DropWear.com fellas' Ron Washington tees. And, despite rumors and reports to the contrary, the Texas Rangers have not officially commissioned anyone to do a "That's the Way Baseball Go" tee. Says spokesman John Blake via e-mail, "This is actually an unlicensed product."

Which hasn't stopped a friend of a co-worker from making the tee seen above, which was a big hit at the Ballpark Friday night. Not many were made, for obvious reasons, but those that were are going, going ... gone. Almost. I have one. Schutze has one. No, two. Not making that up. Apparently, we are all Ron Washington.

This just in from the makers:

"We wanted to keep it unique and exclusive. We based the design on the Johnny Cash and Miles Davis shirts. For us Ron embodies that kind of classic cool. We sold out in a few hours. We even sold some to a few players. What can I say? Everyone loves the old school brotha."

​OK, so the announcement didn't come "early next week," as I wrote in September. And the opening date's a few months away. Still. The hip-n-affordable clothier's a-comin'. To NorthPark Center, specifically. (You were right!) No one's saying just where in the mall, but you can guess. The just-sent release says it all:

H&M IS COMING TO TEXAS

H&M to Open First Location in the Lone Star State in 2011

H&M, Hennes & Mauritz, the design-driven clothing retailer known for high fashion style and quality basics at affordable prices, is proud to announce the opening of a new store location at NorthPark Center, the premiere shopping center in Dallas, in the second half of 2011. This will be the first H&M store to arrive in the Texas market!

H&M believes strongly in the Texas market and looks forward to bringing fashion-forward style to consumers in the area. The new H&M location at NorthPark Center will measure approximately 24,000 square-feet. The opening of this location will offer discerning shoppers in the Dallas area access to the latest trends and updated basics for the whole family.

The U.S. has been one of H&M's most important expansion markets since the company's New York debut ten years ago. There are approximately 200 H&M stores in the U.S. and close to 2,000 stores in 37 countries around the world.

Norm Hitzges models the latest Ron Washington fashion statement. Heh.

​A Friend of Unfair Park directs our attention this late afternoon to DropWear.com -- can't believe someone didn't think of this sooner. In short, it's a tee-shirt company run by Ticket listeners who plan on turning those catchphrases and out-of-context utterances into, right, fashion statements. Brilliant.

But right now, there's a single design available: the "That's the way baseball go" classic-to-be featuring the man who made it famous, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington. (I could listen to this forever.) Brad Herbert tells Unfair Park he and his brother John and a friend named Cole Larson found the quote so endearing they printed up a handful of tees and started wearing them around town. Folks wondered how they could get 'em; next thing you know, the threesome had themselves a start-up.

"We've been wanting to do T-shirts for a long time and realized, 'Why don't we do T-shirts that feature popular drops?'" Brad says. "It doesn't have to be just sports, but whatever culture's going on at the time."

Yesterday they dropped a handful of tees by the Ticket offices; Norm Hitzges mentioned it this morning, the threesome hastily popped up a website to take orders, and the trio tallied more than 100 gimme-gimmes just like that. And they're trying to make more for those heading to the Ballpark in Arlington for tomorrow night's game (and Saturday's, if need be). They'll let us know if they have extras -- maybe we can sell 'em out of the Unfair Park lobby. Or there's always the Facebook page.

And, yup, I ordered one. The Ron Washington Magic 8-Ball told me to. I think.

Ann from Dallas, who puts the "run" in front-runner

​

This week on It's All About Product Placement and Tyra, I was, sadly, bored out of my gourd -- it is officially fall, after all.

But seriously, I remember those seasons of yore when the models were put into sideshow-freak prosthetics and wind tunnels and there were actual crises amongst the competitors. This season we've seen seriously cool photographers and amazing fashion, but the challenges have been punny (high fashion ... on an elevated catwalk!) and bland. Also: Too. Much. Tyra.

The girls were challenged to sell some new Cover Girl make-up kit to customers in a tent in the parking lot of a Walmart at the ass crack of dawn. They worked in teams and were expected to present the kit like real-life spokesmodels, except they're not, so that posed a bit of a problem. Derek Blasberg, author of Classy: Exceptional Advice for the Extremely Modern Lady and the fashion journalist accused of some decidedly unclassy business practices back in June, was also on hand to rate the girls on their product pimpage.

Dallas' Ann was the shyest, the most silent and the worst according to all surveyed. The shell's still closed despite her statement at the beginning of the show that after four wins she was feeling less like that "gangly girl" in the back of the classroom and more pretty, more like a model. The whole thing was a lame commercial -- so much for DVR fast-forwarding, damn. Also, "noted fashion photographer" and challenge puppet master Nigel Barker had on way too much make-up.More >>