Jeans made with real chunks of Abraham Lincoln

Drop everything, including whatever inferior trousers you're wearing right now. Drop them and then burn them, because the Glenn Beck-made, Glenn Beck-approved jeans you've been waiting for have finally arrived.

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Glenn Beck Says American Airlines Flight Attendant Made Him Feel "Subhuman"

When Beck picked up and moved to North Texas last year we assumed it was for a quiet life doing what all former conservative stalwarts do: painting dogs. But Beck's clothing line, 1791, has apparently existed since last year. And just today he announced a new line of jeans, "made entirely in America," which the team has been working on for nearly a year. And Glenn Beck has been intimately involved in every detail of your new pants, "from the stitching, to the buttons, and to the quality of the rivets."

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Dwaine Caraway addressing the audience alongside hypothetically shit-contaminated fruit.

Today, City Council member Dwaine Caraway relaunched his war on saggy pants with a press conference/"Pull 'Em Up" summit in City Hall, and it was without a doubt the single best thing to ever happen to Dallas.

First there was the star-studded cast of characters: all of City Council, except for Mayor Mike Rawlings, whose opening statements were read by Pauline Medrano and Tennell Atkins. Deion Sanders made an appearance, sporting a ball cap, T-shirt and shorts. Dallas Police officers, the fire and rescue squad, political emissaries from Fort Worth, Betty Culbreath, Carter High School's anti-sagging "Man Up" group, former council member Ron Price, and the coup de grace, South Dallas City Hall gadfly Sandra Crenshaw.

Then there was the message: Caraway will stop at nothing until every pair of Dallas men's pants is belted at the waist.

The whole thing felt like a joke at first. Hell, the whole thing was a joke at first. Then Caraway called out the president of the United States.

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So, ex-Dallas City council member Sandra Crenshaw is throwing her wig in the trash on Sunday. She wants you there. Better yet, if you're a black woman with a Korean-made wig, she wants you to join her. (The video you see above is not about wigs, exactly. It's just something we had lying around in the archives.)

"The 25th is going to be an announcement," Crenshaw said over the phone, because of course I had to call her when I heard about her de-wigging. "It's going to be an announcement of what our strategy is going to be to target the Korean beauty supply industry."

If you're late catching up, some black residents of southern Dallas aren't too happy with Korean people. (Here's looking at you, Nation of Islam Student Minister Jeffery Muhammad.) Following a racial slur-slinging incident between Muhammad and a Korean store owner named Tommy Pak down on MLK Boulevard, Muhammad got some of the southern Dallas black community powers together to protest Pak out of business -- then eventually kick all Koreans out of business in the neighborhood because they "didn't deserve" to make money in the black community.

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​Three long years ago the frugally fashionable bid farewell to the Billy Reid corporate offices on Canton, which adiosed to Alabama with one last warehouse-purging sale offering Best-of-Dallas-winning bargains. After that the sale moved to its NorthPark Center shoppe, and things were never the same; and now, of course, the outlet dispensing Reid ware has moved to Highland Park Village. Haven't been in a long while.

But Dave Gates, longtime store director for the Art Institute of Dallas-studying Reid's local location, sent word a few days ago: The 75-percent-and-more-off sale has returned to the old Deep Ellum HQ, last used to house The Good Guys offices, beginning in mere moments -- 9 a.m., which is why there's probably a line outside already. Said the Houston imports brought in to help stock the 3720 Canton Street warehouse with men's and women's goodies, their recent warehouse purging was "madness, sheer madness" -- a month's worth of sales made in just three days, as this runs till Saturday.

Out and about last night I stopped by to watch the setting-up, because, and I may or may not have hidden a pair of boots somewhere for an afternoon stop-by. More photos on the other side, along with the details.More »

Photos by Anna Merlan

​This morning the Dallas Contemporary was closed to the public, but a bunch of reporters were inside taking first looks at the most exorbitantly priced, publicity-getting items, otherwise known as the Fantasy Gifts from Neiman Marcus's 2011 Christmas Book. Eight of the nine items on display will give some portions of their ticket price to charity, which definitely made us put the words "double-dip recession" right out of our heads and feel a lot better about a world where someone, somewhere, will pay $75,000 for a custom-designed yurt. For ladies. It's called the Dream Folly, and it is, per the NM catalog, meant to evoke I Dream of Jeannie, "with an ideal simulation of a genie's posh bottle."

"It's the ultimate girly cave," a representative from the manufacturer, Rainier Yurts, told us. Inside the yurt, a model with a complicated hairdo waved for some photographers.

Courtesy Neiman Marcus

And, the yurt

​Next door to the yurt, two equally photogenic people were sitting in a very large speed boat. The Hacker-Craft Speedboat, to be precise, which can be yours for just $250,000 ($3,000 of which benefits the Double H Ranch, a program for children with life-threatening illnesses and no speedboats).

How does one become a speedboat model, exactly?

"I guess we just have the nautical look," one of the models, Lisa Bowl, said cheerily. Her male counterpart, Trey Singleton, said that sitting in a boat all day looking jaunty wasn't as boring as it appeared.

Across the way, a display for a custom-built library ($125,000) sat next to the exhibit for a day trip to Stone Barns Farm ($9,500.00) Jack Algiere, a farmer at Stone Barns who will host an "edible garden lesson" to whoever buys the package, held a black chicken under one arm. It gazed across the hall at the pingpong players at a sleek black table, who were wearing a tuxedo and a sequined ballgown (only $450.00!), and began squawking agitatedly. Algiere stowed it away in a crate and brought out another, calmer chicken.More »

​A Friend of Unfair Park directs our attention to GQ's round-up of The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America, and if there's one bit of good news, it's this: Austin and Houston are just a wee bit fuglier, coming at No. 18 and No. 21, respectively, on a list where Dallas ranks 23rd. But, really, the list seems to exist solely to take potshots at everyone, seeing as how the seemingly stylish Manhattan comes in at No. 5. On the other hand, the Dallas entry does read like a recap of a certain Observer cover story from '07:

Forget J.R. Ewing. The 21st century Big D douchebag favors Fight Club frosted tips and whisked jeans over Stetsons and ostrich-skin boots. Regionally dubbed the "$30,000 Millionaire" for spending more than he makes, this breed of twenty-something male works as a Chipotle assistant manager by day and "Entourage" wannabe by night. Unlike his L.A. or New York counterparts, the Dallas $30Ker plies his trade in a cultural vacuum best known for putting a bullet in JFK's head and erecting a nine-story JumboTron at the Cowboys stadium. Frustrated but never self-aware, he wanders Dallas with maxed-out credit cards, toned biceps, and a nagging sense he somewhere took a wrong turn.

​Meant to get to this two days ago, when Texas Rangers Executive Vice President of Communications John Blake sent out the announcement, but it's not too late to make it to NorthPark Center by 1 p.m. That's when C.J. Wilson and Chanel Iman (well, hello) are scheduled to stop by Victoria's Secret to promote the underpants maker's line of Major League Baseball-wear tricked out for the womens.

The Texas Rangers went PINK back in March, but now you can buy the stuff in stores -- and better that "Caught Looking" jersey than the Claw & Antler tee, right, ladies? You'd best arrive early: Ceej and Chanel will snap photos with the first 100 in line. Which he reminded the faithful yesterday, tweeting during the rain delay that turned into a drown-out.

While you're waiting in line, may I also recommend this: Robbie Griffin's detailed breakdown of Monday night's 7-2 loss to Oakland, wherein he insists that home plate umpire Gerry Davis didn't do Wilson any favors by calling an inconsistent strike zone.

Photos by Andrea Grimes

It's all happening! It's really happening!

​A few minutes after 10 a.m. today, 50 or so people stood in line outside the H&M Preview store in NorthPark Center behind a polyester rope, anxiously awaiting the first-ever opportunity to buy off-the-rack H&M clothing on Texas soil. Stroller-pushers, grandparents and fashionistas of all genders clapped as we made our way into the store, were handed goodie bags and caught on film by H&M cameras.

I made a beeline for a black rhinestone-studded minidress I'd had my eye on since yesterday, when I popped by to scout out the store's location -- it's in the old Express space by La Madeline and Dillard's -- and proceeded to the dressing room with more holiday party gear in hand. The store's opening with a festive line for seasonal shindigs, but Luca Michelangeli, H&M's sales project manager on hand, told me the collections will be rotated in and out of the store until they shut the doors in April. In January, expect spring previews and, later, kids' clothing too.More »

Update Tuesday morning: Andrea went by NorthPark first thing this morning, and sends word: "Gonna be by La Madeline and Dillards. Can see inside. Looks mostly set up, clothes are black and red and sparkly. There's a rhinestoned or sequined long-sleeve mini-dress that will be mine ASAP."

​Back in October, after so much breath-holding and finger-crossing by those in desperate need of hip-n-affordable togs, H&M finally announced it would be opening its first Texas outpost at NorthPark Center in "the second half of 2011" -- second half meaning October 2011, per NorthPark's coming-soon website. But a curious e-mail arrived in the Unfair Park in-box this afternoon: Someone claiming to work for the company says that come Wednesday, H&M is opening a temporary pop-up shop at NorthPark that "will carry men's and women's fashion concepts only at this time."

Trying to confirm this wasn't easy; I was this close to putting Julian Assange on the case, after NorthPark higher-ups kept deferring to H&M spokespeoples who were otherwise occupied. But moments ago, H&M's Nicole Christie finally responded with this hint via e-mail:

"We always love to surprise and excite our customers and we will be opening an H&M Preview at NorthPark Center in early December. We wanted to bring some of the H&M experience to our customers before we open our fantastic store in the fall of 2011."

H&M still won't confirm the exact date of its opening -- Grimes has already offered to camp out each morning and offer updates, no doubt via live blog, Twitter and Friendster. But when pressed for further details, Christie offers this:

"This will not be an official H&M store -- it will be a special shop with different interior and specially chosen portions of our fantastic fashion collections to give NorthPark Center and Dallas customers an opportunity to learn about our company and buy from the H&M collection early."

Happy Hanukkah.

Ann and Tyra!

​I learned my lesson. I'm not going to throw a spoiler in the headline or even in the first paragraph of this blog post -- not even if you already know who won. Some people have DVRs and were busy with Top Chef All Stars and Celebrity Rehab, and I respect that. But that doesn't keep me from saying that I had already decided that no matter who won America's Next Top Model last night, I would still be proud of Dallas girl Ann Ward.

She's come a long, long way. She walked the runway for Roberto Cavalli's Just Cavalli line last night and did not fall down. She looked natural on the return pass (the approach, notsomuch). She gave stunning face in her Cover Girl commercial. And for her voice-over, she barely even mumbled.

Competitor Chelsey Hersley was clearly cut out for the modeling world. She had the personality, the drive, the fashion passion, the experience. But this season of ANTM was all about high fashion -- something that Ann's awkward, frightened rabbit demeanor naturally lends itself to. More »