What in the Wide World of Sports ...?

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There are probably a million more important things with which to begin the work week -- like, oh, a passel of Hicks Sports Group creditors asking the National Hockey League whether the beleaguered owner of the Texas Rangers has dough enough to keep the Dallas Stars -- but this breaking, um, news? ABC just announced the cast for the forthcoming season of Dancing With the Stars, and, as usual, it's 16 different shades of what-the-what. But for our purposes, these two highlights: former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver turned ESPN Radio host Michael Irvin, who's clearly been seething ever since Emmitt Smith took home the title in '06, and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, your other favorite Texas "Hammer." Now, I've got to get back to writing about a dying shopping mall and a foreclosed-upon city-owned skating rink.

Tony Romo's Other Fumbles

Remember that Tony Romo Funny or Die video last week? Didn't think so. Now, via a very thoughtful New York City publicist, we have the outtakes -- which are slightly more amusing than the real thing. Look, I said slightly. What do you expect for free?

Update: Since the audio crapped out on the YouTube feed, here's a direct link to the outtakes.

Alas, Tony and Jess, We'll Always Have Mexico

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Patrick Michels
Apparently, Tony Romo will have to save his oh-face for somebody else, if you believe People. And who doesn't?
Thanks to the surprisingly large number of Friends of Unfair Park who've forwarded along this People story concerning Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson's apparent break-up, which, the mag reports, happened on Thursday -- the night before Jess turned 29. So, who says they're busted up? "A source close to the pop star," who insists Simpson's "heartbroken" but that, look, they're busy and it's more or less mutual ... so there. And by busy, they mean this: "The Dallas Cowboys quarterback fueled breakup rumors when he showed up with about 14 friends at the Hollywood hotspot MyHouse on Friday night without the birthday girl."

Course, Alan Peppard had 'em busted up in May 2008. So there's that. But true or not, we'll always have that Metal Skool performance. And Mexico. And that Eminem video. But will you remember where you were when you heard about the end of Romessica? I think now's a good time to read way too much into Jessica's most recent tweet: "Falling asleep with my mom and the dogs. Please lord give all of my beautiful fans, friends, enemies, and family rest. Bring all of us peace." Sniff.

"Jessica Simpson Has Hovered Over This City Like a Dark Cloud." That's Not Very Nice.

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We'll return to weightier issues in a moment -- ba-dum-dum -- but, for a moment, this respite from hotel talk and DISD chatter. Vanity Fair's been gracious enough to post the entirety of its Jessica Simpson June cover story, due to his stands shortly. It's quite the breathless read that touches on points high and low -- everything from the state of her singing and movie careers to her romance with a certain Dallas Cowboys quarterback, who was also interviewed for the piece and yet again addresses a certain pre-playoff game trip to Mexico. An excerpt for those who will say they won't read the whole thing but probably already have:
"Jessica Simpson has hovered over this city like a dark cloud," Gary Cartwright, a writer at Texas Monthly, told me. "The great quarterbacks are 100 percent dedicated to the game. But Romo seems happy-go-lucky. If they win, he seems happy. If they lose, he seems happy. And all this is tied up with Jessica Simpson."

"You know, it's very hard when you lose," Romo said, "because games are important, and so many people put so much time and effort in. It's nice to have someone to come home to and try and make you feel better."

Starring Eminem as Tony Romo

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Eminem's new video for "We Made You" went viral this morning. That's a blurry screen grab above. Tony Romo probably thinks it's awesome, except maybe that part where he's throwing Jessica Simpson a hamburger touchdown toward the end. I except the video should be on DC9 any moment now.

How Does Joe Simpson Find the Time to Twitter Between Lunches and Salads?

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A Friend of Unfair Park who wonders where all the Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo talk's done gone to passes along a link to Joe Simpson's Twitter page, which he used earlier this week to refute a National Enquirer story that claims he's been trying to bust up the Dallas Cowboys QB's romance with his little girl. Wrote Papa Joe, "So tired of people saying I don't like jess and tony... He is the best... Don't believe the national enquirer!!!" Frankly, I find this update significantly more scintillating: "Eating another salad." Though I'm guessing it's some kind of euphemism.

Fear Not, Jessica, We Will Not Allow Future Generations To Be Denied Your ... Um ...

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Gawker has "Jessica Simpson's Forbidden Workout Video," for those so interested. And it comes with a commentary track courtesy Mrs. Romo's business manager -- allegedly. Seems awfully, ah, erm, coincidental that this four-year-old vid leaks today; Ashlee will not be happy. You, on the other hand? Dunno. Still, better late than never, as the promo promises that "ultimately, this will educate future generations in our country." The future is now!

"Sexy vs Skanky." Heh.

Turns out Jessica Simpson may be the Dallas Cowboys' Yoko Romo after all. Consider: Dallas has gone 9-7 since she made her Thanksgiving game debut last season, lost to the Giants in the first round of the '07 playoffs, and watched Tony Romo turn so-so just before he was relegated to the sidelines with a busted widdle pinkie for three games. Which, course, doesn't stop her from talking about her QB boyfriend in the December Cosmo, on stands as of yesterday. The condensed version: blah blah blah. Also: blech. Still, the cover does serve 31 flavors of funny. Oh, oh, oh -- you know what I'm talkin' about. --Robert Wilonsky

Jessica Simpson Tells Cowboys Fans: You Gotta Have Faith. Well, OK, Then.

Photos by Patrick Michels
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Reaching for the high notes. They're out there somewhere.

For those of you scoring at home, it took Jessica Simpson three songs into her Friday night set at the State Fair of Texas to drift into chatter about her BF and QB, Tony Romo. "Someone who calms the storms in my life. No matter what I go through, I know that I can depend on him," Simpson said.

The shout-out prompted cries from gruff-sounding dudes in the crowd: "Tony, you sweetheart!" Romo, surrounded by a bubble of his bros on a platform in the crowd, received them all with a huge smile. In fact, most of the flash bulbs lighting up the show were pointed away from Jess, as Dallas Cowboys fans snapped away for a look at the QB's pinkie cast.

Introducing the third song in her set, "You're My Sunday," Simpson waxed a little poetic: "This is about that certain someone who throws the football really good..." She'll be pimping her Fancy perfume today from 2 to 4 p.m. at the NorthPark Center Dillard's, for those needing a whiff. Till then, more photos after the jump -- one of the sweetheart, even.

Having a Cavalli, or: Economy? What Economy? It's Fashion at the Park!

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Look, even if you didn't know there was a Roberto Cavalli, you'd know this was Roberto Cavalli.

Within five minutes of entering the tent at Fashion at the Park, I had seen a man carrying a large gray Birkin bag, counted no fewer than three hats (a fedora, a pillbox with a veil and a feathered top hat) and had the elbow of my dress soaked in a signature martini. The open-air space smelled of D.L. & Co.’s Black Dahlia -- there was a rose-petaled fountain full of the stuff -- and was more like a canopy than a tent, with both sides opening onto NorthPark’s outdoor Center Park.

The sold-out opening night show, like several of the other shows at Fashion at the Park, was a season behind the big fashion shows that just finished up in New York, London, Paris and Milan. Those cities saw spring/summer 2009 collections; Dallas was about to ogle Roberto Cavalli’s fall 2008 spread. As I waited in the media section of the show, I noticed other attendees flipping through a Cavalli look book. A bit annoyed at being left out, I leaned down the row and asked a blonde where she had gotten the book. She replied, with an amused look, “It was in my chair.” And sure enough, I was sitting on mine. Bumpkin, meet Big City.

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