So, it's ... official? Because, OK, look. For the past few days, stories have circulated that ... um ... Tonessica? ... are kaputs. Been everywhere -- and thanks, New York Daily News, for your morning rumor round-up. Jessica Simpson went on Extra yesterday to deny the stories; her publicist has sent out myriad missives claiming same. Jezebel just figured Simpson cursed herself in that Glamour interview, in which she said of Tony Romo: "This article could come out and Tony and I could be broken up, but he still deserves all the accolades for bringing me back to who I am."
Only now, while the council breaks from its convention center hotel vote, comes the, ah, ultimate confirmation ... or something? "Alan Peppard: Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo break-up confirmed." Courtesy "two people close to Tony and Jess [who] have told me that the the glam couple is over, splitsville, kaput, put a fork in it." Though, really, the fact Dallas' Only Daily kept from using an exclamation point in the headline shows remarkable restraint. So, we're done here? Awesome. Because, no doubt, there's some other song somewhere Tony Romo will slaughter while killing time 'twixt fembot hook-ups. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Eastern Illinois grad Tony Romo, what in the hell were you thinking? Because going to the Chicago Cubs game yesterday was so not a good idea. Unless you liked singing in the key of M and getting booed whilst tossing out the first pitch. In which case, great success. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Apparently, Jessica Simpson's on the cover of every magazine -- by which I mean, like, three, if'n you include the new Esquire, D and, now, Glamour, which interviewed Simpson "at her favorite Dallas bistro," which is? And the subject at hand is none other than Cowboys QB Tony Romo, with whom Simpson's found ... love. In the lengthy Q&A she reveals more about their relationship than you'd ever care to know -- including how they met (s'up, Joe Simpson?), how nervous she was on their first date ("I wanted to puke in the cup holder") and the fact she's written a song for Romo, which he'll never, ever live down (it's titled "Back in My Old Boots"). Choice quote, though:
"He reintroduced me to myself. I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date. [I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on -- just be yourself! Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again."
I want to puke in my cup holder, by which I mean, Awwwwwww. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Courtesy Deadspin this a.m., we're directed to the blog of none other than Robin "Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams" Leach. His, ahem, spywitnesses claim that Cowboys QB Tony Romo lost some $2.5 million on the Vegas green felt last weekend, which, apparently, mightily miffed Jessica Simpson. Writes Leach: "Insiders told me that one thing led to another and they wound up in a 'furious fight.'" Incidentally, the posting is far more endearing if you read it like Dana Carvey's impression of Leach on Saturday Night Live. --Robert Wilonsky
Update: The Deadspin comments, 60 and growing, are even better than the original item. Like, this one: "I'm guessing Jessica is 'beyond words' quite a lot. Like, when somebody produces a shiny ball of tin foil." Or this one:
Jones: Tony, you shouldn't gamble like that.
Romo: Didn't you just offer Pacman Jones a multi-year contract?
Jones: Fair enough.
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
It started on a site called The Dirty. Then it started crawling its way through the rest of the blogosphere -- and, really, Kissing Suzy Kolber is a great name. Then, on Tuesday, it went legit -- or Philadelphia Daily News, anyway, where gossip writer Dan Gross spent a few minutes trying to verify whether that is indeed Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens on the set of an independent art-house film titled Spring Break Ass -- and if so, what's he, like, doing there? Me, I'm gonna insist it's Photoshopped and/or pointless, and I'm only mentioning this because I rather liked my headline and didn't want to waste it. In other not-at-all-related news, Pacman Jones is a hero. So his attorney says, at least. --Robert Wilonsky
Update: Wuh-oh: T.O.'s lawyers have sent a letter, claiming it was all an accident. "It was urknown to him at the time the photo was taken that the person or parties taking this photograph would be publishing it on your website in order to hold him up to disrepute and smear his reputation by linking it to Porn." Why the capital "P," though?
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
If anyone's all fired up to see a mostly nude photo of Highland Park High School grad -- and Bush backer -- Angie Harmon, it's right here. It's part of a naked-celeb spread in the latest issue of Allure, which is some kind of a magazine, I think? "You wonder if they can see your Caesarean scar," she says. Don't think so. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
One Robbie Van Winkle, who used to sell my baby bro beer out of the trunk of his car on Forest Lane on Friday nights, is back in the news -- though not in a good way. Seems Vanilla Ice -- oh, sweet baby Jesus, how it hurts to type those words -- has landed himself in police custody in South Florida, after his missus called authorities late last night claiming that Van Winkle kicked and hit her. (Though, notes the AP story, "She later told deputies he had only pushed her, the arrest report said.") Ice, Ice, Baby denies the allegations. Most shocking part of the story: Tommy Quon is still his agent. I am all of the sudden reminded of the best thing V-Ice ever told me: "I let my balls hang." --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Sorry, can't help it -- avert your eyes, what can I say. But here's Tony Romo, quoted today: "I guess you date Jessica Simpson, that makes you fearless!" Why did he say it? Where did he say it? And who was he with when he said it? Well, if you wanna find out, all you have to do it click here. In unrelated news, Mike Huckabee is this close to having Chuck Norris kick your ass. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Nothing refreshes the taste buds like a little Jessica Simpson ... um ... news? Like, see, yesterday we mentioned her forthcoming trip to Kuwait, where she's to perform for the troops (like they asked). Well, today comes "news" that, like, the Ukrainians would love for Tony Romo's girl to pay 'em a visit -- because, after all, they did make her big flop of a film, Blonde Ambition, a hit -- to the tune, no shit, of more than a quarter million dollars, which comes out to ... carry the three ... add the four ... a quarter million dollars more than it made during it week-long Texas run, give or take.
So now the Ukrainian Film Commission's trying to get her to pay a visit, according to In Touch. Says movie producer Alex Shpiluk, "She is really the ideal of American beauty and style, like Barbie. She would be useful to us and our image." Which is the opposite of what Tony Romo probably said the day they got back from Mexico. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
MySpace is sending Jessica Simpson to Kuwait -- no, not for good (although ...), but for a concert for the troops stationed in Kuwait. She'll be on a bill with the likes of the Pussycat Dolls, Disturbed, Filter, DJ Z-Trip and, says the media release curled up in our in-box, "the comedic genius of Carlos Mencia." Not sure if this is a reward for the troops or some kind of a punishment, to be honest. But you can see for yourself on March 10, as if, when MySpace broadcasts the show "in high definition flash" right here, beginning at 1 p.m. Dallas time. Says Simpson, “I get to serve my country by doing what I love to do in front of thousands of brave men in uniform. It’s every girl’s dream!”
In related news, Sony BMG reportedly ain't happy about all her trips, with and now without Cowboys QB Tony Romo, as she's supposed to be in Nashville making that country album. Look, she's serving her country, all right -- by not releasing a country album. That's everyone's dream! --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
Did you wake up this morning and go, "Man, enough about convention center hotels and Barack Obama and Trinity Parkway cost overruns -- how the hell are Tony and Jessica doing, anyway?" 'Cause if you did, it's your lucky day: They're getting engaged. OK, fine. So that's stretching it by a good 1,000 yards. But thoughts and theories are big, breaking news at Us magazine, which has the exclusive: Romo's "close friend of three years, Michael Starr," says of the Dallas Cowboys QB and the ex-Mrs. Nick Lachey, "I think they're going to get married." Which everybody thinks is swell, except half the folks posting comments to the Us site.
More interesting than the article: the photo of Tony, Jessica, sister Ashlee and boyfriend Pete Wentz grinning like prom dates during dinner at the Grand Lux in the Galleria. (What happens in Fake Vegas doesn't stay in Fake Vegas.) Me, I like this story better, if only for the headline: "Jessica Simpson Sued For ‘Hurting Millions of Fat People.'" --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
I didn't get to see much of the Super Bowl yesterday -- the missus put me to work. Apparently, Tony Romo and I now have something in common; he didn't see much of the Big Game yesterday either, apparently. Only, my chores didn't include carrying around Jessica Simpson's mutt. Also, I had a much better headline for this "item" but wussed out -- free Walker, Texas Ranger Season 4 DVD boxed set for the Friend who guesses the discarded headline. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
From a Friend of Unfair Park at Hilton's Ghostbar get-down Tuesday night, suitable for framing. Or boosting Unfair Park's page views. --Robert Wilonsky
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
So, maybe we're done here; maybe this is the last we'll ever write about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. Because, maybe, they're finished. As in: "Tony is now starting to blame her himself," says an alleged buddy of the Cowboys QB. "Before dating Jessica, he was Texas' golden boy. Now he's become a joke."
Which is true enough, for better or worse -- though, more likely, going one-and-done in the playoffs again and watching his QB rating dip into the low double digits in December had more to do with his punch line status than his shacking up with the former Mrs. Nick Lachey, truth be told. But, for now, we're done even if they ain't. As if, right? Right. --Robert Wilonsky
Update: Wuh-oh, not so fast, say Jessica's attorneys.
Category: Famous People are Idiots, Most of the Time
