Glenn Beck Has Created a Batshit Insane Origin Story for Santa

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The best immortal Santa.
Glenn Beck is fed up with Santa. Specifically, he's tired of the commercialized, belly full of jelly Santa we all know and mostly love. Beck, as he does with so, so many things, has a plan to fix the problem though: An origin story for good ole St. Nick that would make the guys at Marvel blush.

Beck's premise, which he explained thoroughly on his Dallas-based TV show last week, is the work of someone who is either completely mad or just really, really doesn't want anyone to have any fun celebrating the birth of their Lord.

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Mark Cuban Just Finished a Net Neutrality-Bashing, Ayn Rand-Featuring Twitter Rant

Yeah. Not really.
If we've learned anything this week, it's that net neutrality is the real enemy. Ted Cruz let us know that it's Obamacare for the Internet. Rick Perry sent out a press release saying "President Obama's call to saddle 21st century technology with outdated, unnecessary regulations from the era of the Great Depression is alarming and will stifle innovation and growth." Now, on Thursday, it's Mark Cuban's turn.

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My 20 Minutes with Joe Arpaio, America's Toughest Sheriff and a Future Job Reference

Categories: Famous People

Sky Chadde
Sheriff Joe Arpaio says to make sure I get his gun-shaped tie pin in the frame.
The offer comes as a surprise. "Now that I have your contact info," a nice woman from the Northeast Tarrant County Tea Party emails me after I ask a question for a different story, "I will forward to you a press invite to interview Sheriff Joe Arpaio, if you're interested." Of course I'm interested. How can I pass up interviewing one of the country's most notorious lawmen? And all I have to do is drive out to Southlake?

My next thought is, does he know I'm coming? See, the sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, has some history with the Observer's sister paper, the Phoenix New Times. The paper has extensively documented his department's harassment of Mexican immigrants, Arpaio's questionable real estate deals and his use of intimidation, bullying and lies to attack his critics. In 2007 he ordered the arrest of the New Times co-founders, falsely accusing them of leaking testimony from a grand jury that hadn't been convened. They were recently awarded a $4 million settlement. Will he even talk to me?

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Ted Nugent's Wife Arrested in DFW Airport. Reports Say She Brought a Gun into the Terminal

Categories: Famous People

Details are scant so far. A spokesperson for Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport tells Unfair Park he can't release a police report or discuss any of the facts of the case until the legal department takes a look at it. He did, however, confirm that Shemane Ann Nugent, wife of rocker and noted gun-rights zealot Ted Nugent, has been arrested.

NBC 5, citing an unnamed source, says she brought a gun into the airport in a carry-on bag.

Glenn Beck Buys 72,000-Square-Foot Studios At Las Colinas, Is Apparently Here To Stay

Categories: Famous People

The Glenn Beck media empire won't be paying rent in Irving anymore. Mercury Radio Arts, Beck's "news, opinion and entertainment network," announced Wednesday afternoon its purchase of the Studios at Las Colinas, which has served as home base for The Blaze and his Glenn Beck show since 2012.

Lest we forget, Robocop, JFK, Silkwood, Prison Break and, last but not least, Walker Texas Ranger, sprang from this studio. Now, for the foreseeable future, the renamed Mercury Studios will beam out into the world programming like "B.S. of A," "Liberty Treehouse" and, of course, Beck's own fetal cheeks and indecipherable diagrams.

"We are proud to call Texas our home and be part of the local community in Irving," he told TheBlaze. "We are building a world-class facility that provides TheBlaze with the highest quality talent and top of the line production capabilities so American stories can be told to viewers across the country."

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Randy Travis Really Doesn't Want Anyone to See That Video of His Drunken, Naked Arrest

Categories: Famous People

Randy Travis, the wiry, multi-platinum-selling country crooner with a golden voice that carries enough bass to rattle your silverware, had a tough 2012. In February, he was cited and arrested for public intoxication in front of a Sanger church during the wee morning hours. Later that year, he strode into a Pilot Point convenience store in naught but his skin, purchased cigarettes and shortly thereafter crashed his Trans Am into a construction-zone barricade on a farm-to-market road near his home in Tioga. Another driver came along and discovered a naked Travis sprawled in the middle of the road. He thought the body on the asphalt was a dead deer at first.

"I'm spooked out," the man told a 911 operator. "I don't see a vehicle. There's a couple of cones scattered."

When state troopers responded to the scene, Travis -- a bantamweight at best -- allegedly tried to fight them. On the ride to a local hospital, they claim he threatened to shoot them too. In his mugshot, Travis is indeed sporting a pretty nice shiner, but we'll never truly know what transpired on that deserted stretch of country road -- unless, that is, we see the dashcam video from the squad car.

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The SMU Community is Celebrating the Bush Library the Way College-Aged W. Would Admire

Try not to pee here.
Are you excited about the George W. Bush Presidential Center? We're so excited. Not quite excited enough to fight our way through the throng of ex-presidents and "Bush-Cheney Alumni" attending the dedication tomorrow, but pretty goddamn enthused nonetheless.

So, it appears, are a few SMU students and some random non-affiliated individuals, who are celebrating the not-quite-opened center in a style W. himself would have once appreciated: with a little (alleged) drug use, some drinking, and a round of exuberant public urination.

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Weatherford's Building a Life-Sized Larry Hagman Statue

Categories: Famous People

Four months after his death and mere days after his larger-than-life alter ego J.R. Ewing was laid to rest, Larry Hagman will finally get that which he never had in life: a life-sized Larry Hagman statue in Weatherford.

That's the plan of the Weatherford City Council and The Larry Hagman Memorial Committee, anyway. The City Council voiced support for the idea this week, and the committee is undertaking a $70,000 fundraising campaign to pay for it.

"It will be 6-foot-1-inch -- his size," Sherry Watters, a longtime Hagman friend and committee member told CBS 11. "It will be where he's standing straight up, with his hands in his lapel like he always posed, with his cowboy hat on."

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Kinky Friedman Says He May Run for Governor, and This Campaign Will Be "Serious"

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In 2006, Kinky Friedman -- singer, songwriter, satirist, head Jewboy in charge -- ran as an Independent for governor of Texas. Although he ultimately received less than 13 percent of the vote, it was still a memorable campaign, featuring slogans like, "Why the Hell Not?" and "How Hard Could It Be?" -- both excellent questions, and ones we've often had occasion to consider, watching Rick Perry run things.

He took another shot, equally unsuccessful and slightly less publicized, in 2009. Now, in between hawking his Man in Black tequila and chewing that cigar to a soggy stump, it looks like he's pondering making another run at the big seat next year. For serious this time.

On Saturday, Kinky stopped by Lakewood Medallion Discount Liquors to sign bottles of his tequila. While he was there, he told NBC-DFW that he's considering a possible run. His platform would consist of two main planks, both of them aimed at increasing tax revenue for the state: legalizing casino gambling and legalizing, regulating and taxing marijuana.

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In Court This Morning, Randy Travis Pleaded Not Guilty to Assault Charge, Says Not to Believe All That Drinking-Problem Stuff

Randy Travis, going through security this morning at a Plano municipal court.
August was a wild month for Randy Travis, what with the naked arrest in Greyson County followed two weeks later by a scuffle in the parking lot of a Plano church that resulted in a citation for misdemeanor assault.

On that first point, the country singer says he's now sober as a judge. As to the second, Travis stance is that he was merely being chivalrous. Travis' attorney, Larry Friendman, told TMZ that his client had intervened after his fiancee and her estranged husband got into an argument outside Prestonwood Baptist Church.

That news came just before Travis was scheduled to appear this morning in a Plano municipal courtroom, where he entered a plea of not guilty. He also apparently had a few words for his fans.

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