You can't always tell by watching Texas politics, but there are subtle distinctions to be made between being an arch conservative and being a colossal dick. Here's how to tell if you've crossed the line: Look in a mirror. If you see Texas Senator Ted Cruz's face, you're safely in the Dick Zone.

Cruz has long lived on the Zone's goal line. Then, on Monday, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down an Arizona law requiring voters to prove their citizenship in order to register. Cruz bulldozed into the Zone, spiked the ball and did a little Ickey Shuffle.

"I'll file amendment to immigration bill that permits states to require ID before registering voters & close this hole in fed statutory law," he tweeted the day the court ruled.

In one sentence, Cruz had swiped at a ruling striking down an unsavory law plainly aimed at suppressing Latino voters while simultaneously announcing his intent to lard on another amendment aimed at killing the immigration-reform bill now dying in the U.S. Senate. That's some expert dickishness right there. And for a rookie, no less.

Buzz called up Lydia Camarillo, vice president of the Southwest Voter Registration Education Project, one of the original plaintiffs in the Arizona case, to see whether she had any insight into what might motivate Cruz.

More »

Really, Governor Rick Perry and Texas legislators, is that the best you could do? No concealed handgun permits for fetuses? No requiring persons with diacritical marks in their names to register proof of American-ness? No seceding from the union? Governor Rick calls a special session of the Legislature, and so far all you're going to talk about is legislative redistricting?

Where's the fun in that? This is the Tea Party-drenched Texas Legislature here. Watching you act rational is like buying a circus ticket hoping to see tigers almost mauling snooty trainers, only to show up and find insurance salesman offering deals on whole life.

See also:
- A Dallas Tea Party Leader Says the Republican Party Doesn't Want Black People to Vote
- Report: Texans Are Astonishingly Bad at Making Friends, Caring About Stuff

Regardless, Buzz only has what Austin brings to work with, so sit back while we explain
what this special session is all about. See, it's about 2-year-old court challenges to the Legislature's last redistricting maps, which opponents say violate both Sections 2 AND 5 of the Voting Rights Act and maybe the U.S. Constitution, which a three-judge panel in D.C. and a federal district court in San Antonio in separate cases said they did, but the Supreme Court rejected the San Antonio court's interim maps, which we used anyhow in 2012 and now the Legislature will decide whether toooooooooooooooooo ... Oops. Sorry. Nodded off there for a sec.

More »

How about this guy to run City Hall, instead of that crop of Quincy Carters down there now?

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

Well, hey, would you look at that? There's an actual bona fide Dallas City Council election this Saturday. Sure doesn't seem like that's been getting a lot of attention lately, which is pretty surprising considering that local god Roger Staubach is running. You'd think if ol' Roger Dodger is on the ballot that would be a pretty big ... oh, no, wait. Apparently it's not Roger but some other person named Staubach who's running, according to the roughly 1,378 campaign mailers we've received at home from this Staubach person -- each one featuring a few dozen photos of the former Cowboys quarterback alongside some female. Wonder if they're related.

See also:
Trinity East's Vapor Chase

We should probably know this stuff, seeing how Buzz is in the media and all, but let's be honest, does it really matter? Wait! Before you move on, know that this isn't our usual general world-weary cynicism. This is a very specific, 2013 Dallas City Council-weary cynicism that's a direct result of the council's utter fecklessness in the gas-drilling debate.

More »

"Listen up, you dipshits. You see this book? Do you see the word 'Dallas' in red ink anywhere? No. No you do not."

They say the devil can quote scripture as well as the righteous, which helps explain the confusion sown by Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price, who whipped out his New Testament this week and rained thunder down on Dallas Independent School District Superintendent Mike Miles.

Price is burning with holy fire over Miles' wicked plan to fire principals and teachers at schools that fail miserably to educate students. The superintendent has been visiting some southern Dallas churches to win support for his novel notion that DISD's job of providing basic education is almost as important as its role providing employment to the friends of John Wiley Price.

See also:
- John Wiley Price Seems to Be Calling For the Crucifixion of "Fake Jesus" Mike Miles
- Vonciel Hill: City Council Member, Prophet, Theologian and Sell-Out

"It has come to my attention that now Pontius Pilate plans to parade through many of your churches with a fake Jesus in tow," Price wrote in a letter to 75 pastors, according to The Dallas Morning News. "It amazes me, but I must say that I am not surprised. While Pilate may find no fault in the prisoner that he has been charged to judge, we do. Thankfully, this time, we get a chance to make it right."

More »

Wikimedia

If she thought she was pissed angry before ...

Eric's post this morning about the shit storm controversy stirred up by Molly Forthright, a columnist for Fort Worth, Texas Magazine who came down firmly against mothers breast feeding their babies in church -- or pretty much anywhere else -- drew the usual pro- and anti-nip commenters. Yeah, we expected that. Lactation is up there with guns and abortion on the hot-button list. All us punks in the office were surprised, though, when we received a voice mail message from a reader who was particularly incensed by Eric's story, "Fort Worth Advice Columnist Pisses off Nursing Moms by Saying Breastfeeding in Church Is Icky," but for a different reason.

We were a little confused at first when she suggested that Forthright maybe should apologize, since Forthright does not work here and everyone at the Observer is very pro-breast, so I called her up to see exactly what had her so angry. Turns out, this lady really didn't like our use of the word "pisses" in the headline, which popped up in the news feed on her Yahoo homepage.

(You can listen to her voicemail here. )
.

More »

With the mammoth six-year, $108 million deal he signed last week, Tony Romo became the most richly rewarded player in Cowboys history. That put him fifth on the list of current NFL players, ahead of Eli Manning and Tom Brady but well behind Ravens QB Joe Flacco's $20.1 million per year.

Those numbers are a little misleading, at least according to Grover Norquist's Americans for Tax Reform. The group has seized upon Romo's deal to bolster its anti-tax message, arguing that, after taxes, Romo's salary actually tops that of Flacco, Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, and every other player in the league.

The main reason? Texas has no state income tax. AFP makes its case:

More »

Protest much, A&M?

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

Awwww, man. Why Texas? Why must you always be the turd in the punch bowl of progress?

Buzz is talking -- this time -- about Texas A&M, the intellectual center of bubbadom. One week -- one! -- after the U.S. Supreme Court heard hopeful, moving arguments in cases that could advance gay and lesbian people one step closer to full personhood under law, the university's student senate is poised to take a symbolic leap backward in bigotry with a bill that would allow students with religious objections to opt out of paying the share of their student fees that fund the school's GLBT Resource Center.

The bill still has to be passed by a committee before it makes it student senate floor for a vote, but Kimberly Villa, president of the GLBT Aggies, a student group separate from the resource center, says she expects it to clear the senate with enough votes to override a possible veto by the student body president.

More »

Chicks and ducks and potheads better scurry.

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

The message that rolled into our inbox earlier this week was upbeat. A "juggernaut of marijuana bills" is rolling its way through legislatures across the nation, the Marijuana Policy Project proclaimed. Medical marijuana bills were looking hopeful from Illinois to New Hampshire.

"Our broader reform efforts are advancing in Rhode Island and Maine, where we worked with legislators to bring forward bills that would regulate marijuana like alcohol -- our ultimate goal," wrote Karen O'Keefe, MPP's director of state policies. "We also had a big week in Maryland, where a decriminalization bill was approved in committee, and a separate bill to end marijuana prohibition entirely has now been scheduled for a hearing."

Meanwhile, back in Texas ... well, shit.

More »

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

OK, everybody relax and just breathe easy (though not too deeply). That whole global-warming, energy-supply, sooty-air thing is taken care of.

We know this because unlike many, many, many of you, we read The Dallas Morning News, and there on Monday they said so, sort of, in their lead editorial. "Now is a good time to break the tax-credit habit," read the sub-headline on the piece, which was about how the wind energy industry should end its dependence on a federal production tax credit. That 2.2-cent per kilowatt-hour credit, which received a one-year extension from Congress during the fiscal cliff battle at the end of last year, has helped boost wind production in Texas to about 10 percent of average usage over the past 10 years. That number's expected to climb in the future, so, the News concludes, it's time for wind to get off Uncle Sam's teat.

More »

Kevin Brown

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

Good news for those of you heartbroken when Big Tex, the 52-foot tall, 60-year-old icon of the State Fair of Texas, burned in a spectacular fire on the final day of the fair last fall. Big Tex has his hand back. Well, not exactly his hand, but an animated 3D drawing of what his new hand will look like when it's built. (Hint: It'll be big and hand-shaped. Also, judging by the knuckles, Tex suffers a touch of the rheumatiz.) Sue Gooding with the fair sent word about Tex's digits, along with some other digits about the fair's fund-raising efforts to cover the estimated $450,000 to $600,000 it'll cost to replace the big guy. So far, private donations have reached -- drum roll please -- more than $45,000!

Well ... shit. You cheap, cheap bastards. That's it? After all the tears and blog posts and photos and "Oh, Tex, we hardly knew ye" cries when Big Tex crisped like an over-fried churro, you people have managed to donate just 10 percent of the cost of returning the beloved big guy to the fair? Forty-five grand? That's barely enough to cover about how much 10 families of four would spend for a day at the fair, assuming they don't ride any of the good rides.

More »