Listen Up, Fellow Liberals, It's Time to Lay Off the Boy Scouts

Categories: Buzz

He'd kill you if he got the chance.
Every week, Managing Editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, anti-depressant-gobbling, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

Listen up, fellow leftist members of the conspiracy to destroy America. It's time to lay off the Boy Scouts of America and other Scout-like groups. We had a good run there last year with the homophobic Scouts story, but if we focus too long at any one target, we eventually reach a point of diminishing returns.

When PETA joins the dog pile, you know we've reached that point.

The animal rights group this week released a letter it sent to Wayne Perry, president of the Irving-based BSA, demanding that the organization stop teaching Scouts how to kill animals. It was signed by former Scouts upset over a Florida Scout leader who demonstrated how to dress a pair of rabbits, which he then cooked and fed to the boys. By "dress," we mean "whacked on the head with a stick," which if done properly is an accepted method for humanely dispatching a bunny. (Another, the "broomstick method," does not involving conking Mr. Bun on the noggin. You can Google it and find many videos demonstrating the technique, but we don't advise that unless you have some spare rabbits cluttering up your apartment and need a nosh. Let's just say it sucks to be a bunny.)

More »

Dallas Police Want Cops to Tweet More. Oh Man, So Do We.

Categories: Buzz

Chief David Brown
The Dallas Police Department officially unveiled plans this week to encourage officers to tweet more, as part of a wider social-media strategy that includes beefing up the department's blog and Facebook page and posting more photos on Pinterest.

We welcome the DPD's expanded entry into the highly competitive world of new media, mainly because misery loves company, but also for what having more cops on Twitter will mean for us: gaffes. The single best feature of Twitter is how it ensnares people into embarrassing themselves in 140 characters.

Eighty officers have signed up for a one-day training program on social-media use. Expect more on Twitter soon, cops say. That many people with thumbs flying make it a statistical lock that someone soon will say something they wish they hadn't or send an inappropriate photo, and that's red meat to those in media old-school and new.

More »

Dallas Adding Mandatory Rate Hikes to Its Drought-Response Arsenal

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for LawnWhisperer.jpg
Councilman Philip Kingston's lonely quest to kill off the Lawn Whisperer appears like it's doomed to fail. Mr. Whisperer, a character in advertisements, features prominently in the city's long-term water-conservation plan, which was briefed to the City Council's Quality of Life Committee this morning.

But it looks like Dallas Water Utilities has taken Kingston's other water-related directive to heart: "You conserve water by paying a higher price."

As part of its new, state-mandated drought-contingency plan, the city plans to start charging more for water when things get particularly dry.

More »

$350,000 to Kill a Rhino? What's It Worth to Spare It?

Categories: Buzz

Thumbnail image for BlackRhino.jpg
"The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason." --T.S. Eliot

Many words have flooded the Internet over last weekend's auction by the Dallas Safari Club of a permit that will allow a well-heeled hunter to kill one of the few remaining black rhinoceroses in Namibia. Many of those words, particularly those posted by others on the Facebook page of Corey Knowlton, the professional hunter who may have won the auction with a $350,000 bid, are variations of the word "penis" and "small." "Scum" is pretty popular too.

See also: Dallas Safari Club's Black Rhino Permit Sold for Much Less Than Expected

We say "may" because the club isn't naming the winner, and Knowlton was identified in another hunter's tweet. (We've left messages.) There's speculation online about whether Knowlton made the bid for himself or someone else. Considering the heat from the commenters on his Facebook page -- wishes that he die and burn in hell -- the man must have skin thicker than a rhino's.

The auction has its supporters, who point out that the rhino due for a bullet, named "Ronnie" by authorities to give this story extra pathos, is past breeding age and aggressive, and the money from the auction -- far less than the $1 million the club hoped for -- will go to conserve the species.

"Compassion for animals is an unappreciated commonality between hunters and non-hunters," Dallas Morning News op-ed columnist Gordon Keith wrote in defense of the hunt. "But compassion uncoupled from reason is destructive."

More »

State Rep. Lon Burnam Wishes Someone Would Subpoena His Evidence of GOP Obamacare Sabotage

Categories: Buzz

Thumbnail image for LonBurnam.jpg
State Rep. Lon Burnam
State Representative Lon Burnam has a simple request of anyone interested in learning just how far the state Republican leadership will go to throw a wrench into efforts to provide affordable health insurance to millions of uninsured Texans. Subpoena him. Do it. Please.

The Fort Worth legislator is among a cadre of vocal Democrats who accuse Governor Rick Perry and the Texas Department of Insurance of trying to obstruct enrollment under the Affordable Care Act by drafting a set of onerous training requirements for "navigators," the people employed under ACA to help the uninsured get coverage. The feds have awarded Texas $11 million to train and hire navigators, but the TDI says the feds' training requirements aren't tough enough. The agency has proposed rules that could more than double the amount of training time and raise the cost of that training by up to $800 per navigator.

The TDI says its rules are necessary to protect Texans' privacy, aren't politically motivated and have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Perry and pals are being dragged by their heels, fingers clawing the dirt, into the age of Obamacare.

More »

Get Outta Here, Congressman Steve Stockman, You Zany Guy You

Categories: Buzz

Buzz wants to give a big shout-out and thanks to The Washington Times, the super-conservative other paper in D.C., for clearing up a misconception many people have about Tea Partying Congressman Steve Stockman, who recently announced that he'll challenge Senator John Cornyn in next year's GOP primary.

Turns out that liberals, who consider Stockman an Obama-hating, gun-crazed loon, are just a bunch of humorless tight-asses who don't have the brains to get Stockman's cutting-edge political wit, the Times wrote last week.

For instance: Dim-bulb progressives were shocked when Stockman invited gun-loving rocker Ted Nugent -- who's sadly failed to deliver on his promise to be "dead or in jail by this time next year" if Obama was re-elected -- to the president's state of the union address. Apparently liberals don't know the word dadaesque. And when Stockman said chlamydia was more popular than Obamacare, or that if fetuses had guns there'd be no abortions? Pow! Man, that's so edgy we just want to snap our fingers. That Stockman cat is like a conservative Andy Kaufman. He's so out there you should just never take anything he says seriously.

C'mon, libtards, get with it. Can't you see that Stockman, who has something like $32,000 in his campaign fund and on Tuesday offered anyone who contributes $10 a green "Obama barf bag," is just having a major goof? It's not a campaign. It's performance art.

More »

Craig Watkins: The Man Who Would Be King

Categories: Buzz

Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, anti-depressant-gobbling, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

OK, people, listen up. Buzz can't believe we have to repeat this lesson, but apparently someone hasn't been paying attention. We're looking at you, Mr. Watkins, so please put away your comic book.

Now, class, can anyone complete this saying for Mr. Watkins' benefit? Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts ... How? Anyone?

Apparently Buzz wasn't the only one absolutely dismayed last week when Dallas District Attorney Craig Watkins' first assistant, Heath Harris, said he intends to challenge Darlene Ewing for chairmanship of the Dallas County Democratic Party. "Get ready for Boss Watkins," Dallas Morning News political writer Gromer Jeffers wrote in a column about the news. "Wary Democrats" are grumbling quietly -- that means anonymously -- that Watkins wants to take over county politics, Jeffers wrote.

More »

Fatigue to the 50th Power: JFK Day Will All Be Over Soon, Right? RIGHT?

Categories: Buzz

If we say we're sorry, can we get our damn sandwich?
Every week, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, anti-depressant-gobbling, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

At last, Buzz has begun to share some of the emotion driving the city's 50th anniversary celebration of the Kennedy assassination. (Official motto: "Yep, still dead.")

Sadness. Anger. Crushed dreams.

Thanks to ginormous security preparations for the 50th events planned for Friday, it'll be virtually impossible for us to drive from our office to the downtown Omni on Thursday, the only day of the week our fave food truck dishes out some really fine barbecue sandwiches there. This makes us very sad. Thank you, Lee Harvey Oswald, the Mob, Castro, LBJ, whomever. We really look forward to those sammies, you bastard dream-crushers.

Yeah, that's crass and silly, but at least it's an honest emotion, which is more than we've been able to glean from all those tiresome essays flooding the media about Dallas' wounded, guilt-ridden psyche 50 years after what apparently is the only day that matters in the city's history. We read this crap and ask, "Who? Who are all these souls still bearing the burden of The Fateful Day?" Buzz has lived in Dallas 17 years, and not one person we know walks around ready to burst into tears if you say the words "City of Hate." And do you know anyone who, given the slightest choice, would willingly drive downtown Friday? Aren't most of us just so bored with it by now?

More » Anyone Made It in Yet?

Categories: Buzz

So Buzz is sitting here trying to get a peek at, the government website for health care insurance exchanges unveiled today as part of the Affordable Care Act.

Six tries in, and we're still stymied. But that's fine. Universal health care wasn't built in a day, and if you're a progressive living in Texas, you learn to be patient. HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius urged everyone to "give us the same slack you give Apple," Slate reported -- which would be a lot more cheering if Apple's new iOS didn't stop playing in the middle of songs ever since we loaded latest version, making us want to pitch our iPhone out a window.

And of course, leave it to conservative, government-health-care-hating Texas to make's first-day glitches a little more annoying. In the middle of our sixth try to make the site work, an email pops in our in box. It's a press release from the state:

"For the first time in its history,, the official website of the State of Texas, has received twelve industry awards in a single year. This impressive accomplishment demonstrates the State's dedication to providing the best possible online experience for Texas citizens."

More »

Surprise! Texas GOP Candidates Don't Support Gay Rights -- or Do They?

Categories: Buzz

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Greg_Abbott.jpg
What's Greg Abbott really thinking under that handsome head of Republican hair?
Every week or so, managing editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, nicotine-addicted, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

So The Associated Press last week reported the results of a survey it sent to the top Republican candidates for statewide office, including Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who's running for governor, and a bunch of other white guys we can't tell apart, asking them for their stances on gay rights.

The survey turned up just tons of huge surprises. For example, did you know that before he decided to enter politics, gubernatorial candidate Tom Pauken dreamed of becoming a professional jazz dancer? Or that state Representative Dan Branch, candidate for attorney general, has seen A Chorus Line 135 times?

More »

Now Trending

From the Vault