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Now, see, I would pay $35,000 to have dinner with Steve Martin dressed as King Tut.

A mention only because, really, this is so Dallas. In the morning mail, we discovered the invitation to experience "a once-in-a-lifetime entertainment and dining experience fit for a king and queen," courtesy the Dallas Museum of Art. Seems the DMA's offering folks the chance to privately meet and greet King Tutankhamum when he arrives in Dallas come October; you can even dine with the boy king in the museum's "secure art storage vault," which sounds a little dusty though nothing Stephan Pyles' cooking can't overcome. Also included: a private reception with up to 20 of your closest pals, a Tut lecture over dessert and coffee and a private tour of Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs. And valet parking, d'uh.

And what'll this experience run ya? Only $35,000. Though, notes the invite, "THE EXPERIENCE IS PRICELESS!" If I'd known they'd line up just to see him, I'd've taken all my money and bought me a museum. --Robert Wilonsky

Nasher Sculpture Center

Raymond D. Nasher

Those Friends of Unfair Park wondering what to do with the spare change scrounged from their couch, take note: Sotheby's in New York is set, this Friday, to auction off some 200 pieces in the collection of Ray and Patsy Nasher, among them works by Pablo Picasso, Roy Lichtenstein's, Robert Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns and Keith Haring. (You'll have to register at the auction house's site to see details; it's free, though, and totally worth it.) Says the Associated Press this afternoon: "The works are expected to bring in a total of more than $30 million, with [Picasso's] The Kiss alone estimated to fetch $10 million to $15 million." It comes with a free hug, however. Far more reasonable: Donald Lipski's 1947 piece Building Steam #105, with the opening bid at $800. --Robert Wilonsky

Excuse me, where are the crayons? Oh, expecting lots of kids, eh? Sure, makes sense to hide their materials then.

Took the 4-year-old who lives in our house to the Dallas Museum of Art yesterday, to check out the just-opened Center for Creative Connections making a freebie sneak peek over the weekend. The little man, and his parents, were not impressed: $27 million for two cardboard chairs? So, sure, there was more than that -- but not much: a few paper clips and rubber bands and notebook binders masquerading as hanging art (the beauty of the every day!), some busts made out of soap and chocolate (how State Fair of Texas!) and the opportunity to watch some guy smear thick paint on a canvas (how ... boring).

Turns out, the promise of a hands-on experience for the kids wasn't quite as promising as we'd been lead to believe: Upon arriving we were told to go to to the "rubbing table," where the boy and his friend were expecting to put crayon to paper and "experience all kinds of neat textures," said the breathless DMA volunteer. Only, when we got to the table, there were no crayons. When I went to ask why, a DMA employee said, well, it's just a sneak preview, "and we're expecting so many people that we didn't create a traffic jam back there." Which didn't explain why the wall was littered with rubbing-table artwork from Saturday. And which also raised the question: So, when this officially opens, you're expecting so few kids that putting out crayons won't be a problem?

The kids, very disappointed, were left instead to play with ... plain ol' cardboard boxes. Best part was, it took two security guards to keep a watchful eye over 12 square feet of nothing and nonsense.

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Frank Campagna, as mentioned here Thursday, had all of four hours yesterday to make Rogers Waters a brand-new piggie for the former Floyd's show last night at Starplex. We were gonna document the start-to-finish, but the Kettle Art-ist was too under-the-gun to allow interlopers. Alas, it was too bad, as his work was, like its Coachella predecessor, unleashed into the nighttime sky courtesy the lawnlubbers who adiosed it to God knows where. Actually, says Frank, "I read today [it] hit a sky crane over in Victory Park." Of course it did. Here, it makes its debut ...

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The above video comes from Roger Waters' Sunday-night performance at Coachella, where, during a performance of Pink Floyd's 1977 song "Pigs," his giant inflatable swine took off into the night sky. Alas, it was recovered two days later -- a few miles away from the SoCal site of the festival and in too many pieces to merit its repair. Hence, our local connection: Good Friend of Unfair Park Frank Campagna sends word this a.m. that at 1 p.m. tomorrow, he'll begin fabricating a brand-new piggie for Roger Waters: "30 x 15 feet," he writes, "and little to no time to crank it out." I smell a slideshow ... --Robert Wilonsky

A Quick Word With Kids In The Hall - Now on tour!

In anticipation of Wednesday night’s Kids In the Hall As Live As We’ll Ever Be performance at Nokia in Grand Prairie (tickets for the show are still available here), I chatted with Kid Kevin McDonald. Surely, you’ll remember him as Sir Simon of the Pit of Ultimate Darkness, The King of Empty Promises and Darcy Pennell, as well as one half of the Anal-Probing Aliens, “Nobody Likes Us” guys and the Sizzler Sisters.

During our conversation, he proved himself not only gracious, but incredibly entertaining even off the stage and screen. Thanks to the limitless capacity of Unfair Park, I’m able to share with you our discussion in full after the jump, wherein we tackle heated topics such as asthma, wig styling, relationships, fake breasts and child stars. --Merritt Martin

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I Love Dallas from Guy Montag on Vimeo.

Found this on Vimeo -- ya know, the cooler YouTube? And says Guy Montag, the photographer responsible for the Koyaanisqatsi-like time-lapse video, "It took 3,134 still frames to make this -- phew!" Which is putting it mildly. --Robert Wilonsky

The University of Texas at Dallas provides a sneak peek at “False Space and Time of the Apartment,” the first exhibit to occupy Centraltrak -- the school's gallery and artists' residency opening Saturday in the spot formerly occupied by the Fair Park Post Office. The obvious draw at first glance? “Lifebean,” described as a "collapsible disaster shelter shaped like a bean pod," which is being shipped from San Francisco for display on Centraltrak's patio. I believe it also served as the basis for this disturbing Star Trek episode. --Robert Wilonsky

Looks like Dallas Black Dance Theatre's gotten itself a very, very important person for its grand opening gala on April 18: none other than Nelson Mandela, who'll come to town to pick up something called the World Impact Award for "his commitment to his vision and for the profound effect he has had in our world," naturally. The shindig, during which Dallas Black Dance Theatre will debut its new Arts District digs, will also include a concert by Patti LaBelle and a dinner prepped by Abacus' Kent Rathbun; tickets are available here, though a warning -- they are not cheap. --Robert Wilonsky

David Mamet's in town tonight to present the keynote address as the Dallas Institute of Humanities and Culture dispenses the Hiett Prize in the Humanities to David Greenberg, an assistant prof of history, journalism and media studies at Rutgers University. The shindig takes place this evening in the Horchow Auditorium at the Dallas Museum of Art, though there's a waiting list for ducats -- so, alas, probably a no-go at this late date. Nonetheless, Mamet's Dallas appearance does gives us reason to show you this awfully genius and so very NSFW re-imagining of Glengarry Glen Ross. --Robert Wilonsky

Hal Samples will see you this weekend. Well, actually, he kinda sees you now.

So, we'll see you Friday night at the opening of our dear Friend Hal Samples' new gallery, right? You know -- at 2814 Main Street in Deep Ellum? From 6 to 10 p.m.? Right. Awesome. 'Cause truth is, it's actually kind of a weekend-long shebang down at Samples' Space: Friday opening, Saturday drop-bys culminating in a rock show, then a Sunday-night potluck -- with all manner of musical accompaniment all weekend long. For those who can't make it, FineLineLive.com will stream the weekend's events, which is also doubling as a fundraiser for Dallas' homeless, to which Hal's devoted much of his time and talent in recent years. Here's Hal's video for the Sunday-night git-together. Happy eating. --Robert Wilonsky

SpeakEasy Stage Company

Stephanie Umoh in SpeakEasy Stage Company's production of The Bubbly Black Girl Sheds Her Chameleon Skin

Since last October, the Boston Globe has been chronicling Stephanie Umoh as she finishes her senior year at Boston Conservatory; the series, fittingly enough, is titled "The Education of Stephanie Umoh." Umoh was chosen for the series because she's a talented comer who's scored major roles in professional productions -- though, says the introductory piece, out of the hundreds enrolled at the school and in its "grueling" programs, only a few emerge from the shadows and into the spotlight. Said Umoh's voice teacher in October, "There's an old saying that for every one on stage on the bright side of the lights, there are probably 250,000 on the dark side."

And why should you care about the rise of Stephanie Umoh? Because she's a local -- from Lewisville, specifically, which she left three years back to become a Broadway somebody, with Boston as the layover. The series, now in its fourth part, continued yesterday with this story, which deals with the difficulties of being "a minority student at an overwhelmingly white college." Some footage of Umoh's performing "More Than You Know" at the conservatory's fall recital is after the jump. --Robert Wilonsky

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The Dallas Opera's staging of Porgy & Bess wrapped up Saturday -- but fret not, opera fans, as the DO has just posted several clips from the local run at Fair Park. Here's "There's a Boat That's Leaving Soon For New York," and several more can be found after the jump -- including Janice Chandler-Eteme's "Summetime." Incidentally, Dallas Opera has, for a while now, been making available videos from most of its productions; they're available here. --Robert Wilonsky

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This shirt's available from the Goss-Michael Foundation online boutique. Which means it's time to ditch this tee.

George Michael and Kenny Goss want to give you $5,000. If, that is, you're a "high school graduating seniors interested in pursuing a college education in music or visual arts." Today, the men behind the Goss-Michael Foundation announced their arts scholarship, which kiddos must apply toward their college tuition -- and it's open only to Dallas-Fort Worth high school students. Better still, the winner -- or winners -- will have "one piece of art framed and displayed in the director’s office at The Goss-Michael Foundation and will be featured on the Foundation website and monthly newsletter."

Incidentally, this scholarship is in addition to George Michael's, which he offers each year to a graduating music senior of Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts. So, for those so interested -- or their parents -- the full announcement and submission guidelines for both scholarships are after the jump. --Robert Wilonsky

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Bill T. Jones in his Blind Date 1-8

The Nasher Sculpture Center has announced its next guest for its monthly NasherSalon series: Bill T. Jones, among the most influential choreographers in the history of dance, will appear on March 20. Jones, whose dance company with Arnie Zane is close to celebrating its 25th anniversary, is the recipient of more awards than we've space to list. Just read his bio, a most impressive list of accomplishments even for a genius with an extraordinary tale told often and eloquently.

Jones will also be seen before year's end in Timothy Greenfield-Sanders and former Fort Worth Star-Telegram and New York Times film critic Elvis Mitchell's The Black List, bought by HBO a day before its debut at the Sundance Film Festival last month. Jones' segment is particularly riveting, nestled between those from Toni Morrison, Chris Rock, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Colin Powell, among many others. Tickets for the event go on sale here March 2 at 10 a.m.; they're $45 for non-members, $40 for members. --Robert Wilonsky