The Rangers Even Suck at Sucking

Categories: Sports

See this swing? If you ever want to see it in Arlington, start rooting against the Rangers.
Behind a seven-inning, two-run start from Nick Tepesch and a two-run ninth inning, walkoff rally capped off by Adam Rosales' game-winning RBI single over a drawn-in infield, the Rangers knocked off the Angels yesterday, ending a four-game losing streak overall and a nine-game skid against the Halos.

It was yet another failure to execute in a season full of disappointment for the club.

At this point, it is imperative that the Rangers do everything they can to lose as many games as possible. Ninth-inning comebacks should be shunned. Yu Darvish should be shut down. Adrian Beltre should be sent on vacation. Jon Daniels and company should call up as many non-prospects as are currently on Frisco or Round Rock's rosters. The tank should be fully embraced.

The Rangers have had the first pick exactly twice -- taking Jeff Burroughs while still the Washington Senators in 1969 and infamously picking, and ruining, David Clyde in 1973 -- in their largely moribund history. This year, they have the chance for number three, but not if they stubbornly insist on competing down the stretch.

After yesterday's win, the team is only one game worse than the Colorado Rockies, a club that has sagely shut down its two best players, Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez, for the season. There is no pride to be had for finishing with the second-to-worst record in Major League Baseball, just the shame of not being able to draft uber-prospect Daz Cameron.

Cameron, the son of former major leaguer Mike Cameron, is the speedy, power-hitting outfielder, likely to go No. 1 in the June 2015 draft, who you can see taking cuts in the video above. He's one of those rare guys who profiles -- like Mike Trout, or Ken Griffey Jr. or Mickey Mantle before him -- as a lock-down defensive center fielder who's also an elite hitter, the kind of guy you can build a franchise around for years.

Given Coors Field's massive outfield, the Rangers shouldn't expect Cameron to slip past the Rockies should the local team not try its hardest to give up. That, combined with the reduced bonus pool for draftees the Rangers would get if they fail to finish worst, would be unforgivable.

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As an addendum, if the Rangers could also resume scoring runs while tanking, that would be great for those of us who got addicted to the Rangers7 discount at Papa John's but have had precious few chances to use it this season. The Cowboys and Stars versions of the deal don't get us cheap soda or bacon cheesesticks, dang it.


To Suck or Not To Suck At Sucking...................will be one of the classes during our Pray the Het Away sessions at Texas Hetero Conversion Therapy Camp. 

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Yes last is a must. It gives you 1st pick in draft, also in Rule 5 draft, as well as #1 on all waiver wires NL and AL over the winter and into the 1st month of the season next year and some other protected draft pick minutiae .  You also get the bonus pool and I believe more money in the international market.  Please, please, please, tank it.  

primi_timpano topcommenter

Zoli's has appropriated PJ's tag line--better ingredients, better pizza--but it hasn't stepped up to the 7 run line to offer half priced pizza on days following rangers scoring 7 runs or more.

Come on, Zoli's, take a chance.

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