Dallas Cowboy Orlando Scandrick Suspended Four Games for Taking Crappy Ecstasy

Categories: Sports

scandrick.jpg
Dallas Cowboys
Missing games for something else this time.
News reports this morning indicate that one of the Cowboys' few defensive bright spots from last season, cornerback Orlando Scandrick, has been suspended for the first four games of the 2014 regular season for violating the NFL's performance-enhancing substance abuse policy. Scandrick has already lost his appeal in the matter, so it looks like the Cowboys will be stuck with whatever the mercurial Mo Claiborne can give the on the outside for the first quarter of the season.

The details of Scandrick's indiscretion -- if his agent and ESPN's Ed Werder are to be believed -- are pretty mundane. While on vacation in Mexico with an ex-girlfriend, Scandrick, or someone in his party, mixed a drug -- reported by Werder to be MDMA -- purchased from a street vendor into a cocktail he was drinking.

See also: Don't Panic, But There's Probably Meth in Your Ecstasy and De-Wormer In Your Cocaine

According to reporting by Fox Sport's Jay Glazer, Scandrick received a harsher punishment than a typical NFL MDMA user. MDMA, by itself, is classified as a drug of abuse, like marijuana, for which first-time positive tests result in enrollment in the league's substance abuse program rather than a suspension. But Molly is often combined with an amphetamine to form the less-pure ecstasy, something Glazer says happened in Scandrick's case. Amphetamines are considered a performance enhancing substance according to the policy.

So, to recap: No games for Molly. Four games for Molly's shitty cousin E. A year for weed, and two games for punching your soon-to-be fiance in the head until she is unconscious before dragging her out of an Atlantic City casino's elevator by her hair.

Roger, Roger.


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10 comments
CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

How did Dale Hansen put it? "On vacation? In Mexico? With an EX-girlfriend? What could possibly go wrong?" Had he just toked.....

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

All this time I thought "Crappy-E" was some second rate rapper or DJ.

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

You buy elotes from a street vendor and drugs from a dealer.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Big Kitty tried to get over on Myrna by blaming the two Siamese for "slipping" catnip into her Iams® Healthy Naturals™ Adult with Atlantic Salmon.

lebowski300
lebowski300

How many of us prepare all our food and beverages? Almost none. Quit calling bullshit unless you have something substantive to offer. Because if you don't, then fuck you and your bullshit.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

The NFL's policies on player conduct are absurd and make no sense.  It's like someone with 8 concussions and CTE was tasked with coming up with the suspension guidelines

TexMarine
TexMarine

"While on vacation in Mexico with an ex-girlfriend, Scandrick, or someone in his party, mixed a drug -- reported by Werder to be MDMA -- purchased from a street vendor into a cocktail he was drinking."

ahem....bulllllllll shit. So he knows where the MDMA came from, he "knows" someone slipped it into Scandricks drink, but doesn't know who that someone is? Right.

TexMarine
TexMarine

@mcdallas i can see him now, flailing wildly trying to protect his drink, only to get smoked by some unknown "friend".

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