Dallas Weather: See You All Tomorrow For the #Stormpocalypse

Categories: Weather

tumblr_m94b3cdDkG1qljl72o1_1280.jpg
Mike Brooks
Stormclouds gather. Note: not actual picture of current Dallas situation.

I don't know if you can analyze weather like what I can (I also type good) but if you've even glanced at one of those funny colored-in maps they have out there on those weather stations, you'll be aware that tomorrow is going to look very bright. Bright in the brightly-colored map sense, not in the summertime sense.

What I'm trying to say is, we're all going to die.

"Don't Let The Sun Fool Ya" is also the title of St. Delkus' debut hip-hop album.

Now, you might look at this weather map thing and say, "but Gavin, it looks like Dallas will miraculously survive the #stormpocalypse!" and to you I have two things to say. One, try not to use hashtags in a sentence. Two, remember that storms have to move. Rain doesn't just teleport all over the shop, you ninny. Thus, none of us will actually survive.

Let's face it, we all knew the polar thingy was too good to be true. Join us tomorrow for a live blog if it's bad enough, and a conspicuous lack of an apology if the weather is just dandy. Until then, enjoy the ultimate harbinger of the impending #stormpocalypse.


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16 comments
holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Big survey just out!

Immediately after "Inconvenient Truth" released 8 years ago, the news term "extreme weather" increased 1,000 percent.

too funny.

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

I don't even know why anyone would go to another source for weather information.  Now if Gavin would just turn his talents to lottery prediction, I'd be set!

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

If Wfaa does not advertise on the DO, it should. Of it does, it should do more. I am surprised that Gavin hasn't been poached by live weather TV competitors.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

That is one hell of an awesome photo of downtown. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Denton County already getting hammered, is Gavin alive, does he know how to swim?

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

Schutze column tomorrow will crack down on Heaven's admission policy.

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

@ChrisYu And Holman will be posting all sorts of facts about Heaven's 'turnback' percentage, and how most of them really weren't turnbacks, but really just severely backsliding southern Baptists.  Rudd will point out that many of those backsliders weren't really backsliding, just still in line waiting for Obamacare to kick in when they died.  Myrna will call everyone by some nursery rhyme pet name and wonder why, with such a long line to get in, Heaven isn't passing out cheese blintz's.  Scotts, Merk, Hulk will be *POW*ing everyone and everything in sight (don't tell them, but having the most likes won't move you up in line).  Mav and Phelps will be so busy arguing a point so obscure nobody even bothers to read it, especially since they both actually agree on it but are too stubborn to admit it.  Buckus will point out that there aren't any deviants in the line.  Donkey will wonder who this heavenly glowing person is, who is suddenly riding him past waves of people laying out palm fronds, and then figure it is just another US Veteran, trying to get a free ride from the system.

I, meanwhile, will be studying the lawn outside the pearly gates, wondering how the hell they keep the nutgrass and chickweed from taking over.  ScottinDallas will, of course, tell me the answer, roll his eyes and mutter something about Sophists ruining the landscape industry.

lebowski300
lebowski300

lebowski will have taken a nap and catch up on shit a day later

Tracie F
Tracie F

SEWERSBACKINGUPANDKNOCKINGOUTPOWER!


TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki

Do your best Dan Rather and cling to a pole sideways.

Borrow Jim's Hatcam, have an intern throw some debris, you got yourself a viral, amigo, you could be the next weatherbeib.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

I'm waiting for the autotuned disco version of the weather report guy.

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