Weather: Memorial Day And All Associated Festivities Are Canceled

Categories: Weather

texas-six-shooter-grill.jpg
This is what I imagine Memorial Day looks like.

Memorial Day. Now, I don't know exactly what Memorial Day is, being from abroad. I'm not letting that stop me from speculating, however. As it is an American holiday in almost-summer I'm going to assume you have idyllic plans. Apple pie, grilling, family members, monster trucks, shooting animals, grossly misunderstanding the usefulness of the abstract notion of "freedom," that sort of thing. Just because I'm not one of you doesn't mean I don't understand you.

Unfortunately, the Lord above, who I'm led to believe is to blame for the weather (although some culpability must fall at the feet of the Holy Spirit for being so damn unknowable) has decreed that this is not your weekend. In fact, the whole of next week is pretty much a write-off at this point.

Look at that proud American flag. There will be no proud American flags flying on Monday. Instead, all American flags will be damp, limp, and resentful of the weather. What clearer message is there that America has sinned than torrential rain on Memorial Day? None. That is what. Mend your ways, America, before God gets really serious and sends tornadoes on Christmas Day. Consider this a warning.

Furthermore, in the top left here, you can tell it's summer because of the heat penis.

Just the tip, Wylie. Just the tip.

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60 comments
casiepierce
casiepierce

Shooting animals? Do you think hunting season is a year-round deal?

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

BAH - make plans and adjust accordingly 

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

Memorial Day = another excuse for the American Slave-worker Class to get shitfaced drunk in a vain attempt to numb the pain of their vapid existence.


hth.



holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Those that I fight I do not hate,

Those that I guard I do not love.

W. B. Yeats (1865–1939), Irish poet, playwright. An Irish Airman Forsees His Death.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

" Now, I don't know exactly what Memorial Day is, being from abroad."

Gavin, just think Remembrance Day.

CogitoErgoSum
CogitoErgoSum topcommenter

Jolly good show, Gavin. Delkus best watch his 6 ... telling us Americans here in America 'bout some rain bullshit on Memorial Day. Baby Jesus won't let it happen -- not on his watch.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

The President just canceled Memorial Day due to bad timing, according to his press secretary just now.

The President said he just heard about the VA scandal on the news.



Just-Sharon
Just-Sharon

The "heat penis" looks more like Godzilla.

harmonicpies
harmonicpies

I don't mind a flaccid heat penis if it means I don't have to go to Stage 4 watering restrictions.

Greg820
Greg820

Grilling family members and shooting animals from monster trucks.  Gavin, I think you have it down.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

Is that heat penis one of your family members?

Damp and limp on monday....guess we all hope for that.

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@casiepierce

Season? To god-damned hell with seasons! We have no seasons. In fact, we don't need seasons!

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@DonkeyHotay

another excuse for the American Slave-worker Class to get shitfaced drunk in a vain attempt to numb the pain of their vapid existence.

A bitter Donkey offers us a little insight into his world. One suspects though, that, for him, this is pretty much a daily ritual.

Remember kids, avoid vapidity, stay in school!

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul

Do you know what a soldier is, young man? He’s the chap who makes it possible for civilised folk to despise war. Allan Massie (b. 1938), British author. Colonel Fernie, in A Question of Loyalties, pt. 2, ch. 1 (1989).

When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,

And the women come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to your rifle an’ blow out your brains

An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.

Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936), British author, poet. The Young British Soldier.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@holmantx Wrong.  The Bush wars created a huge demand for VA services.  Meanwhile, during the Obama administration, Republicans have fought hard to cut spending for the VA.  

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@holmantx

I understand he's quite angry.

Probably going to throw off his golf game.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

@Just-Sharon I was thinking brontosaurus. The one next to it looks like a Modigliani sex painting.

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

@ozonelarryb Sing it; 'just another flaccid Monday, oh OOOHHHH ohhhh' 


(That's from a Bangles song you whippersnappers.)

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@ScottsMerkin 

Try doing your corn in the husk.  Soak the ears in water for about 15 minutes, then place on the grill and lower the lid.  Done in about 15 minutes.  Nice and juicy and sweet.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@ScottsMerkin

Looks awesome! Me too! Been aging a big CAB that's gonna' hit the Weber early Sunday a.m.!

Can. Not. Wait. for Sunday evening!

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@Sotiredofitall

What's the over/under on the number of area lake drownings?

Depends on how many fully-clothed Latinos go swimming after demasiadas cervezas.

Udidit
Udidit

@Sotiredofitall @DonkeyHotay  .....Hey honey did you remember to get Becky back in the boat after her turn skiing?


No, I thought you helped her back in.


Shit, I was trying to roll the joint without getting it wet.


Do you think she will be there in the morning?


Yeppers we can pick her up after lunch and let her ski first tomorrow,. 


Great! I love you.


I love you too.   Happy MM Day

Just-Sharon
Just-Sharon

@holmantx @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul 


The transformation of waste
(I'm floating in a door backward)
(On boundaries over this world)
The transformation of waste
(I'm waiting above in the sky, dear)
The transformation of waste
(Upon a [Incomprehensible])

The transformation of waste is perhaps the oldest pre-occupation of man
([Incomprehensible])
Man being the chosen alloy, he must be reconnected via shit
([Incomprehensible])
At all cost inherent within us is the dream of the task of the alchemist
([Incomprehensible])
To create from the clay of man
([Incomprehensible



Patti Smith - Easter

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@Myrna

Others will be blamed.

The Bush wars.

Did you come up with that lame excuse for bureaucratic incompetence, or was it planted in your head by the brilliant broad Nancy Pelosi?

Here's a clue, hon. If the VA is overwhelmed and systemically challenged to provide health care as is its mission, then SPEAK UP. Maybe ALERT someone.

Maybe that someone could be a guy who, with the stroke of a pen, allow those victims of incompetence to get medical care in the private sector, at government expense, like illegal aliens.

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz @holmantx The scandalous behavior by the VA goes way back before either Bush was in the big chair.  The VA is the proverbial good intention paving the road to hell.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be able to avail myself of VA benefits, since ACA has made it impossible for me to afford any other health insurance.  I'm lucky though, in that I don't have any pressing medical concerns.  I'm a tier 6 enrollee, so I have 6-8 months between appointments.  The problem is, tier 1 and 2 enrollees also go months between appointments.  The problems with the VA are not rooted in too many veterans needing the service, they are the result of too many politicians, of both parties, making promises to too many special interest groups.

For instance, there have been, for my entire life, calls to reduce the military budget.  Altruistic bleeding hearts point out that you can build schools, housing, fund idiotic art programs that define shit on a stick as 'art', and scores of other 'things' that can be done with the money it takes to build one M1 tank.  (but 'Shit on a Stick' art displays cant fire a 155mm shell at targets out to 10km while moving at 45mph across open desert at night, either).  What you don't see is Altruistic bleeding hearts advocating that the money cut from defense budget get applied to the DVA budget.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@gavin.cleaver @Greg820 can we bring Facebook commmenting back for one day, just so we can remember how god awful they are.  On second thought, nevermind

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul We do them 2 ways, one is the way you describe, the other is my wife shucks em, rubs em down in butter and the sprinkles some herb and garlic on them.  She wraps em in foil and I grill! 

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@DonkeyHotay

I take it you never read "Ask A Mexican".

OR go to a Dallas-area lakes, know any area paramedics, or read the newspapers.

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

@TheRuddSki <== never misses a chance to display his abject bigotry, racism and hate.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

@RTGolden1 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz @holmantx

AMEN -


Politicians live by the rule - don't need to fix the roof if it isn't raining


Recommend "Don't Tread on Me: A 400-Year History of America at War, from Indian Fighting to Terrorist Hunting"  

to see the cycle of military funding build-up and cut-back 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Just-Sharon @ScottsMerkin about 25-30 depending on how hot the coals are.  I usually turn them 2 or 3 times, and once the foil starts to slightly discolor, you know they are close to done

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