Weekend Dallas Weather: Cancel Everything

Categories: Weather

delkus_tornado.jpg
WFAA
Weather God St. Delkus tries to karate chop last night's tornado, in a vain attempt to protect us all.

To everyone in town this weekend for what are apparently a series of basketball games played by unpaid teenagers, we say welcome! Welcome to North Texas! How was the weather last night? That bad, huh? Well. If a few tornadoes and storms and the odd bit of baseball-sized hail are getting you concerned, then Dallas during the springtime is potentially not the best place for you.

I wish I could tell you that Saturday and Sunday will have the beautiful sunshine and blue skies of last weekend, but if I told you that, I would be a liar. One thing I am not is a liar. Terrible weather forecaster with no relevant experience, yes. Liar, no.

So, this weekend, it's looking like you'll want to get your plans out the way on Saturday. Something you want to attend on Sunday? Give up. Petition the organizers to move it to Saturday. Re-create the event in the comfort of your own home, which I hope is equipped with exterior shutters and a sizable garage, because that hail is not kidding around.

See that? That's a 60 percent chance of an apocalyptic Sunday. Let's be kind and imagine it's only a 50 percent chance. Got a coin? Flip it. There you go. That's it. It's raining now. See what you just did? Never do anything a satirical weather blog tells you to do. Will there be more tornadoes? Probably. I would invest in shares of Super Glue and window repair right now. Good luck with that Springsteen concert, 40,000 people.

In better news, if we've learned anything from the film Twister, it's that you should only attempt to tackle a tornado by standing outside and attaching your belt to a pipe of some sort, which will grant you immunity from the flying debris. Doing this will, in some way, protect you from the storms at the same time as providing a baffling climax to the weather-based movie you're starring in.

Oh, and there's a 20 percent chance of isolated thunderstorms on Saturday too. Just in case you were feeling secure about those plans. We asked a dog for his verdict on this weekend's weather. Here it is.

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27 comments
mic8cau
mic8cau

Free Bruce Springsteen concert, so of course it's going to rain.

GangBang
GangBang

Delkus is a douchebag. 

Americano
Americano

It couldn't have been that bad.  Pete still had his tie on and his sleeves buttoned.

shelly151
shelly151

Predicting the weather in Texas is always a gamble, but I am willing to bet it’s not going to be as bad as last night. I don’t think we’ll have extreme weather this weekend; it might rain off and on Sunday, nothing too serious, and a little rain never keeps Texans from having a good time.


cherarnold
cherarnold

Seriously, who put this evil on us?


annff69
annff69

Love your weather report. Blatant honesty. Not usually something associated with the media.

victorianicole2009
victorianicole2009

I think that you are rude and you don't give a flying shit that people are trying to have a good time this weekend. You are too negative! Ok so it's supposed to rain so what. Just cause the weather man says it's going to rain don't mean shit. Most the time y'all are way off anyways. I'm hoping your wrong!!!!

JustSaying
JustSaying

 First the super bowl and now the final four. I love when the weather gods collectively squat down and take a giant watery shit on Jerry Jones.

mcdallas
mcdallas

Gavin's Friday story:  weather.  We get it, already.  Get a new schtick!

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Gavin, if it rains sunday at TMS you need to make your way out there just to experience what drunk Nascar fans are like when they have nothing to do but waste time on Sunday.  Particularly, find the RV lots 

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

East Dallas just had thunder and a misting. This was Denton's problem.

JackJett
JackJett

@JustSaying That is one of the most beautifully worded statements I have seen here on UP.   You are a poet.

dc005
dc005

@JustSaying from all evidence,  it's not JUST the weather gods ...

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@JustSaying  too bad its fucking with Nascar too, but oh well, they will still have a good time out there.

JustSaying
JustSaying

@ScottsMerkin  Basketball fans from the north trying to get a taste of the South while thunderstorms rob Nascar fans of their entertainment and send them out in search of booze and kicks. Redneck Heaven could be the perfect storm this weekend.

markzero
markzero

@ScottsMerkin @bigjondaniel he should compare them, then :)

G_David
G_David

@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul @gavin.cleaver@P1Gunter 

June 13, 2012. 

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