Delkus To Dallas: "Severe Storm Are Possible"

Categories: Weather

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Last weekend, I was correct about the weather. It was dreadful. The weather, that is, not my forecasting. There's no stopping me now, not after I've got a single forecast kind of correct through copying other, more talented weathermen. My power grows exponentially. This weekend, though, we've got a doozy. Delkus tells us "severe storm are possible." Just drink that in for a moment, Dallas. Large hail. Damaging winds. Tornadoes. All of it are possible.

So, the same advice as last weekend applies, only minus a free Bruce Springsteen concert. Sunday will be terrible. If you've got weekend plans, do them on Saturday. Don't wait around for Sunday. It will be really shitty. Try putting your car inside a garage. Don't have one? Simply make a hole in your house large enough to fit a car through, and presto! Instant garage.

What is it with Sundays around here? Who did we piss off? Are too few of us going to church? Did you go to church last weekend? Is it your fault? Are we simply praying to the wrong God? What on earth will happen NEXT Sunday?

Saturday? Delightful. However, we'll all be inside securing our possessions and loved ones in preparation for Sunday, which isn't ideal. My tip is to cower in the bathroom underneath a mattress.

After Sunday, you know the drill. It'll get noticeably colder, then build up a little bit warmer and then a little bit warmer in preparation for the next thunderstorm, which will take place on Thursday. Really, is there any point owning things in this climate? I put it to you that there is not, and that you should sign all your possessions over to me, your friendly trustworthy weatherman.

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20 comments
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

I have to wonder whether climate changes are shifting tornado alley farther north.  Oklahoma seems to have been the hardest hit in the years I've lived in North Texas. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Boy that storm sure petered out.  Fucking cap won.  Wasnt even worthy of logging in as Delkus Sleeves

dingo
dingo

No more rain but it looks like some wind gusts in the early Monday a.m.

Someone needs to tie down the massively portable Dr. Pepper Arena.


wharristx
wharristx

and where is Harold Taft when you need him???


ChrisYu
ChrisYu

can we get some DelkusSleeves up here

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

You mean, "Delkus to Dallas, I learnt Engrish at DISD."

tdkisok
tdkisok

"Try putting your car inside a garage. Don't have one? Simply make a hole in your house large enough to fit a car through, and presto! Instant garage.."


That's so redneck......

mcdallas
mcdallas

I'm convinced that you're better than this, Gavin.  Surely another topic awaits each Friday other than the weather?

Dub919
Dub919

Let's be clear: it ain't Delkus that's making that call.  Delkus is just reposting McCauley's handiwork.  All hail McCauley, our true Weather Overlord.

veruszetec
veruszetec

Gavin manages to make even the weather entertaining. My co-workers wondered why I was stiffing laughter looking at 'a weather report'.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

friggin' Republicans

leftocenter
leftocenter

IMO tornado alley is shifting to the East.  West Texas -- towns like Plainview, north of Lubbock, used to get hammered by tornados regularly.  That's up in the panhandle, so the shift to OK is more easterly than north.  OK and KS have always been in the alley, but now Alabama? 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz  Oklahoma has always been the hardest hit.  North Texas has always been on the very southern tip of Tornado Alley.  Now where I think climate change might actually affect our storms is the cap, which comes from the heat off of the high plains of Mexico that rushes north in the spring, is most likely warmer than it was 50 years ago and therefore limits some of our more severe storms and makes the seasons storms fewer in numbers.  That is a good thing when it comes to damage but bad when it comes to our rain overall.  Anyhow, go read Steve McCauley, he writes lots of things about this, or even go attend a yearly seminar/class he does every spring over at El Centro.  

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

@mcdallas

Apparently, the Friday weather report is a custom here. It's the one that gets the fewest complaints, controversy, flame wars, and other stuff that makes online life either horrible, or worth living, depending on your POV.

The one thing the FWR has in common with all other topics posted here, is that it's totally ignorable, which I usually do being not in the area - but then I chance missing out on thoughtful, insightful posts that can really make a difference, can change the world, can open eyes, maybe even bring peace to the Mideast or get Vlad to chill out.

You know, comments like the one you're reading right now, and c'mon, admit it, you're reading this. So is Vladmir.

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