Dallas Weekend Weather: It Is Literally the Apocalypse

Categories: Weather

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Uptown on Monday

Hold on to your hats, both metaphorical and physical, because this weekend is going to get a little wild. I don't know what the deal is with weather specifically on Sundays, but all we can really infer is that none of us are going to church enough, and the Lord is furious.

This Sunday He's finally had enough, and has decide to pull the plug on the long-running city of Dallas. Thankfully the Lord has seen fit to give us advance warning of the end via His mouthpiece St. Delkus.

As you can see, this is pretty much the thing all the Christians were warning us about. Staying indoors isn't going to cut it this time. If you start digging your bunker now, you might get far enough down to put up some sort of rudimentary shelter, but what are you going to do after the storm? How will you rebuild? Dallas will be gone. There won't be any shops. You might have to move to Houston, the center of which will be converted into a giant refugee camp to house those fleeing North Texas. Here's an artist's impression of how Dallas will look on Monday. During the daytime.

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As a public service, we've found an advice video for you. Repent now, ye sinners.


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36 comments
TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

Late Sunday night, cho

rusknative
rusknative

I must have missed the DISASTER...heck, no hail, very little rain, no wind...my trees are still standing and buding out, my flowers are fine....my car is not damaged....why did I go and buy all those "just in case" groceries???   journalists and weathermen.....drop out scholars from the 1960s

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Maybe no apocalypse, but it's damn humid.  It's horrible.  You could wring the wet out of the air.  No breeze.  A/C on for the first time this year.  Cats testy.

TheRuddSki
TheRuddSki topcommenter

That looks more like Oaklawn than Uptown.

Greg820
Greg820

It is literally the apocalypse here in Old Lake Highlands.  And by that I mean it is literally not the apocalypse.  I have run out of ice cubes.  Please, Please god of thunder, lighting and nice little ice cubes, deliver your wrath (but only on this one section of lawn that has been nicely trimmed so that I don't have to do too much labor of washing to put you in a double old fashioned glass  and douse you with a gentle yet somewhat hammering Bourbon with a couple of dashes of bitters.)  Jeeezus my prayers get longer every day.

david_elliott2000
david_elliott2000

eh, bad weather won’t stop Observer employees from heading over to New Fine Arts for their, um, “entertainment”! (the liquor stores might not be open, but you gotta blow your wad, um, paycheck, somewhere!)

baustin13
baustin13

Here in Dallas we're proud of our pollution bubble. Natural disasters get to the edge of town and say "aw hell no!" and turn away!

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Slight risk of large hail, high winds and tornadoes?  This is North Texas and this is expected in the spring time.


As long as we are talking about "slight risks" in weather, lets just go ahead and toss in a slight risk of a blizzard and 100F temps.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

I swear to fucking god, can we get a decent Sunday? When you work at a liquor store that is your one guaranteed day off and it has rained every Sunday for the last month.

mcdallas
mcdallas

I thought that was an artists impression of Dave Neumann's political future.

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

relax, this is typical spring time weather. worry about those May Sweeps on the horizon, the local weather barkers like to get us all stirred up. stay tuned!

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Maybe thats all the walkable Dallas folks need is a tornado to knock down 345 and 30 at the same.  Then what would Dmag write about 

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

You have a preternatural predeliction for prediction.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

But this is what makes springtime in North Texas fun and exciting

dannyd13
dannyd13

Isn't that image from the videogame Fallout 3?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Hell on Earth huh.  What a week, Ruddski is going to take Bvskvs to court, Dallas came up with fair and balanced "for hire" car regulation, Virgin comes to Dallas oh and Yours Truly, made it on a Hardline CJ Wilson segment yesterday.  What a glorious week, hopefully your weather comes true too

annff69
annff69

Your weather reports are amazing. Who else manages to work the Lord into their forecast? The forecasts are cryptic, prophetic, sarcastic, and so entertaining.

annff69
annff69

Your weather reports areamazing

b-boy1970
b-boy1970

I wish liquor stores opened on Sunday!

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Fallout New Vegas was better.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

You obviously don't work in one.

Anon.
Anon.

cp, walk away from the game controller...

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