Zeus, the God of Thunder, Does Not Want Dallas to Have a Pleasant Weekend

Categories: Weather

rsz_jupiter_smyrna_louvre_ma13.jpg
From Wikimedia Commons
If you see this dude coming, then your weekend is ruined already.
You see all that brightness outside right now? It's pretty great, isn't it? It's been like that all week. You might have made plans to spend a Saturday outside for the first time since The Great Ice Storm of 2013 obscured the sun and turned us all into shut-ins. Maybe you thought, hey, we could have a picnic, or go to White Rock Lake along with everyone else in the whole world, or even just drive with the top down on your fancy convertible car that you bought to take advantage of the three weeks a year where Dallas' weather is appropriate for such a thing.

Well tough luck buddy, because unfortunately Zeus is about to have his say in that regard. You see, the ancient Greek God of thunder, so revered as a bringer of heavenly fury, has decided that the first weekend of actual spring (no really, it is, check it out) would be the perfect time to move to North Texas. He was, of course, here last weekend too, ruining any and all outdoor plans you might have had. Whether Dallas has become Zeus' weekend retreat we can only speculate, but I'm going to go with a definitive and absolute yes.

Some of you might look at the above graphic, taken from Delkus, the only weatherman who matters, and say, "Hey, Gavin, it looks to me like there's only a 30 to 40 percent chance of heavy storms and thunder," to which I say to you, dear friend, how lucky do you feel right now? Are you the sort that would go to Vegas and put it all on red? Are you looking out of your office window right now thinking, "What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

Then go ahead, sir or madam. Proceed. Make your outdoor plans, buy all that food that perishes the instant you open its container, maybe invest in a new T-shirt or some expensive shorts, because you, my friend, are a gambler.

However, if, like me, you think even a 10 percent chance of being caught wearing wildly inappropriate clothing in the sort of scene from the Bible that heralded the necessity for Noah to build an ark is too much, then you are going to want to invest in canned goods and possibly some new blankets. Hunker down. Wait for Zeus to move on to somewhere like Houston. Maybe try changing some of the signs announcing this is Dallas. I don't have solutions for you. What I do have is news of the forthcoming apocalypse, and let me tell you that this weekend has an apocalypse rating that is too high for you to try venturing outdoors.

Maybe next weekend, guys. Maybe next weekend.

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28 comments
WhiteWhale
WhiteWhale

I guess we know why there are very few Zeus worshipers these days

mcdallas
mcdallas

Predicting Zeus resulted in the arrival of Aergia, the Greek god of laziness.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Ha Ha - didn't rain - welcome to Texas weather   Coyote pissed on Zeus's foot


Hasn't been a real weatherman in Dallas since Harold Ernest Taft Jr. 



mailo
mailo

The weather is Houston, TX is certainly different than Dallas. It is hot and there are many things to do and get. http://ow.ly/uRKb2

rusknative
rusknative

"I am Thor!"

"You're THOR!....I'm so thor I can hardly pith!"

timdickey
timdickey

I can't believe I actually made it to the end of this space-filler. Four hundred fifty painfully overwritten words, just to say "it's going to rain again this weekend" in a sadly un-funny way. But hey.  At least young Gavin's trying to make us smile. I'll give him credit for that. Yeah, I actually counted.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

It's spring time in Texas, get over it    Zeus has no power here; Coyote stole his lightening and pissed on his foot

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

What a lovely day it was!  Myrna wants so much to share her long walks on beautiful days with the cats.  I'm thinking of having Mr. Katz put together a little cat wagon for me so I can take them with (Mr. Katz and I are still friends and he was the one who built my little kitty condos).   

ColonelAngus
ColonelAngus

How is it that when Zeus does show up during the work week, it's always one hour before rush hour?

ShoddyFreude
ShoddyFreude

I think Zeus has a job at the Kroger on Northwest Hwy. They're always paging him, "Hey, Zeus! Line 1!" 

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

wtf's up at the Observer?

You guys go on it's a mad mad mad world of transportation tours of empty bars and then talk about the weather?



gggg
gggg

Slow day for news?

oakclifftownie
oakclifftownie

If you see this dude coming, then your weekend is ruined already.

WOW you have a link to Statue Porn  ?

Oxtail
Oxtail

Screw Zeus. Persephone and Demeter will still be at the White Rock Local Market Saturday.

ruddski
ruddski

Yes, because if there's one thing cats love, it's being crowded into a small inescapable space which moves and makes strange noises, while being dragged through unfamiliar areas full of unfamiliar people, smells, and dogs.

For extra-special thrill, why not visit the dog park?

Chances are, the cats will love their experience so much, they'll shit and hide the next time you break out the kittymobile.

ruddski
ruddski

It's a veiled plug for Russell Crowe's new flick.

gavin.cleaver
gavin.cleaver moderator

@gggg  I think you'll find this vital news is of grave concern to every single person in Dallas.

ruddski
ruddski

@gggg

The lengthy series on traveling in Dallas sans car was getting too heated, editors had to throw a little water on the fire. I blame the cheese blintzes.

ruddski
ruddski

@Sotired

In the race to the bottom, Obama had to hand off something to rival Jimmah's disposal of the Panama Canal.

Anyway, as we've seen, the internet can be used for nefarious purposes - look how often youtube videos drive ordinarily peaceful peoples to murderous rage!

As tempting as it is to keep arresting those who disturb the sensibilities of the world on trumped-up charges, the White House can't possibly monitor errant Americans constantly, that leaves little time for golf, vacations, appearances on ESPN, comedy shows and infomercials, and learning French, and golfing while on vacation.

Oxtail
Oxtail

@gavin.cleaver Yes, because the single people won't be going to The Truckyard and Katy Trail Icehouse.

ruddski
ruddski

@tpfkap

Every person without a car, or an umbrella.

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