Listen Up, Fellow Liberals, It's Time to Lay Off the Boy Scouts

Categories: Buzz

killerrabbit.jpg
He'd kill you if he got the chance.
Every week, Managing Editor Patrick Williams disappears into his office and reemerges a cranky, anti-depressant-gobbling, third-person-referring superhero we like to call Buzz.

Listen up, fellow leftist members of the conspiracy to destroy America. It's time to lay off the Boy Scouts of America and other Scout-like groups. We had a good run there last year with the homophobic Scouts story, but if we focus too long at any one target, we eventually reach a point of diminishing returns.

When PETA joins the dog pile, you know we've reached that point.

The animal rights group this week released a letter it sent to Wayne Perry, president of the Irving-based BSA, demanding that the organization stop teaching Scouts how to kill animals. It was signed by former Scouts upset over a Florida Scout leader who demonstrated how to dress a pair of rabbits, which he then cooked and fed to the boys. By "dress," we mean "whacked on the head with a stick," which if done properly is an accepted method for humanely dispatching a bunny. (Another, the "broomstick method," does not involving conking Mr. Bun on the noggin. You can Google it and find many videos demonstrating the technique, but we don't advise that unless you have some spare rabbits cluttering up your apartment and need a nosh. Let's just say it sucks to be a bunny.)

Among the letter's signatories were a few who identified themselves as former Webelos, presumably to establish their bona fides as Scout critics. That's a title you don't often see used on business cards: "Dr. John Jones, M.D., Oncologist/Former Webelo."

"Scouts can and should be taught practical, nonviolent survival techniques, such as how to build shelter, summon help, find water, and forage for edible plants. ... Teaching kids to kill undermines their natural compassion ..." says PETA's letter, obviously written by someone who has never been in the company of a gaggle of preteen boys, who possess the natural compassion of a pack of hyenas.

Nevertheless, we suspect that the sight of a couple rabbits buying the hutch might have in fact encouraged at least one kid to consider the benefits of a meat-free diet. On the other hand, there's no doubt one kid who decided to hurry home and try the stick method on any rabbit-like animal he could get his grubby, thick fingers on -- the neighbor's cat, his little sister, etc. There's always that kid.

The rabbit butchery happened in February, but PETA is still milking it. (Not literally. Milking animals is cruel.) In truth, this is a perennial story: well-meaning Scoutmaster decides to show boys where their meat comes from, parents get upset, rinse, repeat. If the news is slow -- no missing airliners or prepping for Crimean War II -- it sometimes gets media traction. Then half the population wonders what the world is coming to when skinning a rabbit isn't considered a survival skill. Listen, when the apocalypse finally comes, a dandelion salad and handcrafted lanyard will not save you.

Buzz's point? Hmm ... pretty sure we had one. Oh, yeah: Any man who voluntarily puts on a long shorts and knee socks to lead a tribe of savages is probably, on balance, a decent enough guy. While we're at it, similar groups that split off from scouting because of religious objections to the BSA's new stance on homosexuality are not necessarily neo-Nazis, despite what you have might have read recently. Piling on makes us (the leftist cabal) sound shrill and only damages the credibility of our whole anti-American conspiracy, so we need to find a new target.

Red Cross, anyone?


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31 comments
gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

All the Boy Scouts is...is a collective military starter kit.  What I find funny about the BSA is that Baden Powell, founder, was reputedly gay. 

I got a merit badge in stamp collecting.  Haha! 

curtismsp
curtismsp

If BSA bought live, free-range chickens from a farm, and taught the boys how to kill, clean and cook the birds, in order to earn their "Cooking" merit badge, would the liberals be happier?  Or should boys only be taught how to cook frozen, processed foods sold by giant agricultural conglomerates?

hmoore123
hmoore123

We should teach compassion, not killing. Kids who receive humane education tend to be more empathetic not only to animals, but also to thir peers. We don't need more bloodthirsty killers in the world.

hmoore123
hmoore123

We should teach children to be compassionate, not to kill. Kids who receive humane education tend to be more empathetic, not only to animals, but to their peers. The last thing we need is more bloodthirsty, irrational killers in the world. Let's teach kindness.

stkittchick1
stkittchick1

Are you kidding me?  Killing rabbits for "fun" is sadistic and sociopathic. 

ruddski
ruddski

Now that BSA accepts gays, that means they'll be a lot more liberals laying on Boy Scouts.

LucyP
LucyP

The scout leader was quoted as saying that he killed the rabbits because he thought it would be “neat.” Not only is this “lesson” totally inapplicable to any wilderness survival situation a scout might find himself in, it sends a dangerous lesson that it’s ok to hurt and kill animals just because we “can.” The Boy Scouts should be teaching kids compassion and respect… not how to kill.


pak152
pak152

a webelo?? seriously? nothing more than the highest Cub Scout rank

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Cottontails have been referred to as the "protein pill" of the animal kingdom. They are perhaps the most heavily preyed upon game species. In most years, 80% or more of adult cottontails are killed.  Of the parasites that afflict the cottontail, "wolves" are probably the most well-known. These worm-like parasites are actually the larval stage of the bot fly. The fly lays eggs on the fur of rabbits. When these eggs hatch, the immature larvae bore into the skin of the rabbit. They develop there just under the rabbit's skin until they are approximately 1.5 inches long.

So listen up Scouts - put the cottontail in the blender in the summer.

wcvemail
wcvemail

I can see PETA's point. The only difference between rabbits and cats (BTW, PETA also protests the term "pets," preferring "companion animals") is that rabbits have more dark meat on them when boiled with onions and carrots.

ruddski
ruddski

I like BSA cat recipes.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Proudly a liberal and an Eagle Scout.

Rooster0620
Rooster0620

I really am starting to think the only reason PETA exists is to remind us all what nutcases the human population really is...

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

 Piling on makes us (the leftist cabal) sound shrill and only damages the credibility of our whole anti-American conspiracy, so we need to find a new target.


Psst.  It's not the piling on.  It's the message that makes you sound shrill.

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

By the way, Patrick Williams: Pretty good story for a hack.  It must be really bad to feel like you have talent, only to be relegated to the world's largest one-horse town in the world, a place where goobers and bubbas rule.  But that's the breaks, isn't it? 

Consider this letter the silent trreatment.  On May Day.  Worker's revolution day. 

casiepierce
casiepierce

@LucyP Context, sweetheart. I know it's at times difficult. I know a scoutmaster who thinks it's "neat" for his boys to make their tents out of sticks and leaves. So what? The point isn't about the kids learning compassion but where food comes from.

ruddski
ruddski

@Lucyp

Feeding someone a tasty rabbit sandwich could be seen as compassionate, unless of course you're the rabbit.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

@ruddski  Here I go with my off topic rant.

If you listen to the radio in Mexico, no commercial break is complete without an ad for the government or one of its various agencies. The Senate of the Republic is working for you! The Federal Electoral Institute is organising a fair election! The army is keeping you safe! 

El Universal, one of Mexico's most influential newspapers: The front page—as well as page two, the back page and the inside-back page—is taken up by a giant advertisement for the federal government.  The same issue of El Universal also contains federal-government advertisements for the Institute of Social Security (half a page), the economy ministry (a full page), the social-development ministry (half a page), the tax agency (half a page), the Institute of Social Security for State Workers (half a page), the state oil monopoly (a full page), the national development bank (half a page), the state-run postal service (half a page) the energy ministry (half a page), the interior ministry (a quarter-page) the state housing provider (a quarter-page), the interior ministry again (an eighth of a page), the state housing provider again (a quarter-page, with the same advertisement as before), the environment ministry (a quarter-page), the foreign ministry (a quarter-page), and the health ministry (a full page). That is just in the 42-page main section. The various supplements contain more.

And guess who is also running ads? We are.  The omnibus spending bill recently passed Congress funds U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) advertising programs for food stamps in Mexico.

Anyone notice how many government ads there are on radio of late.  It's a huge source of revenue for radio stations.

One day, they will crowd out the topless bars here at the Dallas Observer and then the rubber will meet the road.

stkittchick1
stkittchick1

@Rooster0620     Wait a second ,.,. these guys kill a couple of rabbits for fun, and you think PETA is the one off-base?!

PatrickWilliams
PatrickWilliams moderator

@Rooster0620  Well, they're usually good for about one Buzz a year for me, anyway. That's reason enough for their existence as far as I'm concerned,

PatrickWilliams
PatrickWilliams moderator

@everlastingphelps  Oh, I don't know about that, generally speaking, or maybe you we're talking about justthis message? Fox is pretty shrill. The same could probably be said about MSNBC, and pink as I am I never cared for Air America back when it was on satellite. It's the demonization of those who hold different viewpoints that's so damn annoying because it's so unpersuasive. Unless, of course, it's being done by me or any Observer top commenter, natch. We've earned it.

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

Does no one care if you live or die? 

Pump that fist.  Workers.  Revolution. 

ruddski
ruddski

@holmantx

You kinda lost me at If you listen to the radio in Mexico, but I get the gist.

Personally, I'm beginning to like the Obama infomercials, I'm sure they have Spanish versions.

In Florida, the airwaves offer more than the Mexican crap, more Carribean influence, etc. Caribbean Latinos really don't like Mexicans much, or their music.

The only people who truly like Mexicans are Mexicans, and even they tend to not like each other based on geographical origin. I think they're beginning to rival even Muslims in auto-ethnic-cleansing.

Ever seen the ads on Mexican TV for the penis-stretching device? Horny bikini-clad Latinas must really like long, skinny stretched wangs.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Would beat the shit out of most of the crap I ate in the Scouts all those years ago.

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

You should take a gun to your head and pull the trigger.  Your life is useless. 

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@PatrickWilliams @lolotehe@everlastingphelps 

Patrick, what are the requirements that must be met to become a "top commenter"?


I lost my top commenter status --- 8-(


Edit:  Well now it comes back!

ruddski
ruddski

@lolotehe

Is the irony intended?

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