Ted Cruz Finally Has His Own Children's Coloring Book

Ted_Cruz_to_the_Future.jpg
Following up on the blockbuster success of the Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids and its masterful sequel, the Tea Party II: Why America Loves You "social-activist coloring book for kids" St. Louis-based Really Big Coloring Books, Inc. has come through with another sure-fire bestseller: Cruz to the Future, a "non-partisan, fact driven" kid's activity book profiling Texas' junior senator.

And really, what red-blooded American child wouldn't want to take a crayon to this silhouette of Ted Cruz' jowly face?

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Really Big Coloring Books

See also: Ted Cruz is Spending the Shutdown Picking Apples

As one may have gleaned from the legend describing Cruz as a "passionate fighter for limited government, economic growth, and the Constitution," RBCB's claims of objectivity are fairly thin, and publisher Wayne Bell's praise for the senator tends toward hagiography.

The Ted Cruz coloring book is "suitable for any student desk in America, as millions of people across the country admire, respect and portray Mr. Cruz as a positive role model for children," Bell said. "Parents have told our company they enjoy modern day heroes and positive role models in children's literature and Mr. Cruz as a sitting U.S. Senator certainly meets the criteria."

And here's an excerpt from the page on Cruz' quasi-filibuster:

Rafael Edward "Ted" Cruz gave an epic 21-hour and 19 minute speech on the Senate floor in September 2013. He gave the impassioned speech because of his beliefs, and he stood up for the American people like no other political figure has done in decades. Truth-be-known, a lot of the career establishment politicians are far too out of shape, old or overweight to even perform such a magnificent feat, God bless them all.

It goes on to praise his "clairvoyant precision" in predicting the "Obama Care disaster," which is "dangerous" and will cost "many American lives."

See also: Ted Cruz for President: Everybody Just Shut Up and Let This Happen

But calling RBCB a right-wing propaganda machine wouldn't do it justice. After all, the company has also published an Occupy coloring book ("Costing the US Taxpayer millions of dollars the nation grew tired of the event as quickly as it began."); Being Gay is Okay, complete with "Fabulous Gay Sharing Cards"; and The Most Dynamite Hip Hop Coloring Book on the Planet, Probably the Universe ("No matter the age, race, economic status or background hip hop will get you to bust a move.")

You should probably just buy all of them.

Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.

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11 comments
drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter



Is Canadian-Born Ted Cruz Eligible to Run for President?

Will the Birthers Scrutinize Ted Cruz U.S. Citizenship?One has to wonder if the birthers will raise an outcry again



If you think Ted Cruz hates Obamacare, you haven't met his father, Rafael, 74, who happily fought alongside Fidel Castro as a teen and runs a ministry in the Dallas

Rafael Bienvenido Cruz, who immigrated to the U.S. from Cuba, told NPR that though he came to the country legally, he essentially bribed an official to get out of Cuba so he could come over.In an interview near his home outside Dallas, the elder Cruz says that as a teenager, he fought alongside Fidel Castro’s forces to overthrow Cuba’s U.S.-backed dictator, Fulgencio Batista. He was caught by Batista’s forces, he says, and jailed and beaten before being released. It was 1957, and Cruz decided to get out of Cuba by applying to the University of Texas. Upon being admitted, he adds, he got a four-year student visa at the U.S. Consulate in Havana.


“Then the only other thing that I needed was an exit permit from the Batista government,” Cruz recalls. “A friend of the family, a lawyer friend of my father, basically bribed a Batista official to stamp my passport with an exit permit”

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Well, all he needs now are some crayons and that should keep him out of our hair until at least February.


I'm guessing he colors way inside the lines, our Ted.

tomkanine
tomkanine

The Dallas Observer:  A "news outlet" for adolescents, by adolescents.

bimbo
bimbo

i like it. where do i get one!

halldecker
halldecker

BE  CAREFUL!   It's a Commie Plot


My 2nd grade teacher told me that the reason I always messed up at coloring,  I was a free thinker who wasn't willing to work and play in the boundaries somebody had set.  And,  I had a damn weird idea of what colors I ought to use. Non-conformist,  free-spirit,  free-thinker.

So,  the Commies had their eyes on me from my earliest days.  Our janitor,  Mr. Brown,  turned out to be the pending Commissar of the Midwest,  ready to take over the region when the Revolution came.   I officially converted and pledged my Heart to Karl Marx in college.


Same deal here,  Cruz's Black Shirts picked up the trick.  They're also keeping an eye on the kids,  the coloring books are picked up every couple days and graded.  Tells them who needs to have an accident on the big slide,  sometimes the merry-go-round.  If I was in 2nd grade I'd have a zero chance of making it to the 3rd.


That's what the coloring books are all about, making sure the next generation will be Fascist.


(This was written in a hurry,  the nurse is here to give me my afternoon Head-Meds ...)



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casiepierce
casiepierce

This would be better if it were a dress-the-man paper doll book....

TittyCruz
TittyCruz

Defecate.  

Masturbate.

Urinate

Dinner at Eight.


Time to snooze.

The life of Ted Cruz


Oily skin with a lisp that swaggers

Queen of all our scum sucking bagger's.

From an infected boil, the puss does ooze.

A day in the life, of my lover Ted Cruz.



bimbo
bimbo

sounds like you're having a martin bashir moment. i'll come back later

ruddski
ruddski

Looks like inspired poetry from someone in the coloring book's target demographic.

TittyCruz
TittyCruz

Look at da Ole Man Stan

Adlib-en  in his hand man!

He do NOT unner stan Chan

He 2 old 4 me to land.


Yet he be wantin' me to trick-see

But nuddin' with ruddski.

Cuz he ain't got no Wee Knee

buttz I gib him some of my Pee

so he will NOt b soo thirsty


He talk A bout a color book

Yet he aint got nO real hook

pee-puls here just tolerate

and giggles at his pissy hate.


he hates on menz he hates on girlz

and sitz on logs from which her twirls.

a little manz on the great big planet

and tittycruz who sez please just can it.


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