Our New Year's Resolutions for Dallas

Categories: Lists

terveen1.jpg
Justin Terveen
Let's be better in 2014, Dallas.
1. Listen to the guys who want to Tear down 345.

2. Find a sensible solution to the Uber-Yellow feud.

3. Build more freeway parks so we can play ultimate Frisbee on 635.

4. Fewer valet stands, more bike racks.

5. Fewer police shootings, more transparency when they happen.

6. More small farmers markets.

7. Put these things called sidewalks next to the roads. All of them.

8. Keep more restaurants kitchens open after 10 p.m.

9. Kill the wedge salad forever.

10. Levy special tax on all buildings covered in neon lights. Use tax to fill potholes.

11. The WalMart on Lower Greenville takes up too much dead space. Let's install a cheap Truck Yard knock-off in its parking lot.

12. Public flogging and fire ants for drivers who come closer than 10 feet to bicycles or scooters.

13. Allow drilling in the Park Cities. If it's good enough for the rest of us ...

14. Get a bus route to the airport and/or the Ballpark at Arlington

15. Try not to start any more music festivals.

16. Spend more time at White Rock Lake

17. Shut up about JFK.

18. Plant some grass somewhere. Anywhere.

19. Trees. More trees.

20. Reorient Museum Tower away from Nasher, toward Houston.

My Voice Nation Help
69 comments
animas
animas

Happy New Year to the Dallas Observer Staff.  You ladies and gentlemen really were remarkably excellent this year!

turdpolisher
turdpolisher

make the bike lanes toll lanes and put them in a flood plain.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

11: Let's just make it official lower greenville parking for all the people the M streets are always bitching about parking in their conservatories and pissing on the kitchen counters.


27: As long as we take the budget dollars out of the Voice Media Corp pockets and not mine.

CogitoErgoSum
CogitoErgoSum topcommenter

What do you have against a wedge salad?! I find them to be quite refreshing during the warmest months.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

BREAKING NEWS!


Myrna has just now learned the true identity of CelebrateDivershitty.


She will be revealing his name momentarily.

James080
James080 topcommenter

Chippy bunch today. ¡Feliz Año Nuevo 2014!


.

goodoldays
goodoldays

41.  Somebody should start a good weekly alternative newspaper/blog.  Dallas used to have one of those until Wilonsky left for the 'snooze.

BushwoodSmithie
BushwoodSmithie

Joe, have you considered moving someplace like Longview or Temple? City life just doesn't seem to agree with you.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

Dallas has two astronomical issues that need to be fixed in the next 1-4 years....

Victory Park - What the hell are you?  How will you ever make a profit.  Please go to sundance square on a saturday afternoon and take a few notes.

Fair Park - For about 5 weeks of the year you are freakin awesome.  The rest of the time you are a total waste of space and resources.  I don't even know if there is a global comparison. There has got to be a way to capitalize on all that space the rest of the year.

(Honorable mention: DART - Just keep raising the price, reducing frequency, and elminating routes.  My god what a waste you have become.  This is the ultimate example of doing a little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing.)

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

Who the f*** is leading this charge for more bike trails, more bike lanes, and any further accommodation to cyclist?  There are maybe 12 people in all of Dallas that actually bike with a functional purpose other than recreation. 

Why the f any city pays them any attention just blows my mind.  What constituency do they belong to that yield so much power?  Seriously, if you outlawed all bike lanes and decided to cancel/ eliminate all future biking projects would there be some giant uproar?

99.99999999999% of the people in north Texas get around on personal automobiles and the rest walk or use mass transportation.

And yet almost every new project that seems to include bike lanes or bike trails.  What kind of secret mafia organization is behind the bike people? 

Greg820
Greg820

"1. Listen to the guys who want to Tear down 345." 


 Indeed.  Listen, smile, pat them gently on the head, and take them to their padded cell.

CelebrateDivershitty
CelebrateDivershitty

"1. Listen to the guys who want to Tear down 345."

The only reason anyone should "listen" to those morons is to hear the stupid shit they advocate, and then after you "listen" to their stupid shit you should laugh at them publicly.
   

This has got to be the stupidest utopian "progressive" libtard fantasy pushed by the Observer's libtard bloggers, and that is saying a gigantic shit-load, because you push tons of stupid naive reality-ignoring bullshit.

chad
chad

12.5. Paintballs filled with bong water for bikers running red lights and stop signs.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

CelebrateDivershitty is none other than... EEEEEK!


[Ladies and Gentlemen, we have lost communication with Myrna.]

gmit
gmit

@dallas_dudeSorry any comparison to FTW and you lose all credibility, downtown FTW is the size of a postage stamp, that is pressure washed every morning, really it is ...... its the Disneyland of downtowns. I am pretty sure the market will take care of Victory Park and will eventually be whatever the out of town rubes what it to be

Fair Park, your right on that one...but Id like someone to tell me the miracle of how they keep it going, thats lots of overhead sitting there idle, are they just taking all that fair money and spending it to keep the park going or does someone steal that money and let the city pay for the "fairs park"  


Dart is just another local scheme to get federal grants

Greg820
Greg820

@dallas_dude Although I am not a cyclist and never will be, bike lanes and paths will help to connect this city that has been cut up with multi-lane roads & freeways.  Dallas was built around the automobile, and we are running out of space to accommodate more auto traffic.  The future is bikes, trolleys and light rail for short distances--just like it was before the domination of the car.  For every bike lane there will also be pedestrian lanes so that I can actually walk the three blocks to my local store without walking through mud or having to walk on the street.  I'm all for it.

MikeDunlap
MikeDunlap

...and then let the true global cities continue to pat Dallas on the head and tell it it's just adorable.

robs
robs

@CelebrateDivershitty I thought the guy was fairly economically conservative?


The whole idea is to take a public amenity (the section of highway) and reclaim it for private business and residential development, thus generating money where there was none previously being generated.


How is that libtard?

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

I would like to subcribe to your publication sir.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

@chad

OK.

I'll volunteer to make the bong water...

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Uh.. hi everbody.  this iz bigg kity mernas cat/  merna hazz bin hit on the hed by an introoder and is slowly kumming aroun i don think itz seereus bye for now

A-nony-mouse
A-nony-mouse

@gmit  Victory Park is either smaller than or about the same size as Sundance Square. And the key point is that there is a ton of pedestrian traffic in Sundance Square every night and every weekend, filled with people having a good time and spending money. If there's not a game at the AAC, Victory Park has no foot traffic at all. I'm sure that the businesses in Victory Park would just about kill to have as many pedestrians as the "Disneyland of downtowns" or even the 7th street development over there.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

You must be joking.  Take a look at the thousands and thousands and thousands on 75, 635, 30, and 35 EVERYDAY.  No one is cycling freakin 20 miles each way to to work. 

stop being in denial about who this city is.

We didn't build roads so that people would start driving.  People were driving so we started building more roads.

CelebrateDivershitty
CelebrateDivershitty

@gavin.cleaver - I agree, I should get paid for this, you out-of-touch naive morons need another perspective outside of your groupthink libtard cult bubble.

robs
robs

@dallas_dude I'm not inferring reference towards Plano or any of the other suburbs. If anyone else is, they probably shouldn't either. 


This needs to be a Dallas conversation.

robs
robs

@dallas_dude bike lanes aren't the only thing people are exclusively advocating for. 


There's a whole other group of people calling for walkable communities and restitching the city grid. These areas would be a mix of retail, groceries, office space and residential. 


If engineers have overcome the hurdle of linking disparate areas with asphalt, then providing shade in walkable areas isn't that much of a hurdle.

iamdynamite
iamdynamite

@dallas_dude I have kids, own a house, and carry a laptop to and from work. I live in Richardson, and ride my bike to the DART stop near my house. I ride it downtown to work. I do this every day, rain or shine or 1000 degrees.


Once I get downtown, it's only my presumed clinical insanity that keeps me on the roads, as they are the worst, most dangerous roads I've ever ridden. I've been hit by a car while riding, I've been hit by a car while WALKING, and continue to be hit almost every day.


I ride my bike to get groceries. I tow my kids around in a bike trailer. They love it. I am healthy, and pay no almost money for gas. It f***ing rocks. The fact is, our downtown is functionally useless for anyone who isn't in a car. The sidewalks are terrible, and the massive girth of the streets themselves make them almost impossible to cross during the time the "walk" sign is lit.


Sure, Dallas will probably never be a primarily pedestrian/transit-oriented city (and whatever, whether or not it should be is a matter of opinion), but there are some basic improvements that need to be put in place before we can even consider ourselves a 21st century urban environment. People are terrified of riding bikes here, and pretty leery of walking. That's stupid. Every city in the world has its environmental challenges, ours just happens to be heat, and if our infrastructure was even marginally improved there would definitely be people who would take advantage of it.


Though, I see your point. Car-based isolation and sitting on  your butt for a couple of extra hours a day is pretty great, let's preserve that great privilege if at all possible.

MikeDunlap
MikeDunlap

What is best for Dallas would be to copy smarter cities that aren't sprawled out highway crushed jokes.

Greg820
Greg820

@dallas_dude Again, actually read my post.  Don't totally fixate on bikes.  And cut down on the caffeine.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

How about we do what is best for Dallas and stop trying to copy other cities?  You can count on one hand the neighborhoods that can function for fulltime cycling in this area.  The all cator to young, single, and wealthy people.  Nothing wrong w/ that at all.  Just face reality is all.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

Was there a rebuttal anywhere in that comment?  Or more nonsense that ignores reality. There are a few hundred thousand people that live in plano.  A stright line level bike back from center of plano to downtown would still be close to 20 miles.  So even cycling at a good pace of 15mph it would take you over an hour to get from downtown dallas to plano. Explain to me how that improves anyone's commute? Let not mention cedar hill, addison, richardson, frisco, mckinney, farmer branch and the other burbs.  Should we build straight line paths for them too? 

You're living in a dream world. 

Greg820
Greg820

@dallas_dude How about reading a post and attempting to understand before dismissing it out of hand.  Are you so afraid of thinking about something new that you just closed off that part of your brain? That is a sad life to live.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

@dallas_dude The idea seems silly on it's face, but it does work in a lot of cities. Portland is a model for it, and it works great there. Then again Portland has even worse traffic than Dallas and doesn't have the suburban morass that plagues North Texas. It can work if it is done properly.


The biggest issue, to me, is residential population density. Uptown and old East Dallas are the only neighborhoods close enough to downtown for it to be viable. The Cedars isn't dense enough and Oak Cliff is, but that's a long ride.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

The idea that the only thing stopping millions of people from cycling everywhere they go is more bike lanes if just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  There is NOTHING to support this thinking.  Bike lanes don't bring you any closer to home or work or make the weather any more pleasent or make the terrain any more smooth.

dallas_dude
dallas_dude

What?!?!?  Ride to work and back?  What about picking up the kids from school or daycare?  What about carrying that laptop around?  What about going ouT for lunch or stopping for happy hour?  What about going to do groceries after work or stoping by to they gym, or going to class?

Forget about commuting 20 miles...how about a nice 10 mile bike ride at 6am when it's 40 degrees like this week?  How about a nice 10 mile bike ride when it's 110 all summer? 

This cycling myth is for 20 somethings with little to no commitments and san franciso dreaming idiots who think the world would be a better place if we all just moved into 300 sqft efficiency apartments decked out in ikea furniture.

CogitoErgoSum
CogitoErgoSum topcommenter

@dallas_dude Many thousands would ride to work and back -- thus skipping the mental anguish of sitting in traffic -- if we had better bike lanes and sidewalks. Not everyone lives in North Frisco and commutes 20 miles each way. I moved to Northwest Dallas to avoid just that type of bullshit.

CelebrateDivershitty
CelebrateDivershitty

@gavin.cleaver if you seriously believe that the presence of all those Africans, Muslims, and African Muslims has improved London, then you are even dumber than I had previously thought.

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

@gavin.cleaver

it would be priceless to be able to watch his expression when informed that the analysis of his DNA shows he's not quite lilly pure caucasian, like most people he has some ancestor's African DNA.....

CelebrateDivershitty
CelebrateDivershitty

@gavin.cleaver - when are you moving to one of Dallas' wonderful black-majority neighborhoods?  I see that "progressivism" and mass turd world immigration have done wonders for your UK and London.  Maybe fuck off back over the pond to Tottenham or some other place that has been totally improved by your "progressive" policies and filled with the amazing vibrant benefits of divershitty.

Now Trending

Dallas Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...