North Texas Man Who Stole Federal Government's Burritos Arrested After Four Months on the Run

Categories: Crime, Dish

BurritoFlickr.jpg
Swift Benjamin
Breath easy, North Texas. Come out of your fallout shelters and panic rooms. Let your children play in the front yard. After four months on the run, federal authorities have captured documented menace-to-society Lonnie L. Jones and locked him up.

His crime? Stealing burritos.

Federal prosecutors prefer to describe it as "theft of government property under $1,000," a crime that carries up to a year behind bars, but in this case it's the same thing.

According to court documents, Jones, 60, visited the canteen in the basement of Dallas' VA Hospital on April 9. An employee watched as he took multiple burritos and walked out without paying. How many burritos were stolen isn't specified, though there were few enough that they fit in Jones' pockets.

The canteen employee contacted a federal law enforcement officer, who reviewed surveillance footage of the alleged theft, then wrote Jones a ticket after locating the missing burritos in his bag.

Jones failed to pay that ticket, just as he had failed to pay a ticket he'd received five months earlier for allegedly stealing a pair of socks from the VA's canteen store. So, on August 12, U.S. Magistrate Judge Renee Tolliver signed a warrant for his arrest.

The documents filed on Tuesday don't detail the circumstances of his arrest, but that's OK. Just knowing that North Texas' burritos are once again safe is enough.

Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.


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22 comments
fromtexasbygod
fromtexasbygod

Yet another lame attempt at journalism by poor Eric who once again intentionally or negligently manufactures a story based on facts taken completely out of context.  This non felony federal offense is essentially your average everyday ordinary shoplifting crime that was properly handled by a federal law enforcement officer in a routine manner because it occurred in a federal building where state and local law enforcement have no jurisdiction.  The federal officer had two options, he could either do his job and write the thief a ticket for the petty theft or neglect his job and do nothing,  The thief chose to ignore the ticket which caused an arrest warrant to be issued as it should have been.  Evidently Eric Nicholson is an advocate for the decriminalization of petty theft in the federal building. 

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

And to think that billions of dollars worth of military equipment have been destroyed in Afghanistan rather than ship it back to the US.


Good to know that our federal bureaucracy has its priorities straight and is making sure that there is no shrinkage of burritos or socks at the VA.

observist
observist topcommenter

Turns out the burrito thief's real name is Juan Valjuan.

JustSaying
JustSaying

I once went to a Chinese buffet and left with about 8 egg rolls in the lower front pocket of my cargo shorts. Weed is a helluva drug.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

Ya mean they didn't send in SWAT? Boy they sure missed a golden opportunity to cause their usual collateral damage way above the the worth of the offense.

Murica55
Murica55

He stole burritos and STILL got more jail time than the 16 yr old who drove drunk, killed 4 people, and critically injured two others. That makes sense!

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

It would be funny if those are the same government socks and burritos they use in prison.

ruddski
ruddski

That equipment is burnt out, and not worth the cost of transport.

whocareswhatithink
whocareswhatithink

@Murica55 I think you are forgetting about the stolen socks, that's what took it over the edge. The kid stole beer from walmart prior to killng 4 people, had he stole socks, it would have been a different story

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Wait, you get burritos in prison? Freebirds is getting pricey.

veruszetec
veruszetec

@ruddski It's not all burnt out, but most of it would cost more to transport than to replace with a brand new one. The military does have a lot of unnecessary waste, but this is a very poor example.

wilme2
wilme2

@ruddski I would think that is correct.  Being landlocked makes it pretty hard to move.  But I have heard some folks in Congress are not convinced...  

ruddski
ruddski

Baloney on white bread, rolled up. That's your prison burrito.

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

It's actually Doritos or ramen laced with chips and sauce packets and meat if you got money on the books -chili/spam/slim jim. Poor into bag, roll up and let it form. Bon appetite.

ruddski
ruddski

A Latino noob, maybe.

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