Cedar Hill is Terrified of Redneck Heaven's Painted Breasts

Categories: News

Thumbnail image for RedneckHeavenGroupShot.jpg
Redneck Heaven
Cedar Hill is taking prophylactic measures against this type of thing.
The fallout from Redneck Heaven's Anything But Clothes day continues to ripple through North Texas. First came the crackdown in Lewisville, which had actually experienced the event, in which breastaurant workers covered their breasts and nether parts in latex paint and/or gum balls and/or goldfish. Next came Fort Worth, which is also home to a Redneck Heaven.

Yet cities need not actually have that particular breastaurant -- or any breastaurant for that matter -- to be alarmed by the specter of breasts covered in nothing but liquid latex. North Richland Hills, which boasts a Hooters, recently excluded "paints, tattoos, latex and dyes" from its official definition of "opaque covering."

See also: Redneck Heaven's Painted Breasts Run Afoul of the Good People of Lewisville (NSFW)

Tonight, it's Cedar Hill's turn. Last month, planning director Rod Tyler asked the City Council for guidance on how to handle the issue, since current city code doesn't really address it.

Here's how the provision on sexually oriented businesses defines nudity:

The showing of the human male or female genitals, pubic area, vulva, anus, anal cleft or cleavage with less than a fully opaque covering, or the showing of the covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state.

See also: Lewisville City Council Bans Redneck Heaven's "Anything But Clothes" Day

Tyler is returning to the council with a suggestion that it tack a provision clarifying that "body paint, body dyes, tattoos, liquid latex, whether wet or dried, and other similar substances shall not be considered a fully opaque covering."

Never mind that the city is home to nothing racier than the Cotton Patch Cafe. The measure is preventative -- prophylactic, if you will. Otherwise, the upstanding gentleman of Cedar Hill might one day find themselves in a discernibly turgid state.


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43 comments
TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

So now they are Miriam Webster and feel free to redefine terms such as "opaque"?

GatoCat
GatoCat

Perhaps "painted silicone" would be more appropriate.

poininja
poininja

just wondering, it's called redneck heaven? i see a black chick in the picture, kind of not living up to their name...you would never catch white people in NiggasRus

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

So just document cleavage at Cedar Hill churches and council meetings.

if6were9
if6were9

Smelled like tuna in there, so I thought i'd order some, but they told me they didn't serve it....."Oh well", I said. 

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Apparently boobies will mess up people and make them deranged, but hours upon hours of Grand Theft Auto and World of WarCraft are completely harmless ....

paulpsycho78
paulpsycho78

if the food was good I would go....Chili's also sucks has no jiggling tits and I don't go there...QUIT buying Sysco cheap shitty pre prepared food folks.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

Cedar Hill's not the only one terrified of painted breasteses.

You won't find me near those jigglin bags of silicone either.

TexMarine
TexMarine

There's rednecks in Cedar Hill?

scerinjen3
scerinjen3

Paint is not clothes - painted IS naked.  I like boobies but there is a time and a place for everything.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

I went to Hooters a few times back in high school and college, and I went to Twin Peaks once for a fantasy football draft. Otherwise it's been almost a decade since I've been to a Breastaurant. I really don't get it. If you want to see tits, go to a strip club.....and usually they offer a free daytime buffet that is better than the food at a Breastaurant. Outside of kids, I'm really confused as to why people go to these places at all.

SCamp
SCamp

I think Idaho or Florida would qualify under this definition.

mcdallas
mcdallas

"discernibly turgid state"

Would that be Vermont?

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

I for one think it's wonderful to see all the races coming together in all their reckneckedness.

gives me a woody.

ruddski
ruddski

Not rednecks - TALIBAN!

ruddski
ruddski

Apparently, Redneck Heaven is the place. But not Cedar Hill at this time.

ruddski
ruddski

Probably to look at the waitresses while they eat, without going to a strip club. Apparently, the formula works.

andy427
andy427

@mcdallas I would guess Florida. Have you seen it's naughty part dangling lasciviously betwixt the gulf and the atlantic?

lucky26
lucky26

@ruddski  What up Steve, It's Lucky from StevenMichael's  How u been Brother!

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@ruddski Hooters is now a gateway to redneck heaven which has a direct pipeline to the titty bars.  Interestingly, it seems that once a lady has grown out of her cokehead titty bar life they return to Hooters as a career waitress

ruddski
ruddski

I'm on the west coast of Florida, there's not much that could be turgid here unless someone died in their condo a week before being found.

ruddski
ruddski

Score! Old friend from work hook up (two words), after about 15 years. But there's now a wide Gulf between us.

ruddski
ruddski

ya mon Been long time. drop me an email at westland1953 at gmail ditcom

lucky26
lucky26

@ruddski  Larry the set builders son,  Im the dude that use to have dreads.

ruddski
ruddski

Lucky? Jiggle my memory

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@holmantx @ruddski The return happens when the chick realizes that she never saved for school while stripping, the club doesnt want her anymore and she isnt classy enough to go work at the lodge.  She returns to her roots in her late 20s to early 30s.  Seen it happen

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@ruddski decades ago Hooters was the gateway, there really was no breastraunt competition back then.  

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

@ruddski 

I was with him on the similarity of Hooters to Topless bars like MJ is a gateway drug but he lost me on the return trip.  

ruddski
ruddski

Only been to Hooters twice, decades ago. If those gals already went through titty bar work, they started when they were about 12 years old.

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