The L.A. Times Suggests the U.S. Swaps Texas for England. Have They Thought It Through? No.

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The Los Angeles Times put out an article today suggesting the U.S. might be better off swapping Texas for England if it wanted to avoid the particular Texas brand of Republicans shutting everything down for their own special reasons.

While as a resident of Texas I cannot possibly approve of a plan that gives Ted Cruz any more control over me than he already has, there are a number of things the L.A. Times haven't considered in its across-the-board approval of English politics.

First, bringing the U.K.'s a ragtag bunch of laws under a constitution will be problematic. Right to bear arms? England hasn't had the right to bear arms since the mid-'90s, when they all got taken off us. The idea of us taking up arms under a constitutional amendment created originally with shooting English people in mind is something of an anomaly.

"We've got the right to own guns again!"
"Why?"
"In case the English invade."
"THEY'RE ALREADY HERE, MAN."

We still have hilarious laws on the books from centuries ago, such as the legality of shooting Welsh people with a bow and arrow on specific bridges at specific times. Laws everywhere. Hundreds of books of laws that we forgot about 600 years ago. Yet the U.K. is far more liberally progressive and open to change than the U.S. (take for example the sudden banning of guns in 1997, or the across-the-board legalization of abortion in 1967) because any of those laws could be suddenly reversed by any judge or bill. Politics and reform become a lot easier when your every move isn't dictated by a document written before almost all modern progress and developments. There's no such thing as "unconstitutional."

The L.A. Times make a good point in that adopting English Conservatives would permeate the right with a far more reasonable breed of conservative; however, they haven't considered that a conservative in Europe would be the political equivalent of a Marxist in the U.S. It'd be like doing away with Ayn Rand and trying to replace her with Castro. English Conservatives are committed to nationalized health care (in fact, our NHS is one of the biggest employers in the WORLD, let alone in the U.K.), to stringent market controls, to legalized abortion, to the incredibly strict control of guns (ruling English Conservatives actually brought in stricter gun legislation in 1988) and to a welfare state that would make Californians recoil in horror.

If that's what Conservatives are committed to, imagine what English liberals are like. Then remember that the ruling party in England is a coalition government, with the Conservative party in tandem with the Liberal Democrats. While the Liberal Democrats essentially had to sell their souls to gain any form of power (historically they are very much the third party in the U.K.), they still believe in things that Obama would dismiss as far-far-far left idealism. They want to decrease the U.K.'s nuclear arsenal, for goodness' sakes. Can you imagine how that policy would go down in the U.S.?

"What we need is a country with far fewer defences."
"EXECUTE THIS DANGEROUS RADICAL IMMEDIATELY."

That would be the entire Congressional debate.

If the U.S. is to look to the U.K. for any reason, it's that the ruling party has complete power over the budget. Do you know why that is? It's because that party was elected with a mandate to do specific things, and to utilize the money required to do those things (obviously, major laws have to pass through the houses, but the ruling party does get almost full control over levels of taxation). Thus, there are no shutdowns, simply a judgment on how the rulers have handled the country every four years. You know, like democracy. Even better, the queen has to sign off on everything. I've always thought the U.S. would do better under an unelected dictator, and even better if she lives in several massive taxpayer-funded houses (cue Obama comparisons, commenters).

The L.A. Times also suggests that Wales could become a territory, "like Puerto Rico." I would ask my Welsh wife what she thinks about that, but I have better things to do than get stabbed.

The only way England would ever consider becoming a state of the U.S. is if they were caught in the midst of an economic crisis and had been in recession or flirting with recession for years ... ah. All right. We'll bring the loonies, but you have to give the queen sovereign power over the entire country. Deal? Deal.



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45 comments
clifwalters
clifwalters

Swap Texas to exactly what entity?  Receive England from whom? Just give Texas it's independence; declare independence yourself and move forward with Cali's suicidal government policies without interference from Ted Cruz or whoever your boogie man happens to be at the moment (it used to be a Californian named Reagan). 


Even as farce, this article lacks substance on many levels.   It lacks humor and is counterfactual.  Ted Cruz controls you how? The Tories have actually reduced the minimum wage with their apprenticeships law; they are constantly reducing welfare benefits; and have a lower corporate tax rate. And unlike Texas, with it's massive tax on oil and gas (7.5% on Gross Income at the wellhead and the minerals tax on the County level), they tax the consumers of gasoline.  Only 40% of cancer patients in the UK actually get to see an oncologist.  It is documented that many hospital patients don''t see a nurse for days


!http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-06-26/classified/sns-201206251330--tms--cthomastq--b-bb20120626-20120626_1_nhs-elderly-patients-end-of-life-care

So if the intent is to insult and injure proud Texans, jolly good show Dallas Observer. Your radical left wing politics sicken all real Texans. 

SarcasmoJones
SarcasmoJones

I have a counter offer for the L.A. Times: why don't we trade California for a bigger chunk of Pacific Ocean. Nevada could benefit from a coastline.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Do we get to keep American Sportsball, or will we all be forced to watch cricket and futbol?

ruddski
ruddski

It would never work, England is anti-immigrant, a bunch of haters. They're texting suspected immigrants with suggestions that they get the hell out, and they're trying Go Home Vans which feature a large image of handcuffs with the message: " In the UK illegally? GO HOME OR FACE ARREST". How utterly rude.

ruddski
ruddski

We'd get all their Muslims, they'd get Texas Christians, a trade Texas liberals would really appreciate, especially gays.

ginger4v
ginger4v

WTF cares bout the LA Times? Those liberals are the biggest fools anyway. They are gonna be the first ones in this county to collapse from debt, while Texas will lead the nation in wealth. Who would we want to swap then? CA for Mexico? I should would! Screw them.

rusknative
rusknative

I understand what Texas is about....but WHAT is LA about anyway?  and WHO actually CARES?

killwhiteprivilege
killwhiteprivilege

Naive white-guilt-ridden libtard propaganda for wimpy naive white "progressives" in the Observer again. How rare.

TexMarine
TexMarine

Good, lets do this. Then we can sell them all the $8 gas they want.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

The time is 1947.  There is a light show above me.  It appears to be spot lights racing along the cloud cover however, there is no beam.  I think it may be an aurora borealis.  Never seen in the southern quadrant.  I've seen this in northern Norway but it is far too wide to be created by man.

putesputes
putesputes

I say go with a different approach. Since Obama likes the anti-job policies of Europe so much, D.C. should move to Europe instead.

pak152
pak152

'I cannot possibly approve of a plan that gives Ted Cruz any more control over me than he already has," so please tell how Cruz controls you? does he tell you what food to buy and eat ala Nanny Bloomberg? does he tell what type of transportation to use?

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Gavin, you must be a Tory.  The following is an excerpt from a little screed that we sent out about 237 years ago.  It pretty much explains why we did what we did.  If George III had listened to us, we wouldn't be having these discussions today and we would be, to this very day, loyal members of the Commonwealth.


"... The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. ..."

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

I vote Mexican. We speak the same language.

Besides. I would love to see the rest of these shirker states have a cat when they realize, strictly from a financial liability standpoint, we unburden ourselves from this impossible debt.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Ask Mexico how it went the last time someone imported a bunch of Texans into their territory.

If the U.S. is to look to the U.K. for any reason, it's that the ruling party has complete power over the budget. Do you know why that is? It's because that party was elected with a mandate to do specific things, and to utilize the money required to do those things (obviously, major laws have to pass through the houses, but the ruling party does get almost full control over levels of taxation). 

It also appoints the Prime Minister, and removes him when it wants.  If America had that sort of government, with the House as Commons, then we would be talking about President Romney right now.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

I believe Mexico has first claim.

JustSaying
JustSaying

I would be all for trading the Dallas Morning News for The Sun. At least the 3rd page of The Sun.

barryguitar
barryguitar

UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) is How may seats away from a majority?

Nigel Farage would make a perfect partner for the Tea Party. This article grossly misses the fact that the party in power in Scotland is Nationalist and working for separation from England which will be voted on by the people next year. Perhaps the article would be less laughable if you said swap Texas for Scotland. The desire of the people for referendum on Independence is the only similarity. 

mcdallas
mcdallas

You forgot about the food, man.  The FOOD!  I'm sure Myrna would agree that any substitution would result in a life-shattering deficit of good food for the rest of the U.S.  And that it would be so bad that people would literally be starving to death on the streets because british food is so nasty that it makes one's tongue fall out.

gavin.cleaver
gavin.cleaver moderator

@ruddski I want to disagree with you, but I can't. The current incumbents are in thrall to the best-selling essentially racist right-wing rags like the Mail and the Express. They're a horrifically spineless bunch.

Anon
Anon

@everlastingphelps Aside from the fact that it's a bit of a leap to compare the House to Commons (and the Senate to Lords), there's an effort in the U.K. to have constituency boundaries set by neutral commissions.  What's interesting about our system of partisan gerrymandering is that when added all together, Democratic house members actually received more votes, albeit by a very small margin, than did their Republican majority counterparts.  At best, it is unclear whether we would be talking about President Romney if America had "that sort" of government.

gavin.cleaver
gavin.cleaver moderator

@barryguitar You're exactly right on Scotland. They even love deep-frying things, pioneering the deep-fried Mars Bar as a convenience food,


However, UKIP are as many seats away from a majority in the House of Commons as I am, as both I and UKIP hold zero seats.

observist
observist topcommenter

@mcdallas  I think that stereotype is as old and overplayed as the one about bad teeth.  I spent about a year in the UK more than 10 years ago and found the food to be just about as good as it here.  There's a great variety of Asian food - Indian, Thai, Chinese, Malay - plus Italian, French, Greek, etc., a variety of good pizza places, nearly all the same fast food joints we have here.  Disparaging English food on the basis of a few "traditional" dishes is like disparaging Texas food on the basis of Luby's.  The one thing that just doesn't seem to exist in the UK or Europe is any remotely decent Mexican food - that role in the national cuisine is taken up by Indian.   And all this was before the whole British foodie revolution with Ramsay, Nigella, Jamie Oliver, etc.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@observist @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul  

Sure he was German, but he was the King of England at the time.

It is interesting that you mentioned the George III's germanic heritage.  At the advent of WWI many Brits were absolutely astounded that their King's cousin was attacking them.  After all, the familial alliances were supposed to prevent that sort of thing.

pak152
pak152

@Anon @everlastingphelps"side from the fact that it's a bit of a leap to compare the House to Commons (and the Senate to Lords)," except that is what our Founding Fathers probably based the concepts of the House and Senate on. House/Commons are based upon geographical boundaries. Senate/Lords is designed to look at things from a higher altitude. Senators used to truly represent the states because they were appointed by state legislatures. This change when progressives pushed through a constitutional amendment that had the public vote directly on Senate candidates, making them nothing more than super-Representatives beholden to the voters and donors

killwhiteprivilege
killwhiteprivilege

How is that any worse than the child-sex-slave backpage ads that until recently paid the bulk of the Observer's libtard bloggers' salaries? For years you absolute scum made your money off of the backs of children in sex-slavery, yet every day here you are trying to hop on your libtard moral high-horse. You're so "progressive" that you should commit suicide to atone for what you've done.

NewsDog
NewsDog

@gavin.cleaver @JustSaying  What's to explain, it's just fun. Of course in Dallas and Houston people would think it's just an ad for a new topless bar.

barryguitar
barryguitar

@gavin.cleaver @barryguitar  I know very little about English politics except I like to see them yelling at each other. Wish we did more of that. Im saying that trading the Texas Tea guys for UKIP might not be a great deal. It would be so much more in the interest of the American liberal establishment to just let Texas have it's referendum on Independence. Imagine if you will a Congress without any Texas representatives. Kinda like the UK will be without all those pesky Scots.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@observist  I agree that the best food in England is not from England.  Although, the Two Fat Ladies did a ripping gig on TV years ago.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@MaxNoDifference @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul @observist  

Thanks, WWI was essentially a free for all, especially when you fold in the Ottoman Empire, The Austro-Hungarian Empire and Russia.


And don't forget the attempts to steal each others colonies, such as the English trying to take Namibia (Southwest Africa) from Germany.

MaxNoDifference
MaxNoDifference

@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul @observist Technically Great Britain declared war on Germany first (something about a scrap of paper concerning Belgian neutrality).  Nevertheless, Germany still winds up appearing as the aggressor in that war.  The true aggressor award for that war should go to Austira-Hungary.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@gavin.cleaver @barryguitar  

The main thing that I like about England is the the dumbest Englishman can say the most idiotic thing and still sound like a Nobel Laureate when compared to the smartest American saying the smartest thing in the world.



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