Derek Holland's Vow of Seriousness Was Remarkably Short-Lived

Categories: Sports

Let's step back in time for a moment and revisit one of the key story lines going into the Texas Rangers' ultimately disappointing 2013 season. Here's how ESPN put it:


And The Dallas Morning News:


And here's The Sporting News' take:


Lefty Derek Holland, coming off a disappointing injury-plagued 2012 season, was turning over a new leaf, dispensing with the goofball antics in favor of a more serious, sober-minded approach to his job. It seemed to pay off. His ERA dropped by more than a run, and he gave up a dozen fewer home runs, even if he did come up with fewer wins. His season was solid, if unspectacular.

Now fastforward back to the present, where a new story line is emerging:


Holland declined to elaborate on his performance other than to tell The Dallas Morning News to "keep your expectations high 'cause this movie is seriously going to be funny."

As funny as the mid-game Harry Carey and Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions? The endless stream of Chuck Norris jokes? The hilarious a-hacker-sent-this-homophobic-tweet-from-my-Twitter-account routine? We won't know until the film comes out in 2014, but we do know this: Derek Holland is back.

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As long as he doesn't stop chewing tobacco or energy drinks.


Serious Derek Holland doesn't pitch as well as Goofy Derek Holland.  Sure, his schtick is a little annoying, but I'll endure it if it means the Rangers getting to the World Series again.

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Serious Derek Hollland = No Playoffs

Fun Derek Holland = World Series Appearances!

Im fine with this


I think that is awesome. Let the kid have his fun, especially if he pitches like he did this year.


Oh, wait, wrong Ranger flake.


@alteredjustice @mcdallas Funny.  However, "chewing tobacco" and "energy drinks" are both nouns.  Both can be "stopped".  It's called grammar.

However, I would not put it past Holland or "Baseball Town" Hamilton to chew energy drinks and/or drink chewing tobacco.


@mcdallas "It's called grammar."

Oh, what is this "grammar"? You are indeed the wise one, knowing what a noun is (or at least lazily pretending to). 

Once you are done falling off of that high horse, you may find it enlightening to realize that "chewing tobacco" is actually intended to be an adjective followed by a noun in your sentence. My joke was making fun of the fact that the adjective (not noun) "chewing" in your sentence could also be construed as a verb due to the ambiguity of your sentence.

You could have tucked your tail between your legs and taken the joke, but you had to make me drop some knowledge on your ass. Enjoy your fall.

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