Watch Two Mormon Missionaries Dominate a Pickup Basketball Game in South Dallas

Categories: Religion, Sports

Fact: Mormons will stop at nothing to convert you, hence the young men dressed for a business meeting you occasionally see riding their bicycles through Dallas' triple-digit summer heat.

Everyone knows about that. Less famous is the basketball-hustler strategy documented in the video above, which has been making its way around the Internet since it was posted a week ago. We'll let the accompanying description posted by YouTube user Jared Allen tell you what's going on:

My cousin Cole, a missionary in Dallas Texas, has been dying to play some street ball and got the chance. After playing it cool asking to play because they are "Just some white boys", they were allowed to play and tried to make it look like they weren't that good.

mormon.jpg
"You guys wanna run, or what?"
What their opponents didn't know, according to Allen, was that Cole was on a state championship basketball team and has a 40-plus inch vertical (probably a bit of an exaggeration, since it would put his jumping ability right up there with some NBA dunking legends). Which means that he is able to overcome his whiteness, not to mention his dress shoes, and throw down a couple of jams while dominating the game of two-on-two.

The strategy apparently worked. "Best part of the story is that one of the guys daughters ended up getting Baptized," Allen writes.

Editor's note: That hoop is not regulation. Look at the angle of the adjustable arm. Eight and a half feet, tops. -- Joe Tone, editor, who's basically a weirdly tall midget and knows all about the beauty of the adjustable hoop.

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30 comments
garlandistheworst
garlandistheworst

I'm looking forward to the slc punk sequel based on these guys slc dunk.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

I think they'd get a lot more action in that neighborhood if they just switched things up a bit and called themselves the Church of Jesus Christ and LSD.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

10 years ago I was trekking through possibly the most remote and primitive place on the plant - the SoluKhumbu district in Nepal (the Himalayas), 40 miles east of Kathmandu, south of Namche Bazaar.. 

So I round a swtichback and cross a Chicom foot bridge over a 2,000 foot gorge.  Here comes a train of Yak, the foot bridge swings left and right.  At the end of this herd is a chipper young American man in a white shirt and a goofy grin on his face.  "Can I speak to you about Jesus!?"

"The Nepali government has a bounty on you assholes."

"Yes sir, I know.  Most unfortunate!"

"The ancient religion locals are tired of you pestering them."

"Just spreading the word, sir!"

"Yeah well, if those Gurkhas get ahold of you, you'll be spreading wings."

"Good luck, Pilgrim."

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

White boys can jump.

Must be the magic underwear.

CogitoErgoSum
CogitoErgoSum

If they play well enough, perhaps Elohim will allow them into the Celestial Kingdom, where they will become gods. Yeah, Mormons are just that batshit crazy. Course, the rest of the world's religions aren't any less full of nuttery.

mcdallas
mcdallas topcommenter

White Men Can Jump.

jdhancock
jdhancock

Not arguing the guy's vertical, but I'm not buying the goal is 8.5 feet. Based on the still at the 1:49 minute, where the kid is standing under the goal, he'd have to be about 5' or less to account for the space between the top of his head and the rim, if the rim was 8.5 feet.

Nik Trending
Nik Trending

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Jean Marie
Jean Marie

actually pretty cute video -doesn't make me wanna be a morman but it was funny!

John1073
John1073

If it's a goal anywhere 9 feet or under, most people can dunk on it. I have an amazingly awful vertical leap and could dunk on a 9 foot goal. 10 foot goal not so much.

stephan.sardone
stephan.sardone

Just think, they use to not let their little mormonlings talk to african americans and now they let them play ball with them. #PROGRESS!

DirtyP1
DirtyP1

Eric,

Man I'm sorry it's hard to believe a white guy could have a 40" vertical leap. Did you know Cole Beasley, the white 5'8 receiver for the cowboys has a 38" inch vertical(NFL combine verified)? Here are a couple of dunks by him on what look like 10 foot goals, but maybe Joe can verify.

http://youtu.be/zAiXuptvlzM

And here's a 5'11 white guy with a...wait for it...50" vertical leap!! OMFG.

http://youtu.be/93adDM6nvx0


Lakewooder
Lakewooder

Love the neighborhood guys/spectators reactions. Pure gold.

ruddski
ruddski topcommenter

Not one snide anti-religion comment or Mitt Romney reference - good on you.

PerryMoore
PerryMoore

I doubt it. Nobody believes in LSD anymore.

DirtyP1
DirtyP1

@jdhancock I'm with you, idk, I mean you don't see anyone else dunking. Usually when there's a shorter rim you have guys at least trying.

pak152
pak152

@stephan.sardone"From the mid-1800s until 1978, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) had a policy which prevented most men of black African descent from being ordained to the church's lay priesthood. This resulted in these members being unable to participate in some temple ordinances. Though the church had an open membership policy for all races, relatively few black people who joined the church retained active membership,[1] despite reassurance that the ban would one day be lifted when "all the other descendants of Adam have received the promises and enjoyed the blessings of the priesthood and the keys thereof""
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_people_and_Mormonism

Daniel
Daniel

@ruddski

There are a significant number of guys who cannot even jump 10 inches off the ground. The Mormons' job is not to worry about that 47 percent.  

John1073
John1073

You can't dunk in mom jeans!

pak152
pak152

@ruddski give it time someone will chime in with one

oops too late observist FTW ;-)


observist
observist topcommenter

@ruddski   It's the special underwear - makes 'em jump higher.

MisterE
MisterE

@Daniel Mormons have one of the largest welfare and charitable organizations in the world.  I bet you haven't done half of what a typical Mormon has done for the "47 percent"

MisterE
MisterE

@CogitoErgoSum Mormons didn't create the racial beliefs.  The "curse of Cain" was around before Mormonism existed. They adopted traditional Christian beliefs, and it wasn't even seen as racist until the 1960s and the civil rights movement.

pak152
pak152

@CogitoErgoSum wow touchy did I say it proved anything? nope just offered it as a counterpoint to sardone's statement. nothing more nothing less

CogitoErgoSum
CogitoErgoSum

@pak152 @stephan.sardone And you think that proves anything? Don't even try to deny the racism inherent in mormonism up until recently. They believed the scripture that stated people of color were thus because they bore "the mark of Cain." Brigham Young was one of the worst in his promotion of this belief. Institutionalized racism in this religion, pure and simple. I'm not ignoring the fact that this nation, as a whole, concurrently held and institutionalized racist beliefs, but the Mormons seem to have made it a formal part of their ecclesiastical policy, unlike Christian and other Abrahamic religions.

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