So You Think We're Going To Drop the Ted Cruz Birther Issue? Just Like That?

Categories: Schutze

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Oh, no, no, no, Madame Dallas Morning News. You don't giveth and then taketh away from us just like that. We were absolutely thrilled by your piece Sunday in which you published a big fat picture of U.S. Senator Ted "Take this government and shove it" Cruz's foreign birth certificate. So now today you've got a weasely-waffly editorial in which you tell us not to turn this into a big "birther" deal.

"This is such a nonissue," you tell us today, "regardless of whether the candidate is Republican or Democrat."

So you show us his foreign birth certificate, and then a couple days later you tell us to forget about it? Yeah, right. That horse done got out the barn already, Dear.

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Library of Congress
Would you vote for president for a guy who was raised through his impressionable formative years by these people?

After the crap we have put up with for five years from Cruz's own Tea Party over President Obama's birth certificate? You think you're going to give us a big old Canadian birth certificate printed with green ink and then tell us to drop it?

Dream on.

Hey. What kind of country prints its birth certificates in green ink, anyway? We can tell you what kind -- a hippie country. In fact, Canada is a hippie country where children are forced to attend madrassa-like anti-colonial hippie schools that brainwash them into fanatical vegetarianist anti-American belief systems before the age of 4, which was how old Cruz was when his Castroite father moved him to Houston and installed him there as a Canadian terror baby.

Canadian terror? Absolutely. Don't be naive. Canadian terror is insidious precisely because it is so difficult to spot at first. They don't go for the big showy stuff that you can see on the news. With the Canadians, it's all very sneaky and subtle.

Example: Next time you hear Cruz speak, listen very closely to his pronunciation of final syllables ending in o-r, as in the words, labor, harbor or ardor. Hear something a little bit funny going on there? Well, sure you do, and you know why? It's because he's pronouncing them the way he was brainwashed into pronouncing them in his Canadian anti-colonialist veggie-drassa preschool as a child: labour, harbour, ardour. With a silent u.

Why the silent u? Is it just some innocent mistake the Canadians make because somebody forgot to tell them they're not British anymore? If you believe that, I've got some Canadian swampland I'd like to sell you.

A 2009 research paper called "The Impact of Anti-American Sentiment on Canadian English," by Alison Borden, Alexandra Erath and Julie Yang, part of the Strathy Undergraduate Working Papers on Canadian English, Vol. 7, published at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario, documents the use of the silent-u spelling in Canadian newspapers during the Vietnam War and shows conclusively that Canadians still use the silent u and other little left-handed Canadian verbal tricks as a deliberate means of thumbing their noses at the U.S. of A.

They conclude: "... is it possible that in today's society, at another time when anti-Americanism runs high, due to the war in Iraq, Canadian English is again seeing a shift towards Briticisms? Our findings suggest that this is a possibility worth examining.

"As well, our research invites the broader question of the extent to which anti-American sentiment amongst Canadians during the Vietnam War affected not only Canadian English but Canadian culture as a whole."

Can they make it any more plain that that? This is the point the Tea Party people would love us to miss: Cruz, whose father fought beside communist dictator Fidel Castro, spent his earliest formative years in the smothering embrace of a rabidly anti-American anti-colonialist culture. What makes that culture all the more embittering for us in this country is that the Canadians were just fine with belonging to the British colonial empire. But when we came along and offered to free them by letting them become one of our colonies instead, they cried rape.

Don't believe me? Well, maybe you had better take the time to read a particularly insidious little ditty, a research paper that was until recently a closely guarded secret text among fanatical Canadian anti-yankers, published as part of a two-language-titled underground resistance project called, "Studies in Canadian Literature / Études en littérature canadienne."

Études, indeed. We don't put little things like that on top of our E's in this country, Senator Cruz.

The paper in question has the typically flamboyant provocative Canadian-style title, "Morley Callaghan and the New Colonialism: The Supreme Individual in Traditionless Society," by Robin Mathews.

"Traditionless." That would be us.

The author freely admits that "... many of the immigrants (to Canada) came from or willingly gave loyalty to Britain." But then he says, "Colonial status within the U.S. Empire cannot be seen as evolutionary or progressive. ... Canadians have moved to a growing consciousness of impotence and subservience in political, economic, and increasingly in cultural terms as the U.S.A. has become a visible imperial power manipulating Canadian life."

His conclusion? "Canadians must, moreover, relate their condition to the historic fear of U.S. expansionism."

And there you have it. By the way, next time you have a spare minute to spend defending the nation of your birth, you might want to take a peek at the menu at "La Canada Pre-School." It includes what the Canadians call "mini-meals" (wouldn't want those kids to grow up too big and strong like the Yanks) such as pasta and applesauce and cheese and crackers and applesauce. The closest the poor little things ever get to honest meat is chicken nuggets and pears. There's not a hamburger within 100 kilometers of them. But, oh, man, they do get them some applesauce!

So in Ted Cruz we have a silent-u pronouncing applesauce-fed product of a fanatically anti-U.S.-colonialist culture whose birth certificate was printed in Canada, a country that speaks French half the time, in green ink. And he's going to be president of the United States? And The Dallas Morning News, which started all of this by printing his flowery little green birth certificate, thinks we're going to be OK with that?

We are just getting started, Dear. Believe me. He's not getting oot of it that easy.

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114 comments
Obummer
Obummer

Yo uh, what difference – at dis here point, what difference do it make?

david.lloydjones
david.lloydjones

You forget to mention that he was born under socialized medicine.

Does this make his parents welfare leeches creeping into Canada to have an American child at the Canadian taxpayer's expense?  Or does this just come as a natural right to the family who fought for Castro's communist Cuba?

You be the judge.  And either way, ask him if he has any plans to pay the Canadian taxpayer back?  Tea Party people never take charity, do they?  And they believe in paying back, right?

Or is he going to put Mitt Romney, a crypto-scoialist from the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts, into his administration to bring Canadian medicine to America?

Again, you be the judge.

-dlj.



bmarvel
bmarvel topcommenter

Jim,

I was always told that you were born midway through the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel, which would confer upon you, also, dual citizenship. Is this not so?

Dave Knauer
Dave Knauer

All the anti-Canadianism on here! Reminded me of how Conservapedia (the Wikipedia wannabe for home schooled Right Wing Nut families in the alternate universe) won't even allow British (Canadian, etc.) spelling. This from Liberapedia: "In England, words such as 'color' and 'humor' are spelt with extra u's; 'colour' and 'humour'. While Liberapedia accepts this, as several editors here are British, 'English-English' spellings on Conservapedia are classed as anti-American."

msr1926
msr1926

Before running for office, Cruz held several positions in the federal government. On a standard background check he would have been asked about place of birth and dual citizenship.

He either lied then or he's lying now.

Americano
Americano

Jim Schutze, the self appointed defender of Obama. 

TXSasquatch
TXSasquatch

It's not just that he has a Canadian birth certificate.  It's that he does NOT have a U.S. birth certificate.  He has a Consular Report of Birth Abroad--not the same thing.  Regardless, he doesn't have a prayer of being elected.  His kind of crazy doesn't play well on a national scale.  If Romney couldn't win, Cruz would be lucky to crack forty percent.

Lurch
Lurch

Doesn't matter. He's not going anywhere. The country had fun with Ricky Perry, they are going to LOVE Teddy Cruz.

rbeezlee
rbeezlee

Who is this "We" you speak of, Dim?  This is what animates you, huh, Dim?  So it seems.  It would almost be interesting if you'd apply your sophomoric analyses, overt prejudices, and all the rest to all politicians (because with very few exceptions, they are all idiots--party lines mean nothing in this regard). Alas, you do not.  Hence you write for the oh so underground, edgy, free-thinking, vanguard of all right (er, scratch that, left) thinking people: The Dallas Observer.  (Sssshhhh.  Don't worry, I won't say anything about its parent company; ya know, the one almost as big as Belo.)  Oh Dim, as Lenin once said: "What is to be done?"  

As an aside:  Will you/"we" not forget this, just like you wouldn't forget the police and the Dallas Occupy protesters who were so against Da Man that they all insisted on carrying iPhones and iPads in order to record the atrocities committed against them by Dallas's finest?  Or will this eternal remembrance be different?  Let's hope so.

ElFlaco714
ElFlaco714

Cruz cannot be a birther.  Only females can give birth.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

Teddiboy is a smart guy. Let him explain the constitutional nuisances of the constitutional requirement of being a natural born US citizen and how being born in Canada, from a US mother and Cuban fulfills this requirement. Bonus points for McBeth references. A 21 gun salute if he goes to court for a declaratory judgment.

Amy S
Amy S

Shades of Louis Gohmert! I think you'll see the Tea Party make a quiet retreat.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Don't care - what matters to me is all I hear from Mt Cruz is what he is against?  What is he for other than the usual generic "conservative values" BS.    So tell me, what has he actually done since being elected except run for another office?

Where's the petition to ban Facebook access?

jamessavik
jamessavik

If we're supposed to ignore your Kenyan, you can ignore our Cuban.

Sean Walker
Sean Walker

nope, nope nope. kenyan will never ever be the hate speech that the n-word is. don't even.

Marvin Remmers
Marvin Remmers

Anyone who voted for Obama and thinks Ted Cruz's birth certificate is an issue is a hypocrite.

chloechloe
chloechloe

Ok defensive folks - this article is tongue in cheek.

Lisa Reid West
Lisa Reid West

No, we are doing it tongue in cheek to give the conservative birthers crap. It's hilarious to us. Funny as heck. Plus Cruz's dad fought on the side of Fidel Castro, a communist.. Kinda interesting family history. Oh the irony.

Lisa Reid West
Lisa Reid West

Ted Cruz's father fought for the Fidel Castro regime. Seriously.

Russ Coffman
Russ Coffman

We still don't know if he's loyal to the Queen or America. He was there four years getting universal health care. Was he indoctrinated? America deserves answers!

Russ Coffman
Russ Coffman

Shouldn't have to research anything. Should have come directly from El Ted, eh?

Thomas Stennis
Thomas Stennis

His parents took advantage of the Canadian health care coverage when he was hatched in Calgary, but he is against anyone here having a chance at a similar benefit.

iJohn
iJohn

Mother is American.  This makes him a natural American citizen, so as much as you want it to be a non-story... it's a non-story.

Now, in the case with Obama, if he went to college as a foreign student, then that means he's renounced his American citizenship (yes, he was born an American citizen as his mother is also American).  If you renounce your citizenship, you just can't have it back when it's you feel like it again. 

Jon Jackson
Jon Jackson

In other words, the liberals are going to act as nutty as the right wing wind bags over his birth certificate as they did Obamas. *golf clap *

LeroyJenkem
LeroyJenkem

Yeah, you lot can laugh, but Louie Goehmert was right about the anchor babies. His problem, as with the rest of the Tea Party, is that he wasn't worried about people hopping the US border illegally if they came from countries mostly full of white people who spoke English. His mistake: we're just waiting for word from Ottawa, and then we're bombing the Baldwins. Again.

Michael Hanrahan
Michael Hanrahan

Isn't he also Cuban? Did he come here so we could say 'hello to his little friend"?

David Hernandez Jr
David Hernandez Jr

How can Cruz be a wetback if This country gave him a nice big American flag to dry himself with?

Joy Henson
Joy Henson

We understand, Barry. The truth hurts

Clarissa Salazar Dyson
Clarissa Salazar Dyson

Him having dual citizenship has never been a secret. Like I said, research is a powerful thing.

david.lloydjones
david.lloydjones

@bmarvel  It would depend on which lane you were in.  I think they drive on the left in Canada.  I mean they have socialized medicine, so they must drive on the left.

If you were in the right lane, you'd still be American -- but you'd lose your automobile insurance.

-dlj.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@rbeezlee 

How about this: if you run over me on my bike, don't say it was a suicide like your bro'.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@primi_timpano 

I like that. In fact, I can't imagine a better campaign poster than Cruz in a stars-and-stripes Uncle Sam outfit pointing at the viewer and declaring, "I AM NOT A CANADIAN!"

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

@Sotiredofitall That is all politicians these days.  Nobody brings anything to the table other than, "vote for me, because I'm not the other guy".  If they actually brought their values and objectives to the stump, they'd actually have to DO something after getting elected.

I'd like to be the first to sign the Facebook ban on Unfair Park....

chloechloe
chloechloe

I think liberals are just understandably having fun with this. This humorous article is a fun example. Though anyone that questioned Obama's eligibility but think Cruz is a-ok is for sure a hypocrite.

david.lloydjones
david.lloydjones

@iJohn That's an insane proposition.  Foreign students pay two to five times as much as Americans to go to American universities.  The chance of anyone saying they were foreign when they had even the gllimmer of a chance of being American, is zee-ro.

-dlj.

enderspam
enderspam

@iJohn 

Welcome to the Observer, iJohn. Number of posts: 1. Member since August 2013. See ya never.

david.lloydjones
david.lloydjones

@Jon Jackson 

No, Jon.  Not possible. There's only one bunch of liberals that crazy, and they are the Murdoch family who run Fox News.  

They're pretending to be right wingers so that this time when the Nazis take over it will be the bicyclists and the parrot owners, not the Jews, who get stomped.

 -dlj.

chloechloe
chloechloe

No, we think it's funny! We will use it to give the birthers all kinds of well deserved crap. It's all tongue in cheek.

enderspam
enderspam

@David Hernandez Jr Even worse. He's a frostback anchor baby.

chloechloe
chloechloe

It was to Cruz 'till the DMN told him.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@JimSX @primi_timpano 

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's more evocative of Richard Nixon braying  "I AM NOT A CROOK."

Cruz even sort of favors ol' Dickie.

wcvemail
wcvemail

@chloechloe Chloe, the Facebook posters can't see responses. So Clarissa is ignorant forever, despite your pithy effort.

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