The FBI Is Looking for the Regular Joe Bandit, Needs to Get More Creative with Nicknames

Categories: Crime

RegularJoeBanditAll.jpg
FBI
Meet the Regular Joe Bandit.
He's held up five North Texas banks in six months. Each time, he wears a plain ball cap and glasses or sunglasses and calmly hands over a note and demands cash. His preference is for bank branches tucked inside grocery stores and Walmarts, always in the suburbs. He's shown a weapon at least once and is considered armed and dangerous. He's the "Regular Joe Bandit."

Seriously. This is what the local FBI's bandit-naming division has been reduced to, grasping at cliches that illuminate nothing about the robber's methods or appearance. The "Loan Ranger Bandit," so given for the man's Texas Rangers cap and the fact that he robs institutions that lend money, at least suggested a modicum of effort on the FBI's part. And the "Mesh Mask Bandit" at least conveyed the idea that the guy robbed banks wearing a mesh mask.

But "Regular Joe"? It's like they've given up.

It doesn't have to be this way. The Los Angeles division of the FBI has a knack for decent nicknames, if this Los Angeles Daily News piece is any indication: the Chevy Chase Bandit's comical slip reminded agents of Saturday Night Live; the Miss Piggy Bandit was short, fat, and female; the Michael Jackson Bandit always wore a glove on one hand.

As the FBI explains in "Name That Bank Robber: Catchy Monikers Help Nab Culprits," a good nickname serves as "a hook for media attention to help solve robberies and a tool to help investigators track serial suspects." But bad, not-at-all catchy nicknames seem to be just fine with the agency, given that their prime example is the "Ponytail Bandit."

Come on, Dallas FBI. Step up your bank robber-naming game. Our pageviews, and our interest in financial crimes, depend on it.

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15 comments
leftocenter
leftocenter

I think the bandits share some responsibility in this.  This guy could do better...give them something to work with. 

Daniel
Daniel

The So-Undistinguished-He's-Practically-Invisible-But-If-Pressed-You'd-Guess-Him-To-Be-A-Car-Salesman-Who-Likes-Golf-And-Men's-Clubs-Not-Titty-Bars-Men's-Clubs Bandit.

Americano
Americano

So the problem is not that he robs banks, the problem is that he doesn't have a cool name.  Or maybe the problem is that our media would rather focus on his name than his crime's.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

How 'bout "Safe Cracker Cracker"?

epicmale
epicmale

First, he buys a new cap in Walmart.  Second, he robs the bank in Walmart.

Hint:  Don't buy your surveillance cameras at Walmart.  LOL...

Threeboys
Threeboys

How about generic 40 something white guy bandit.

ruddski
ruddski

Looks like the gimmecap bandit.

rzimmerman1
rzimmerman1

Dallas won't be world class until we have our own Twerkin' Bandit.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Ideas for the FBI:

The Bank Robber What Robs Banks

That Bank Robbin Dude

Dobber the Bank Robber

Bandit the Bandit

That Shady Feller

The Suspicious Person Bandit

The Take the Money and Run Bandit

L8nitedave
L8nitedave

Don't blame the FBI, this particular bandit is just boring.

leftocenter
leftocenter

We already had the "handsome guy" bandit, didn't we?

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