Gov. Oops, O Canada Cruz, and now Lt. Gov. Dweebhurst: Our Texas Republican Bounty Is Boundless.

Categories: Schutze

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There is a silver lining in the David-Dewhurst-calls-the-cops thing. It's just more fun with Republicans.

Nobody thinks it's terrible that the lieutenant governor called the Allen cops to get his relative out of jail. Anybody would do that. It's not even that Dewhurst tried to pull rank. Everybody does that.

aristocrat_smaller.jpg
Library of Congress
Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, shortly before receiving distressing call about relative's arrest

It's that he was such a dweeb about it. Here he is on the phone with these suburban cops -- this happened last August 3, a Saturday, but the cops just released the recording this week -- and he's talking in a warble-voice like Eleanor Roosevelt, all jacked out of shape and amazed that somebody related to him could be arrested and accused of a crime.

He tells the cops again and again that he personally knows this person -- such a distant relative he can't even remember her exact relationship to him -- is utterly totally absolutely innocent of all charges. At various points in the 12-minute recording Dewhurst uses the phrases, "a mistaken charge," "a school teacher," and (one of the) "sweetest women in the world."

He says, "This lady did not, I know in my heart, was not involved in intentionally walking out and stealing 57 dollars." He says, "This is ridiculous," and "This lady, in my mind, is 100 percent innocent." He calls her arrest "a miscarriage of justice."

OK. Maybe so. But put yourself in the position of the Allen cops. According to what Dewhurst himself says on the phone, his relative checked out of a grocery store through the self-serve lane where you scan your own stuff and then pay for it. Somehow she left the store with $57 worth of stuff that didn't get scanned but did wind up in a bag.

Could that happen by accident? Sure. One package of steaks could take care of the $57. It could happen. You, me, we probably operate on the assumption that an evil grocery store spy is watching us at all times when we go through the self-check lane, so we are very careful to make sure everything gets scanned, especially the steaks which would make it a Class B misdemeanor. But maybe the steaks were wet or something and didn't scan properly. We do not know.

But the thing about it? She wound up outside with 57 bucks worth of stuff she didn't pay for. The cops were called. The rest is pretty automatic. If they get you on the tarmac with more than 50 bucks worth of boodle, you're going for a ride, even if you're a school teacher and one of the sweetest women in the world.

The part about the wet steaks (and remember, I just made that part up to give her an excuse) and maybe the scanner didn't work: Yeah, the cops don't want to really chat with you about that. Fifty-seven bucks. No receipt. They need you to get in the car. Now. Then they have to go check on the lady who called to say her husband was threatening her with a chainsaw. Again. You are not their number one priority.

Aren't we all supposed to sort of know that?

You know who Dewhurst reminds me of every time I listen to this call? Mitt Romney. For some reason. I just keep hearing Old 47 trying to play regular guy to the Detroit Economic Club by telling them, "Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually."

Actually. There's a certain ring to it, don't you think? A Republican ring. Hey, wasn't that a terrific primary, by the way? The Republican one. The black guy who was nuts? Our own guy, Governor Oops? Don't you wish we could watch that again? Maybe it's on video-on-demand by now.

Actually. Love that word. She doesn't just drive two Cadillacs. She drives them actually. What would we do without Republicans?

By God, I know people are real hard on our Texas Republicans these days, and I personally don't like to listen to what they're actually saying, but the Dewhurst business is a reminder that they sure can be fun. Just a few weeks ago Governor Oops was sort of wearing out for me, getting boring, and then guess who came along? U.S. Senator O Canada! Cruz.

O Canada! Cruz, after all, is the Tea Party guy who wants to pack immigrants onto "self-deportation" freight trains. But he's having to go around with a Richard Nixon five o'clock shadow holding up two fingers and wobbling his jowls to say, "I am not a Canadian!" You couldn't make this stuff up!

O Canada! Cruz was just starting to fade, in fact, when Dweebhurst came along to occupy the Republi-fun limelight. Who's next? I predict it will be something to do with Texas Attorney General Greg anti-Obama Abbott. One can only hope.

Yeah, it wasn't making the call that was bad. If anything, there was something almost sweet about it. This guy's a zillionaire ex-CIA agent -- he really is -- and he makes the call himself. That's crazy. I had a friend who worked for a high-end department store in Dallas where there was a kind of ambient ongoing problem with very rich Park Cities ladies who walked out with six-figure purses stuffed up their skirts. Sweetest ladies in the world. Their husbands just didn't give them big enough purse allowances.

The call telling the store to drop all charges never came from the lady's rich powerful well-connected husband. It came from the CEO of the store. The husband got the fix in and everything taken care of way up the line from any peons. Normally, that's what being rich and well-connected is for.

No, I think it's kind of nice that Dweebhurst made the call himself. And I even like that he was so dweeby about it, in the same way I like that our governor couldn't remember the third government agency he wanted to abolish and our United States senator is having to go around to Tea Party groups denying that he's a Canadian terror baby.

It's like the Cadillacs, actually. It reminds us that we all have feet of clay; money is not I.Q.; and Republicans can be the funniest people! As long as they're not trying to be.


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90 comments
Obummer
Obummer

Yo da deaf penalty iz barbaric an' shouldz knotz bez used onz anyonez.

killgarland
killgarland

Doesn't the Allen PD understand the great unwritten rule of law...those with the biggest money bags or best connections always win/get off...silly Allen trying to enforce laws equitably

CristoListo
CristoListo

Ted Cruz is a Cuban Canadian who wants to follow in the steps of his oligarch forebears. But let us focus on the good things for all of us. http://t.co/UWK2eTxMIr

rain392
rain392

Aw, you guys are missing half the fun!   Did you recognize the atty in this case?   Yup, it is Todd Shapiro, who if I am not mistaken is former Senator Florence Shapiro'son.  He practices with his Dad, Howard who is Florence's spouse and was once my son's attorney for a little bitty drug problem <g>25 years ago. Todd seems to be not only as good as his dad but as well connected!

cmint
cmint

It's the "do you know who I am" aspect.  It's a backhanded threat.  Perry did it to the trooper back a while, celebs do it.  It's distastful.  It shows a lack of self awareness. I took an informal poll of my fellow no-names.  I asked what would you do if someone tried to big time you?  100% response - "hopefully the same as the Allen cop".  Way to go Allen PD.

leftocenter
leftocenter

Jim, there's just lots creepier Republicans than Dewhurst -- except that we can't keep him out of our vaginas, that's pretty creepy.  Without his vagina analogues he's a bit player...  Have you seen O'Cruz's face?  I mean, that wimpy I'm-so-righteous-I-just-might-cry face will never get elected -- it's just impossible.

On this issue, I think it's a bit endearing that he made the call and was soooooo very certain of this sweet lady's innocence. 

Americano
Americano

How about Loral?  You know, the company Bill Clinton used to sell the Chinese missile technology.  They can now target our cities with Nuclear Weapons more accurately because of this.  That isn't a flub, or lack of judgement or even stupidity.  That, is Treason.

ruddski
ruddski

It must be reassuring to know that Texas libs will have Republican leadership to mock for the foreseeable future.

whocareswhatithink
whocareswhatithink

Meanwhile you know what Republicans are getting a laugh out of....The Change.Gov ethics agenda....The old page of broken dreams and promises. You are warned, you might start to feel really shitty about yourself once you go back and read it again.

They are actually all really funny now, but this one makes me laugh the most

Protect Whistleblowers: Often the best source of information about waste, fraud, and abuse in government is an existing government employee committed to public integrity and willing to speak out. Such acts of courage and patriotism, which can sometimes save lives and often save taxpayer dollars, should be encouraged rather than stifled. We need to empower federal employees as watchdogs of wrongdoing and partners in performance. Barack Obama will strengthen whistleblower laws to protect federal workers who expose waste, fraud, and abuse of authority in government. Obama will ensure that federal agencies expedite the process for reviewing whistleblower claims and whistleblowers have full access to courts and due process.

http://change.gov/agenda/ethics_agenda/

Meanwhile, how about those revised unemployment figures, Syria, NSA, IRS, Holder investigating Holder, Healthcare premiums, inflation, increased college costs, central bank creating trillions of dollars for speculation etc etc for some real laughs. Because all that crap, is really hysterical....and you know Republicans hate to say 'I told you so"

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

Oh, very good catch, Myrna, thank you. Went to look at it just now.

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/23224687/dewhurst

So when she was checking out, she did scan forty-some-odd bucks worth of other stuff, but she forgot to scan the disinfecting wipes. But she put them in the bag. Then she forgot to scan the color coding labels. But she put them in the bag. Forgot the picture hanging strip. In the bag. Skipped scanning the goo remover. Bag. Missed the multi-colored sponge. Bag. Shampoo. Bag. Sixty watt bulbs. Bag.

Hmm. Was she by any chance texting?

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

Yeah, I have been watching the young Shapiro's performance closely. Seems to very good at what he does. I am putting his phone number in my wallet in case I rear-end a busload of nuns someday.

happycat
happycat

@Americano somewhere there is an article concerning that.  consider putting future comments about it there.

leftocenter
leftocenter

Serieusement...minor shoplifting to dead pregnant woman wrapped in a mystery and coverup?  You must be a creative genious or extremely athletic to jump that far. 

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul 

Did the President call out to Chappaquiddick and insist that charges be dropped against Teddy? I thought Teddy pleaded guilty two weeks after the incident.

JFPO
JFPO

For a little while, yeah. Enjoy it while you can, dinosaur.

leftocenter
leftocenter

@ruddski

Foresee further!  Battleground.  Soon.  Blue.  Inevitable.  Me, I'll enjoye the battleground.

wcvemail
wcvemail

@whocareswhatithink Heckuva post, wrong topic. Keep you eye onna ball, one ball atta time.

johnparkergreenan
johnparkergreenan

What I find suspicious is there aren't any actual food items on the list of stuff that wasn't paid for. I'd like to know what was in the bag she actually did pay for--otherwise I'm going to find it hard to believe that this nice lady actually cooks like a Southern woman.

It's also hard to believe that she had so little idea what the items she was buying cost that she didn't realize something was wrong when the total was less than half of what it should have been.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

On the other hand: Did she have her own bags and was she putting stuff in her bags as she picked it off the shelf? Then she could have forgotten to scan one bag. Otherwise, why would all of the non-scanned stuff be in one bag?

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

Shaun Rabb quotes Dewhurst saying this is the kind of arrest that gives law enforcement a bad name. Did they forget to cuff her?

rain392
rain392

@JimSX  

Howard was good.  Son has been sober for 24, almost 25 years with the help of AA.  Howard was ethical, and efficient.


ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@bmarvel @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul  

Neither is politicians pulling strings to attempt to game the system.

My point, Dewhurst was toeing the line to speed up getting his relative released from jail.  Both he and the Allen PD followed the letter of the law.  Maybe Dewhurst was trying to bend it a little, maybe not.

My point to Jim was, "Here, look at a case where to this day the general public has serious doubts about what happened and generally believe that the then Senator Kennedy is responsible for Ms. Kopechne's death; and, that there were at least attempts by the Kennedy family to cover up what happened to make it appear to be an accident."

It is sort of like OJ Simpson, yes he was acquitted of his ex-wife's murder, but the general public pretty much believes that he did it.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@leftocenter  

I was looking at the bigger picture.  You know, politicians and other politically connected influential people attempting to game the system  for someone that they know that got in to some sort of trouble, hot water, or, otherwise embarrassing situation.


PS: You left out surrounded by an enigma.


PPS: Dang, I shore kicked open an anthill with my original comment.

dingo
dingo

@JimSX @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul Uh, I'm not seeing where Dewhurst insisted that charges be dropped. He found out he could get a head start on the standard bond acquisition to get his niece step inlaw great once removed wifes first cousin out on bail and, after thanking the officer, proceeded from there. 


But that wouldn't fit your 'storytelling', would it?

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@JimSX @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul  

If I remember correctly, there was a lot of attempts to cover it up.  It was pretty much like cats trying to clean up after themselves after making a mess on the kitchen floor -- a lot of activity, but nothing accomplished.

Teddy plead guilty to leaving the scene of an accident in which an injury occurred.

The worst part of the whole mess was that the investigation was held in camera, where usually inquests in Massachusetts where someone dies without any witnesses are usually open hearings.  The Kennedy family pulled a lot of serious strings in order to have this done.  Subsequently when the grand jury was convened, the results of the inquest were specifically barred from being introduced.


I personally think that most politicians of all stripes will pull any strings, or call in any favor in order to attempt a cover up or assist a family member or cohort in order to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation or loss of political power.


The excerpts that I heard on the news of the telephone conversation indicated to me that Dewhurst knew where the line was.   Additionally, the officer talking to Dewhurst stood his ground and did not yield to Dewhurst, and he should be commended for following procedure.


Notwithstanding this, it is possible that all Dewhurst was attempting to do was to find out what would be the quickest way possible to get his relative out of jail.  After all, wasn't there a story here quite some time ago about a guy who sat in the Dallas County jail for several months before being released?

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

@dingo@JimSX@ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul 

Please go back and retake the class on reading comprehension, I think that it will help you in life quite a bit, based upon what I see and read here.  In my posts, I was taking Jim (the author of the article) to task about his opinion of this incident.  If anything, please reread the last paragraph of one of my posts, reprinted here for your convenience:

 "Notwithstanding this, it is possible that all Dewhurst was attempting to do was to find out what would be the quickest way possible to get his relative out of jail.  After all, wasn't there a story here quite some time ago about a guy who sat in the Dallas County jail for several months before being released?"

Have a nice day, and look both ways before crossing the street.

 

dingo
dingo

@JimSX @dingo @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul He used his name to cut through bureaucratic red tape but was adamant that he not be given anything outside of what the law is. His clear offense was trying to cut through the red tape and on line with the most competent officials because it placed him in line before others and gave him more competent service than the others that would have to wait on hold, get a recording, get some DMV reject to answer questions, etc. If you have any evidence to the contrary then bring it or head back into your irrelevant little world of  conclusory accusations.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@dingo @JimSX @ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul 

C'mon. Dweebhurst did everything but threaten to hold his breath and turn purple if they didn't let her go home immediately. The cop, who sounded amused by the end, didn't give him an inch, but it's not because Dweebhurst  didn't try to take a mile.

bmarvel
bmarvel topcommenter

@JimSX Oh, Jim, Jim. You've allowed yourself to be drawn off the trail by speculation on the woman's innocence. What kind of reporter are you??

gregmarcydagama
gregmarcydagama

@Amy S @JimSX @gregmarcydagama Amy, you are absolutely right - there is no way she is not going to pay a serious price for this; all due to the shallow thinking skills of an ailing old white good ole boy . . .  dang! ~ / ~

Amy S
Amy S

@JimSX @gregmarcydagama I self check. Typically the machines weigh what is on the "bagged" side, and you have an error when the actual weight doesn't match the programmed weight. Like if you bring your own bag, or try to bag something that has not been rung. The clerk has to clear the error, sometimes it can be done remotely. It seems that aftering ringing her purchases she would have had that one bag full of items sitting very obviously in her cart.

That being said, I have tried checking out while talking on the phone, and have almost missed the most obvious 4-12 packs of pop below the basket. I prefer to give her the benefit of the doubt, unless something on the store's tape shows otherwise.

At this point, there's no way she's not paying a price for all this.

gregmarcydagama
gregmarcydagama

@wcvemail @JimSX @gregmarcydagama Agreed. As Jim pointed out, wth was a state official doing calling the police himself with that kind of weird power politics. The vanishing, mentally-disoriented white Southern 'Conservative' lawmakers are a distressed breed. ~ / ~

gregmarcydagama
gregmarcydagama

@JimSX @gregmarcydagama The City Editor's Desk did. I started when Lehrer was there. City was one of my many stops. Charles Dameron was the Managing Editor at the time. You are a hell of a sleuth. BTW, I have story idea for you in the national education field that also has legs running into Texas and Dallas. Plus, I have some inside skinny. I will email you to your office. Great reporting, Schutze. This interactivity stuff is mindblowing compared to the old days of calling or writing letters. lolzzzz ~ / ~ OM

wcvemail
wcvemail

@JimSX @gregmarcydagama See, in less than an hour among strangers, we've come up with a plausible explanation. If the woman's husband had simply and politely offered that to the cops, instead of dialing Uncle FixIt, we might have something else to talk about.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@gregmarcydagama @JimSX 

I never had a copy boy!

Except for the shampoo, all the other stuff sounds like it could be teaching supplies. Could she have been segregating her stuff for separate receipts? And then she forgot to scan one bag? 

gregmarcydagama
gregmarcydagama

@JimSX @gregmarcydagama Self-scanning is shortsighted and socially tone deaf. Checkers and baggers if paid right are a vital part of the shopping experience and by staying on the job for years, their presence aids and facilitates community bonding. I have never self-scanned and never intend to. I can understand, however, after your distinguished career, and I mean that in the best possible way going all the way back to when I was your copyboy at The Herald, why they would like to mugshot you. ;) ~ / ~ OM

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

@gregmarcydagama @JimSX 

I sometimes use my own bags. I would not put my stuff in my bag before I scanned it, for fear that my mugshot might wind up on the TV News with one of those white towels around my neck. But that's because I expect that to happen to me at any moment anyway. Maybe she shops different. 

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