It's Texas Heterosexual Awareness Month, Whatever That Means

Categories: Events

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Amidst the buzz this summer about same-sex marriage and gay pride, it's easy to lose track of the unsung victims of all these equal rights. So to bring attention to heterosexual Americans and the struggle they face, like having to see gay characters on television and not having VIP federal marriage benefits, July has been declared "Heterosexual Awareness Month," or HAM. And one website is trying really hard to get Texas on board.

HAM is bold, and not just because it's borrowing ideas from neo-Nazi message boards. Saturday was Straight Pride Day. All heterosexual enthusiasts were encouraged to show their support by wearing black, which is not only the color of mourning but also the opposite of rainbows.

This sounds like it makes for very somber straight pride parades -- just black streamers, black tank tops and black body glitter. And July 22 is the International Day Against Heterophobia, celebrated with the traditional eating of pancakes.

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The Texas Heterosexual Awareness Month's Facebook is full of Biblical passages, pictures of married couples with American flags and explanations that homosexuality is like sitting on someone's head and then getting angry that they don't like you sitting on their head. If gay people have been sitting on the moderators' heads then it makes a lot of sense why they're so frustrated, and there should be more in the news about a gay head-sitting epidemic.

The best way to celebrate Heterosexual Awareness Month, though, is to slam people who don't share your sexual practices, ideally with weird cartoons and very confusing flowcharts.

The holiday is a much-needed counterpoint to all the media attention and civil rights victories for LGBT people in the U.S. Historically many straight people have made huge accomplishments but get no recognition, including Abraham Lincoln and the voice of Alf. Without measures like Texas Heterosexual Awareness Month and Straight Pride Day, the only historical figures American kids will learn about in school will be Harvey Milk and Sappho.

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77 comments
J.Villeneuve
J.Villeneuve

Okay so first I absolutely have to see the weird cartoon linked but unfortunately that's been taken down, does anybody have a link to that? I thrive on this crap. Second, the Texas HAM page has only gotten more bizarre and surreal over the past year, they put up random pictures of animals as "troll defence" and I highly recommend all of you look at this.


A lot of times I meet people who ask me why we get pride month, and why they can't have a thing like these groups are trying to promote, and fortunately now I'll be able to point them to this bizarre... Violently homophobic group to explain to them that this is exactly what happens when a majority with social privilege and an advantage in terms of power dynamics feel like they need "pride". The worst of the worst come out of the woodwork.

hdpearl11
hdpearl11

Left-Handed Pride! I was born this way, and for too long school desks have been oriented to right-handers. What if I don't want to sit on the aisle or be cast to the back of the room where the tables are? Liberty for lefties today! 


axel.rod
axel.rod

Just another group of hateful people posting their bigotry. HAM's FB page has been shut down 3-4x already this year but keeps coming back like bad Taco Bell.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

That website should have a place for all the straight people to note the day they chose to be straight. They did choose, right? Apparently it's some big struggle not to go down to the bookstore, kneel in the dark, and suck on as many cocks as you can before the gag reflex kicks in.

Americano
Americano

When you devote a month to some sort of "awareness" instead of just living your life, it does seem rather ridiculous, now that you mention it.

Shannon Mack
Shannon Mack

Heterosexual pride is every other day. Just like white pride(aka supremacy) and male pride are every other day. You're already the majority, you really have to get a special day besides the other 364 you get? Sure, why not

Obummer
Obummer

Yo itz means dat God made Adam an' Eve, not Adam an' Steve.

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

I was not aware that as a hetero, I needed an awareness month, or that I was particularly struggling with anything other than trying to separate a hetero woman from her clothing.  Thank goodness I've got these evolutionary throwbacks to remind me.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

Every goddam fucking day is het awareness day.

I have to look at their spandex-clad cellulite asses waddling around (making me nauseous) with their gaggle of rugrats running around yelling and screaming and spilling high-fructose corn syrup laden snacks all over the place, while the "men" grunt and snort and slap each other on the ass talking about football, a game where guys run around tackling each other and slapping each other on the ass.

Gag me with a diaphragm.

JackJett
JackJett

This will certainly lead to man on giraffe sex and will be the downfall of gay marriage as we know it.

raginginsincerity
raginginsincerity

I'm experiencing Poe's Law right now.  Are you serious?  Is this serious?  Because... HUH?

Carmen Victoria Elmendorf
Carmen Victoria Elmendorf

This is both sad and laughable for these times; for this great nation. May God have mercy on America! Alamo as backdrop? Perfect!

Julie Clemens
Julie Clemens

And what's with all these entrance ramps? Can't people get off their asses and walk up a few steps??

Stephanie Sherrill
Stephanie Sherrill

Just looked their site over. WOW what a bunch of hateful individuals. They actually use the term LGBTP (seriously the P stands for pedophiles). So sad that there are still people like this out there.

Don North
Don North

damn fucking time, how about straight texas guys awareness day? all i want is a day not to feel like I'm the fucking deviant

EastDallasP1
EastDallasP1

I dont know man, i just think heterosexual awareness month is super gay.

Jon Pitt
Jon Pitt

We are already aware....

Clarissa Nicole
Clarissa Nicole

This is like having White History month. Staaaaaaahp

Sheri LeNoir
Sheri LeNoir

I would poach the gay parking, it's rainbows!

Julie Dawn Sacharko
Julie Dawn Sacharko

I am pretty sure we don't need an awareness day for this. Isn't awareness for issues that need awareness raised regarding them?

Sheri LeNoir
Sheri LeNoir

I was on board until I saw all the religious passages and had joyless black streamers forced on me. Trust the neo-nazis to take all the fun out of the party.

John the Werewolf
John the Werewolf

At first I thought it was satire, but the more I looked at it I realized it was not. *facepaw*

Sheri LeNoir
Sheri LeNoir

everyone deserves to feel pride, cool out.

Rose Garcia Rodriguez
Rose Garcia Rodriguez

David with all due respect, you are considered the minority...so park on! Lol

Ambelleina Warwillow
Ambelleina Warwillow

"repeal the reduction of marriage." Divorces and annulments are what, now? A man and a woman get drunk and get married, wanting to annul it the next morning when they sober up. A man and a man are together for 20+ years and want to get married to celebrate their commitment to the relationship. Which is the true reduction of marriage? Please.

John the Werewolf
John the Werewolf

I know that whatever I say someone is going to take offense so I think I'll just shut my smart mouth... Oh crap. Someone got offended at that.

Adam Tamez
Adam Tamez

You won't get oppression out of me....

Darren Dupre
Darren Dupre

This website looks like satire to me (but Poe's Law and etc. may apply here). With that said, as a heterosexual person, I am completely in favor of social equality for homosexuals. Do I feel oppressed? On the contrary, I feel that by allowing homosexuals to be open about their desires, it reduces the amount of competition in the marketplace for heterosexuals like me.

David McCollum
David McCollum

Soon there will be gay and minority parking spaces up front row next to handicap!...lol

Alison Techman
Alison Techman

Every month is heterosexual awareness month. Every day you can publicly express love for your partner or significant other without receiving dirty looks or threats is heterosexual awareness day. Every day you go without being harassed, bullied, oppressed, or murdered for your sexual orientation is a heterosexual pride parade.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@Americano 

It is hardly ridiculous when a minority group feels so persecuted that they feel they need to come together and stand up for their individual civil rights because larger society has decided for them the best way to live their lives. That's what makes America great. We get to do that and be recognized rather than persecuted.

It is supremely ridiculous when a group of heterosexuals come together to stand up against some sort of perceived attack on their rights (to discriminate) brought about by the progress of groups that they deem unsavory.

wcvemail
wcvemail

@Montemalone Try Target -- decent prices and better clientele than WalMart, and the shopping carts are lighter so they leave less of a dent in your car.

DMZ3
DMZ3

@Don North Go forth, Don. And be the best damned heterosexual American Texan guy you can be. We're all counting you. (Don't screw this up.)

JackJett
JackJett

@David McCollum It is clear that you have got a copy of our Gay Agenda and are acting as the Snowden in exposing our secrets.  

That said, let me be clear that prior to the front row parking spaces we will demand, it is the financial reparations that will have priority.  Second will be a wardrobe allowance, then gay only lanes on the highways. 

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

@JackJett Aha!  That's what's REALLY going on with 635, right?  You're getting the City to build a GayWay, aren't you?

Americano
Americano

@TheCredibleHulk

Oh, history!  Throughout history, every race, religion, gender, tribe, sexual persuasion and political group has been discriminated against at one time or another.  That doesn't make it right.  The wheel always turns.

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