"Fuck You, Texas" -- The Daily Show Responds to Rick Perry's Pitch to New Yorkers

Last month, Rick Perry unveiled a one-minute ad trashing New York for its high taxes and excessive regulations and inviting its people and businesses to come down to the Lone Star State. Comedian Lewis Black fires back today with a profanity-laced rejoinder, which you'll find at nymiddlefingertx.com ("Paid for by New Yorkers who think Texas blows.")

"This is New York: the city that never sleeps," Black narrates as the camera cuts from skyscrapers to an ethnically and socioeconomically diverse sea of faces. "People come here from all over the world for the freedom to live as they choose, for the variety of cultures -- but most of all for the fact that it's not Texas."

Among New York City's many advantages over Texas:

-"You say everything's bigger in Texas? We have a 300-foot green beacon of liberty. You have" -- cut to Big Tex -- "a whatever the fuck this thing is."

-"You can have a slice of pizza with sushi on top -- for breakfast."

-"You say we've got too much regulation? We've got Wall Street. They break the law for a living, and never get punished."

-"New Yorkers go to the bathroom wherever they want. We love the smell of urine. It smells like freedom."

Cut back to the parade of diverse faces, this time raising a middle finger to the camera and saying, "Fuck you, Texas."


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103 comments
aff4366
aff4366

just to be clear - we say "F*k Texas" because as a state, It seems you have no regard or concern for anything outside Texas', or America's, borders. It seems that as a population of voters, you are one of the easiest targets of big-business deception (aka the republican party), and those poor decisions you make impact us in really negative ways. It seems you care more about preserving a distorted way of life and consuming in excess than preserving the environment. It seems that you care more about gun possession than public safety, it seems that you put value on human life based on what church they attend. It seems you are all dogmatic religious fanatics who preach the goodness of the Bible's teachings, while at the same contradicting them by being intolerant of other views and ways of life. It seems that you would be perfectly fine with the rest of the world going to sh*t, as long as you can keep eating steak, drinking beer, and watching football. It seems that at your core, you are all selfish children who just want to satisfy your most base needs, impose your limited worldview on others, and consume in excess no matter what the cost.


Obviously, this isn't true about every Texan, but that is the perception you put across to the rest of the country with your collective behavior and choices. When you support backwards policies, elect ignorant leaders, and embarrass the US in the eyes of foreigners, it hurts all of us. That's why we say "F*k Texas", and that is why we can't have nice things.

cecilnixxon
cecilnixxon

Yeah, this shit for brains punk just invaded St. Louis with his slimy shenanigans. Fuck Perry, indeed.  Texas sniping Missouri? Are you freakin' kidding me?  

Missourians barbecue with the sweet smoke of nut and fruit trees - hickory, apple, peach. Hickory is perfection for pork.

Texans barbecue with mesquite (a nuisance tree), with an overpowering taste of creosote. Kind of like barbecuing with old railroad ties. This can be forgiven since Texans don't cook real barbecue meat (pork) and there's really not much you can do to screw up a big chunk of cow's ass.

Stay out of the Ozarks, you cadillac cowboy!

kentton77
kentton77

Why wasn't this directly aimed at Rick Perry? Fuck him, not the whole state. Also, "Don't mess with Texas" was the catch line for it's own citizens to stop littering, not a rally cry to the rest of the nation. Vanity is stupid, so is this video.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Lewis Black - Bass Performance Hall Fort Worth September 29, 2013

Blah Blah Blah: My State | City | High School | Neighborhood | Church | Cult | Clan | Dog Breed is way cool and your's sucks

Oh, almost forgot: If you don't like where you live, shut up and move........

submarinequeen
submarinequeen

Ellitot Spitzer? Wasn't he so cool? Fuck all this stupid ass shit that says one part of the nation is better than the other. New York has some suck ass shit, and so does Texas, and that is the damned truth. Get over where you are from. Get into being a decent human being.


MikeWestEast
MikeWestEast

Texas should add a link to this video in its promotional materials.  If a business person wanted to know what he or she would leave behind, you cannot beat this one. 

yeahIsaidthat
yeahIsaidthat

I wonder what New Yorker Mike Rawlings said about this.....

Litter_Sifter
Litter_Sifter

You fellers talking about 'The Daily Show with Jon Leibowitz" starring that Lenny Bruce Lite Ralph Lauren wannabe?

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

We need another Three-Fifths Compromise between Texas and New York in order for the fight to be fair.  

And I'm not talking about them giving up 10 mil.  Hell, we'll spot 'em 5 mil and throw in New Jersey too.  

Meet 'em in Sturgis.

Them with the zip-guns fan dancing to West Side Story while me and my bros beat the hell outa them wi/shanes.

Tim.Covington
Tim.Covington

New York and Texas each have their advantages and disadvantages. The great thing is, you can choose to live where you want. Since I prefer a more rural lifestyle, Texas is a better fit for me. Eventually, I will be moving out to the hill country (preferably where my nearest neighbor is at least 1/4 mile away from my house). But, if you like living in a very dense urban environment, New York is great for you.

MattL11
MattL11

That was pretty funny. Also, mostly valid.  

doublecheese
doublecheese

The company I used to work for moved its headquarters from Midtown Manhattan on Park Ave. to Las Colinas a few years ago.  Rick Perry even came out for some kind of a ribbon cutting / dedication ceremony and presented us with a plaque.  (I wasn't important enough to meet the governor that day).

Most of the executives got to leave tiny cramped apartments and move into big suburban homes on big suburban lots in Southlake.  Everyone else who moved down got to leave even tinier shitholes and own a nice home for the first time.


It's really not that hard of a sell.

Obummer
Obummer

Yo New Yorkers is going ta love da uh Affordable Care Act.

llygoden
llygoden

Man, I really hate getting lumped into the Rick Perry herd.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Yankees would be speaking Texan if they didn't have the Pennsylvanians. 

rrrosco
rrrosco

What do you expect.  The rest of the country can only laugh as Texas constantly vies with Florida, Mississippi,, and Alabama for the title of most regressed state.  As the rest of the country enters the 21st century, it smells like the 1950's around here.   Why wouldn't the rest of the country tells us to f*ck off?

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

It's very true that New York has the very best of everything... and the very worst of everything.  It got too expensive for me, but I love it with all my heart.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Most New Yorkers think Texas is a big rock, a tumbleweed, and a bunch of KKKers running around.

freakqnc
freakqnc

@submarinequeen couldn't agree more :)

Ahhh... Gotta love the stupid political ads, and I am referring to that of Perry of course... he just "picked a fight" with the wrong state... and in that all states would be the wrong ones to pick a fight with... but NY? That's suicide! ;P 

As for the LB rebuttal... that's all to laugh about as the spirit there was total satire representing the essence of NY (and should come as no news to Perry) at least this isn't serious and is the way a New Yorker would react to this or any other attack to its city... and they are the only ones who can complain about it! New Yorkers know that's true! ;) 

Of course they are both clear BS when it comes to substance. As this response is even dignifying way too much a stooge who selected an idiotic political ad. A true New Yorker would've given a look and ignored, snobbed or laughed at it... even laughing would be too much acknowledgement. I guess Jon and Lewis just wanted to have som fun and produced the video in response just for S&G. Well done both of you, we had a laugh and got it out of our system, but now let's get serious shall we? ;D

So NY is no better or worse than Texas which is no better or worse of other states. All states have things that suxx and others that are great: NY and TX are no exception to the rule. That's also the beauty of this country: There's enough variety to satisfy different palates. So pick the place you feel most at home and live happy as a "decent human" as submarinequeen already mentioned. Be happy, live and let live. I'd advise to also visit the world so to open up what would otherwise remain a far too narrow and limited horizon.


mrtouchshriek
mrtouchshriek

@holmantx "Top Commenter"  -- gotta laugh at that, but it sounds about right from what I remember of Fort Worth.

How about the rest of the country spots you one day before we drone the shit out of you and return what is left to Mexico.

quicksilver.pyc
quicksilver.pyc

@Tim.Covington  Did you New York has an upstate?  And we upstate have mountains and woods, some of us even hunt and listen to country music <gasp!>

AdamDruit
AdamDruit

@Obummer It's ironic that you probably advocate for a mandatory "national language" and yet you speak English like that...

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@rrrosco Texas has a huge opportunity to break away from that rotting Old South image of rednecks and ignoramuses, what with a huge influx of people from other states and countries coming into the state.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-KatzThen do it and quit lamenting not living where you used to    Just sick of the "if where I live now was more like where I used to live" line.     Should have said; If you don't like where you live; vote, organize, change it and if it won't change move

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

@AdamDruit @holmantx

That didn't take long.

It was New York that was in favor of reducing the count from one to 3/5ths, and I but merely accept the challenge.

and I have no intention of "helping my case" in any manner in this struggle.  If the apples will not remain on the tree of their own strength, if they are wormeaten at the core, if they are early ripe and disposed to fall, let them fall! I am not for tying or fastening them on the tree in any way, except by nature's plan, and if they will not stay there, let them fall.

secede.

Obummer
Obummer

@AdamDruit@Obummer 

Yo Lewis Garrard said, "If uh Yankee moves 2 da Souf we's can gots dem talkin’ normally in ‘bout 6 months."

 

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@dallasdrilling.wordpress.com My point?  That misconceptions about New Yorkers exist in Texas as much as misconceptions about Texans exist in New York.  New Yorker-bashing started on this thread even before I entered it.

ruddski
ruddski

New Yorkers as a rule are not particularly sophisticated, even the ones who speak English, and I'Ve never met a Texan who cares what New Yorkers think about Texas, oher than lefty transplants.

RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

@AdamDruit @holmantx Your two examples of 'absurd action' are quickly becoming the norm in this country. A marriage can be ended for almost any grievance, real or imagined, with no stigma attached, legal or social.  Quitting jobs is becoming a past time with some people, for others just not looking for jobs is the preferred action.  Why not?

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

@AdamDruit @holmantx 

Jesus!  Lighten up.  It's a famous quote from Frederick Douglass.

And the reason NY demanded (and got) the compromise was to retain control over the government to keep the financial wealth of the South centralized in Wall Street.

On secession.  D.C. is heading toward certain financial ruin.  It is only a matter of when the federal government cuts the states adrift to financially fend for themselves, thus seceding from the rest of us.

And they can take New York with them when they go.

AdamDruit
AdamDruit

@holmantx @AdamDruit True, the North was the driver behind reducing electoral value for slaves, though, to be fair, African Americans didn't actually get to exercise any voice.

As for your secession point, I feel your apple analogy emphasizes a profound misunderstanding of agreements, contract law, and society. Your analogy would support all sorts of absurd action: had a bad day at work because you couldn't find a file you needed? Quit! Wife of 12 years and you have an argument over the best school for your daughter? Screw it, divorce!

By continuously leaning on secession, you remove any impetus to actually improve the situation. And that is one of the driving force behind the fractured nature of politics today. Plus, it's been ruled unconstitutional anyway, and I'm sure you claim to love that quite a bit.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz now now myrnie, lets not start hurling insults.  Its not kind to me mean to those you interact with everyday 

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@ScottsMerkin Then I suspect we're to be grateful that you don't avail yourself of those more offensive words that exist.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Myrnie myrnie mynrie, this here blog was built on cussing and hootin n hollering the foulest of things.  Shit and fuck are the least offensive of the foul words that exist.  

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz your confidence doesnt mean shit.  It wont happen in 10 years.  Too many yuppy hillbillies in small parts of the state that do get out to vote and will vote republican till they die and do will their kids, bc that is all they know in the boonies

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@ruddski New Yorkers are provincialized by their neighborhoods, which offer most everything they need.  People who live in the boroughs speak of going into "The City", meaning Manhattan, as if it's a far off place.

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