Four Valuable Life Lessons Gleaned from a Violent July Fourth Weekend in Dallas

Categories: Crime

It would have been a whole different movie if there was a shotgun lying around.
Our regular Unfair Park captain, Eric, is on vacation, so I had the pleasure of perusing the weekend's police reports, to make sure Dirk wasn't drunkenly wandering Victory Park all sad and sidekick-less. It was a nice reminder that dear Lord, humans are weird.

Here's what I learned:

High Heels Are Not Just for Keeping Average- and Below-Average-Height Guys Away from You at the Club: They are also, it turns out, useful for doing some late-night stabbing.

I learned this from a woman who was leaving the downtown nightclub Thrive (pronounced Thriiive) early Sunday morning when she witnessed a man and a woman arguing, going "berserk." It's unclear whether she intervened, but the woman in the fight peeled off from the original argument and attacked the onlooker with her high heels, stabbing her under her right eye and possibly breaking her eye socket. The victim was treated at Parkland Hospital, which is not a good name for a nightclub.

Friends Don't Let Friends Bring Brass Knuckles to the Bar: I learned this from two acquaintances who were, according to one of them, "drinking together" at Smiths Drive Inn, a bar in southeast Dallas. According to a police report, when that man was returning from the bathroom, his drinking partner punched him in the back of the head with brass knuckles, causing a 4-inch cut. It's unclear from the report whether there was an argument or who picked up the tab.

Never Argue in Spanish if You No Hablo the Spanish: I learned this from a 17-year-old boy who went to the playground of an East Dallas apartment complex to shoot off some fireworks. There were some kids around, and a man who became upset. He started yelling at the boy in Spanish, and the boy yelled back. The boy told police "he was ready to fight" the man, but apparently the man had different ideas: He pulled a gun and pointed it at his head, yelling in Spanish the whole time. The boy wasn't sure what he was yelling: He doesn't speak Spanish.

Sibling Rivalries Get Slightly More Intense When There Are Bats and Shotguns Lying Around: I learned this from two brothers in southern Dallas who found themselves in a bit of a spat. According to police, one of the brothers, unhappy with the direction of the argument, picked up a bat and struck the other one in the face. He then went in the house and retrieved a shotgun.

The alleged victim, who's 20, ran and hid near some hedges, but his brother followed, racking the shotgun. He pointed it at him, counted to three and pulled the trigger -- just after angling the shotgun away, sending the cartridge's contents whizzing harmlessly by his brother.

Police arrived a short time later and asked the man why he attacked and fired a gun at his brother. The man explained it to police simply, using the same words religious scholars believe Cain said to Eve upon murdering his brother, Abel: "He was breaking my shit."

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Yo eyez available fo’ some beer diplomacy.

Don North
Don North

well Dallas is a playground compared to Chicago, 37 people shot and 11 killed, oh and guns are illegal

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

DO should be covering the story about that 21 year-old pig in Garland.  More animal stories, please.


Which is dumber: the actions in the article or the comments below it?


The best thing to do in Dallas on the fourth is leave.


So was the screaming guy pointing the gun to his own head, or....?

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

"He was breaking my shit." seems like a reasonable excuse for gun violence.


The author of World War Z, Mel Brooks' son, has a lecture tour where a big topic is when civilization crumbles, zombies will only kill a fraction of population.  Many X more losses will result from gross stupidity.  In the Civil War, it was disease, not wounds, that actually killed more soldiers.  From the looks of it, our century's disease, stupidity, is spreading faster that Brad Pitt's zombie virus.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Anti gun comments in ... 3 ... 2 ... 1...

But we do need background checks on baseball bats.

To quote Ace talking about Nicky:

"No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead."


Just saw a story in NY Post about someone urinating on high voltage rail in NY subway tunnel was electrocuted.  Make it 5 things not to do on your weekend.


@bealotcoolerifyoudid Voice Media Group converting its comments sections to one of the several options that would reduce a lot of the trolling, racism, etc. - that drive flame wars and thus page views - in 1,457,546,743, 1,457,546,742, 1,457,546,741...

Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz honey my parents didnt want to put me in a shitty public school.  they worked their asses off for private. i thought eric was intown and reading a another shitty post.

mavdog topcommenter

"I think he'll really do it!"

joe.tone moderator

@MikeDunlap Flame wars and trolling do not drive pageviews, and even if they did we don't need pageviews that badly. What comment systems are better with this stuff?

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@MikeDunlap How would a world class city handle comments on its local alt weekly website.  

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@MikeDunlap Joe Tone appreciates my patronage.  Ironic too considering your comment, and then you get trolled lol

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