Congressman Steve Stockman Files Bill to Protect Kids Wielding Gun-Shaped Baked Goods

Categories: Guns, Legislature

SteveStockman.jpg
Congressman Steve Stockman

Since Congress started wrestling with stricter gun control laws early this year, school officials around the country have been on edge about how to handle threats of violence from students. There have been a lot of draconian responses in the last few months. In one case, an eighth-grader in West Virginia was suspended and arrested for refusing to remove an NRA T-shirt. In another, two 6-year-olds in Maryland were suspended for pointing their fingers like guns.

Congressman Steve Stockman, noted AR-15 raffler and Ted Nugent BFF, has written a bill that threatens to defund schools that punish students for "harmless expressions of childhood play," which include drawing pictures of guns, "vocalizing imaginary firearms or munitions" or possessing a toy gun less than two inches long. Also, "brandishing a pastry or other food which is partially consumed in such a way that the remnant resembles a gun" would be OK.

See also:
Congressman Steve Stockman's New Slogan: "If Babies Had Guns, They Wouldn't Be Aborted"
Steve Stockman, L.A. Filmmaker, Can't Stop Getting Mistaken For Steve Stockman, Crazy Congressman

The pastry reference is a nod to another Maryland boy, 8-year-old Josh Welch, who nibbled a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun and in March and got suspended for it. Welch was apparently trying to make it into a mountain shape, but it's a good early lesson for any artist on what it's like dealing with critics.

According to the bill these punishments accomplish nothing beyond teaching students to "be afraid of inanimate objects that are shaped like guns." And the broad wording of "pastry or other food" also protects kids who prefer Toaster Strudels, which is refreshing in this era of hardline partisanship.


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14 comments
TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Every so often, the tree of liberty needs to be nourished with the filling of pop-tarts.

observist
observist topcommenter

Oh goody, now we have a stupid federal law to counter with stupid school rules.

Terry Lehman
Terry Lehman

If I understood where this guy was coming from, I would go see a shrink.

Lonnie Beene
Lonnie Beene

Sad state of affairs that it's come to this, but I understand where the congressman's coming from. Those examples show that the people running school districts in this country have completely lost their minds.

Tim.Covington
Tim.Covington

People may joke about it. But, some schools have gotten more than a little ridiculous in the no weapons/zero tolerance area. When a kid can bring his or her GI Joe doll, and can't bring the accessories for it without getting expelled, it is stupidity on the part of the school administration.

leftocenter
leftocenter

We must all be free to brandish a pastry from time to time...now is good...

This guy has way too much time on his hands.

Luis Cruz
Luis Cruz

When will kids be able to hold pop tart bazookas again without being persecuted.

boodgieman
boodgieman

@Terry Lehman If I couldn't tell the difference between a loaded pistol and a half-eaten Pop Tart, I would go see a shrink.

doublecheese
doublecheese

@Tim.Covington Exactly.  This may be a ridiculous law, but we have ridiculous people creating the ridiculous situations that inspired it.  If you suspend a kid of a gun shaped pop-tart, you're an asshole.  Sometimes we have to pass laws to take care of the assholes.

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