Of Murder, Cupcakes and a Silly Way of Looking at How We Should Grieve

Categories: Schutze

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Michael Vincent Moore, 57, arrested in the murder of his niece, 16-year-old Alicia Moore of Greenville, can still turn out to be utterly innocent, uninvolved in any way, when the wheels of justice slowly turn. But I have a smaller thing to talk about. The cupcakes.

Last time I saw this guy -- last February, four months after his niece's body was found stuffed in a car trunk -- he was on TV baking cupcakes for a party. Moore told the camera: "I'm over it now. It's time to rejoice. You know, you gotta get over it. And move on."

Yeah. If you did it.

What is this "move on" crap? No, you don't have to move on. In fact, people who move on that fast need to be put on the suspect list. Why would you move on? Why don't you need to stop first to deeply confront and engage your terrible sadness? When did we adopt the Darlie Routier Silly String party as the gold standard for dealing with loss? (More on that in a moment, if you are unfamiliar.)

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"O, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!"
Something very weird is happening to mourning in America. For some reason, a refusal to truly grieve is often portrayed as heroic. What's heroic about it? Why isn't it chicken-shit? Or downright warped -- a sign that maybe you were in on the deed?

It's not just idiot TV stories. I have pointed out here a couple times already that grief is officially demeaned by the medical profession, which now defines sadness over loss as a form of being crazy, a syndrome. Watch out. If you go around looking sad more than two weeks after your loved one is lost, they may put you on some pills. Next thing you know, you'll be on TV rejoicing and moving on.

I would think the shrinks might focus their diagnostic skills more on people who rejoice and bake cupcakes when their nieces are found dead in car trunks, but, no, the new edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders says it's the sad people who are crazy. It's almost like the Viagra warning: According to the manual, you should call your doctor if you experience sadness lasting longer than two weeks.

Darlie Routier is the Rowlett mother, now in prison, convicted of stabbing her 6- and 5-year-old sons to death in 1996. Before she was named a suspect, Routier was all over American TV in a video of a party at the graves of her two boys in which she sprayed "Silly String" on the tombstones.

Silly String is a kind of streamer that shoots out of an aerosol can. I would have thought the endless loop video of Darlie covering her dead kids' graves with the stuff (go to the eight-minute mark in this video) might have put Silly String out of business, but I see you can still get a good deal on it at Walgreens. It comes in different colors. I am not able to advise on which colors of Silly String are considered appropriate for funerals and memorial services now.

Look, let me be plain about it. I view rejoicing, baking cupcakes and shooting Silly String on tombstones as symptomatic of societal psychosis. It's the kind of thing people do when overwhelmed by horror, blitzed by it, knocked off their pins and unable to grasp reality. The emotionally strong thing to do when you are terribly terrible sad is weep. Weep and grieve. You can't just "move on," as in take a powder on the deal. You move through.

Next time somebody tells me to move on -- and I mean the very next time anybody gets near me with a damn balloon -- I'm calling 911. I think I got your dude right here.


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9 comments
pamelacollins726
pamelacollins726

Evidently it was DNA (in part) that connected Moore to Alicia Moore's murder, not his comment about moving on. http://images.bimedia.net/documents/Michael+Moore+arrest+warrant.pdf

As far as Moore's moving on comment goes, it didn't seem that off base to me. This was a great-uncle. I wouldn't expect him to be as full of grief as say a parent would be. Darlie Routier and the Silly String party? That's another story. Strong forensic evidence proves beyond any doubt that Routier murdered her children. The Silly String video goes to her state of mind just 8 days after her children were brutally murdered as they slept at her feet. She claimed to have been so horrified that even at the police station, she had to be escorted to the restroom by a detective because she was so afraid of being alone. When I look at that video, I don't see a grief-stricken, frightened mother. I see a woman who is very happy and not scared in the least. The party itself was not the problem. The problem was this broken, grieving, frightened mother (described by Routier herself and her family) not showing one ounce of grief 8 days after her children were murdered at the grave site of her children on her oldest son's 7th birthday. I know, I know... we all grieve differently. But Routier's apparent happiness does not fit the person she's described to be.




casiepierce
casiepierce

Just a heads-up: you can get a much, much better deal on Silly String at the Dollar Tree.....

MikeWestEast
MikeWestEast

People misunderstand what move on means. It originally meant pick up your bag, that is now heavier from your grief, and keep moving down the road. You got 20 pounds added to your knapsack. You can sit there and complain about the 20 pounds or you can start trudging down the road, building muscle as you carry that load.

These twits somehow got the idea they can wish the 20 pounds away. Wishing away is for children or people that still think like children.

PerryMoore
PerryMoore

You sound a lot like my mother on this subject, which means that you nailed it. This isn't about one's coping mechanism. It's the creepy, cavalier attitude toward the death of a supposedly loved one that separates the behavior of these people from that of normal people.

kduble
kduble

Individuals cope with grief in different ways. Behavior which might seem cavalier to some could mean the individual hasn't come to terms with what happened.

pak152
pak152

"What is this "move on" crap?" I believe that is a Soros funded political group ;-)


kfries1
kfries1

Some people grieve in private at the time they choose and do just the opposite in public. The concept of someone having to wear their grief for a specified period of time is plain wrong. I don't think having someone generalize on a time period or having to live up to the "standards" various ghouls/pundits think are correct without knowing the person is how anyone should have or want to live their life, especially in trying circumstances.
[cue "Dirty Laundry"] "Get the widow on the set..."

animas
animas

Actually fluff  TV news pieces of "gireving" or non grieving relatives of deceased or missing relatives are also  one of my cultural pet peeves.  It is right up there with "running for the Cure"-(explain to me professor just how that works), poor little kids with medically impossible to resolve diseases or syndromes (let's have a bakesale, parade,to raise money-sad), "honoring" horrible tradgedies-no kidding -I just laid eyes on a newspaper with the improbable headline of "Honoring Boston".   Please leave Shakespeare out of it--he did his best to prevent cultural degradaton: "O for a muse of fire which would ascend the brightest heavens of invention-a kingdom for a stage, princes to act and monarchs to behold the swelling scene..." Henry V.

mcdallas
mcdallas

This is why I keep reading the DO.

Excellent story.  

Now I'm off to have a party to celebrate the Harlem Shake.  I'm gonna have cupcakes MADE of silly string.


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