Josh Hamilton, the Biggest Dodged Bullet in Dallas Sports History, Says He's "Off Upstairs"

Categories: Sports

JoshHamiltonHeadShoulders.jpeg
By the time Josh Hamilton packed his bags and set off for the West Coast and a $125 million paycheck, no one was particularly sad to see him go. His epic late-season collapse, neatly encapsulated by that botched fly ball, as well as his energy-drink binges and general histrionics, had been enough to permanently sour the relationship.

The intervening months have proved just how lucky Rangers fans are to be rid of Hamilton. First there was his comment that Dallas isn't a "true baseball town." Then, the weird Head & Shoulders commercial. On the field, his .214 batting average is embarrassing, as is his clear lack of effort.

Nor does he seem to care that he and the supposedly loaded Angels are playing terrible baseball. Matter of fact, he used those exact words: "I don't care."

All in all, Hamilton has proved that his flakiness is not a fluke but a personality trait.

On Tuesday, Hamilton blamed all this on a sinus infection, which is apparently not-at-all related to the energy drink-caused vision problems he suffered last season. "I'm just off," Hamilton told MLB.com. "However you want to write it, however you want to describe it -- I'm just off."

And he's not just generally off. He's "off upstairs," he says. We believe he's talking about his headspace and not the second story of his home, or some new supplement called Upstairs, or the place in the clouds where God, aka the Man Upstairs, is known to reside. But with Hamilton you never know.


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34 comments
lwplwp
lwplwp

He is basically just a "dry drunk" subsituting a religious addiction for a chemical one without ever addressing the selfish arrogance that got him there in the first place.

garlandsucks
garlandsucks

the only thing worse than a meth/crack head is a preachy bible thumping meth/crack head... glorious to watch this bathroom humping wife cheating preachy fuck -fail good times

mcdallas
mcdallas

He's not "off upstairs".  It's just that the stairs themselves seem to be missing.

PersistentID2345
PersistentID2345

In 2010 he started off slow and then hit stride mid June and had a monster year. In 2012 he slid downhill after the all star break. He might very well get into one of his zones and turn it on here in a few weeks. I don't think the Angels will have a prayer by then because they are next to last in the A.L. in both pitching and defense.

John Juett
John Juett

Hes off alright...more like gettin off..... Sky high

ruddski
ruddski

Oh, this is where my comment ended up. Great software.

ruddski
ruddski

Jim, you seem to have confused the IRS and the FBI. Only a fool would want to be targeted by the IRS.

"Yeah, well I have spent a certain amount of time here, I admit, denigrating and dismissing the Tea Party as a bunch of white geezers in costumes pissed off because Obama is black"

This is why you work for a throwaway entertainment guide at your age.

Jeff Skaggs
Jeff Skaggs

A "dodged bullet" eh? Let's see how long the Rangers "dodge" the world Series now that he's gone...

Fritz Toch
Fritz Toch

I'm "off upstairs" too, but I'll tell you that for free.

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

Like I told my lil lady on Opening Day 2012, I'll be glad when this year is over and Josh is somebody else's problem.  She looked shocked at the suggestion, and I said "trust me".  I may have never been more correct!

JustSaying
JustSaying

I would enjoy this a lot more if it was CJ Wilson.

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

Hamilton saying he is "off upstairs" isn't news to us, we've known that to be the case ever since he came to the Rangers.

Of course, Hamilton thinks this is a temporary condition, while we know that is far from reality. Hamilton has been "off" for a long time, and it's pretty much irreversible. It is what he is, and I'm glad he is playing for the Angels. You know, in LA, that true baseball town.

Bwahahahaha

Benjamin Wright
Benjamin Wright

Julie: Kinda... I love the Rangers and the Cowboys but until the stadiums are more accessible Dallas won't have that same team atmosphere like we do for the Stars and the Mavs

Aaron Dietrich
Aaron Dietrich

If they could put the dam stadium close to downtown Dallas. It would change to a true true true baseball powerhouse town.

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

Better to get rid of them a year too early than a year too late. Truer sports words have never been spoken.

genrox
genrox

BASEBALL TOWN BASEBALL TOWN! 

Oh sorry..that is my first reaction every time I see his name. It sickens me. 

Eva Lupi Lu Torres
Eva Lupi Lu Torres

Oh Josh, somethings never change. Have fun with his excuses, Angel fans

Volta
Volta

He's six beers short of a six pack. I'm glad he;s gone. 

Julie Clemens
Julie Clemens

Benjamin - does that mean Dallas isn't a football town. either?

Benjamin Wright
Benjamin Wright

Matt: nope... Dallas is not a baseball town... It can be if they ever move to the city though.

Greg
Greg

So, he can't play in sunlight or field lights.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

he actually said its something the makes the major league lights affect his vision!  WTF, Im glad we had him while he spent a few years with the train staying fairly on the track, Im super pleased to watch this derailment from a distance.

bmarvel
bmarvel topcommenter

@ruddski You've stumbled into the wrorng room, ruddaski. Old white geezers discussing Jim's columns are meeting two doors down and to the right.

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