The White House Is Unmoved By Your Ridiculous Secession Petition, Texas
The dream-crushers over at the White House will not be building you a Death Star, and they will not be considering your requests to secede.
Two months or so ago, just after President Obama won reelection, 23-year-old UT Arlington student Micah Hurd hastily wrote up the Texas version of the secession petitions that popped up all over the White House's "We the People" site. Hurd went on to get in a spot of trouble with his superiors at the Texas State Guard , but the petition garnered 125,746 signatures.
Despite the petition's questionable legality and obvious stupidity, Jon Carson, the White House's Director of the Office of Public Engagement, wrote up a catch-all response to the Texas version and 8 others. The TL;DR version: sorry, no.
"Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted," Carson writes. "But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don't let that debate tear us apart."
Carson also notes that there's no constitutional right to secede, something we further settled 'round about the 1860s or so. There was a war involved. Perhaps you recall it.
He adds that the Obama administration is still overjoyed to hear from you, People Who Want To Secede:
Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.
So that's that. And just to further dampen your mood, the Space and Science Branch at the White House's Office of Management and Budget also recently rejected a petition politely requesting that we build a Death Star by 2016.
"The Administration does not support blowing up planets," part of the response reads.
No blowing up other planets and no secession? What the hell kind of country is this, anyway? Somebody better petition the White House to make America badass again. Or better yet, cut it out with the petitions. They're incredibly irritating.