Finally, Grapevine Pastor Ed Young Tells Us What Jesus Would Say to Jerry Jones

Categories: Religion, Sports

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Ed Young, the jet-setting, lion-taming, couch-surfing sexpert -- not to mention pastor of Grapevine's Fellowship Church -- ranks as one of Unfair Park's favorite human beings. So we were all ears yesterday when he delivered a sermon answering the question we've all been asking: What would Jesus say to Jerry Jones?

The Christian Post has a recap of the homily, which is more of a parable about humility before God than divinely inspired advice for running a football team.

Jones is a consummate deal maker, Young said, so that's what Jesus would talk about.

"Jesus is about the deal. God is about the deal. We don't make deals with God... I say that against the backdrop of what Jerry Jones just said, 'I made a deal with the big guy upstairs.' ...God makes deals with us."

We often try to make deals with God as we ask Him for something and promise to do something for Him in return. That's like telling God, "I know what's best for my life," and that He's a little God in the pocket, whom we can take out when needed and He will perform, the Texas pastor said. We think He is a "detached deity, the man upstairs."

But God initiated the ultimate deal. "He sent Jesus to live righteously, to die sacrificially and to rise bodily, thereby giving us the sweetest deal in the universe."

But Jesus could say that to any high-powered business executive. Would he have more specific advice for Jones?

Turns out, he would.

"Jerry, fire yourself," Young said, channeling Jesus. Not as general manager of the Cowboys but as general manager of his life. "Jerry, when you give up control, that's when you gain control."

"When we do God's deal, we win the 'Super Bowl' every single time," Young said.

At that point, the real Jesus interjected. "Jerry, you should probably go ahead and fire yourself as general manager of the Cowboys as well."

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The notion that Jerry Jones has a little God in his pocket whom he can take out when needed and He will perform? Is disgusting and unsanitary.


Jesus might also tell Jerry to go to bed with his wife on the roof of Cowboy Stadium.


I wish Jesus would descend from the heavens and tell Jerry Jones to get some offensive linemen who don't suck ass.

If he also wanted to smite the idiots that think Romo is the problem or think Jerry is going to fire himself as GM ever, that'd be a nice bonus.

observist topcommenter

Did he also tell the congregation what Jesus would say to Damien Hirst?


Ed told Jerry, "Jerry, what you need is a big honking shark statue and to bleach your hair.  How else do you expect to jump the shark in style?"

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Jesus liked to least thats what Corby told me


@observist "So how's that 30% drop in value feeling, Damien?" Jesus is a snarky asshole like that. 

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