The New "Family Friendly" St. Patrick's Day Parade Doesn't Mean You Can't Get Hammered

Categories: Events

st. patrick's 2.jpg
Still allowed.
Yesterday's announcement that the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade is now the Dallas St. Patrick's Day Parade seems to have been greeted with a collective, "Call it whatever the hell you want so long as there's booze."

Look a bit more carefully, and the announcement included some ominous signs for the parade's future. At City Hall yesterday, Pegasus News reported that city officials and parade organizers promised the event would be "family friendly" with "less of a focus on drinking." Mayor Mike Rawlings expressed his view that the parade had grown "a little raucous," apparently unaware that raucousness it pretty much the point.

Visions danced of Greenville Avenue populated by the animatronic ethnic folks from the "It's a Small World" ride as onlookers guzzled Solo cups of club soda.

D's Tim Rogers very briefly freaked out before concluding that the changes will be confined to the floats: "No sexually-oriented business will be allowed in the parade, and rowdier groups won't be permitted to drink on the floats or toss drinks into the audience," as Pegasus puts it.

But is that all? Are restaurants going to be encouraged to hold back on alcohol sales? Are police going to bring the paddy wagon to haul off all the drunks? WILL THERE STILL BE BEER?

Parade spokesman Mauricio Navarro says you -- though probably not your liver -- have no cause for concern.

"Its on the event cosmetics," he wrote in an email. "We can't stop people from drinking, just trying to bring more pageantry to the parade via floats, parade branding, communications, DART partnership and so on."

So there you have it: You'll still be able to get trashed and pass out on a well manicured East Dallas lawn. Sleep well, friends, tonight and forever more.

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17 comments
tagkev1
tagkev1

so  no  girlie  floats???....that  blows...or  maybe  it  doesnt

Aaron Dietrich
Aaron Dietrich

I'm on a second liver transplant due to this day. My training will continue as well.

Shane Stenger
Shane Stenger

Phew. Glad we got that clarified. Now to continue training my liver for this fateful day.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Ummm ... there is a HUGE difference between the parade on Greenville north of M-bird and the bachanalia down by the Blue Goose and the one even further south on Lowest Greenville.

that being said, I am hoping for warm weather for the lassies and their Daisy Dukes ....

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

The US already tried this once. Even amended the constitution to prevent alcohol sales and possession. It didn't go quite as planned. In fact, it didn't go very well at all. A few years later another constitutional amendment was passed to get rid of the prohibition amendment.

And there are many legitimate purposes for alcohol. Beer is often used to flavor beans, wines are indispensable to many sauces and stews, it an excellent disinfectant, and it makes on feel good. God loves us and he demonstrated this love by giving us whiskey to make us happy.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

Family friendly St Paddy's? I guess neither Rawlings nor Rawlins, nor Citizen Mike or Hizhoner are Irish or very close friends with any Irish.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

I'm going to guess that this entire name change business is just a precursor to the city hoving the parade. I'm guessing Downtown or that stupid bridge.

keepcensoringDO
keepcensoringDO

Alcohol kills many times more people than guns and it's not even a Constitutional right


It doesn't serve any legitimate purpose other than to kill people

How many rapes are a result of alcohol

If we are going to allow alcohol we need common sense alcohol reform

From now on alcohol can only be served in 1 ounce bottles a background check must be performed at point of sale and no more than 7 bottles may be owned or consumed at one time

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

@SuperfuzzBigmuff That's my suspicion as well. Wasn't this one originally and specifically for the GAABA? Wonder how they'll feel about it moving, or a competing parade?

OH! Let the Calatrava parade be "family-friendly" and the Greenville parade can have the raucousness!

MattL11
MattL11

@keepcensoringDO Apparently you don't realize that the state and federal authorities regulate the shit out of alcohol sale and use. 

MaxNoDifference
MaxNoDifference

@keepcensoringDO Good Lord, you are either making reasonable sense or I need more beer to clear my senses.  You must have found a good horse at that auction in Elkhart who has reformed you.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

@scottindallas @primi_timpano Sorry, I thought this was a St Paddy's article. Someday someone is going to be able to explain to me how a nation of sportsmen hunters has turned into a nation plagued by millions of people obsessed with owning guns designed to kill people as quickly and traumatically as possible. It is a mental illness akin to paranoia.

keepcensoringDO
keepcensoringDO

@primi_timpano More people died of liver disease from alcohol than were murdered with firearms in 2010. If it saves just one child we need to do something, right?

keepcensoringDO
keepcensoringDO

@primi_timpano "kill people as quickly and traumatically as possible"

Which psalm is that? I only ask because people keep repeating this mantra like some faith based(because it has no basis in fact) religion

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