A Dallas County Employee Was 14 Minutes Late Today, and His Excuse Should Win a Pulitzer

tardynote.jpg
via Reddit
Click to embiggenfy.
Here's what we know: a guy named Adam who works at the Dallas County Clerk's office was late to the office this morning. Fourteen minutes late, to be precise, according to the "Kronos Workforce Timekeeper System used by Dallas County."

So says the rather officious form Adam was given when he finally arrived at work, and which a buddy of his subsequently posted to Reddit.

After being informed, in devastatingly curt bureaucratic language, of his 14 minute lateness, Adam was given a space of four lines to explain the reason for his "tardiness."

Awesomeness ensued.

In case you can't make it out, it reads:

After boarding the DART train at the Carrolton station, we spent approximately 10 minutes awaiting departure. It is my belief that the conductor was gripped with a paralyzing fear, haunted by the ghosts of the men, women and children he had slain in his previous occupation as a serial killer, forced to move because of the closing net of police investigators.Wresting his consciousness back to the present, we finally began to move.

Sounds reasonable to us.

Update, 11:30 a.m.: We reached Adam just now at his desk, where he informed us it's not the first time he's been unavoidably delayed on his way to work.

"Over the summer, I said I had fended off a ninja attack from the train," he explained. "They were trying to rob people and I missed my stop."

His boss accepted that explanation without comment, he said, and didn't follow up with any yelling or firing.

We informed him that his excuses had just earned him an insta-Internet fan club.

"Really, I think they were perfectly reasonable," he said serenely. Totally.



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45 comments
TexMarine
TexMarine

He should be County Commish.

sophee
sophee

So what other kinds of fiction does this guy write on official Dallas County documents? Makes one wonder.

MisterMean
MisterMean

Tardy forms!!!! Remindes me of when I was back in high school-the Tardy Cards Green for excused and Red for non excused.    I can believe the Dallas County work force are like small school children reporting to the principals office.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

"Kronos...."  could there be a more 1984/Twilight Zone name possible?  This guy is a genius.  And he is just a grunt??!!  Imagine if he were writing Miles' PR releases, or JWP's.  the mind boggles.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Yeah, yeah.

It's mildly amusing, but it really only accounts for 10 of the missing 14 minutes.

notsaying
notsaying

yeah... this would be my boyfriend...

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Oh and I just had my nuts kicked in with the Hambone news, and its not so much that he is gone, its more that no one has been signed this off season either.  I need a Sam Merten Article to talk me off this ledge

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

So, I'm trying to figure out who's the schizophrenic; Adam or his boss.  

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

He and his boss probably spent at least 30 minutes, if not more, documenting his 14 minute tardiness.

Government efficiency in-action.

Izabela Wojcik
Izabela Wojcik

He sounds just like my buddy Mitch, who is an awesome FX, everything mold making guy, and the best conspiracy theorist you've ever met. Long lost brothers??? Hmmm....

Being Meg
Being Meg

What is time? Does Kronos work right?

Jon Goerner
Jon Goerner

I think I like the ninja story better. More action.

gosspl
gosspl

He wins the internet. 

Mike Niemczyk
Mike Niemczyk

This is "Dallas" awesome, which is marginally ok for the rest of the US.

Lakewooder
Lakewooder

Awesome.  DO needs to hire this guy.

MaDonna James
MaDonna James

Stellar!! Glad to see someone there has a personality.

Greg Barnes
Greg Barnes

Hopefully the conductor can wrestle his consciousness back to reality in under 3 minutes next time. 14 minute mental delays are unacceptable. Good response for his tardiness. Crisis averted.

Carol Hampton
Carol Hampton

The Tom Joyner Morning Show, J Anthony, take notes!

Bobby Scarbrough
Bobby Scarbrough

You should hire that guy to write for your publication. Just. Saying.

rusknative
rusknative

@sophee maybe he is part of the defense strategy team for John Wiley Price.

Anna_Merlan
Anna_Merlan

@TheCredibleHulk Presumably the conductor suffered a bit of existential despair or possibly crushing remorse following the paralyzing fear. That could easily eat up four minutes. 

carlcezon23
carlcezon23

@Montemalone My attorney charges me $230 per hour. That's about $60 per quarter hour. Maybe it hasn't occurred to you, Einstein, but my attorney would charge me $60 for waiting the 15 minutes for the clerk to show up for work. So if it is inefficient for a government office to document tardies as you seem to think, that works for me! I'd rather this government office inefficiently write up an employee for being tardy than have my attorney charge me $60 waiting for court employees to show up.

And how do you know it took 30 minutes to fill out the form? Are you the employee who filled it out? Looking at the picture, it's a form. It would take me 20 seconds to fill it out.

So I take it the next time you go to a government office that's supposed to be open at 8am and have to wait 15 minutes for the staff to show up, you'll celebrate that as an example of government efficiency and won't complain. Yeah, right moron.

bifftannen
bifftannen

@Montemalone You think this is solely the domain of government? My, how your world will be expanded once you leave high school in a few years.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Lakewooder right he is probably making more as at the clerks office than observer can pay him to grace us with an article once a week,

DOCensors
DOCensors

@Bobby Scarbrough That would be a double win. They could replace Eric Nicholson with someone who can actually write, and we wouldn't be paying his salary with our taxes anymore. Plus, it's doubtful the DO expects any of their pot head alcoholic writers in the office on time. 

joe.tone
joe.tone moderator

@ScottsMerkin Yeah, but does the clerk's office have cheerful folks like yourself scribbling complementary comments on all their paperwork? I think not.

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