Lessons from Dez Bryant: It's OK to Smack Mom Around, Cowboy

Categories: Schutze

The story in today's Dallas Morning News about Dallas Cowboys football player Dez Bryant getting off on mom-beating charges contains this line about Bryant's lawyer, state Senator Royce West: "West said the incident was a dispute, not an assault."

The woman called DeSoto cops and said her son had tried to kill her. She had swollen wrists and other signs of physical violence two days later. She characterized the attack as part of a longstanding pattern of abuse.

Look, I'm not normally a huge fan of so-called "old-fashioned values." In fact I think old-fashioned values probably have a lot to do with the idea that men have the right to beat the shit out of women. And, sorry, I know "beat the shit out of" is a pretty imprecise colloquialism. But way back in the day, back in the era of old-fashioned values that I remember, if I had hit my mother in the face and knocked her around enough to bruise her up and cause her to call the cops and use the phrase, "He tried to kill me," I know that my family and my friends and my peers at work and everybody else I knew at the time would have said I beat the shit out of my own mother. Which would have been a bad thing.

Free advice for Dez: Next Mother's Day, go for the extra-big box of chocolates.
Nobody -- not one person I knew, even my best friends -- would have said, "Oh, no. Jim didn't beat the shit out of his mom. It was a dispute."

So give me a second here. I'm trying to do a quick recalibration and see what I think the deal is now. My mother died more than a decade ago, but if I were able to bring her back now, and if she and I got into it and I kicked the shit out of her, how many people do I know today who would defend my actions as part of a simple "dispute?"

Hmm. Let me see. I am thinking of every single person I know. No, not him. Definitely not that other lady: she'd get a shotgun and kill me.

What about Mom, herself? Oh, you know what? She'd probably pack me a lunch and put my toothbrush and comb in a little paper bag, make sure I had clean underwear and a warm jacket and then say, "Jimmy, you are going away on a very long trip now."

Aha! I found one! I thought of one single person who would say that beating the shit out of your mother is a dispute, not an assault. State Senator Royce West! I do know him. And he's already said it. To a reporter, no less.

Bryant, according to the stories, is paying a price for his behavior. He has to undergo counseling. That's sort of a new concept, as well. Beat the shit out of your mom. Undergo counseling.

If forced counseling is what you get for beating he shit out of your own mother, then what about crimes that seem less serious to me, like robbing a bank? Why shouldn't bank robbers have a choice between a six-year stretch in the big house and counseling? Maybe robberies aren't robberies after all. Maybe they are disputes over funds. If beating the shit out of your own mom is just a dispute, I don't see why making a controversial bank withdrawal couldn't be viewed as one too.

Maybe we're all just becoming more compassionate and advanced in our thinking about this whole mom-beating thing. It could be one of those things that's coming out of the closet. Maybe it's common. If we men let down our guard and maybe had a couple beers and sat around the campfire and confessed, would we all say, "Oh, yeah, I beat the shit out of my own mother all the time"? Maybe it's just a matter of our needing to be incentivized toward more positive outcomes.

The NFL could play a role. Every time they pop up one of those little mini-biographical graphics of the players on our TV screens, they could have a little box-score in small print at the bottom: "Hasn't beaten the shit out of his own mom in more than six months."

No. They'd say, "Hasn't had a dispute within his own mom ..." And we would all know what that really means. Wouldn't we? Tell me we would.

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Jerry has bought so many 'criminals' to play on his team, he's well versed in buying off the criminal's victims and family (many times the same); and he's definitely a regular contributor to the various police union organizations in the area (because he's a good guy).

Just look at how far the behind the scenes money has taken Michael Irvin.

Eh, Dez will be traded within the next 2 years, get traded again, get dropped, then blame everything on concussions and sue the NFL.


It says something about the Cowboys that the hardest hit Dez has delivered this season was to his mother.


I can't imagine any circumstance that hitting your mother would be ok.  Not just hitting but in this case it was most certainly a beating.  Bruises, busted up bra and I forgot what else.  Sounds like a fight to me.  But I guess we're just expected to put this incident behind us and move back onto the action on the field.


People seem to forget that not everyone's mother is like their own.  Dez's mother is a felon and a drug addict.  You ever try and get a drug addict to do something they don't want to do, even if it's for their own good?  You ever cut a drug addict off from the money they use to feed their habit?Sometimes they escalate things to the point it gets physical.  Sometimes the only way to stop them is to grab their wrists and hold them to keep them from hitting, which might cause them some bruising or swelling.  


I'm not saying I know what happened.  But the descriptions I've heard have all generally supported the possibility that Dez's mother attacked him and all he did was stop her.  It's dumb to say that no man should ever lay hands on his mother, because his mother might not be at all like your mother.  


What he did was clearly a crime, physical evidence and all, not a "dispute" and should have been handled in criminal court accordingy.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

I can't imagine anyone who isn't a psycho, a drug addict, or a nasty drunk, striking his mother.  It's a rotten thing to do.


Bailouts and guarantees for all kinds of misbehavior are routine these days, through Alternative Dispute Resolution--TEXAS STYLE. ADR involves corporate or government litigation to provide decision makers with the opportunity to resolve legal disputes while protecting future business or relationship interests. Wonder who benefited from the corporate wheelin-dealin???


Dez is a couple fries short of a Happy Meal, Jim. We've known that since he was in college. His mom didn't exactly have a deep, pristine gene pool to pass along to him either. So he's always going to be prone to do dumb things. No surprise there.


He's also a professional athlete (for now). He's allowed to get away with doing dumb things, because he has "potential." Because he was drafted by the worst GM in professional sports who won't fire himself or admit when his draft picks are bad. Therefore, he's going to be defended, coddled, rationalized, and protected until some point where he realizes his "potential" or does something that just can't be defended anymore. And that's an inverse "potential"/incident relationship. 


Don't worry, the dude is a moron. He'll screw something up eventually. We'll hear about how he's flat broke at 40 trying to make money off being a former Cowboy "great" at card shows and hawking chrome-plated jewelry.


Karma's a bitch, Dez. Moreso than your dumbass mom. 

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

Jim, it is on the side of the barn ... All animals are created equal, some are just more equal than others.

JimSX topcommenter

 @Guesty Sorry, Guesty. Nice try, but you are wrong. A man can't hit a woman if she's a drug-addict, an ass-hole, a bitch, a whore, a liar, a thief. I don't care if she's A Republican. A man cannot hit a woman. Call the cops. Leave. Go shoot yourself. Whatever. You can't hit a woman unless she's got a gun on you.


 @Guesty Then he needed to call the police on her actions a long time ago.  If she was trying to fight him and she said it has happened more than once, then he has no option but to call police.




Wide receivers, other than Dez Bryant, are expected to block defenders on running plays or when other receivers catch the football. Blocking involves delivering a "hit" on the defensive player. You might find the line funny if you understood anything about football.


 @James080 Wow.  Usually blocking (especially for receivers) doesn't consist of "hitting" anybody.  It's more of a hand-to-hand situation.  Don't get so snippy because somebody thought your joke wasn't funny.

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