Jon Stewart on What Really Killed the Twinkie

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On The Daily Show last night, Jon Stewart took on Hostess, finally providing the definitive postmortem on what caused the snack maker's demise.

The short answer, of course, is the union that wouldn't agree to drastic pay and benefit cuts. His longer answer: It might have had something to do with the seven CEOs the company went through in a decade, the fact that the CEO tripled his pay after squeezing concessions from workers in a previous bankruptcy, and the fact that sales have been dropping precipitously as parents have turned to healthier snacks for their kids. ("Fucking moms," Stewart mutters.) Also: "Let's not forget that the Hostess mascot is some sort of high-spirited country western dildo."

None of that makes the Twinkie's demise any less tragic, as evidenced by footage of a mom literally brought to tears by the thought that her children will grow up in a world without Twinkies.

"Where will I get the crap to fill the bottomless pit in me that will never be filled?" Stewart wonders. "Boxed wine? Arby's?"

Mmm. Arby's.

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11 comments
everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

It tuns out that I was way off. The math isn't hard.

18,500 employees. 2000 hours a year each (without overtime). CEO pay of $750k.

750,000/(18,500x2000) = .02 I was off by half. It would in fact be TWO cents an hour. If we figure in the $2.5 millon the company was trying to raise CEO pay to, it would be... ALMOST (but not quite) SEVEN cents an hour.

donjames2011
donjames2011

I'll try again. Fuck the unions, fuck the company, fuck Twinkies. How am  I gonna live without my Ding Dongs and Sno Balls?

Midge
Midge

But we can stay in business if everyone gives up their salaries and benefits!

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Sophistry.  You could have paid the CEO a dollar and it would have been enough to fund a $.01 raise for every employee.  More propoganda.

The union killed Hostess.  The baker's union, specifically.  The Teamsters actually tried to broker a deal.  Think about that -- when the TEAMSTERS are allying with management against another union, the other union is in-fucking-sane.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Actually, my numbers are still too high because money would have to be set aside for the taxes that the government hides in the payroll taxes by claiming that the "employer pays it" (when in reality it just comes out of the head count).

gosspl
gosspl

@everlastingphelps I keep hearing this "pay the CEO $1 = .01 raise for the rest of the employees" line in several arguments against several companies; the most recent being Walmart. Please oh please cite a source for this figure. 

anon
anon

@everlastingphelps Hostess is a poorly managed business. Full stop. The union may have been the nail in the coffin, but they didn't kill the patient. 

MikeWestEast
MikeWestEast

@gosspl @everlastingphelps I believe it was Al-Khwarizmi, the Arab that invented algebra. He created the rules. You can do the math.

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