Jerry Wipes: Now On Sale

Categories: Sports

jerry-jones-glasses-cleaner.jpg
It nearly broke the internet last week when, during the Cowboys-Giants game, cameras caught what appeared to be Jerry Jones' manservant dutifully cleaning his boss' glasses. The manservant turned out to be Jones' son-in-law, Shy Anderson, who immediately saw a way to parlay his brief moment in the spotlight into a marketing opportunity.

Last week, he told the Morning News that he had ordered custom eyeglass cleaning cloths with the words "Jerry Wipes" printed on them.

"They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining, if necessary," he said.

JerryWipes.jpg
He must have been kidding, right? But no, he swore he was serious, and now there's proof. Go to the Dallas Cowboys official online store and you'll find on offer steel-colored, six-inch microfiber squares with Jerry Jones' signature on sale for $2.99.

"Just think - one day you're standing next to Jerry and he needs his glasses cleaned...just pull out a Jerry Wipe and you'll look like a champ!" per the product description. Proceeds go to the Salvation Army.


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40 comments
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

From Wikipedia:

 

"The Dallas Observer is a free alternative weekly newspaper distributed around the Dallas, Texas (USA). At its inception, it was conceived as a weekly local arts and cinema review publication, with the credo "Advocate for Excellence in the Arts" on the cover. For a time during the early years, the paper switched to a biweekly publishing scheduling. Eventually, the paper reverted to a weekly schedule, and began concentrating less on the arts. While it is now known for its investigative stories of the local government, it also covers local sports stories,restaurants, events, and concerts."

 

An alternative newspaper is one that tolerates opinion.  The editor of this "alternative news outlet" has warned me that if I do not toe the right-wing line in my opinion, that I will be banned, i.e., censored.  The editor is apparently a novice, an intolerant backwater hack with a narrow, limited worldview, perhaps a victim of the North Texas regional culture of ignorance, bigotry, and innate conformity.  Myrna, whoever, or whatever he/she may be, serves as a counter-foil to the reactionary, and stagnant, viewpoint of the prevailing ruling majority; a majority that is frightened of change and diversity.  "Myrna" will not stand down; will not be stifled; will not be censored. --- Myrna Minkoff-Katz 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

I'd like to strike the record and ask that the Facebook losers and trolls NOT be allowed to comment.......they take banality to a new low, and even make trolls look like beauty queens. 

 

ps-Let's go have some Mojito's, you lonely fruits!  Or later, when we get bored, lets Pinterest; and after that we can make mittens out of old socks!!!!  They should change the name to Lonely 45 Year Frau, or, Fat/Divorced Middle Aged White Guy Blog.  Facebook is G+Y.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

If Shy has nothing to do, then maybe we can "graduate" Jerra Junior, and put Shy in the Rowdy costume?  He can learn how to ride on two wheels, and thoroughly whip everyone's +ss!  Or maybe we can have him "cool down" the seats, so fatso's "don't be gettin' dere butts burned"?

 

ps-Talk about first world, white people problems.

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

If'n you had of been tuned into the greatness of the Ticket last night at around 7:46 pm you could have heard Shy tell the whole story to Robert Wilonsky and David Moore on their new Wednesday night show "Intentional Grounding"  I think it's a hell of job turning this thing into a charitable contribution in about 10 days, congrats to Shy and the Cowboys/Jerrah.

 

Shy also said the reason the money is going to the Salvation Army is because his wifey is a chair for them and this will beinefit children getting eye tests and glasses and such. 

Justin 'Dub' Cook
Justin 'Dub' Cook

I just got the "Pocket Full of Hawthornes" song from 'Community' stuck in my head. Thanks.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

The filthy old he-hag probably has people to wipe his shitty ass as well.

thesporq
thesporq

Hmm.

 

And old man, promoting a product called, 'Jerry Wipes'.

 

Nope, nothing here to make fun of.

 

Move along.

Brenda Lira
Brenda Lira

Its a joke. Ha. Ha. I think you missed the last sentence - Proceeds go to the Salvation Army.

Jane R. LeBlanc
Jane R. LeBlanc

I wouldn't buy these based purely on the fact that proceeds go to the Salvation Army. Awful charity.

Clay Dobson
Clay Dobson

Whats next ....Jerry toliet Paper ???

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Here's hoping for an IP ban, since you can't get it through your feeble mind that you can't cry censorship on a private company's website.

 

Plus being an vitriolic, contrarian jackwad doesn't endear you to anyone, character or not. I'd be convinced you were Richie Whitt's alter-ego, but you have shown an eloquence and dedication to writing far beyond him, but you definitely went to his school of ego and persecution complex.

Double-O-Joe
Double-O-Joe

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz

Myrna, you've written some funny stuff here, but this reads like a college freshman who just "discovered" Karl Marx.  Please, take Joe's advice, and dial it back a little.  Just a little.  You're not going to solve the world's problems on a local alternative weekly's new blog comments. 

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Jim needs a counter-opinion from the left, so maybe you should take the editor's advice, for the benefit of the collective.

TurdFerguson
TurdFerguson

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Wow, all those gratuitous insults because he nicely asked you to dial it back a notch? Could be a new low even for you, MMK. Please seek treatment for your toxoplasmosis while you still have a few marbles remaining. Now call me an extremist and go to bed, Crazy Cat Lady!

joebuck15
joebuck15

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Myrna, go to bed.  You've had much to drink and need some rest.  Somewhere along the way, you lost your way.   The things you post sometimes make no sense and are irrelevant to the subject in the story.  We get that you're from back east and you don't like Joe....I know you're just trying to incite and like seeing your name when you google your name.

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@kergo1spaceship The First problem of the First World is that they are the First World.

joe.tone
joe.tone moderator

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz Appreciate you reading, but you're over-posting, and you're veering toward nasty in a high percentage of your comments. No, you're not alone in this, but the volume and consistency is noticeable. Please dial it back.

 

Thanks,

 

Joe Tone, editor

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

@thesporq My same thoughts when I read the title. I can't wait for Jerry's Depenz and Jerry's ass wipes. I know Shy rues that day. The wipes could have pictures of rival NFL players. Maybe Jerry World should have a drug store stocked with Cowboy and Jerry products: odor eaters, testosterone supplements, extra strength Cialis, nose hair clippers, reading glasses, escort program guides, stripper phones, and upscale knee pads.

1dailyreader
1dailyreader

 @joe.tone  Thank you, she's very abrasive to the almost to the  point of extreme.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz @kergo1spaceship Myrna, your wit is much more effective than your bite.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

 @1dailyreader  @joe.tone 

 

yeah, but she does also bring another point of view in here; and as someone who has sparred with her(/) many times, I DO respect what she brings. 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

 @joe.tone  @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz 

 

He's is right MMK, you get to a point, and that's it. You have interesting and humorous takes, but  we do need SOME policing.  Trust me, from someone who at one time has gone full scorched earth,.......toning is back "ain't so bad". 

joe.tone
joe.tone moderator

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz It's for the greater good. The point is to foster good conversation. A lot of our bets conversationalists -- smart, rational, kind people -- have been driven away in recent months, for reasons that include the rancor in which you regularly participate and are sometimes responsible for.

 

I'm not saying don't comment. I'm saying don't over-post and be nice. It's not that much to ask.

joe.tone
joe.tone moderator

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz I have, but they often get to racist so fast we just ban their asses without extending the courtesy. I'm extending the courtesy here. Up to you whether you care to listen.

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