Flags, Sacks and Hats: How The Cowboys Conquered The Bucs

Categories: Sports

dezbryantjump.jpg
dallascowboys.com
Flying Bitch Slap!
A week after being thoroughly handled by the Seattle Seahawks, the Cowboys returned to Dallas to be thoroughly handled by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Fortunately for Dallas, Tampa didn't have a running back near the caliber of Marshawn Lynch, and their punt coverage team couldn't resist going for Cowboys' punter Chris Jones' thigh as opposed to the ball. The fact that the Cowboys were victorious is great, but they didn't come close to restoring any of the optimism they tossed out the window last week. Let's get to some observations and awards.

Negative Plays Killing Drives, and Brain Cells: If there was one thing the Cowboys did consistently during the game, it was back themselves up. They tallied 13 penalties on the day, which shockingly isn't a first for them this season (Week 1 against the Giants, also a win!). Five came on the offensive end in the form of false starts, which you don't expect to see nearly as much of when you're eating home cooking. Worse than the penalties, Tony Romo nearly had every drop of life exorcised from his body thanks to Swiss cheese blocking from Doug Free. The Bucs came up with 15 tackles for loss in this one, and the Cowboys only had 12 drives in the game. Against any other team, the 'Boys would have been steamrolled on the scoreboard as well.

That "New Girl" Commercial Needs to Die Immediately: It feels like Fox has been promo-ing the spot featuring Zooey Deschanel scrub-felching some guy in a trash bag diaper for months. It wasn't funny the first time, and amazingly it's still not funny the twelve millionth time. If I ever hear the word "giblets" again, I will throw a chair through somebody. Maybe they just need to show it on a continuous loop during every commercial break and I'll finally get it, and the relentless Zooey Deschanel hype.

Dez Bryant Runs A Punt Forward, Success Ensues: Dez Bryant's worst enemy on punt returns, as displayed on his first two returns against Tampa, is his tendency to take his first steps east-west. He starts to run sideways and backwards, never shy about reversing field, but never getting that ever-important positive yardage. Midway through the 4th quarter, Dez caught a punt near midfield, started upfield, and 44 yards later gets tackled on the "Wipe Your Paws" mat of the endzone. The fact that the Cowboys couldn't put the ball in the endzone when starting at the 6 yard line is another issue, but hey, we won, so everything is perfect right?

And this week's awards go to...


Best Impersonation of a Banana Peel: This ref's hat. When the NFL puts out their content-loaded scab ref blooper reel at the end of the season, this play just might make the cover. Kevin Ogletree, who many fantasy owners are surely dumping out on now, was the butt of some weird Buffalo Wild Wings style prank as the side judge launched his hat right into the receiver's path. Sure the ref could have thrown his hat anywhere else on the field, including behind Ogletree, but then we wouldn't have a moment of pure, innocent comedy like this.

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dallascowboys.com
Demarcus Ware: Part-time Amputator

Best Performance By An Ensemble Cast, Muscial or Comedy: The Cowboys defense. A week after getting worn down by the Seattle ground and pound attack, Demarcus Ware and company returned home to provide a stiffer challenge to Tampa Bay. Yielding only 10 points and under 200 yards after your offense coughs up three turnovers is fairly stingy, especially when you consider that the Bucs hung 34 on the Giants the week before. The Buccaneer offense isn't a juggernaut, but shutting down any team should be seen as a positive at this point. Brandon Carr earned his entire contract with his complete silencing of Tampa receiver Vincent Jackson, even filling in a safety when the Bucs trotted out three receivers. Sean Lee and Bruce Carter looked like an unstoppable tandem again, and the defensive line got great pressure on Tampa QB Josh Freeman. I'm pretty sure if Ware have gotten his mitts on Freeman once more, he would have taken the quarterback's arm off.

Best Offensive Performance Among A Slew Of Bad Ones: TIE Miles Austin and Dez Bryant. Nabbing a combined 11 receptions for 169 yards, the receiving tandem carried an offense that limped along most of the day. Both Austin and Bryant made some big catches, but more importantly didn't drop many. That may sound ridiculous, but after last week, ball security can't be taken for granted. Dez still carries the ball way too far away from his body, but that's a habit that can be fixed. Here's hoping Witten will start to find his groove again soon. Having him full operational will be key against better teams.

Time to chunk this game in the can and move on to the next one. Other iterations of this Cowboys team could easily be 0-3 at this point, but this year's version has somehow scrapped their way to 2-1. The Chicago Bears, featuring the Jay Cutler mehxpress, pull into town for a Monday night tilt next week, so the Cowboys O-line will have some extra time to focus on Tony Romo out of a gurney.


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17 comments
RTGolden1
RTGolden1 topcommenter

Hey, at least the cowboys didn't spend 28million to get the Pigskin Messiah and wind up with a QB who can suck for 3 quarters, have an amazing 4th, and still lose.  Like.  My.  Broncos.

They shoulda kept Tbow.  For 1/2 the dough, they could have sucked for 3 quarters, had a great 4th and WON.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

I fear the Cowboys will suck so long as Jerry or his kids own the team. Who needs mediocre football when there is championship calibre baseball being played.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Three games in and already circling the drain - And you're correct the Deathstar is not a football stajium, it's the worlds biggest sports bar.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

Enough of this ref experiment....just pay them.  I love the way the pace of the game is stunted by general buffoonery, stumbling, and blown or missed calls. But I don't blame them, I blame Roger, who is slowly becoming Gary Bettman.  Also, Cowboys Stadium is why Dallas is a soulless, sh+thole; I hate it that you can hear both teams talking during a football game, in what is supposed to be "football central".   They have to fix that that place is SO quiet.......it's embarrassing. Home field advantage?!  But sadly, money talks.  I grew up going to football games in Foxboro, and there was ALWAYS an electricity in the air, even though the Pats sucked way back when. I'd rather watch my tv at home, then go out to the Prairie Turd. Yuppies suck; give us our football back.

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

still...first place in NFC East and nobody lost an ear.

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

That was actually a funny reference to BWW, that looked exactly like one of their commercials.  WTF was that? Cost a TD.  Oh well, win one lose one...Get ready for a loss Cowboy fans.

gkarjr
gkarjr

I predict another season of the 'Boys being just good enough to keep people's hopes up but not really good enough to accomplish anything. If they make it to the playoffs at all they'll go out in the first round.

Fungosity
Fungosity

@Dallas_Observer I'm not sure I'd use the word 'conquer' #sadstory

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

seriously, these refs are going to get someone killed.  How many head shots did quarterbacks take yesterday with nary a flag thrown.  The Broncos game had a fairly viscous one, I thought Shaubs head might pop off.  

 

The Bucs coach should get 50 swats with a bamboo stick every time he has his d line lineup 3 guys over the center and just annihilate the center.  total bullshit

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

 @RTGolden1 you are kidding right?  You dont truly believe Tebow is better than payton?   

 

I do like how the script you wrote fits well with how Tebow plays though

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

 @kergo1spaceship You're so right about the stajium. Baltimore getting a VERY audible "bullshit" chant going is home field advantage. Rowdy and the giant screen and the cheerleaders with their dated uniforms and playing AC/DC, Ozzy, and Guns N Roses over and over while pretending that no music has been recorded since 1994 is just pathetic.

 

But it isn't just the yuppies, it's the trash making the experience worse too. You have to be near Hardcore Fan Jimbo from Mesquite with his goatee and XXXL replica Witten jersey getting all worked up because he's too dumb or stubborn to realize Jerry is a shitty owner and the team has been a disappointment for 15+ years acting like he could actually afford Super Bowl tickets in New Orleans when his precious 'Boys win the NFC.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

 @Joshsbrokendisqus So you're telling me it was guaranteed that Kevin Ogletree, of all people, would cut back to the corner of the end zone and make that catch? He ain't Megatron. Unfortunate and avoidable if replacement ref had half a brain? Yes. But automatic TD? No way.

 

 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

 @gkarjr 

 

And that's what Jerra really cares about; 8+8, and he's making money hand over fist....and sheople keep believing there is, a, chhhhhhannnnnce? The Boys have won how many meaningful games in the past 15 years?  Sad thing, is we were on the verge when BIG Bill was here-coincidence? How about when Jimmy was here? 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

 @Scruffygeist 

 

Right on brotha!  That 'bullshit" chant is Baltimore was awesome; and the crowd was kinda messin' with my beloved Brady's game a bit.  That's what home field advantage is folks; an ADVANTAGE!  And you are correct sir about what Jimbo from Mesquite is; and Rowdy, don't even get me started.  So, when half the crowd is trash, and the other half doesn't care, you have what sounds like the SMU library.

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

I watched the 11 on 11 tape with Bob Sturm, and you're wrong..nananaboobooo

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