Dear Benjamin Netanyahu, Could You do a Mitzvah for Dallas?

Categories: Schutze

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This is a personal letter to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Dear Prime Minister:

My name is Jim Schutze. I am a columnist for the Dallas Observer. I write about local things here. My politics are sort of all over the place, but I have always considered myself a great friend of Israel, and I like to think Israel would be a friend of me, if Israel knew me.

I did know already that you and Mitt Romney were personal friends from way back. I read a piece in The New York Times several months ago about how you have known each other for years and share a lot of views and talk all the time.

The story quoted Romney as saying, "We can almost speak in shorthand. We share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar."

It quoted you as saying, through an aide, "So despite our very different backgrounds, my sense is that we employ similar methods in analyzing problems and coming up with solutions for them."

That's cool.

Until a few days ago, however, I did not anticipate you might even be willing to jump in and actually help us Americans choose our next president. I did definitely see that whole "speaking in shorthand" thing in the last few days when you said your piece about "those in the international community who refuse to put red lines before Iran," and then Romney came back right after yesterday's attack in Libya calling the Obama administration's response "akin to apology."

Sir, if you would just hold on for one second and bear with me, I am getting to my point right now.

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Hey, Bibi -- Can we call you Bibi? -- if you're going to monkey around in our elections, could you do Dallas a solid?
There is a lot of speculation going on over here right now about how you may view our presidential election as your "window of opportunity" to win some important concessions for Israel and how you may even be planning an "October surprise." Maybe that's all nonsense, but on the chance it could be true, I would never forgive myself if I failed to at least make an effort to get in on it.

If this election season is truly your window of opportunity and if you are going for some important concessions in return for your support for Romney, is there any small chance you would be willing to toss in a couple of local things here in Dallas? I know how busy you must be, and I think it would be rude of me to take your time with a lot of details. We have a road project here called "The Trinity River toll road" that is truly a bad idea. It's dangerous. It's stupid. It would be ugly. I can't tell you how terrible an idea it is.

You could tip the balance here in the direction of prudence and ... well, really, just justice for all ... if you would toss in the tiniest little reference to it next time you're making a campaign speech for Romney. All you would have to say is, "... and I also think the Trinity River toll road in Dallas is a bad idea."

Mr. Prime Minister, you have so many fans here in Dallas. People have enormous respect for you. It could make all the difference.

Now I risk going too far. I know that. But here's the thing. If you were already directing your attention to Dallas anyway -- and I can assure you that you would have rapt attention here -- it really wouldn't add that much of a demand on your time if you would just barely mention one other somewhat smaller matter.

We have an outfit here in Dallas called "the Dallas Arboretum" that a lot of people absolutely love. They're fine people. But, like all people, sometimes they sort of go off their nut, if you know what I mean.

So recently they proposed building a big parking lot right on top of a lovely green meadow called "Winfrey Point" next to a lake where a lot of people I know like to walk their dogs and have picnics. If you could toss in a simple phrase, it would help us so much here in resolving this additional difficult issue.

Here it is: "And also, don't pave Winfrey Point."

One last thing, and I want you to just scratch this right off the list if you think it's too much. I would die of embarrassment if I were to come across as trying to taking advantage.

I'm not going to bore you one bit with all of the petty background. But maybe as you were leaving the podium, you could sort of mumble something like, "When a man has already agreed to install new under-cabinet lighting in his wife's kitchen, and when all of that lighting is already in place and set up to operate on one switch, it seems to me it goes too far to ask that man to go back in and install a separate switch for the part of the lighting that's right over the oven." If that's too much, absolutely forget it. I just tossed it in there in case.

In any event I want to sincerely thank you again for your willingness to use the power and prestige of your office to help us make up our minds here in America. Even if you can only do one part of this, it will be hugely appreciated, I assure you. The toll road thing is the important one.

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34 comments
TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Under cabinet lighting?

 

What're you? A 1% er, now?

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

JIM...WHEN IS DALLAS GOING TO HAVE TO PROTECT OUR KIDS AND FAMILIES FROM ROCKET ATTACKS FROM FT. WORTH JIHADISTS, OR PROTECT OUR FAMILY FROM SUICIDE BOMBERS GETTING ON DART TRAINS FROM SOUTH DALLAS?  YOUR SNARKY LITTLE LETTER IS PATHETIC AND BENEATH THE DIGNITY OF REAL DALLAS CITIZENS.  KINDLY TO NOT WRITE AND PRETEND YOU ACTUALLY REPRESENT DALLAS TO ANYONE.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

He would sure get a welcome here, given his name...Yayhoo.

 

I would respect him if he went to Annapolis and eviscerated himself as penance for the USS Liberty.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Pop Quiz!

 

So if I throw a cross in a bucket of piss and call it art but the Christians in Lower Slobovia go on a three-state killing spree, whose side is the President on? (ha!)

scottindallas
scottindallas topcommenter

Gee Jim, you ask this of a man who wants Jewish only roads through Palestinian lands?  I thought you opposed Jim Crow?  But you seem to support it's Israeli equivalent.  Also, the man is opponent of taking land of others for his own use.  Bibi Netanyahoo is among the most reactionary persons representing one of the most reactionary parties in Israel.  I don't think you're very familiar with Israel.

YaValioCacaWates
YaValioCacaWates

PM Netanyahu will do nothing for free.  Throw in some denero $$$ and he'll bend over backwards trying to accomadate you.  Once the denero $$$ stops, then watch out.  He has been known to bite the hand that feeds him billions of USA tax payer dollars., then turns around and purchases German nuclear submarines.  You guessed it., with USA tax payers dollars.

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

the disturbing part is that any Americans would actually listen to Bibi and cast their vote accordingly.

 

of course, between the Armageddon embracing Fundamentalists and the zionism that permeates american judaism. it's not hard to see that there is a very active voting block to whom he is speaking.

 

it's a very dangerous path Netanahu is walking down. a very, very bad idea.

 

Bibi, here's another request, although Jim has some really good ones already (save for the kitchen lighting, which we all know Jim needs to bite the bullet and just do): stay the hell out of our politics.

atat8080
atat8080

Topic has nothing to do with Dallas or local events. 

 

"Here's some money, write something liberal against conservatives."

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Senator Barbara Boxer also wrote an open letter to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu accusing him of “inject[ing] politics” into the effort to stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons.

 

"I urge you to step back and clarify your remarks so that the world sees that there is no daylight between the United States and Israel. As you personally stated during an appearance with President Obama in March, “We are you, and you are us. We’re together. So if there’s one thing that stands out clearly in the Middle East today, it’s that Israel and America stand together.”

 

She too worries he’s trying to influence the election.

 

Hmm.  You and Boxer.

 

Peas.

Joseph
Joseph

Schutze couldn't find an empty chair to harangue about the river road?  And it's mitzvah, not mitvah.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

You should have told him we had an Italian bridge we could sell him.

 

Never mind.  Our town would have leased it back on rates higher than a Spanish toll road to Houston.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Off-topic anti-semitism and self-hate from the usual suspects in 3... 2...

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Oy!  That piece was a semi-psychotic flight of fancy.  Anyway, Bibi is a dangerous extremist.  America needs to distance itself from his crazy talk of nuclear war with Iran.  Very scary stuff.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

 @scottindallas u r corect SIr.   Israel wants all the benefits of fair play, but wants none of its strictures applied to them.

 

i.e.  Let's say you build towns for people; then the government sends in bulldozers without warning and levels them.  I can't think of a better example of 'State sponsored terrorism".

 

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@YaValioCacaWates Most of the aid to Israel is defense-related, and a certain percentage must be spent on American product. America does not export Submarines.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @holmantx Not sure it takes Sherlock Holmes to see this one. I wonder who Merkel and Hollande will endorse?

joe.tone
joe.tone moderator

 @Joseph This egregious error has been fixed, and will be the first thing I address upon the opening of the book of life next week.

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz You've set some sort of record for use of the term "dangerous extremist".

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@JimSX @holmant Castro has come out for Obama, hasn't he? Ditto Hugo Chavez and Amajinidad. Any bets on who gets Putin's nod?

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @albert.finney000 Raises an interesting question. Can one be a harmless extremist?

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@holmantx @JimSX @holmant The entire collective global leadership endorsed Obama in 2008, but now, they should just shut up.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

 @albert.finney000  @JimSX  @holmant They will have to work with whoever wins.  They shouldn't endorse however, Hollande is full bore Left and Merkel needs some help since Europe is collapsing under their failed Social Democracy model.  She'll stay silent.  

albert.finney000
albert.finney000

@gkarjr @JimSX @albert.finney000 As long as they're not in front of me at Kroger, I say let 'em marry whoever they want

RTGolden
RTGolden

 @JimSX  @albert.finney000 Sure Jim, Myrna is a perfect example of a harmless extremist.  I myself am an extreme moderate.  There is a whole slew of harmless right wing extremists who visit this board daily.  I'm sure they'll show up in this comment thread any minute now.

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