What Garland Road Really Needs is a Touch of Frisco's Class

Categories: Schutze

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Well, I guess Eric Nicholson and Jeff Siegel just know everything, don't they? Nicholson, our own blog editor here, and Siegel, a columnist for the Lakewood Advocate, have been having fun making of Lincoln Properties, a real estate company, over a scheme to get Garland Road in East Dallas re-named as "Arboretum Boulevard."

The motivation for the name change is obvious. People think of Garland Road as kind of a tough area, because it has always been kind of a tough area. It's not a slum, for goodness sake. There are all kinds of respectable useful businesses up and down Garland run by nice people. It's more of a working street. People do work there.

So Lincoln Properties wants class it up a little as part of a plan to enhance the value of their many holdings there. They want to give it a classier image, in other words -- sort of get it out of the East Dallas funky mode and make it seem more like something you'd see in suburban Frisco.

Well, hey, Mr. Nicholson and Mr. Siegel, some of us who have lived in funky East Dallas long enough might not mind a little bit of a makeover. Did you ever think of that?

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The future, classed-up Garland Road.
I've been looking at a map of Frisco, and it seems to me they have a lot of cool names up there that would be really nice here in East Dallas. I personally wouldn't mind getting classed up a little.

For example, in Frisco they have a lot of "at" names for neighborhoods: Country Club Ridge at the Trails, The Village at Cobb Hill, The Village at Panther Creek Phase 1, The Villages at Willow Bay.

I don't think it would be asking too much for us to have some "ats" in our names, too. It's not like we'd be asking for the moon. We could have "The Hamlet at Macho Auto Sales," for example, or "The Borough at the Spillway."

Just think about it as something you could tell people at a party. "Oh, yes, well we live in The Hamlet at Macho Auto Sales. It's very dull, which is exaaactly what we wanted."

Come to think of it, they have a lot of "The" names in Frisco: "The Trails of West Frisco," "The Fairways." It seems to me we could change things up a little just by adding some "The's" to the names we already have. Maybe we could also stick in an "of" here and there. We could have "The Repair Shops of White Rock." How about, "The Rabbit Warrens of Little Forest Hills," "The Tenements of Home Depot," or "The Huts of I-30?" Would that help?

But Lincoln Properties is right. If you want a real do-over for an area, you have to rename all the streets. I'm looking at Frisco, and I see they name their streets for their cars a lot, plus they put "Way" and "Drive" on it, too, like Alfa Romeo Way and Bugatti Drive.

It might be a mistake to use Frisco car names in East Dallas. A lot of people might not be familiar. People are so touchy here. They might take something like "Bug-atti" the wrong way.

But I'm looking out the window, and you could even change my own street to "Dodge Ram Way" or "F150 Drive," something like that. That could be cool. I think a lot of people would like that.

They also name their streets up there for the food they eat. I see one that's even named for an appetizer -- Bruschetta Drive. So we could do that, too. We eat appetizers.
We could rename most of Columbia Avenue "Chips and Salsa Way," for example, or "Crazy Nachos Drive." That might drive up the values.

I just think Nicholson and Siegel are a tad too quick on the skepticism trigger. We need to pause and consider whether Lincoln Properties might be on to something. Instead of being all wise-ass and raining on their parade, maybe for a change we could be a little bit positive in East Dallas and encourage them to do even more.

Arboretum Way Drive at the Villages of Rocher Blanc? Hmm? That's French for White Rock, pronounced "RO-shay," very very shaaay at the end, don't you know. I can see it.

"Hey, Jim, where you headed?"

"Home Depot, get Sheetrock."

"The one on Skillman?"

"Oh, goodness no. I buy my Sheetrock exclusively at the Home Depot on Arboretum Way at the Villages of RO-shaaay Blanc."

"Oh, TOUCH YOU, man. What an asshole."

Which is exaaactly what we wanted.


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59 comments
somethingfunny
somethingfunny

What they really need to do with Garland Road is build an elevated freeway (er tollway) above it that runs from I-30 out to Wylie with options to continue it out to Farmersville and down around Fair Park (er "Olympic Village" lol) to hook into Dead Man's Curve of 175 and the south end of the new Trinity Tollway.  Traffic in Garland is fucking terrible because the city's grid is designed to route all traffic onto State Highway 78, but then they put a million fucking traffic lights onto 78 and invited all of Sachse and Wylie to join us on State Highway 78.  I'd say widen the thing into ten lanes each way but putting elevated express lanes above it reduces the burden of additional footprint on all the established tote-the-note car sales lots and other businesses.  It's gotta be done though, the Bush Tollway just provides a ten-mile detour through Rowlett, not a solution to the problem of getting down into Dallas for the 200,000+ residents of Garland and the 100,000+ additional undocumented ones.

bettyp
bettyp

Leave Garland Rd's name alone.  If changed, giving directions to our homes & business will become a nightmare with long explanations.   Also nothing is wrong with Buckner Blvd from Ferguson Rd to Garland Rd.  It's from Ferguson Rd to I-30 that needs to be bulldozed.    Those apartments are an eyesore.

russia
russia

So, I guess Republican friends who joke about the fact that they live on Sir Lancelot in a neighborhood called Castle Hills in a Dallas suburb are also "progressive snobs?"  Many street names in the suburbs are hilarious no matter who laughs at them.

gkarjr
gkarjr

I could live on "Crazy Nachos Drive".

kduble
kduble

Not RO-shay. It's ro-SHAY. Of course, the ay dipthong doesn't exist in French. It's a short e, like set, bet, beget, forget, regret.

seat21d
seat21d

So, why does the same damn road have to have two names...and perhaps three if this proposal gains any traction?  I say name the whole thing East Grand Ave or keep the names as they are.

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

If we are to rename Garland Road, why not rename it after someone who deserves such a singular honor ...

 

How about ...

 

Neil Armstrong Boulevard ....

JustBecause
JustBecause

Hands off Garland Road, Denton Drive, Addison Road, Irving Blvd, Plano Road, Fort Worth Avenue, etc. etc. etc.

stopDestroyingDallas
stopDestroyingDallas

Groan.  Do they not understand that people choose to live by the lake precisely because it is NOT Frisco (or one of the many former towns now characterless suburbs).

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

A garland is a decorative wreath or cord, used at festive occasions, which can be hung round a person's neck, or on inanimate objects like Christmas trees. Originally garlands were made of flowers or leaves.

 

or

 

Gar are elongated primitive scavenger fish, heavily armored with ganoid scales, and fronted by similarly elongated jaws filled with long sharp teeth.  As their vascularised swim bladders can function as lungs, most gar surface periodically to take a gulp of air, doing so more frequently in stagnant or warm water when the concentration of oxygen in the water is low. As a result, they are extremely hardy and able to tolerate conditions that would kill most other fish. (East Dallas rats).

 

uh, just hang some garland on the street lights and stick with definition no. 1.

yalc
yalc

hahahahahahahahaha

The Road At White Rock

 

gypsytrade
gypsytrade

I am sure people that don't live in our neighborhood either don't understand or care about the looming bloated Disney Land that seems to be devouring over our beautiful lake and community. I don't want to constantly watch to see what they are sneaking around to develop and pave.There is so much more to Lakewood and Casa Linda than the arboretum. Re-naming Garland Road. Arboretum Way  would highlight the Arboretum.and give it even more power to over-develop.

I think Garland Road is just fine.

glenn03a
glenn03a

I like Hippieville Ave.!

cynicaloldbastard
cynicaloldbastard

Libtard Way?

The Villas of Divershitty?

The Estates of White Guilt?

1dailyreader
1dailyreader

So if I change my name to Heather, Ginger, or some wildly sexy name, I'll look a whole lot better overnight?

observist
observist

If you don't want streets to be renamed, you don't want Dallas to be World Class.

EastDallasDad
EastDallasDad

Get your hands off my neighborhood you damn dirty developers!

 

If we wanted to live in Frisco, we'd move to Frisco. I love my neighborhood. It's filled with all kinds of people from all walks of life and the businesses on Garland Road reflect that.

 

I do agree with Vndallas. The area around Buckner and John West that needs to be redeveloped.

anon
anon

Truthfully, is this renaming streets to project a certain image a Dallas thing? A Texas thing? Where I come from streets are re-named to honor people or if there is some logistical concern such as the names being too close and constantly tripping people up. 

Since Industrial changed to Riverfront, I haven't suddenly started patronizing the businesses there any more than I did before. I still call it Industrial and likely always will when giving someone directions. I still go there 2-3 times a year to get tacos at Fuel City (can they make them change the name to "Energy Plaza" to celebrate Dallas's connection to the extraction industries and make it seem more like a place for people to congregate?). 

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk

Well, fuck it. Just go with "World Class Ave." and be done with it.

glenn03a
glenn03a

Everyone needs to keep their hands off the east side of White Rock Lake. It is the best neighborhood in Dallas.

Vndallas
Vndallas

Well, I don't think the name change is an awful idea.  After all, two of this city's jewels, White Rock and the Arboretum are located off Garland Road.  If anything, it gives the street an identity.  Makes a lot more sense than renaming Industrial Blvd to Riverfront.  I really wish the city would target Buckner, from I-30 leading to Garland Road, for redevelopment.  The single family neighborhoods on both sides of I-30 around Buckner, Jim Miller and St. Francis are solid and very pretty.  But it's Buckner that's a rundown mess.  Lot's of people use Buckner to get to White Rock and the Arboretum and that route makes a lousy impression.  Redevelopment of Buckner is a no brainer imo.

PepperoniCalzone
PepperoniCalzone

As a resident of the to-be-re-named subdivision "Barrio at the Freight Yard," I couldn't agree more. 

LakeWWWooder
LakeWWWooder

On Columbia last night my 1995 pickup was between two newish BMW convertibles while a palatero crossed and a guy in a wheelchair went up the middle of the street to a turn lane...that's what I love about East Dallas...oh and up the street you could see the crane for the construction work at Long and Woodrow... :)

WhiteGuiltObserver
WhiteGuiltObserver

"Progressive", "tolerant", "open-minded" pieces of libtard shit like Jim just love to sneer at the proles.

somethingfunny
somethingfunny

 @bettyp Yeah Buckner's cool north of I-30 really.  Go south of I-30 and you'll think John West Rd looks as ritzy as Lawther when you come back north.  Those low income apartments are just there to remind you where all the people who work in your high-end retail and retaurants up there by Garland/Buckner are coming from.

BankheadHighway
BankheadHighway

 @seat21d Technically four...it's Garland Avenue in Garland, then changes to Garland Road in Dallas. Five if you count the fact that it's all State Highway 78. 

kristinathompson
kristinathompson

@stopDestroyingDallas I happen to have lived in East Dallas and now Frisco and take offense to your calling Frisco a characterless suburb. It's quite the contrary. Why the contempt? Never heard a Frisco resident put down East Dallas

iwearblack
iwearblack

 @holmantx Definition 1 sounds nicer, but heavily armored scavengers has a nice post apocalyptic ring to it...

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @cynicaloldbastard So, ultimately, the big nemesis for your kind, the thing that gets most under your skin, the term that makes your blood boil and causes you not to be able to feel your face, is that simple and semingly innocuous term, diversity. All I can tell you is this: our fears are always more daunting when we fail to confront them directly. It's really not so bad. You can do it.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @cynicaloldbastard So, ultimately, the big nemesis for your kind, the thing that gets most under your skin, the term that makes your blood boil and causes you not to be able to feel your face, is that simple and semingly innocuous term, diversity. All I can tell you is this: our fears are always more daunting when we fail to confront them directly. It's really not so bad. You can do it.

somethingfunny
somethingfunny

 @EastDallasDad There is a pedestrian x-ing sign on Peavy Road that has fallen sideways so it looks like it's saying "dead bodies ahead".  I love it because it makes me feel like I am being welcomed to East Dallas.

seat21d
seat21d

 @EastDallasDad Yea, let's keep Far West, the Pawn Shops and the liquor stores.  That's what we want next door.

scottindallas
scottindallas topcommenter

 @anon That's what makes Dallas, Dallas.  We're the image capital of America.

somethingfunny
somethingfunny

 @bettyp No disrespect meant to my friends living down there by Chariot and Moberly and St. Francis even if it isn't real nice looking there.  Go south of Military Parkway for true eyesore.

somethingfunny
somethingfunny

 @BankheadHighway  @seat21d If you stay on Garland Road instead of following the SH78 routing across Ave.D/Ave.B in downtown Garland, it bends around to the west and becomes Arapaho.  An entirely different street goes northeast though and is also called Garland Avenue, but then its' name changes to North Star Road and then Los Rios Blvd way up in Plano - and if Plano would ever pave over their last damned tract of open land, they could connect that to Legacy Drive and then we could rename the entire thing Legacy Drive from Prosper to Fair Park.

EastDallasDad
EastDallasDad

 @seat21d  @EastDallasDad Far West can go but I like being able to buy booze - the clerks are nice and they have decent prices and a pretty good selection. You can also find some nice bargains in the pawn shops from time to time. 

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