To The Guy Who Thought It Was Funny to Shoot Me With a Paintball Gun on the Santa Fe Trail: You're a Dick

PaintballArm.jpg
Will my arm ever be the same? Also, my arm is much more muscular than it appears in this picture. Swear.
Just after 8 o'clock this morning, I was riding to work, as I always do, along the Sante Fe Trail. I'd just passed Woodrow and was riding along the fields at Randall Park when I heard pop, pop on my left. It sounded like when a squirrel drops a half-eaten pecan to the ground, but it obviously wasn't since that particular stretch is treeless. What it was, I learned when I felt the bee sting on my arm and glanced at the black Cadillac El Dorado (or maybe Seville) matching my pace along Santa Fe Ave, a kid, maybe 18, tracking me with a paintball gun through the open passenger window.

I casually gave him the finger as I rode then, after he shot me twice more, I glared hard at him gave him the finger, much more emphatically this time. This was satisfying, I guess, but not very smart since it meant that I didn't see the yellow metal pylon straight ahead of me. I crashed into the pylon, was thrown from the bike, and landed on the pavement. I started to stand to catch the license plate, but my left leg hurt like hell and I just sat in the grass.

An older guy across the street, who must have seen the crash, moseyed over to see if I was OK. "Just sit there for a while," he told me, examining the pylon. He tried to shake the think in its mooring, and a bit of water trickled out.

"Some assholes drove by and shot me with paintballs," I said, meaning Seriously, I don't just run into inanimate object, you know. He nodded and stood there until I got up and took a few ginger steps on my leg. It was fine, save for a sore ankle, and so was my bike. I hopped back on and headed back and take a shower.

Along the way, I ran into two bike cops where the trail cuts by Lakewood Country Club. I told them what had happened, then rode back with them to where I'd wiped out. They talked with the pylon guy, who hadn't seen much, and told me they had three squad cars patrolling the neighborhood. I'm sure DPD will pull out all the stops to catch a couple of dickhead kids who think shooting bicyclists with paintball guns is funny. Certainly they don't have anything more important on their plates.

Update at 11:06 p.m.: The peanut butter sandwich that I'd packed for lunch this morning is missing, having apparently fallen out when I wrecked. Now I'm pissed.

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90 comments
WhiteGuiltObserver
WhiteGuiltObserver

Hey naive white-guilt libtard "progressive advocacy journalist" propagandist! Just how fucking stupid and naive are you? Don't you realize that only about 20 people tops read and comment on this libtard shit rag? Don't you realize that even if the oppressed youfs who shot you could read English they don't read your shit? Don't you realize they don't give a shit about you or your naive white-guilt libtard efforts to "uplift" them? They would laugh in your white-guilt face if they knew about this article. Wake up, you dumbass dipshit. Why do white-guilt libtards like you want to turn our country into the third-world shithole of Newer Mexico? Just to assuage your pathetic white libtard guilt?

DirtyP1
DirtyP1

That sucks Eric. That kid is a pretty good shot hitting you twice while driving. I can't hit someone while we're both sitting still, but I don't paintball much. 

TejasToolMan
TejasToolMan

hopefully you weren't acting like most of the bicyclists I've seen recently and riding like a total idiot before you were blasted by the paint baller.... sometimes Karma will pay you a visit instantly

bryanr01
bryanr01

I spend a fair amount of time on the trail myself, and I never go unarmed.  Mostly because of the roving packs of feral dogs, but partly because of the criminal element.  The guy who shot you with a paintball gun today is the same piece of shit who will be breaking into houses when school starts back up, and then moving on to bigger and better crimes.  It would be a damn shame if someone thought he was pulling out a real gun and got to theirs first, cutting short this budding criminal's career.   

ItsSoSad
ItsSoSad

Do you need a CHP to carry a paintball gun?

 

Sounds like time to arm the cyclists! Now if you could just get the police-issue pepper spray paintballs and return fire...

 

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Did you immediately know what hit you?

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

You should have held the rage, gotten the plate numbers, and called 911.

ASaneHumanBeing
ASaneHumanBeing

Based on the location of the incident, the type of car, and above all the behavior of the "kids," I give 100 to 1 odds that the perps were Latino, or just maybe black.

 

Of course, that's why the author conveniently omitted any description of them.   REALITY IS SO RACIST SOMETIMES!!!

FifideBellville
FifideBellville

@Dallas_Observer news flash! DPD doesn't give a shit.

melinda_cook68
melinda_cook68

Sooo...(I'm using my condescending voice by the way) when you're on a bicycle and someone else is in a car, especially when that person has a weapon, it is not..let me repeat NOT a bright idea to shoot them the finger.  

J_A_
J_A_

What little shits! Hasn't school started yet?

rowingisfun
rowingisfun

big deal.  they are just kids being kids and your a pussy for whining about it.

cheapoldgeezer
cheapoldgeezer

What a dumbass.  Keep shooting the finger a pissasses and sooner or later that paintball gun will turn into a Glock. Then what you gonna do?

Daniel
Daniel

I lived in Mt. Auburn for a year and a half about a dozen years ago. Aside from the hooligan teenagers, loose, scabrous dogs running wild in the streets, and front yards that serve as household dumpsters, it was a wonderful community. 

jharris214
jharris214

I guess when the local knuckledraggers get bored spray painting giant penises, or breaking glass bottles on the trail, they resort to this.  It's a shame the local feral pitbulls I see wandering around the Santa Fe don't have a taste for their flesh. 

JesusChrist
JesusChrist

What are you, twelve?

 

I was riding my bikey and flipped these guys off and now MO-OM!! They shot me and I lost my peanut butter sangwich!!

 

What a homo.

TexOHara
TexOHara

If you got the license plate (or most of it), let me know your e-mail address.  I might be able to help you track it down.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz he'd been shot.

 

Once, I swerved on White Rock Trail to avoid two love birds zig-zagging along in embrace.  I went off the trail, fell, and broke my collar bone.

 

She walked up and said, "you should be wearing a helmet".

scottindallas
scottindallas topcommenter

 @melinda_cook68 particularly when they demonstrated that they've got dead eye aim.  It's fairly impressive they were able to hit him 4 times.  4 of 4 if the narrative is complete.

ASaneHumanBeing
ASaneHumanBeing

 @melinda_cook68 I'm sure you'll have no objection if someone caps you with a paintball in response to the assertion you just made.

ASaneHumanBeing
ASaneHumanBeing

 @Daniel Diversity is strength, or didn't you get the memo?     

 

Mount Auburn represents the vibrant future of Dallas, so let's all get on board and celebrate.   Or else you're a RACIST.

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

 @holmantx

 gosh holman, I walk at a faster pace than you cycle.......

 

and no, look at my avatar. I'm a regal, friendly large Pyrenees, not a puny dog such as tried to latch onto your ankle.

bifftannen
bifftannen

@holmantx Surprise, surprise. Another idiot commenter that hasn't passed puberty yet.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

BTW - that little girl let her arm loose and sic'd that dog on me.

 

The little half-assed pit bull was less than 20 lbs, but it could have been a 40 pounder.

 

Then I would have killed the dog and reprimanded the girl.

 

Am I being too hard?

 

 

monstruss
monstruss

 @TexOHara I'm sure he'll get right on that, instead off going to cops who could actually do anything about it.

TejasToolMan
TejasToolMan

I guess truth hurts, but oh my did I hit your soft spot? Obviously so since that is all you have to say....

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

 @holmantx Did you read the entire article?  He flipped the finger twice, took his eye off where he was going, and ended up crashing into a pylon.  As I said, hold the rage and do the right thing by calling 911.

DirtyP1
DirtyP1

 @scottindallas I said the same thing in the post I just made. Pretty damn impressive for the kid to hit him with that few shots while DRIVING. He must have used one of the VillageVoice daily deals on paintballing. Oh, what irony would that be?

melinda_cook68
melinda_cook68

 @ASaneHumanBeing I'm not saying he didn't have the right to shoot the finger. I'm saying a unprotected person riding a bicycle vs. a 4,000 pound car with one or more occupants and no telling what other weapons etc.. inside the car.. is not a good judgement call. 

 

timetomoveon
timetomoveon

 @holmantx In disarmed communist states like CA and MA, I used to carry a can of computer duster. Not for inhaling like some brain dead liberal though.

 

Spray it upside down and it makes a wonderful deterrent! 

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Cops just mark where the body's at.  You have to either provide for your own protection and security or take the risk you will not be assaulted or worse.  It doesn't have to be a firearm.  In other countries where security is an issue, I carry a squirt bottle filled with ammonia.  Very effective on dogs and humans.  Just squirt them in the face.

ScottNaiveWhiteGuilt
ScottNaiveWhiteGuilt

 @scottindallas Reality/nature itself is RACIST and HIERARCHICAL, from the top of the Animal Kingdom all the way down to the interactions of atomic particles, you goofy Dhimmi, you naive white-guilt libtard.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@timetomoveon @GuitarPlayer you are one stupid mother effer for real. you dont even know my political leanings. You can be robbed in whitopia as well, just dont keep walking the same path if the end result ids getting your ass robbed

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@timetomoveon @GuitarPlayer If youve been mugged at gunpoint and at knife point multiple times, maybe you should take a look in the mirror and change the things you are doing. What is it about you that attracts muggers

GuitarPlayer
GuitarPlayer

 @timetomoveon  "You seem more like a drummer than a guitar player." LMAO......That was a good one. 

 

timetomoveon
timetomoveon

 @GuitarPlayer So why would I beg for mercy from someone with a paintball gun again? You seem more like a drummer than a guitar player.

GuitarPlayer
GuitarPlayer

 @timetomoveon Paint ball is for pussies who want to pretend they are actually in a fire fight......and the criminals know it. I bet you ran from the guys with the knives.....

timetomoveon
timetomoveon

 @GuitarPlayer You think so? Considering I used to play paintball you would lose that bet.

 

I've also been mugged at gun point and had people attempt to mug me with and without knives. Only the time with the gun was successful. 

GuitarPlayer
GuitarPlayer

 @timetomoveon Well.....until it happens to you. I bet you would shit your pants at first then beg for mercy.

 

timetomoveon
timetomoveon

 @monstruss  @TexOHara  @holmantx Why would I do that? I think it's hilarious. I'm especially amused at how Eric seems like the biggest pussy in the world by writing this article!

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