How You Gonna Keep Down on the Farm After They've Seen Dallee?

Categories: Schutze

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Gosh, I've been reading about the secret negotiations between the two groups of fancy people downtown over how to control the light, and I can't help thinking of the Paris Peace Talks to end the Vietnam War between 1968 and 1973.

I don't know how much you may remember or maybe studied in school about those long and difficult negotiations, but the way they talked about them at the time was so much like the way the fancy people are talking about the fight-the-light talks downtown when they come out of their meetings.

The Dallas Morning News has a story today about some more talks yesterday. After the talks, Dallas Mayor Mike Rawlings said, "I think it was a good meeting." Then he added, "They're getting together, and we're going to talk about next steps."

One of the fancy people involved also said, "It was a productive meeting."

See. That's like high diplomacy talk, where they have to say something, but whatever they say, it's like a really cool calm and collected version of, "Butt out."

paris texas tower.jpg
Obviously, we'll need to get us one of these.
You know what this is about, right? One group of fancy people, called the "Nashers," want the light from the sun to go away from their building, the Nasher Sculpture Center in the Dallas Artistic District. The other group, called the "Museum Towers," want the light from the sun to go away from them, too. But the light has to go somewhere. So they're having secret negotiations.

You never thought of this, right? You just let the sun go wherever it wants to go including right on top of you. Well, sure. You're not very fancy, are you?

The most important thing in all of this -- and I think we need to keep this in mind -- is that Dallas needs to be more fancy. It needs to be more like Paris, France. That's like the most important thing. You could almost say the whole purpose for even having a Dallas in the first place is to try to create a thing that's as fancy as Paris, France.

That's why I was so excited to hear about one of the secret ideas they're talking about -- it leaked out -- for how to make the light do what the fancy people want it to do. They are thinking of covering the Museum Tower building with louvers.

So cool! In fact, I had this thought, which, in all modesty, I will put forward now. What if they changed the name of the building to "The Louver?" It would be just like that one in Paris, France.

In fact, I have been looking on Google images and eBay and stuff like that, and I found just a ton of antique louvers.

So what about this? I'm just tossing it out there to see what you think. What if they took like the first floor of Museum Tower and created an exhibit of antique louvers? Then we could actually call the building, "The Louver Museum."

Hey, I don't want to bad-mouth the Nasher, but it would be interesting to see which one drew bigger crowds. I think a lot more people might be interested in seeing really cool old-fashioned louvers than a bunch of statues of fat guys trying to eat their toes. Just sayin'.

If this works, it's an idea that could fan out all over the artistic district. We could rename the deck park over the Woodall Rodgers Expressway, like the famous one in Paris, France, and call it "The Toiletries."

It might even be kind of neat to rename our art museum -- give it a Paris-like flair but with more of a Dallas accent -- and call it "The Pompidon't." But that's not a high priority item.
Anyway, the longer these peace talks proceed on how to rope down the light in the artistic district, the more inspired I feel about the whole thing. If we ever do figure out to boss the sun in Dallas, we might just wind up being the fanciest place there is.


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24 comments
PeaceLover
PeaceLover

Sounds like "Peace with Honor" - heard that one before!

Cliffhanger
Cliffhanger

Shouldn't our museum be the Pompadour?

 

With sideburns.

bodaddle
bodaddle

Didn't I read something the other day about a thin sheet of material that could be hung on the side of tall buildings that would generate electricity? Another article talked about planting gardens on the side of big buildings - turnips and rutabagas?

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

Just build a tent over the Nasher and change the name to Omar's Asian Caravan of Art.

ozonelarryb
ozonelarryb

the Gnasher ought to put a focusing mirror on their roof.  mounted on a motorized gimbal like a telescope, so they can pan across the offices in the tower, and keep the tenants warm....

 

or .....  ?????  stretch the tower architect's skin over their roof.

holmantx
holmantx topcommenter

Toss a coin.  The loser has to move over to the old Pearlstone Grain Elevator in Deep Ellum.

 

or maybe the winner?

ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

As Major Kong said:

 

"Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Dallas with all that stuff."

Daniel
Daniel

Jim, all you need is a "My Kid Can Kick Your Honor Student's Ass" bumper sticker, and your credentials as a brute philistine will be complete.

 

Here's another column idea for you (I really am here to help): Sometimes rich people throw fancy parties where they all stand around eating FISH AIGS!! It's true they call to Jeeves to bring them some fish aigs they wipe their hands on little warm towels and then they stand around looking at art my 5-year-old could draw it don't even make sense oh Lordy that makes me hopping mad.

Texaspainter
Texaspainter

The Nasher had 'no comment' meaning that the screws are being put to them and not the Tower. I anticipate that once again, the City of Dallas big boys will get their way by saying, 'fuck you' and The Nasher will have to redesign the museum. Post effect: what does this do to The Nasher and DMA who want to book future shows of significance? Does this show the world that we really are just a bunch of $30,000 wannabe millionaires?

observist
observist topcommenter

Dallas is for Louvers.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Will Dena Schlosser be working on the project? I hear she's available. She can do the measuring and cutting, she has some experience there. 

glenn
glenn

"... fat guys trying to eat their toes." Jim, you have captured the "mileu" perfectly. Now, cue the guy who always complains here that you just don't appreciate fine art.

James080
James080 topcommenter

You've done better work.....

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @glenn Marvel? Where are you?

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @James080 I may be kidding myself of course, but I really feel I've never been more brilliant.

markzero
markzero

Does that run by Louver Field?

James080
James080 topcommenter

 @JimSX You're recent posts about spraying deadly chemicals over Dallas County to no good purpose and the White Rock rowing barge were topical and well written. This semi-rant about Museum Tower and the Nasher Sculpture is pointless.

mike.gruben27
mike.gruben27

 @James080

 You should visit the center.  Admission is only $10, or $5 for students.  Of course the museum wouldn't be possible without generous donors as the admission tickets only cover part of their operating expenses.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @James080  @JimSX Oh. Well, now you do have a point, and maybe I don't so much. Wow. Sharon Boyd was right. I'm such a liberal, I won't even take my own side in an argument.

James080
James080 topcommenter

 @JimSX Perhaps you're right. I simply don't give a damn about rich people's playgrounds or edifices. I simply don't care if the sun reflecting off the facade this building which I'll never enter, melts a hole in the floor of a museum I'll never visit.

JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

 @James080 There's a point. Look in the mirror.

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