Look! Up in the Sky! It's Jason Roberts Riding a Unicorn to the White House for that "Champions of Change" Award

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One time I was talking down the street and I saw Jason Roberts leap a tall curb with a single bound. No joke. He barely broke a sweat under that tweed cap. Then he shot rainbow beams from his eyes that turned all the concrete into an organic garden tended by underprivileged children who tend hives of stingerless bees that produce honey from locally sourced pollen. Then everyone spontaneously joined hands and sang melodic indie pop while Roberts mounted his unicorn and ascended to the urban utopia from which he came.

Along the way he saw Barack Obama, who is impressed by anyone who can tame a unicorn and the sheer volume of tweed, and who invited Roberts to the White House and promised to make up an award to give him. Roberts was sidetracked when he traveled to a parallel universe by street car for a climactic battle against his arch-nemisis, Mixmaster. He finally made it up to the district today, where he was named a Champion of Change for his transportation work.

But his work is not yet done. The Third Temple hasn't yet been built, nor has the street car network that will connect it to surrounding mixed-use developments. It is written. At least we thought it was, somewhere. It has been now, anyways.


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16 comments
JimSX
JimSX topcommenter

I read this thing and laughed, but I also sort of felt like crying, because I heard something here that needed to be said so badly, even if it's said with a bit of an edge. Jason Roberts really is a hero. He's uber-smart, and the vision of the city that he offers us is the city's path to salvation. And, no, actually he would never put himself ahead of Swiss Avenue or any of the city-savers who came before him. He is totally not that kind of guy. But Eric is right. He does ride a unicorn, and he does shoot  rays out of his eyeballs, and  he does deserve an attaboy once in a  blue moon. So I love this item.  

CrackerDaddy
CrackerDaddy

I sure have missed the fawning coverage of Jason Roberts here.  Good post Eric.  Even though I rip on Jason a little, he's actually a pretty nice and cool guy.  Just my $.02

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

so Austin is developing an entire NEW NEIGHBORHOOD based upon the GM VOLT auto, funded of course by the US TAXPAYERS and GMC (also the taxpayers)....

 

how is THAT not a bigger Champion of change...Jason suffers deeply from lack of understanding of capitalism...much like the Obamessiah.....the reason that old forms of neighborhoods, travel, and intrastructure changed was CAPITALISM....moving away and developing ALL NEW communities to sell all new houses into, and all new shopping centers.

Dallas today is NEVER going back to the 1940s.....fogettaboutit.....

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

why not just go preserve all the abandoned stuff underground in Dallas...train tracks, tunnels...all that old stuff that doesn't bother anyone anyway.....Dallas doesn't have legitimate urban yuppies anymore, just twenty somethings that want to party all the time and work as little as possible.

CocksuckerHat
CocksuckerHat

Does that guy ever take off that "cocksucker hat"?

ClangClangClang
ClangClangClang

A community developed around old buildings, old trolley lines, art events and street parties. I volunteer in that neighborhood. It's called Uptown.  Tell us he is kidding and doesn't really believe he invented urban renewal. Just what we need, another Al Gore.   

theslowpath
theslowpath

Is this post singularly sarcastic (you're making fun of Jason et al) or doubly sarcastic (you're making fun of those who will make fun of Jason et al)?

 

Or is it the rare triple sarcasm with a half-turnover full twist?

jerikjonsson
jerikjonsson

Congratulations to him, but why'd he have to go and say nice things about Ray LaHood?  That guy's an idiot.

EricNicholson4
EricNicholson4 moderator

 @theslowpath I'm more making fun of the Observer which seems to have a reputation for fawning coverage of all things Jason Roberts. I personally think Jason Roberts (and anyone else who can shoot rainbows from their eyeballs or inspire real grassroots change) is awesome.

CrackerDaddy
CrackerDaddy

That's what you do when they make up an award with which to present you......DUH!  LOL

CrackerDaddy
CrackerDaddy

 @EricNicholson4 I made a point to let Big Bob (you know that guy over at that OTHER blog that used to take up space here fellating JR in numerous posts) that the love for Jason Roberts sure has died down here at Unfair Park since he left and went to that OTHER blog......and then there you go and fellate Jason Roberts here in Unfair Park.  I'm sooooo embarrassed.

theslowpath
theslowpath

 @EricNicholson4 So you're writing, in the Observer, an over-the-top sarcastic praise-post of Jason, whom you personally admire, because the Observer almost fawns over him, which is what you're post is doing to make fun of the media outlet you're writing the post on......I think that qualifies as triple sarcasm with a half-turn double twist AND you stuck the landing. Well done sir. 

EricNicholson4
EricNicholson4 moderator

 @CrackerDaddy Not to disparage my illustrious predecessor, but he somehow managed to miss the unicorn angle on this Roberts guy. So obvious, too.

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