Westboro Baptist Will Protest Glenn Beck's Rally, and the World Will Fold in on Itself

Thumbnail image for 20120102_WestboroBaptistChurch3.jpg
Stephen Masker
Here's one way Glenn Beck fans can fight back against Westboro Baptist Church when it protests "Restoring Love" on Saturday.
We're still not certain what Glenn Beck means when he says he'll be "Restoring Love" at Cowboys Stadium on July 28. Truth be told, we're a bit terrified to find out, which is yet another reasons Unfair Park will steer well clear of Arlington on Saturday. (Editor's note: Actually, Eric, we're planning team coverage. Clear your schedule.)

The same can't be said for the reasonable, God-fearing folks at Westboro Baptist Church. You know them from their tireless work telling you about how much God hates fags, Jews, dead soldiers, Obama, football, and innumerable other things equally deserving of Gomorrah-style wrath. They will be waving signs outside Cowboys Stadium on Saturday to protest Glenn Beck, the restoration of love, and God knows what else.

Beck, it seems, is insufficiently bigoted. Or maybe he is sufficiently bigoted but unwisely chose to be bigoted against God's earthly bulwark against the unrighteous, Westboro Baptist Church. The church's website explains it thusly:

Glenn Beck despises God, and he proudly says so. He climbs on WBC backs to have an issue for his radio program.

God has Smacked Glenn Beck already, giving him a little child with disease, but that doesn't even slow Beck down. He is wholy incapable of seeing the Hand of God at work in this earth, and he flatly refuses to give the Glory of God's work, TO GOD! He worships Mr. Peanut, a god that has no power, and worse.

WBC will be at Cowboys Stadium where Beck will be inside hocking his false religious system and his rebellion against God to some other rebels agianst God, and we will warn the living to flee from that place, lest you should become a partaker of Glenn Beck's sin.

It's enough, no doubt, the leave Beck's handlers quivering like chilled Jell-O, wondering whether to simply scrap the whole "Restoring Love" thing. It was such a ridiculous idea to begin with and now with Westboro crashing the party...

Never fear. There is a vaccine that has now proven effective against Westboro. There need only be a spontaneous upwelling of camaraderie in which the Glenn Beck faithful link arms and form a human chain around Cowboys Stadium, barring the hatred outside from disrupting the restoration of love within. Or, you could just have an interracial gay couple make out in front of them.


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33 comments
dabllc
dabllc

@Eric Nicholson you're nuts. Your hate is showing.

obamwillbefired
obamwillbefired

People in fear will always throw hate towards their fears! Keep spewing your hate and we will keep showing our LOVE. Come out and talk to us find anyone wearing the t-shirts and you will understand our movement. Do not listen to the leftist media. Get the information your self. May  GOD BLESS everyone.  

NorthTexasAnonymous
NorthTexasAnonymous

I just got off the phone with the Arlington Police officer in charge of regulating the protest. I am organizing a counter protest against Westboro Baptist, nothing serious just a little something to troll them. You can contact Anonymousofamerica@gmail.com for more info

PerryMoore
PerryMoore

You editor types are going to wear out young Mr. Nicholson just as you did poor Mr. Wilonsky. Some day, it will just be you, Mr. Schutze, and a bunch of pissed-off, pseudo-intellectual blogheads.

 

By the way, Mr. Scruffygeist is right about this Phelpsist phenomenon. Meanness is like Tar Baby, and we are better off to stay away from it in our minds and in the flesh.

don.abbott
don.abbott

Can we get the Westboro dip shits to protest the Cowboys' secondary?  If so, I'm in even if I'm the only one there with all my own teeth. 

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

BARNEY THE DINO SHOULD MAKE AN APPEARANCE SINGING "I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, OH HOW HAPPY WE CAN BE..."

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

I THINK THAT THE GAY PRIDE FOLKS HAVE NO GONADS OR THEY WOULD ALL STRIP DOWN AND PARADE IN CIRCLES AROUND THE WESTBORO FOLKS, SINGING, CHANTING, KISSING AND HUGGING, AND GIVING LITTLE LOVE PINCHES TO EACH OTHER......WESTBORO NEEDS A FULL PRESS EDUCATIONAL ASSISTANCE IN PERSON WITH ABOUT 400 G AND L "TEACHERS' ON DECK DOING THEIR EDUCATIONAL BEST.

Albert
Albert

Beck is a bigger draw than Obama,, and Obama doesn't even get the Westboro bonus.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

How odd.  I would think Beck would be a perfect Westboro member.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

You know, you guys could just stop giving Westboro attention every time they say something fucking stupid and they'd fade into oblivion...or finally do something actually amusing that will get them shut down for good.

oakclifftownie
oakclifftownie

Glenn Found a Peanut Like some have found Jesus

There is an old Gospel song "Found a Peanut"

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

always thought Mr. Peanut looked kind of gay

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Wheee - will there be pony rides and a petting zoo?

cactusflinthead
cactusflinthead

That is great! I can't think of a couple of groups that deserve each other more. 

Chiggers
Chiggers

Stupidity feasting on idiocy.

 

All is well in the universe.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

What a waste of time.

 

The very existence of Arlington proves there is no god.

Ross Ward
Ross Ward

Gonna go and check out the fun first hand I think.

Jamie Sims
Jamie Sims

"he says he'll be "Restoring Love"" "It's bringing love! Break its legs!"

MushMouth1
MushMouth1

Awesome! It's like Idiocracy X 10.

TitusGroan
TitusGroan

Glenn Beck worships Mr. Peanut?  WTF are they talking about?

rufuslevin
rufuslevin

 @Albert OBAMA WOULD SICK ERIK HOLDER, THE SECRET SERVICE, JANET NAPOLITANO, LEON PANNETA, HILLIARY CLINTON, AND MAXINE WATERS ON THEM.......HE LIKES GAY FOLKS A LOT.

Daniel
Daniel

I'm more concerned about the "and worse" part. What could be worse than Mr. Peanut, a god that has no power? The Sugar Bear, maybe? Charlie the Tuna? 

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

 @TitusGroan Maybe that's a euphemism for restoring the love?

Obviously not the hands free version.

scottindallas
scottindallas topcommenter

 @Montemalone and if all the million moms showed up, they still wouldn't fill the stadium.

G_David
G_David

 @Daniel Nope, that would be Mr. Clean, with his smooth dome, earring and tight t-shirt stretched around those bulging biceps.  Clearly gay.

scottindallas
scottindallas topcommenter

 @G_David You're gay for noticing.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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